Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Leprechaun Golden Showers

This little American leprechaun to the right is Malcolm Glazer, owner of Manchester United and the NFL Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And, apparently, he pisses gold and his pot runneth over.

Manchester United are on the verge of announcing a significant increase in annual turnover, with the total figure believed to be close to £245m.

A season that saw United regain the Premier League title and reach the semi-finals of the Champions League has contributed to the latest surge in revenue, which completes a £70m increase the last five years.

I don't know why anybody cares about ManU having copious amounts of dessert. A limey friend of mine says that turnover means profit in Britain. (Well, why the hell didn't they say so? They should speak english over there.) My handy dandy internet browser also found me a currency converter that shows that (funny little sign)245 equates to about $480 million (U.S.). So, Glazer made nearly a half-billion dollars last year, which just about makes him a decent looking guy.

By Mark Cuban's calculations, Malcolm Glazer's dick has grown nearly five inches this year, which means its bigger than Arsenal's but probably still smaller than Real Madrid's.

Four months ago Arsenal reported a turnover of £201m, in the process claiming to have become Britain's richest club. United's announcement reveals the depth of the club's irritation: for the first time its shirt sponsorship deal with Nike has been factored into the equation. As a result United are once again the unquestioned No. 1 in the Premier League rich list, and have hurdled back into second place behind Real Madrid in the global rankings.
Well, that's a relief. I was just devastated that ManU wasn't the richest Premiership club. Now they can go out and spend £25m on Berbatov.
UPDATE: As noted in the comments, turnover may not in fact equate to profits. If that is the case, I don't know how ManU can claim to be the richest club in England without revealing its profits. Also, Mr. Glazer may have suffered some shrinkage, as it were, due to this revelation. A lady friend of mine now says Mr. Glazer sounds less cute than he did previously.

7 comments:

ΓΌ75 said...

How are FC United supporters taking the news? Wasn't their club's success predicated on the fact that the Glazers were going to run Manchester United in the ground?

Precious Roy said...

The Brits are just finding out what Americans have known for pushing a couple of decades. Your ability to complain about increased ticket prices is superceded only by your capitulation to pay the increased prices.

Wot? You want to remain socialists?

The NY Kid said...

Boy, I'm going to have to buy a lot of Flamini, Fabregas and Clichy kits to make up that difference. Can't have ManUre being #1, now can we?

Lingering Bursitis said...

Fucking Glazers. Well, we all know that all ManU fans drive in from London for the games, so they've got what they want.

No-one in Manchester supports United, and yet people wonder why.

Thanks Glazer!

Ian said...

Errrrrr........sorry to be the pedant here. But in English English, turnover is revenue. Profit only comes at the end, after they pay the interest on a shitload of debt, pay for Rooney's dental bills, and pay for C Ronaldo's soul glow. It wouldn't surprise me if they weren't actually making much in the way of profit, given the leverege in the business. The plan of the Glazers is to flip the club to some fat petro-oligarch in 5-10 years for a substantial multiple of what they paid for it.

The Fan's Attic said...

ian-

no worries. i was just going by what my limey friend told me. i looked up turnover and couldn't quite tell what it was. as i said, why don't they speak english over there?

also, who the fuck cares about revenue? it's only one half of the equation. show me the profits!

Precious Roy said...

Thanks Ian for the clarification. Although I thought turnover was just gate receipts (tickets). I even spent some time on the Google trying to confirm or deny. Then I got bored.

But yeah, most of Man U's player spending has been debt financed. I recall seeing an estimate of the stucture of the debt someplace and the payments are going to hurt (someone).