Adventures in Captaincy

From the Times:

After berating Cole for much of the afternoon, Grant stripped him of the captaincy when Didier Drogba was introduced in the 61st minute, even though the Ivory Coast striker has not worn the armband before. Grant confirmed afterwards that he made Drogba captain when he came on because he wanted more leadership on the pitch as Queens Park Rangers attempted to fight their way back into a scrappy match, words that will not go down well with Cole, who was once identified as a future Arsenal captain by Arsène Wenger.

Ashley Cole: Leader...ship. The word ship is hidden inside the word leadership. As its derivation. So, if this office is in fact a ship, as it's leader...I am the captain. (puts on a captain hat) But...We're all in the same boat. Teamwork. Now, on this ship that is Chelsea FC, what is defense? Anyone? Let me just explain. I see the defense as the furnace.

Paulo Ferreira: A furnace?

Ashley: Yeah.

Steve Sidwell: Yeesh, how old is this ship?

Tal Ben-Haim: How about the anchor?

Paulo Ferreira: What does the furnace do?

Ashley: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just- (sighs) It's the defense- I see the defense down there, they're in the engine room and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean who saw the movie "Titanic"? They were very important in the movie "Titanic". Who saw it? Show of hands?

(Obi and Kalou raise thier hands)

Sidwell: Not really sure what movie you're talking about. You sure you got the title right?

Ashley: "Titanic"?

Ben-Haim: I think you're thinking of "The Hunt for Red October".

(Sidwell nods his head, Agyemang almost equalizes for QPR)

Ashley: No, I'm- Leo DiCaprio, come on!

[Sidwell: Ashley stands in the front of the boat and says he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.]

Ben-Haim: Ashley, everyone in the engine room drowned.

Ashley: No, thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. (stutters) They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty. And they're singing their ethnic songs. And- actually, that might be midfield.

Shaun Wright-Phillips: What?

Ashley: The, no, no. No I didn't...okay, well, the- Okay, in a nutshell what I'm saying is leadership. We'll get, we'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.

Nene Hilario: (saluting) Aye, aye, Captain.

---
Yeah, Avram Grant's totally Captain Jack.