Sunday, February 1, 2009

UF Liveblog: Liverpool v. Chelsea

It's handbags at Anfield as 3rd-place Liverpool FC attempt to climb back atop 2nd-place Chelsea FC, who currently lead on goal differential. Who will emerge victorious (if anyone) to pressure Manchester United at the top of the table? Will this blog's authors survive this match? Join me after the jump as I liveblog the festivities.

This is not a picture of Autoglass.

Big Phil has chosen to go with:
Cech, Terry, Alex, Cole, Bosingwa, Mikel, Lampard, Ballack, Malouda, Anelka, Kalou.
Sitting on the bench: Ferreira, Stoch, Drogba, Mancienne, Ivanovic, Hilario, and Deco.

So brace-scorer Kalou gets the nod over Drogba, who seems increasingly marginalized.

This may or may not be Sven - none of us have ever actually seen him.

Rafa has consulted his Magic 8-Ball, which has suggested:
Reina, Carragher, Skrtel, Aurelio, Arbeloa, Alonso, Mascherano, Torres, Gerrard, Riera, Kuyt.
On the bench are: Agger, Ngog, Dossena, Lucas, Diego, Babel, and Benayoun.

I would venture to guess that Keane's complete lack of inclusion in the squad means that he is off to whence he came by tomorrow.

Your referee for the affair is Mike Riley - good luck!

00:00 - And we're off!

(Ed Note: Umm, how am I supposed to liveblog when the Inter-Torino match isn't over yet?)

00:00 - Oh Snap! Chelsea and Liverpool are referred to as "2 pretenders to the crown"

00:30 - Cole draws a free-kick for Spartak London, and Fat Frank puts it into the defense

01:20 - throw-in for Liverppol goes all the way back to the defense to rebuild. Alonso winds up with it and switches fields, eventually earning another throw.

02:20 - Sloth fouls Ballack, and Cech takes the kick in what appears to be some significant snow flurries

03:10 - Bosingwa goes down on a foul from Riera, and while he's down Gerrard left-foots a shot into his gut. The resulting free-kick winds up safely in Reina's hands.

Ed Note: Why do I have the feeling that I'm talking to myself here?

04:50 - Gerrard boots EBJT in the hand on a dangerously high kick and is called for the foul. Stevie appears determined to earn a card today.

06:15 - Liverpool with the better run of play in the midfield, but the Chelsea defense has stiffened up. Mascherano is fouled for a free-kick, and the resulting ball is sent in by Stevie G across the endline. Oops.

07:40 - And ad pops up next to the FSC logo for the "Chelsea Megastore USA." Umm, is Liverpool going to get equal time?

08:14 - Kalou dribbles through the midfield, dreaming of glory, but Skrtel disposses him. And the announcers mention investigation of Kalou's goal celebration. Perhaps they read UF.

09:39 - Kalou is caught offside, and on the counter Alonso forces a fingertip save from Cech. The resulting corner is punched straight up and then caught by Cech.

12:50 - Ballack is disposessed by Torres, so he decides to foul him. Gerrard sends the ball directly into Terry, and the ball is pushed back to midfield.

13:45 - A deflected ball winds up to Kuyt, but instead of playing it across to Gerrard he takes a shot that curls over and the bar.

14:40 - Malouda puts in some good work to get the ball to Kalou, but it is forced back out to Mikel. Chelsea have the better of the pitch for the moment.

16:00 - Wasted balls from both clubs now, as things are getting a little sloppy.

16:55 - Mascherano and Ballack get involved in a little bit of handbags after Masch fouls Mikel.

18:20 - Shot from Mascherano is spilled by Cech, but no one is following and he has all the time in the world to pick up the ball as it rolls to the top of the area. Poor pressure from the Red Scouse there.

19:30 - Mascherano fouls Mikel again, and Mike Riley has had enough. Masch gets the yellow card as Torres and Gerrard try to convince him otherwise.

20:48 - Crowd shot of Hicks and Gillet sitting quite a bit aways from each other.

21:48 - And Riley produces a card for Bosingwa after he facepalms Kuyt, who would have been around him.

24:10 - Chelsea with much more pressure for the moment, but Ballack sends a poor ball across for Anelka to no result.

25:00 - Malouda fouls Mascherano and Liverpool are allowed to play the advantage. Gerrard gets off a weak shot and Cech pounces on it.

26:00 - More pressue from Chelsea, but Kuyt is able to head the ball back to Reina.

27:10 - Kuyt comes down on the counterattack but botches the ball, and Ballack is the victim of a foul, killing the attack.

27:40 - Shot of Keane in the crowd, looking slightly non-plussed.

28:32 - Torres does some excellent work in the thick of the Chelsea defense, and the ball comes out to Alonso who showboats a little. Kuyt eventually goes down in the area, but no call is made.

30:00 - Pass back to Cech almost results in a howler as he dribbles rather than boot the ball to safety. He has to slide at the edge of the box to put the ball out.

31:00 - After a turnover the ball comes in to Torres in the box, but his shot is blocked by the defense.

32:09 - The Kop is in full throat as Aurelio gives up a corner. Boos rain down as Fat Frank takes the kick and Terry puts the header over the bar.

33:17 - Riera gets some pressure in a 1-on-3 situation, but is eventually stripped of the ball. Both clubs looking dangerous now.

Ed Note: Florent Malouda appears to have pubes on his chin.

34:26 - Another Liverpool ball which was almost wasted, but Riera pressures Bosingwa into putting it out for a throw.

35:20 - Another Chelsea free-kick wasted, and the ball comes out to Riera. For the 4th time in the last 5 minutes the announcers discuss the fact that his first touch is utter shite.

36:48 - Alonso with more pressure, but things are cleaned up by Terry. The ball only comes out as far as Arbeloa but eventually goes all the way back to Reina.

38:15 - On a high bounce Anelka almost leapfrogs Carragher. The ball hits Skrtel's elbow off a shot, but there is no PK there as he had no chance to avoid the ball.

39:10 - The announcers opine on the wonderful play of John Obi Mikel Obi John. Blech - one of the most horrific tacklers in the EPL (suck it, Barclay's!)

40:47 - A weakly-lofted ball flies directly into Cech's hands. Ian Rush in the stands looking like he is extremely cold and disdainful.

41:30 - Scramble in the area as Cech parries a shot. It's cleared by Cole as it was rolling into the goal.

42:18 - A short corner is played out by Bosingwa for another corner. The second attempt is into the box to be punched out by Cech.

43:26 - Bosingwa plays a poor ball through, demostrating why he is not effective as an attacking defender. Torres fouls Mikel, who turns around and takes a few steps before rethinking things.

44:46 - Terry takes his eye off the ball and it rolls out for a Liverpool throw. The last good pressure of the half results in a ball into the box that is easily cleared.

45:20 - Incorrect, as Liverpool get one more chance. Gerrard sends the ball into Riera who, instead of turning for the shot, attempts to play it back for Gerrard and Chelsea clear.

46:39 - Chelsea get a free-kick which is headed out at the whistle for the half.

Your half-time score is 0-0, and neither club will do themselves any favors if this is how it ends up. SAF is licking his lips in anticipation. Both clubs have had spurts of pressure, but Cech has been the busier goalkeeper. Your half-time entertainment is: Mitch Hedburg!

Ed Note: This is apparently the least-attended liveblog in the history of the internets. I feel so lonely. That will teach me to go up against the 17-hour Super Bowl pregame show which apparently just featured an expose on Kurt Warner's gloves.

Ed Note: Apparently, I like the word "apparently."

45:00 - The second half begins with unknown changes, since FSC cut back to the match after it had already started. Thanks fellas!

45:40 - Alonso gets yellow-carded for trying to de-cleat Kalou. That's Alonso's 5th yellow, so he's out of action for the next match. And the announcers give us the update - no changes at the half.

47:17 - Drogba is warming up on the touchline, but it's possible that the Ivorian is just cold.

48:15 - I know it's due to his massive head injury, but I will never not find Cech in his "special kids" headgear funny.

49:10 - Riera flicks the ball onto Gerrard, and the ball is played wide to Kuyt. Chelsea step up and dispossess Riera.

50:22 - Kuyt receives the ball racing down the right side, but his cross is terrible. Fortunately for them, Bosingwa chests the ball out for a corner. The ball comes in from Gerrard and is misplayed by Alex. Kuyt puts the shot wide.

51:58 - Mikel unsurprisingly picks up a card for scything down Arbeloa from behind. Seriously, Mikel is one dirty bastard.

52:40 - The ball bounces around in the box after a header from Gerrard and Torres lashes a strike that is blocked (again) by Alex.

Ed Note: As the entire screen is taken up by Mike Riley by dog looks up and begins barking at him. Apparently she prefers Bennett.

54:58 - A Liverpool foul turns into some comedy for Chelsea as the ball played back to the defense is almost played out.

55:51 - As Arbeloa puts the ball into the box, Kuyt goes flying over Terry's foot as the ball is cleared. No PK because Kuyt is a poor actor.

57:00 - Gerrard loses the ball and then slides into Kalou to retrieve it with his studs up. Mike Riley is not amused, but no card is given. 29 fouls so far.

Ed. Note: I really want to cockpunch Ashley Cole. What a useless little twat.

58:40 A long ball from Cech winds up in Reina's hands. Keeper wars!

59:50 - RED CARD for Fat Frank! He comes in studs up and very late on Alonso, who is probably equally guilty. Terry picks up a yellow card for arguing, which is his 5th, meaning he will miss the next game as well. Has Mike Riley just sunk Chelsea?

Ed. Note - Rask almost goads me into making a "Hoc-key?" joke.

62:33 - Riera bowls over Bosingwa for a foul, and things are getting very chippy out there.

63:30 - Handball on Mikel as his arm was well above his head. The resulting free-kick is taken by Gerrard into the wall. The ball winds up with Carragher, who sends it into Mascherano, who puts the ball over the bar.

Ed. Note: I burned my lunch. See what I sacrifice for you people!

66:10 - Ball into the box results in Ballack running into Reina, with no call. On the other end Gerrard goes down in the box as he is squeezed between two defenders. Liverpool send the ball back into the area and Bosingwa saves Cech's bacon. The resulting corner is put onto goal by Alonso, and a deflection sends the ball onto the bar. The next corner is put out for yet another corner. Chelsea finally manage to clear.

68:21 - Drogba and Deco on for Anelka and Malouda (Big Phil hates the French!).

69:34 - Gerrard goes down in a horrible dive at the edge of the box, and rightly receives a yellow card.

70:45 - The announcers just made an "SAF is licking his lips" reference. They are reading UF!

72:00 - Liverpool are denied the breakthrough when Torres puts a shot on goal and it skips off Mikel. The corner is played out for another corner. The next ball is better, but Torres commits a foul.

73:10 - Benayoun on for Riera. Can the member of the Tribe score again for the Reds?

74:25 - Deco plays the ball through for Kalou, but Reina easily takes control of the shot (his first real action of the match).

75:10 - Torres goes down in the box, claiming he had been pushed, but there was nothing there.

76:34 - Arbeloa fouls Kalou, although it was admittedly a soft call. Chelsea play the ball around the edge of the box but the Liverpool defense regain control.

77:55 - Bosingwa is forced to clear yet another ball into the area. The ball is played around after the throw, and Torres attempts a quasi-bicycle kick which Cech picks up.

79:21 - Benayoun puts a great shot onto goal which brings out an equally impressive save from Cech. The Gerrard corner bounces around after several passes but Chelsea manage to clear. Ballack makes a horrible pass but Torres' shot is deflected and Chelsea clear again.

82:10 - Liverpool moving in Chelsea's third of the pitch. The ball is played out by Terry and Benayoun's well-struck volley flies over.

82:41 - Babel on for Mascherano.

83:30 - Ballack sends in a cheeky shot/pass which Reina takes easily. The ball should have gone to Drogba, who is unhappy.

84:11 - Stoch on for Kalou.

84:53 - Shot from Bable goes wide of the goal. Cech takes his time setting up for the goal kick.

86:00 - Free-kick for Liverpool, and they play the ball backwards to establish some support. A long ball in from Babel is sent over by Kuyt.

87:58 - GOAL! Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea. After some excellent play on the left flank, the ball is played in low and hard, which Torres heads into the net. Outstanding goal.

89:43 - More pressure results in a Gerrard shot which Cech is forced to tip over the bar. The resulting corner is handled poorly, played short near the flag. Bosingwa comes in and literally boots Benayoun in the arse. He doesn't receive a card even though that was a potential red card.

91:29 - Terry called for a foul in the box, and he is clearly very unhappy about it. Now it's Liverpool who are in no hurry to restart play.

92:44 - A long-range shot from Bosingwa goes well wide and the crowd lets him hear about it.

93:30 - GOAL! Liverpool 2-0 Chelsea. Cole misplays the ball and Benayoun jumps on it, pushing it to Torres for the brace.

94:30 - N'Gog on for Torres, and the latter gets a nice ovation.

95:30 - FULL TIME. Liverpool 2-0 Chelsea.

So, after vaulting Liverpool to take 2nd place Chelsea immediately cough it back up. To make things worse for them, they will be missing 3 significant players in their next match. Perhaps the freefall has begun.


The Fan's Attic said...

this link seems to work.

the announcers sound a bit drunk.

The Fan's Attic said...

now this streams seems to work.

phil said...

Anyone buying Rafa's statement that the club, not Rafa himself, bought Keane?

The Fan's Attic said...

no...don't buy it. also, i hope liverpool doesn't waste all of its chances in this match. they certainly have the upper hand right now. knock on wood.

phil said...

'Pool does seem to be the aggressor right now.

phil said...

Has the short corner ever worked? If there is more maddening play in football, I don't know what it is.

Anonymous said...

Encouraging half from Liverpool.

And wouldn't an own goal from Cashley been beautiful? (remember how he back off Pennant two years ago and let him stroke that wonderful goal?)

And... LB has seen me and can vouch for my girlish figure.

Anonymous said...

"All by myself.... I'm liveblogging here, all by myyyyyselffff"

Anonymous said...

The worst part about an Alonso suspension is not just missing his classy passing, but that fact that it could give Lucas another start.

*clutches stoamch* I don't feel so good now.

Raskolnikov said...

Excuse me, BTO aka NYK, we've covered, or uncovered, the market on poorly attended liveblogs.

Anonymous said...

Alonso sends another one off....

See ya, Frank.

phil said...

When the cock-punching of Ahsley f*cking Cole begins, I'll be first in line. I wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire.

Raskolnikov said...

Terry is taking the ball and going to home. Good thing he's handicapped, it'd take a long time to get to his car.

phil said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Spartak London are done.

The Fan's Attic said... fat frank! seems a bit harsh...yellow for certain, but red...i don't know.

damn...lost the stream.

Mike Georger said...

Just woke up, first thing I see is a red card.

So what Chelsea officials are announcing this game?

The Fan's Attic said...

new stream...

Mike Georger said...

OH MY GOD so close

Anonymous said...

Hey Mike Rielly.. go fuck yourself. Why in every big matchup does the ref always seems to have a decision in tilting the game in one teams favor? Its fucking getting out of hand and is absolutely horrible for the game. Gerrards tackle was studs up and way wrose than Lampards and nothing. Now Gerrard gets a yellow for diving and he should be gone

Seriouly... all the criticism refs getis deserved... especially after seeing shit like this ruin games.

Mike Georger said...

And the time wasting begins. I hate this sport some times.

Mike Georger said...


Mike Georger said...

oh yossi

Mike Georger said...




Anonymous said...

Fucking Beauty!

Mike Georger said...

And my stream dies after the goal oh noes!

Anonymous said...

Rafa, don't you fucking DARE put Lucas on!

phil said...

Thing. Of. Beauty.

phil said...

And Bosingwa shows the world why Spartak London is universally hated. What a c*nt.

Anonymous said...

It eat, bitches!!

"Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Torres... T to the Or-res..."

Mike Georger said...

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, FERNANDO
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, FERNANDO
Though I never thought that we could lose
Theres no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, FERNANDO!

Mike Georger said...

Oh Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, I wonder why every crowd boos you?

The Fan's Attic said...

apparently my stream is five minutes behind real time.

love the genie celebration by torres.

phil said...

Today, the part of Titus Bramble will be played by Ashley Cole.