Friday, April 4, 2008

Next Stop On the Maradona Diplomacy World Tour: Iran

The news broke the other day (and we're just getting to it today, natch) that Diego Maradona was seeking a new BFF. Apparently, Maradona has been playing nice with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sending well wishes to the (truly not very powerful) president of Iran. Interestingly, this is the third time (and that's a trend) Maradona has attempted to curry favor with the leader of a nation whose international goals are diametrically opposed to those of the USA. Why exactly is that? The answer (with less parentheticals) to follow.

So, Maradona has been supporting the elected leader of the nation George Bush supposedly most wants to invade next. Diego's Argentinian, so why should it matter? Well, it's the third recent occurrence of something like this happening. Back in 2004, when Maradona was dealing with the worst of his cocaine and weight problems, he went to Cuba for treatment. Because everyone knows that the best technology for these things existed pre-1959. Anyway, it worked well enough for Maradona to survive and allow himself to be Castros's puppet/praise the great nation of Cuba, depending on where your beliefs lie. Surely this was not a snub at the US, but just relieved praise for saving his life, right?

Soon after, 2005 to be exact, Maradona went to Venezuela to meet with President Chavez. For those that don't remember events in the past too well, Chavez at the time was goading US leadership about their position as a colonial force on the rest of the world. His actions at the time led to some rumors of an attempted US invasion to oust Chavez. Chavez, for his part, lapped this up saying any attempt at US invasion would be "soundly defeated". On the heels of all of this posturing, Maradona made his wat to Venezuela to meet the president. Two years later, Maradona was at it again, Appearing on Chavez's television show saying, "I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength." Well, since he already hates this blog because of its writers' location, I guess I can let slip the reason why.

Now, if you had a tough time remembering who Hugo Chavez was last paragraph, It may be nigh on impossible for you to recall World Cup '94. You see, back in the heyday of horrible USA uniforms, the USA hosted the World Cup. Maradona was back for the Argentines, having led them to the last two finals, winning in 1986. Maradona was obviously on the slide in his career, and rumors of drug use hounded him. Well, after two games, he was sent home from the competition, having tested positive for five types of ephidrene. As the old joke goes, try to tell me this guy isn't high after he scored.

So, that's it then, isn't it? Maradona has obviously made it his post-football life's work to destroy the government of the country that sent him home from the World Cup, effectively ending his international career. No way could it be that Maradona is a committed leftist, espousing Marxist ideals while listing Che Guevara as his personal hero. He is definitely not trying to stem the tide of US cultural imperialism is any way. Nope, not at all.

Besides, as Andy Samberg points out below, Ahmadinejad is totally dreamy.

No comments: