Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Americans Have So Much To Learn About Competition

[Ed Note: Suckers! That's what we are. We fell for this. As someone smarter than us realized, Piraollof is an anagram. Oops. At least we were smart enough to be entirely skeptical of this. But since we're nothing if not overly biased when it comes to our teams good sports, we're running it unedited.]

Compared to Europe, American sports scandals are pretty amateurish.

We have a coach, who might or might not have filmed another teams walk through, get caught staring at another woman's ass.

British coaches tape their own S&M romps with hookers.

We have a high-profile quarterback get drunk with a bunch of girls who might or might not have been underaged.

In Turkey, they kill people.

Now there is this completely unsubstantiated rumor about the Russians drugging opponents prior to qualifiers for Euro 2008.

"Andorra defender Anthoni Lima from Sd Eivissa claims [Alexandra] Piraollof, a member of the Russian backroom staff, drugged key players in the Andorra team prior to the crucial Euro 2008 qualifier, which sealed England’s and Steve McClarens exit from the tournament."

This might (or might not) mean that, if Russia is disqualified, England (as the 3rd place team in the group) would takes the vacated spot in this summer's European Championships. (But really, the Russians are now stealing tactics from hotel chefs feeding the Yids?)

Again, aside from the fact that this is currently unsubstantiated, there should be a couple of red flags. First is the phrase "key players in the Andorra team." There is no such thing as a key player for Andorra.

I've had more people in my bed before than there are in Andorra. So if ever there were an opponent you wouldn't need to drug it would be Andorra (okay, it might still be Aruba, but I think I've made the point).

Of course this is the Internet, and journalistic standards are as low as you would like to make them. So, we shall point out that in the comments some guy named "Matt Quinn" swears his mate knows more about this, that there are more teams than Andorra involved, and that it is going to break over the next couple of weeks.

And his mate knows what he's talking about because he knew that the Special One was going to be ousted from Stamford Bridge two days before it happened. And nobody else say that coming. Nope, not a soul.

So, England, your dream of sucking on an even bigger stage might still be on life support. If nothing else, you've given American fans a higher standard of 'delusion' to aspire to.

Unless of course this all turns out to be true, in which case you're just re-re-re-confirming how pitiful we are at actual sports scandal.

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