Monday, March 31, 2008

Who Are: Everton F.C.?

In honor of yesterday's Merseyside Derby (congrats, Red Scousers!), we present the next in our series of "Who Are" football clubs.

Team name: Everton Football Club (what are you, blind?)
Nickname: The Toffees; manager David Moyes has also taken to calling the team "The People's Club"
Grounds: Goodison Park (in Liverpool); moving to New Goodison Park in Kirkby (no word on whether this is the new pitch)
Sponsor: Chang Beer
Mascot: Drunken Merseysiders
Manager: David Moyes
Current Standings: 17-6-9 (57 points); in 5th place (5 points out of 4th behind Liverpool)
Most intersesting statistic: Everton have contested more seasons in the top level of English football than any other club
Bonus interesting statistic: Over all competitions, Everton's record in the Merseyside Derby is 79-62-65

Players of note:
(1) Tim Howard (GK) - The American keeper has gone from being the USA first choice and playing for Manchester United, to being the USA third choice, to being the USA second choice and playing for Everton

(2) Phil Jagielka (DEF) - Responsible for numerous juvenile chants throughout the EPL due to his last name (oh, you can figure it out)

(3) Joleon Lescott (DEF) - Decorum prevents me from commenting on the knot on his forehead

(4) Mikel Arteta (MID) - A poor man's Fernando Torres in terms of talent and lady-killing

(5) Steven Pienaar (MID) - The South African national has laid a 1 million quid bet on his country not being prepared to host World Cup 2010*

(6) Tim Cahill (MID) - The Aussie is known primarily for his antics at World Cup 2006, including scoring the first Australian goal ever in WC competition and being involved in shady penalties

(7) Yakubu Ayegbeni (ST) - Occasionally confused for Benny Agbayani

*May not be true

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Can't forget -- "Also have a sizable section of fans who are absolute cunts, willing to sing tasteless songs as their second-rate team gets bossed off the pitch."