Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Argentine defender giving it too much lip


Look at them smackers!


Conjecture or not, stories alleging plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancement for footballers are always welcome around here. I must admit I was surprised that the recipient of such treatments was not Cristiano Ronaldo. He must get those synthetic looks naturally, then.

No, this concerns a defender of the Argentine persuasion, Bayern Munich marauder Martin Demichelis, and his fondness for Botox.


According to the Daily Mail, bastion of all that is factual and un-sensationalized in the world, a leading South American cosmetic surgeon has outed Demichelis as a frequent benefactor of the lip-numbing treatment normally used by ladies to acquire the DSLs (although they don't know it yet).

Cristian Perez Latorre, the surgeon in question, was concise: "Demichelis is a footballer I have worked on. He injects Botox into his lips before games. He wants to look good."

Simple enough, although Demichelis was quick to scoff at the rumours: "It's laughable. I don't have an earring, any piercings or tattoos. And yet I am supposed to be using Botox?"

I'm sure it's a simple mix-up. The German newspaper Bild that initially broke the story believes that it could be slanderous revenge for comments Demichelis' girlfriend made about Latorre and his sub-standard surgery performed on a mutual friend, so there's your conspiracy theory right there.

Either way, true or false, the notion is hilarious. A footballer with puffed-up lips? John Terry might benefit from such a service before his next attempt to kiss up to the referee.


John Terry, are you interested?

Read more on "Argentine defender giving it too much lip"...

Werder Bremen Foils Neo Nazis

I know we promised some more upbeat stories today, but this one came across the desk, and, well, it bears telling. In Bundesliga play this past Saturday, Werder Bremen and Bochum drew 0-0. I know, not especially noteworthy except for the fact that some Neo Nazis unfurled political banners. The perpetrators were promptly arrested after being fingered by other fans.

I hate to ascribe intelligent, cogent thought to Neo Nazis, but Saturday was November 9, a day of historical significance for Germany. So much so, the Germans call it Schicksaltag. A day that marks two significant Nazi landmarks--the Beer Hall Putsch and Kristallnacht. It also is the same date that the Berlin Wall fell in 1989.

Bremen officials are banning the offenders thankfully. And, hopefully, we'll have more uplifting stories for the rest of the day.

Read more on "Werder Bremen Foils Neo Nazis"...

At Least Police Departments Can Find a Use for All of Those Unsold Beckham Dolls

We're starting to get a little weirded out by the frequency with which we come across these things. And it doesn't really help keep the mood light around here but we feel compelled to pass these along, because, well, not sure we have a good reason. The world is a fucked up place and increasingly some of that fuckedupness is springing up in American youth soccer.

Today's winners are Daniel Cope, 23, of El Mirage, Arizona and Stephen Martin Myers (that's him there in the orange jump suit), 45, of Littleton, Colorado (Littleton is most famous as the town of Columbine High School).

Cope is a youth soccer coach in Mesa and collector of child porn. Officers were called to a home investigating the possible molestation of two boys, ages 3 and 5. Cope was arrested on charges of child molestation, then when police returned to search his possessions they found 2000 pics and 400 vids of kiddie porn on his computer. That seems like a lot.

Myers is a goalkeeper coach who admitted to kidnapping one of his 13-year players and sexually assaulting her after taking her to motels in Colorado Springs and Walsenberg.

This one is particularly creepy as: "At one point, the girl told police she was 'in love' with Myers and he was in love with her." Yikes.

The article in the Denver Post says Meyers was a goalkeeper for the Tulsa Roughnecks from 1984-85. Not sure how that works out though as the NASL folded up shop in 1984. That's also probably not that big of a deal given that the story is about a 45 year old molesting a 13 year old.

Read more on "At Least Police Departments Can Find a Use for All of Those Unsold Beckham Dolls"...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Monday Backpasses: No time to talk

Well, my friends, we came back in force today. To prove it, here are a bunch more stories we didn't even touch today.

Everything below the jump because there's too many for me to figure out a proper grouping.

Jens Lehmann unhappy he can't get away with his footstomping antics anymore, may quit [Soccernet]
Vote for your favorite all-time Liverpool shirt. They all look alike to me [Some People are on the Pitch]
Irish FA investigating whether team threw games because players were betting against themselves [RTE]
Man City fine Jo for clubbing while sick [Daily Mail]
Guardian looks at Osasuna, bottom of La Liga [Guardian]
Lincol City fail a racial abuse claim against Kettering Tyres Town [BBC]
Respecting the referees is not working in England [Soccernet]
Is the EPL the NBA of England? [Times Online]
Barcelona and MLS Miami want you to donate money to prove the proposal's viability [Market Watch]
This is what Tevez is cheating on his wife for (NSFW) [The Spoiler]

And, finally:
One proposal to get a UK team in the 2012 Olympics: Have the Home Nations have a U-21 playoff [BBC]

See you tomorrow for, hopefully, some things a little more upbeat.

Read more on "Monday Backpasses: No time to talk"...

Just Cos It Sucks, Don't Make It News




“Amyleigh loved going out night after night. She knew loads of footballers and went on dates with them. Her whole life lay ahead of her.”

A stirring epitaph.

Some unfortunate and unsettling news out of Manchester this weekend. The 19 year old ex-girlfriend of Blackburn striker Benni McCarthy was killed-- stabbed to death during a home invasion.

In other news, a less attractive young woman plowed her Camry into a tree while texting her boyfriend about the chihuahua movie.

Now please scroll down and read the lovely piece about this season's most prolific English goalscorer.

Or click below for more details.


The Times of South Africa reported this, which pretty much sums up what we know to this point.

Police have taken in a 21-year-old man for questioning and have described the murder as a “domestic-related incident”.

The blonde socialite is reported to have been a regular on the party scene in Manchester and dated a host of soccer players, including South African McCarthy, who plays for Blackburn Rovers.

In a brief e-mail to The Times, McCarthy said: “Amy Leigh was a friend of mine and I am obviously devastated to hear of this tragedy. My condolences go out to her family and friends at this sad and difficult time.”

The Greater Manchester Police Department told The Times that officers were called to Barnes’s home in Moss Street at 11.40am on Saturday.

“Officers and ambulance crews attended to Amy and she was taken to hospital for treatment. She later died in hospital,” it said.

Police spokesman Stefan Jarmolowicz confirmed an unnamed 21-year-old man had been taken in for questioning, but could not confirm whether the man would be charged.


We'll keep you up on the details.*



*if necessary

Read more on "Just Cos It Sucks, Don't Make It News"...

Darren Bent: The Rain Man of Strikers



Is it really so insane to suggest that England's best striker right now might well be Darren Bent?


The 24-year-old scored 13 goals in the pre-season, and we should have seen this coming (then again, playing games against the likes of Leyton Orient, you're bound to rack up goals, right?), but since August 31 (of course he didn't score in the first two EPL fixtures), he's been on fire to the tune of 11 goals in 16 games (all competitions).

I know, I know... this simply shouldn't happen. And yet, he's in the Top 3 for EPL scoring along with Nicolas Anelka and Amr Zaki, forming perhaps the unlikeliest top scorers list imaginable. What kind of odds would you have gotten on that in July?

The Spurs revival is down to Bent more than anything, although Redknapp's influence and ability to extract hard work from his well-paid midfield is also paying dividends. Right up to the transfer deadline, one had to wonder just where the goals would come from once Berbatov and Keane were sold, but so far, Darren f*cking Bent has answered the call.

Yes, he's still young, and yes, he had a good track record at Charlton, but his 2008/09 exploits to date transcend all these accomplishments. He's in the form of his life, right now. Everything he touches turns to goals, and with a friendly against Ze Germans next week, can Capello honestly turn him down?

Fabio might; he does have two other in-form strikers in Agbonlahor and Defoe (both with 6 EPL goals so far), and it's almost inevitable that the crocked ghost of Michael Owen will still get a spot in the squad somewhere.

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but Bent should get a nod, surely. Put him in with Rooney and let's see if his Midas touch continues. Of course Ledley King agrees.

So for now, in light of this early-Xmas miracle for Tottenham, sit back with a jug of wine and a bottle of Vicodin, and enjoy some Darren Bent classics.



Read more on "Darren Bent: The Rain Man of Strikers"...

Journey to Bolivian

Sometimes I think I am being too harsh on South American soccer in saying that its supremely messed up on so many levels. But, just when I seem to be turning the corner on my virulent prejudice, South America sends me a signal telling me to stay the course. This time it was in the form of a Bolivian soccer match between Aurora and Wilstermann. WilstermannAurora won a titillating 1-0 affair, but the real excitement came near the end of the match. It's not exactly clear what caused everything to go off the rails, but causation is not my concern right now only the effect, which I might is totally awesome.

Aurora and Wilstermann players exchanged punches after a foul of some sort. Amazingly, the referees were quite nonchalant about this, which leads me to believe insanity like this is as commonplace in South America as it is in my Sunday rec league. A couple of red cards were doled out and then it went to hell in a handbasket.

The story is as old as time itself. One of the red carded players wouldn't leave the field and riot police came on to the pitch to escort him off. Happens all the time. He then resisted which of course made the riot police quite happy. Then his level-headed teammates came over to reason with the officers.

The goalkeeper decided to take on the Teddy Roosevelt role by walking softly and carrying a big stick, literally, he carried the cornerflag stick and started beating the riot police. (See above photo, the corner flag is in the bottom corner and some random fan appears to be holding a piece of a small diameter PVC pipe or something.) Some of his teammates decided on the Eric Cantona method of diplomacy with flying kicks to the police. Seriously.

Somehow, in the midst of this Quentin Tarantino drama, a Greek period piece broke out. Wilstermann players were removing their jerseys to fan a prone person on the pitch. In all, this was about as disjointed as a Spike Lee joint.

There is nothing you could tell me about South American soccer that would surprise me. Maybe next week I will get back thinking my prejudices are not based in fact, but I'm sure by Monday I'll have been proven wrong again.

I have found video of the affair but I am not sure how long it will stay up because it has been removed and reposted already. So, maybe the video after the jump will work, maybe it won't. Let's go to the tape...



The first punches are thrown at about 2:30 and then the Benny Hill show starts at about 5:30.


Read more on "Journey to Bolivian"...

Colaship Review - Sick F**k Edition

Sick animal David Norris salutes his 'friend', drunk-driver Luke McCormick (bottom right).

This weekend an Ipswich Town player stooped to a new depth of disgusting, putrid behaviour. The repulsive David Norris celebrated his winner for the bin-men by saluting a drunk driver who killed 2 little boys.


The sick celebration involved Norris crossing his wrists to emulate being in handcuffs. A salute to his former team mate and friend Luke McCormick who is currently serving 7 years for killing 2 young boys as he drove home drunk from Norris' wedding back in June. McCormick's actions killed 10 year old Aaron Peak and his brother, 8 year old Ben Peak, while the boys' father was left with spine and lung injuries. Norris has appologized for any offence he may have caused and claims his celebration was not for McCormick but a 'private message' he is failing to reveal. However, it is clear to all what Norris meant by his gesture whether he regrets it or not.

The FA is investigating and the boys mother, Amanda Peak, is calling for Norris to be banned. It's bad enough that she has to deal with the loss of her two children without idiots like Norris belittling her suffering in front of thousands of people.

Now to football.

This weekend saw no major surprises in the Coca Cola Championship. Wolves won and Donny lost. Business as usual. Let's start with Swansea. The Swans beat struggling Watford 3-1 at home to leave the Hornets in the bottom 3. It's been a busy week for Watford, they fired manager Aidy Boothroyd last week and Elton John distanced himself from the current board by standing down as life long President. Malky Mackay has taken over as caretaker manager and he certainly has his hands full, although the table shows that one win could see them out of the relegation zone at the expense of one of 4 teams, including Norwich!

As for the Canaries. Any hope I had at the start of the season has finally left the building.

Another sub-par performance on Saturday allowed Preston North End to leave Carrow Road with a point. North End scored early as former Canary Chris Brown gave the away team the lead. Brown couldn't find the net for City but appears to be having no problem for Preston. Typical. Leroy Lita headed in from a corner and a close range effort from John Kennedy with 30 minutes to go put Norwich back in front. Then came the moment of madness. Darrel Russell was sent off 10 mins from time for shoving his fingers into the face of Ross Wallace and former Liverpool man Neil Mellor pounced on a lose ball one minute later to cap another disappointing afternoon for City fans.

The game was also watched by former wing-king (and season ticket holder) Darren Huckerby, back from his successful season in the M.L.S. I am sure he would have been left wondering how this season could have been going had he not been let go during the summer. While Norwich have a great line-up on paper they are struggling to find any consistency on the pitch, and I fear that the lack of a good run soon could leave my yellows involved in another relegation battle. Russell's red card is likely to yield a 3 game ban. Lovely.

Huckerby watches on at Carrow Road.

Elsewhere around the League, Wolves won 2-0 at Molineaux to extend the gap at the top to 6 points. Second place Bongo FC faltered at Forest drawing 1-1. Reading closed the gap behind Bongo with a comfortable 3-0 win over Derby.

In the play-off chasing pack Q.P.R beat 9 man Cardiff 1-0 at Loftus Road. Gavin Mahon decided that one with 10 mins to go. Michael Chopra made his debut for Cardiff after sealing a loan move back to his former club from Sunderland last week. I am sure Cardiff will try and make that a permanent move as the season wears on. Cardiff had Darren Purse (28 mins) and Miguel Comminges (87 mins) sent off. Bristol City beat Southampton 1-0 at Saint Mary's. The defeat leaves Southampton 21st.

He's baaaaaack! Chopra has his shirt re-sized for him on his Cardiff debut.

Sad news from Barnsley. Striker Ian Hulme is in a serious condition after fracturing his skull in a clash with Sheffield United captain Chris Morgan on Saturday. Hulme's condition deteriorated on Sunday and he underwent surgery. Fingers crossed for a full recovery! Barnsley lost the ill-tempered game 2-1. Chelsea killer Kayode Odejayi scored late on for Barnsley but a James Beattie double was enough to claim the 3 points for the Blades.

This weekend's results in full.
Swansea 3 Watford 1
Barnsley 1 Sheffield United 2
Blackpool 0 Scum 1
Coventry 0 Palace 2
Norwich 2 Preston 2
Forest 1 Bongo 1
Plymouth 2 Charlton 2
QPR 1 Cardiff 0
Reading 3 Derby 0
Wednesday 1 Donny Rovers 0
Saints 0 Bristol 1
Wolves 2 Bloody Burnley 0

Click HERE for the full Colaship table.

-Bigus.

Read more on "Colaship Review - Sick F**k Edition"...

This Is A Little Unnerving

We'd apologize for bringing you down, but since it's Monday (get me out of TLA!) you're probably at the week's nadir already.

So there's this story out of Italy (via England). Apparently an anomalous number of Italian ex-football players are suffering from Lou Gehrig's disease. Or are they?

Not to nitpick, but the article states that the players are being stricken with a motor nueron disease (MND), which, if I'm not mistaken is a broad class of disorder of which ALS (Gehrig's) is one. I'll cut them all the requisite slack because I'm not a doctor and only ever play one when a naughty nurse is involved. More importantly, the story is bizarre and disconcerting enough to not quibble and be a dick.

From the article:

[Andriano] Chio’s research has shown that professional footballers in Italy are seven times more likely to develop motor neurone disease than others... He discovered that 41 [former Italian footballers] had suffered lingering deaths since 1973 from MND, which destroys the body’s motor nerves, eventually resulting in paralysis. Among the victims were Gianluca Signorini, a former captain of Genoa, who died in 2002 at the age of 42, and Adriano Lombardi, a former Como midfielder who died last year, aged 62.


Chio is the neurologist trying to figure out what's going on. It's happening to Italians, it's happening to former football players, it's also happening to midfielders more than others. Theories the article mentions include everything from doping agents to pesticides used on the pitches.

It's truly strange. Then there is this wrinkle where an Ammar Al-Chalabi is calling for the FA to study the phenomenon in Britain after he discovered a "cluster" of three players who played for the same Kent football club suffering from MND. It was later discovered, though, that those three players had also suffered a large electric shock at one point in their lives.

Read more on "This Is A Little Unnerving"...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Ligue 1 Weekend Review



The result of the week goes to FC Sochaux-Montbeliard, as the Ligue 1 bottom-dwellers got their first win over mid-table Le Mans UC 72. The rest of the matches provided quite a bit of excitement and continued the offensive resurgence of Ligue 1 with no nil-nil draws.




Saturday, November 8:

Bordeaux 2-0 Auxerre - Bordeaux dominated the match statistically, but was only able to secure the 3 points in the last 20 minutes. Auxerre, who had not given up a goal in 395 minutes, was the aggressor early with Oliech forcing a save from Bordeaux GK Valverde on a lobbed shot. However, the pressure quickly came from the other side in the form of Cavenaghi, who headed a shot barely over the bar in the 30th minute, and forced a save from Auxerre GK Riou in the 47th minute. In the 70th minute, Cavenaghi received a pass from Bellion to put him through on goal and he easily slotted home the goal. In the 75th minute, Gourcuff sent in a brilliant cross that was headed home by Chamakh. The big news out of this match was the injury to back-up Bordeaux GK Valverde (who had replaced 1st-string GK Rame in the Champions League match against Cluj). Valverde had to be taken off in the 43rd minute after being knocked unconscious in a collision with Oliech (who received a yellow card). While Valverde was taken to the hospital (and appears to be suffering from a concussion and slight amnesia), he was replaced by 3rd-string GK Olimpa.


Caen 0-1 Le Havre - Once again a club that was statistically dominant came out on the losing end, as Caen held 62% of the possession but provided Le Havre with their first away win of the season. In the 8th minute Alassane made a scintillating run through the defense and slotted the ball through the legs of Caen GK Plante, who was able to recover and clear the ball off the line. From that point on, it was Le Havre GK Revault who was busier, stopping Savidan in the 20th minute and a Benzola free-kick in the 45th minute. In the 68th minute Revault was called upon to save a shot from Savidan once again, but it was Dieuze who headed home a free-kick from Alla in the 83rd minute for the win.


Grenoble 0-3 Marseille - Despite only having 5 shots on goal and 2 corner-kicks, Marseille made Grenoble look incompetent thanks to the trio of Ben Arfa, Kone, and Cheyrou. L'OM struck very early, with Ben Arfa redirecting Niang's shot into the goal in the 4th minute. Niang was there again in the 9th minute to strike the rebound from a Tauvo free-kick, but Grenoble GK Wimbee made the save. Grenoble's best chance came in the 25th minute when Feghouli hit the post, but in the 32nd minute Kone put the match out of reach off a Bonnart cross. At the end of the first half Romao was played through by Regragui, but Marseille GK Mandanda made a brilliant save. Cheyrou (after picking up a yellow card in the 61st minute) finished off the scoring in the 82nd minute on a 25-yard strike to take home "Goal-scorer to get carded" honors for the week.


Lorient 0-1 Nice - Nice, who are unbeaten in 6 matches, moved to 4th in the table with this win. They began the pressure early, as Mounloungi beat Lorient GK Joenel in the 3rd minute only to have Genton clear the ball off the line. After that, it was Lorient who looked more likely to score, as Abriel peppered Nice GK Letizi with well-struck free-kicks. The lone goal of the match came in the 23rd minute when Ehouafni headed home a Hellebuyck free-kick. Lorient almost equalized in the 89th minute when Ayew sent a diving header toward goal, but the brilliant Letizi was equal to the task yet again.


Monaco 0-1 Lyon - Lyon, sitting Juninho and only using Benzema as a second-half substitution, looked listless but took the 3 points from an even worse-looking Monaco. Pressure on Monaco came through Fred, Kallstrom, and Toulalan after Lyon GK Lloris made his only save of the match in the 1st minute on a soft shot from Mello. Benzema made an immediate difference in the second half, volleying a shot wide in the 52nd minute. The lone goal came from Fred in the 55th minute on a cross from Kallstrom. Freddy Adu watch: Back on the bench, but did not see any action.


Sochaux 2-1 Le Mans - Ligue 1 patsies Sochaux got their first win of the season over a Le Mans club that had been performing well lately. Lamah hit the post for Le Mans in the 8th minute, and his GK Pele made an excellent save on Dos Santos in the 28th minute. Just 2 minutes later Dos Santos scored on a well-struck cross from Pitau. Paulo Andre equalized right before the half on a cross into the 6-yard box from Coutadeur. The 3 points for Sochaux came from Boudebouz, who struck in the 68th minute for his first Ligue 1 goal ever.


Nantes 1-1 Toulouse - In a match featuring 42 fouls and 3 yellow cards (all for Toulouse), the two clubs played to a draw after early goals. Moullec opened the scoring for Nantes in the 5th minute after Da Rocha sent a headed pass into the 6-yard box for him to finish. Toulouse responded in the 19th minute when Sirieix had his shot spilled by Nantes GK Alonzo at the feet of Gignac. In the 30th minute Moullec was denied a brace when he sent his shot over the bar. That was followed shortly by a brilliant save from Toulouse GK Carrasso on a N'Daw shot that was dipping under the bar. Despite a few more shots from both clubs, the match ended with 1 point to both clubs.


Sunday, November 9th:

Saint-Etienne 0-3 Rennes - Saint-Etienne gaffer Laurent Roussey is in serious danger of losing his job after the 10-time Ligue 1 champions suffered their 5th straight loss. In the 9th minute Daze sent in a 30-yard shot that was saved by Saint-Etienne GK Viviani, who was under siege for the majority of the match. Rennes opened the scoring in the 13th minute when Briand took a poor clearance from Benalouane and sent in a pass to Pagis for the goal. Minutes later Pagis sent in a screaming 25-yard free-kick that Viviani parried away. In the 30th minute, Pagis sent in another deadly free-kick, but the ensuing Mbia header was saved by Viviani again. Saint-Etienne's best chance of the match came when in the 35th minute when Payet forced a save from Rennes GK Douchez. Soon after the start of the second half Pagis sent in yet another shot, which Viviani spilled at the feet of Fanni, who sent in the rebound for a goal. 2 minutes later Pagis came in 1-on-1 on Viviani and scored the final goal of the match amid jeers from the Saint-Etienne home supporters.


Valenciennes 0-1 Nancy - Valenciennes, winless since August, looked improved in their loss to Nancy. The lone goal of the match came when Valenciennes GK Penneteau brought down Hadji in the box in the 15th minute. Gavanon stepped up to slot home the PK, despite Penneateau guessing correctly. Valenciennes then had the better chances, with Bezzaz and Saez forcing saves from Nancy GK Bracigliano in the first half. The second half started with maintained pressure, as Bracigliano was called upon to make an excellent diving save on a Mater free-kick in the 46th minute. Audel hit the post twice for Valenciennes in the final 10 minutes, but was unable to capitalize on his chances.


Paris Saint-Germain 1-0 Lille - Lille, who had been unbeaten in 9 matches, fell to PSG, who had lost 2 straight. Cabaye provided the early pressure for Lille, hitting the post with a 30-yard free-kick in the 2nd minute and forcing a save from PSG GK Landreau on another 30-yard shot in the 8th minute. The lone goal came in the 39th minute when Landreau sent a long ball forward, which Hoarau headed to Giuly for the finish. Lille should have equalized in the 60th minute when Chedjou was left unmarked in the box on a free-kick, but the ensuing header was not well-struck. Bastos had two more chances for Lille in the final 5 minutes of the match, but he was unable to capitalize.


So, after Matchday 13 the table looks like this: (1) Lyon, with 30 points on a 9-3-1 record, with a +11 goal differential; (2) Marseille, with 26 points on a 7-5-1 record, with a +12 goal differential; (3) Bordeaux, with 24 points on a 7-3-3 record, with a +9 goal differential; and (4) Rennes, with 22 points on a 5-7-1 record, with a +8 goal differential.

Read more on "Ligue 1 Weekend Review"...