Colaship Review/Preview: Squeaky Bum Time.

My mate and Sangoma witch doctor 'Hector Um-bongo' has kindly put a hex on Barnsley. Nice one Hector.

It's been a while since I've done a Colaship review, and it's not because I'm a lazy fecker. I just couldn't bring myself to do so until now. The nightmare season my canaries have endured is nearing it's end and the worst possible scenario is staring at us from above. One game left and survival is not in our hands. There is also a battle at the top for the final automatic promotion place to the promised land, also known as the Premier League.



Lets start with Wolves. Their point last weekend at Barnsley (boooooooooooooooooooo) secured the Colaship title. They have been at the top all season, a brief stutter in form was righted and they finished strong. Good for them. McCarthy has started his summer clear out in preparation for the top-flight, stating his intention to let Jason Shackell, Darren Potter and Darren Ward leave Moilineux. Rumors are also circulating that Wolves will make signing Sammy Hypia from Liverpool a priority.


Wolves: Champions.

The second automatic promotion place is up for grabs. Birmingham's defeat last weekend and Readings 2-0 win at Carrow Road has set up a gem for this Sunday morning. Reading need to win to return to the Premier League but ALSO need Sheffield United to get no more than a point at Palace. Reading have hit form after a shaky spell and their superior goal difference could be the decider. Birmingham are running out of steam and I can see Reading doing the business. A Blades win and anything but a win for Birmingham will see Sheffield back in the big-time. Reading V Birmingham is available in the US on the PC destroying ESPN 360 at 8.15 am.

1 Wolverhampton 45 27 87
2 Birmingham 45 16 80
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3 Sheff Utd 45 25 79
4 Reading 45 33 77
5 Cardiff 45 13 74
6 Burnley 45 8 73
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7 Preston 45 11 71

Cardiff and Burnley have had very good seasons and only Preston can spoil the play-off party.

Preston v QPR
Burnley V Bristol City.
Sheffield Wed V Cardiff.

8.15 Eastern.

Down at the bottom Readings win at Bigus' favorite place on earth, saved Forest and Agyle. Tightly clenched buttocks in Nottingham and Plymouth respectively released to the sounds of jubilant celebration. Well done to them. Miserable Scottish tit Billy Davies has done a good job at Forest while Plymouth fought through an incredibly hard run-in schedule to accumulate 51 points. 50 bringing safety this year.

So here we are it's down to this. Barnsley or Norwich. One of us will be joining Southampton and Charlton in League One. I just can't believe it's come to this for Norwich. A club that beat Manchester United 2-0 in the Premier League just 4 years ago. The mess Glenn Roeder made at the club left Bryan Gunn an un-enviable task. He has bagged 20 points in 17 games. Roeder collected just 26 during his disastrous 28 games this term. The man was like poison. The alarm bells were ringing loudly once he swept through the club firing people left right and center. Even the kit man. The players hated him and the fans more. But I've been here before so lets move on.

To stay in the Colaship and hopefully learn from our mistakes, Norwich need to beat Charlton away on Sunday and need Plymouth to beat Barnsley. Stranger things have happened but I fear Plymouth are on the beach already and the point Barnsley need will be easily obtained.

That said I am now going to try and hex Barnsley. Please join me in a Gregorian style chant...Lose Barnsley, lose Barnsley, lose Barnsley, lose!

Many of our readers have asked me about the saying/song 'On the Ball City'. Well it's the oldest football song is history, dating back to the 1890's and still sung loudly at Carrow Road today. To help create a hopeful mood for the rest of the week and inspire the Gods of good fortune for Sundays big games, here it is...

First a jolly little version played on the 'ol Joanna' from the turn of the last century.



and how it lives today, on Saturday's at mighty Carrow Road.



Full Colaship table here.

Up the City!

-Bigus.

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Colaship Review - Sick F**k Edition

Sick animal David Norris salutes his 'friend', drunk-driver Luke McCormick (bottom right).

This weekend an Ipswich Town player stooped to a new depth of disgusting, putrid behaviour. The repulsive David Norris celebrated his winner for the bin-men by saluting a drunk driver who killed 2 little boys.


The sick celebration involved Norris crossing his wrists to emulate being in handcuffs. A salute to his former team mate and friend Luke McCormick who is currently serving 7 years for killing 2 young boys as he drove home drunk from Norris' wedding back in June. McCormick's actions killed 10 year old Aaron Peak and his brother, 8 year old Ben Peak, while the boys' father was left with spine and lung injuries. Norris has appologized for any offence he may have caused and claims his celebration was not for McCormick but a 'private message' he is failing to reveal. However, it is clear to all what Norris meant by his gesture whether he regrets it or not.

The FA is investigating and the boys mother, Amanda Peak, is calling for Norris to be banned. It's bad enough that she has to deal with the loss of her two children without idiots like Norris belittling her suffering in front of thousands of people.

Now to football.

This weekend saw no major surprises in the Coca Cola Championship. Wolves won and Donny lost. Business as usual. Let's start with Swansea. The Swans beat struggling Watford 3-1 at home to leave the Hornets in the bottom 3. It's been a busy week for Watford, they fired manager Aidy Boothroyd last week and Elton John distanced himself from the current board by standing down as life long President. Malky Mackay has taken over as caretaker manager and he certainly has his hands full, although the table shows that one win could see them out of the relegation zone at the expense of one of 4 teams, including Norwich!

As for the Canaries. Any hope I had at the start of the season has finally left the building.

Another sub-par performance on Saturday allowed Preston North End to leave Carrow Road with a point. North End scored early as former Canary Chris Brown gave the away team the lead. Brown couldn't find the net for City but appears to be having no problem for Preston. Typical. Leroy Lita headed in from a corner and a close range effort from John Kennedy with 30 minutes to go put Norwich back in front. Then came the moment of madness. Darrel Russell was sent off 10 mins from time for shoving his fingers into the face of Ross Wallace and former Liverpool man Neil Mellor pounced on a lose ball one minute later to cap another disappointing afternoon for City fans.

The game was also watched by former wing-king (and season ticket holder) Darren Huckerby, back from his successful season in the M.L.S. I am sure he would have been left wondering how this season could have been going had he not been let go during the summer. While Norwich have a great line-up on paper they are struggling to find any consistency on the pitch, and I fear that the lack of a good run soon could leave my yellows involved in another relegation battle. Russell's red card is likely to yield a 3 game ban. Lovely.

Huckerby watches on at Carrow Road.

Elsewhere around the League, Wolves won 2-0 at Molineaux to extend the gap at the top to 6 points. Second place Bongo FC faltered at Forest drawing 1-1. Reading closed the gap behind Bongo with a comfortable 3-0 win over Derby.

In the play-off chasing pack Q.P.R beat 9 man Cardiff 1-0 at Loftus Road. Gavin Mahon decided that one with 10 mins to go. Michael Chopra made his debut for Cardiff after sealing a loan move back to his former club from Sunderland last week. I am sure Cardiff will try and make that a permanent move as the season wears on. Cardiff had Darren Purse (28 mins) and Miguel Comminges (87 mins) sent off. Bristol City beat Southampton 1-0 at Saint Mary's. The defeat leaves Southampton 21st.

He's baaaaaack! Chopra has his shirt re-sized for him on his Cardiff debut.

Sad news from Barnsley. Striker Ian Hulme is in a serious condition after fracturing his skull in a clash with Sheffield United captain Chris Morgan on Saturday. Hulme's condition deteriorated on Sunday and he underwent surgery. Fingers crossed for a full recovery! Barnsley lost the ill-tempered game 2-1. Chelsea killer Kayode Odejayi scored late on for Barnsley but a James Beattie double was enough to claim the 3 points for the Blades.

This weekend's results in full.
Swansea 3 Watford 1
Barnsley 1 Sheffield United 2
Blackpool 0 Scum 1
Coventry 0 Palace 2
Norwich 2 Preston 2
Forest 1 Bongo 1
Plymouth 2 Charlton 2
QPR 1 Cardiff 0
Reading 3 Derby 0
Wednesday 1 Donny Rovers 0
Saints 0 Bristol 1
Wolves 2 Bloody Burnley 0

Click HERE for the full Colaship table.

-Bigus.

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