Football Diplomacy

More football, less Holocaust denial

The U.S. and China had ping pong diplomacy in the 1970s, could the U.S. and Iran now have a little bit of football diplomacy? That might be part of the logic behind preliminary discussions between U.S. Soccer and their Iranian counterparts to hold a friendly in Tehran in late 2010 or 2011.

In fact, a national team friendly would be the second football-related gesture aimed to bring the two nations closer. In March, the Guardian reported that Persepolis and Esteghlal, the two largest Iranian club teams, might come on a tour of the U.S.

As always, it's nice to see two countries trying to put aside their differences on the football pitch.

And, if you’ve been watching or reading the news lately, you know that Iran is holding elections tomorrow and there is a decent chance that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be unseated. This follows President Obama's historic speech to the Muslim world in Cairo. Stay tuned for this developing story.

/newspeak

Read more on "Football Diplomacy"...

Is this the end of the Hoffenheim fairytale?

The Bundesliga is still on their winter break for a couple of more weeks. The teams get back into action on January 30th. When play resumes, Hoffenheim, the club from a small town of about 3000, will look to maintain their improbable run at the top of the table. As of yesterday, though, that looks increasingly improbable.

On Thursday, Hoffenheim took on Hamburg in a friendly. While the game did feature a mildly entertaining slap fight, the only reason anyone outside of these two clubs cares is because of an injury. Vedad Ibisevic, current Bundesliga leader in goals and cause célèbre among UFers who are bothered by the US Soccer's inattention to players who could really help the National Team, went off late in the match with an apparent torn ACL. If the ACL is indeed torn, Ibisevic will be out for at least the rest of the season, and may miss the start of next season as well.

This will be tough for the Bundesliga leaders to overcome. While Hoffenheim do lead the league in scoring, much of the credit must go to Ibisevic, who has scored 18 of the team's 42 goals. When you factor in that Carlos Eduardo will probably be sanctioned for his slapping antics from above, then it becomes easy to picture this team sliding down the table. Just in time for the new 30,000 seat stadium due to open next week. A sliding team will have a tough time filling that up.

Read more on "Is this the end of the Hoffenheim fairytale?"...

Open Thread: The November Friendlies

I know you're angry and scared, Fabio. An England midfield without Gerrard is a truly frightening thought

No, the November Friendlies isn't the name of a new band from Ohio and we're not Pitchfork. It's time for international duties at the worst possible time, and in a period where everyone is so gripped by the league in full swing, or the Mickey Mouse Cup, or the early rounds of the FA Cup, or the Champions League, or the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or Gentlemen's Clubs or... well, you get the idea.

So many England regulars have handed in sick notes, and they're facing ze Germans in Deutschland this evening, while some permed Argentine with a runny nose is prepping a team to play up in Scotland. No clue what that's all about.

Talk about it all here. Will Maradona quit by half-time? Will England's B team do anything worth paying attention to in Germany? How many of your team's players will get hurt tonight (please, I beg you Daniel Agger, stay out of any nasty challenges)?

Quote BBC live-texter Caroline Cheese (yes, her real name):

I've just been in the United States of America for a couple of weeks, which is an utterly brilliant country except for the chronic lack of proper sport. I mean, the bombshell news about Aidy Boothroyd's departure from Watford did not warrant a mention in a single newspaper. Not a single one. Unbelievable. It was all Obama this, Obama that. So personally I couldn't be more excited about this evening's action, my first taste of soccer… ahem, football, for fully 21 days. You?

Ouch. Still, she's ready (and her sarcasm's working nicely), and so are we. To the comments section!


Tonight's Today's games:
Denmark vs. Wales (kicked off at 2.15pm ET... nothing of note thus far)
Germany vs. England
Northern Ireland vs. Hungary
Scotland vs. Argentina

Other notables:
Oh, who am I kidding, there are none. Serbia beat Bulgaria 6-1 earlier, in case you bet the under by mistake.

LINEUPS:
Germany: Germany: Adler, Friedrich, Mertesacker, Westermann, Compper, Schweinsteiger, Rolfes, Jones, Trochowski, Gomez, Klose.
Subs: Wiese, Hinkel, Tasci, Helmes, Podolski, Marin, Hitzlsperger, Schafer, Weis.

England: James, Johnson, Terry, Upson, Bridge, Wright-Phillips, Carrick, Barry, Downing, Defoe, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Carson, Robinson, Lescott, Richards, Mancienne, Davies, Parker, Bullard, Young, Crouch, Bent.
---

Northern Ireland: Taylor, Duff, Evans, Baird, McGivern, Gillespie, Clingan, O'Connor, Brunt, Lafferty, Healy.
Subs: Mannus, Tuffey, McGinn, Feeney, Shiels, Paterson, Thompson.

Hungary: Babos, Bodnar, Rudolf, Juhasz, Vanczak, Halmosi, Toth, Vadocz, Huszti, Gera, Torghelle.
Subs: Fulop, Vermes, Feczesin, Horvath, Dardai, Dzsudzsak, Szalai.

---
Scotland: McGregor, Hutton, Caldwell, McManus, Broadfoot, Brown, Hartley, Ferguson, Commons, McFadden, Iwelumo (how he keeps his place is beyond me).
Subs: Marshall, Alexander, Naysmith, Maloney, Clarkson, Berra, Miller, Robertson, Barr, McAllister.

Argentina: Carrizo, Zanetti, Demichelis, Heinze, Papa, Rodriguez, Mascherano, Gago, Gutierrez, Lavezzi, Tevez.
Subs: Romero, Coloccini, Denis, Cata Diaz, Villagra, Burdisso, Sosa, Lopez, Montenegro, Gonzalez.

---
Denmark: Denmark: Sorensen, Bogelund, Agger, Rasmussen, Kroldrup, Kristensen, Norregaard, Nordstrand, Krohn-Delhi, Bendtner, Rommedahl.
Subs: Andersen, Mtiliga, Jorgensen, Andreasen, Retov, Vingaard, Ilso, Larsen.

Wales: Myhill, Gunter, Williams, Collins, Bale, Edwards, Ramsey, Nyatanga, Collison, Bellamy, Evans.
Subs: Hennessey, Tudur-Jones, Blake, Ricketts, Morgan, Eardley, Vokes.
---

Read more on "Open Thread: The November Friendlies"...

We're going to Wemberly

Paycheck not big enough to make Cappello-style tax dodging worthwhile

In just over two hours time, the USA will take the field at Wembley against mighty England. A grudge match that is at least 100 years older than the invention of association football! While us Yanks may have taken the lead in all things political, economic, and cultural, those limey bastards still play a pretty mean game of footie.

Some things to consider:

Whenever English players put on the England shirt, they play like shit. Millions of trees have been felled in the service of journalists seeking an explanation, but right now its an immutable law of global football. Also, the Man U/Chelsea players are not going to be giving anything close to 100% of their efforts in this game, no matter what they say publicly.

When England came over to play the US in Chicago a few years back, it was pretty easy to tell which country funneled its best athletes into (proper) football. The English players were so much more physically gifted and technically skilled than our players, who uniformly looked like the annoying younger brother playing AYSO soccer. Our best players play for Fulham, Herenveen, and the LA Galaxy. England's best players play for Liverpool, Chelsea, and Manchester United. Hah, see, you guys don't have anyone playing for AC Milan either, do you?

For example, the first choice center back pairing for the US is a guy whose benching at Fulham coincided with a miracle run to stay up, and a guy who was deemed surplus to requirements at Newcastle, not exactly a bastion of clean sheets. England's first choice center back pairing, meanwhile, is Brave John Terry and Rio Ferdinand. I think they are both cunts, but I respect their talent. Outside of goalkeeper, our best players probably would struggle to scrape onto the bench.

Now, all of that said, I still hold out hope that we pull off a decent result today. Remember, one team cares about this game much more than the other (literally, like half our team is out of a club right now and desperate for some attention). England's players are looking forward to a summer of WAG weddings, awkward staged beach scenes, and Vegas buffoonery (seriously, TIET and Kickette are pretty much the only blogs with anything to write about right now). I'm clearly the only one drinking the Bob Bradley Kool Aid, though, as the rest of my blogmates uniformly picked England. So call me crazy, but I'm going with 2-1 to the Yanks, as Michael Bradley finally puts in a good game with the Nats.

Read more on "We're going to Wemberly"...

France vs. England "Friendly" Preview

In the long rivalry between France and England, very few things can accurately be referred to as "friendly" (see...oh, history, for examples). The last meeting between these giants of football was in June 2004 during Euro 2004, which resulted in a 2-1 victory for France. Today they meet once more on the pitch, at 21:00 hours (European time; 15:00, or 3:00pm EST) at the Stade de France.

By now, everyone is aware of the more prominent stories surrounding the game - Rio Ferdinand has been named captain for the England squad, Raymond Domenech has named a 39-man squad for France for their double-header against Mali (yesterday) and England (today), and some guy named Beckham is likely to get his 100th cap for England (albeit coming on as a reserve).

Join me after the jump for the real story.

The expected starting squad for Fabio Cappello's England is:
(GK) David James
(DEF) Wes Brown, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry, Cashley Cole
(MID) David Bentley, Steven Gerrard, Owen Hargreaves, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole
(ST) Wayne Rooney (all by myseeeeeelf, don't wanna be...)


The expected England reserves are:
(GK) Chris Kirkland Robert Green (perhaps Scott Carson)
(DEF) Joleon Lescott, Jonathan Woodgate
(MID) David Beckham, Gareth Barry
(ST) Michael Owen, Theo Walcott

This means that most likely Wayne Bridge and Peter Crouch will get the shaft.

The expected starting squad for Raymond Domenech's France is:
Well, who the fuck knows. If we take into account the squad from the France v. Congo match where Domenech fielded his junior squad, I would expect the following against Mali:
(GK) Steve Mandanda (Steve? Really? When I was a kid we named our boys Pierre, Jean, and Phillipe!)
(DEF) Bacary Sagna (why couldn't you score 2 goals on Sunday?), Phillippe Mexes (see? Phillipe!), Jean-Alain Boumsong, Gael Clichy
(MID) Alou Diarra, Samir Nasri, Jerome Rothen, Rio Mavuba
(ST) Djibril Cisse, David Trezeguet (much to Domenech's chagrin, as he would prefer not to play him at all)

Considering the implications of playing some individuals 2 games in a row, the club responsibilities of certain players, and any astrological signs he reads, I would expect the following for the starting squad against England:
(GK) Gregory Coupet (this probably would have been Landreau, but he started playing like shite for Paris Saint-Germain)
(DEF) Eric Abidal, Gael Clichy (he's young, he can handle it), William Gallas (he's old), Patrice Evra
(MID) Jeremy Toulalan, Mathieu Flamini (also young, but getting creaky), Claude Makelele, Samir Nasri
(ST) Nicolas Anelka, Hatem Ben Arfa

I would expect the France reserves against England to be:
(GK) Mickael Landreau
(DEF) Bacary Sagna, Jean-Alain Boumsong
(MID) Alou Diarra, Franck Ribery
(ST) Sidney Govou

All that is well and good, but what's actually going to happen during the match? Well, it should be noted that the England squad (particularly in the midfield) is significantly older than the France squad, which, combined with the typical English style of football will probably result in a slow, physical game that looks like this:

5 minutes: through-ball from Nasri to Ben Arfa; Ben Arfa is fouled by Rio Ferdinand at 30 yards; shot from Anelka goes wide by 30 yards

12 minutes: through ball from Anelka to Toulalan; Toulalan is fouled by Cashley Cole, who is met with a chorus of boos (mostly from his Chelsea teammate Anelka); shot from Anelka is wide by 17 yards (he's zeroing in!)

14 minutes: long-ball over the top from James to Joe Cole; Cole trips over the ball when his mop-top, Beatles-esque hair gets in his way

19 minutes: short pass from Clichy to Flamini, back to Clichy (see? That's how the Gunners work!) streaking down the left side; Clichy delivers a cross to...no one, as the bail sails to the far touch line

24 minutes: series of short passes from Ferdinand to Terry to Gerrard to Rooney (what? all that passing and not a Gooner among them? Preposterous!); Rooney dribbles in alone on Coupet, only to be scythed down from behind by Evra, who has lingering feelings of resentment towards his Manchester United teammate; Rooney is awarded a PK, and strikes the ball forcefully while Coupet shites his diaper. 1-0 England (BOOO!)

27 minutes-37 minutes: Nothing happens

38 minutes: After striding into the midfield for some light passing duty, Gallas collapses out of breath; Domenech checks the astrological chart and informs William that he must stay on the pitch for another 9 minutes

44 minutes: After having lain on the pitch for 6 minutes, Gallas gets back up to receive a pass, catching the entire England midfield off-guard; pass from Gallas to Ben Arfa results in Ben Arfa abusing Cashley Cole to come in one-on-one with David James; Ben Arfa blasts the shot through James' hands, resulting in amputation, forcing Cappello to bring on substitute GK Robert Green. 1-1.

45 minutes +2: Half-time. Cappello makes the unfortunate decision to try a meat pie and spends the entire second half on the toilet.

52 minutes: Gallas, too slow to catch up to a streaking Wayne Rooney, fouls Gerrard just as he delivers the ball; on the ensuing spot kick, Gerrard puts one into the top corner. 2-1 England (BOOO!)

57 minutes: Domenech substitutes Sagna for Gallas, and Ribery for Makelele.

58 minutes: Cappello, phoning in from the toilet, substitutes David Beckham for David Bentley, resulting in thunderous booing (curiously, only from the English supporters).

65 minutes: Cappello, wishing to embarass the French, substitutes Theo Walcott for Owen Hargreaves in an attempt to score more goals; Cappello returns to toilet after brief call

71 minutes: long-ball from Coupet to Ribery to Ben Arfa back to Ribery (and wouldn't both look nice in a Gunners kit?); Ribery blasts the ball past Green. 2-2 (ALLEZ LES BLEUS!)

82 minutes: After a long run by Lampard, Michael Owen receives the ball and turns to shoot; Owen is taken down in the box by Abidal; no call is made, and 50 million voices rise in disgust, claiming conspiracy

89 minutes: Gael Clichy dribbles the entire England midfield and takes the ball into the left corner; Clichy swings the ball into the box and it is met by Gallas, who heads it home. 3-2 France (OUI!)

90 minutes: Game ends.

Read more on "France vs. England "Friendly" Preview"...