I know you're angry and scared, Fabio. An England midfield without Gerrard is a truly frightening thought
No, the November Friendlies isn't the name of a new band from Ohio and we're not Pitchfork. It's time for international duties at the worst possible time, and in a period where everyone is so gripped by the league in full swing, or the Mickey Mouse Cup, or the early rounds of the FA Cup, or the Champions League, or the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or Gentlemen's Clubs or... well, you get the idea.
So many England regulars have handed in sick notes, and they're facing ze Germans in Deutschland this evening, while some permed Argentine with a runny nose is prepping a team to play up in Scotland. No clue what that's all about.
Talk about it all here. Will Maradona quit by half-time? Will England's B team do anything worth paying attention to in Germany? How many of your team's players will get hurt tonight (please, I beg you Daniel Agger, stay out of any nasty challenges)?
Quote BBC live-texter Caroline Cheese (yes, her real name):
I've just been in the United States of America for a couple of weeks, which is an utterly brilliant country except for the chronic lack of proper sport. I mean, the bombshell news about Aidy Boothroyd's departure from Watford did not warrant a mention in a single newspaper. Not a single one. Unbelievable. It was all Obama this, Obama that. So personally I couldn't be more excited about this evening's action, my first taste of soccer… ahem, football, for fully 21 days. You?
Ouch. Still, she's ready (and her sarcasm's working nicely), and so are we. To the comments section!
Denmark vs. Wales (kicked off at 2.15pm ET... nothing of note thus far)
Germany vs. England
Northern Ireland vs. Hungary
Scotland vs. Argentina
Oh, who am I kidding, there are none. Serbia beat Bulgaria 6-1 earlier, in case you bet the under by mistake.
Germany: Germany: Adler, Friedrich, Mertesacker, Westermann, Compper, Schweinsteiger, Rolfes, Jones, Trochowski, Gomez, Klose.
Subs: Wiese, Hinkel, Tasci, Helmes, Podolski, Marin, Hitzlsperger, Schafer, Weis.
England: James, Johnson, Terry, Upson, Bridge, Wright-Phillips, Carrick, Barry, Downing, Defoe, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Carson, Robinson, Lescott, Richards, Mancienne, Davies, Parker, Bullard, Young, Crouch, Bent.
Northern Ireland: Taylor, Duff, Evans, Baird, McGivern, Gillespie, Clingan, O'Connor, Brunt, Lafferty, Healy.
Subs: Mannus, Tuffey, McGinn, Feeney, Shiels, Paterson, Thompson.
Hungary: Babos, Bodnar, Rudolf, Juhasz, Vanczak, Halmosi, Toth, Vadocz, Huszti, Gera, Torghelle.
Subs: Fulop, Vermes, Feczesin, Horvath, Dardai, Dzsudzsak, Szalai.
Scotland: McGregor, Hutton, Caldwell, McManus, Broadfoot, Brown, Hartley, Ferguson, Commons, McFadden, Iwelumo (how he keeps his place is beyond me).
Subs: Marshall, Alexander, Naysmith, Maloney, Clarkson, Berra, Miller, Robertson, Barr, McAllister.
Argentina: Carrizo, Zanetti, Demichelis, Heinze, Papa, Rodriguez, Mascherano, Gago, Gutierrez, Lavezzi, Tevez.
Subs: Romero, Coloccini, Denis, Cata Diaz, Villagra, Burdisso, Sosa, Lopez, Montenegro, Gonzalez.
Denmark: Denmark: Sorensen, Bogelund, Agger, Rasmussen, Kroldrup, Kristensen, Norregaard, Nordstrand, Krohn-Delhi, Bendtner, Rommedahl.
Subs: Andersen, Mtiliga, Jorgensen, Andreasen, Retov, Vingaard, Ilso, Larsen.
Wales: Myhill, Gunter, Williams, Collins, Bale, Edwards, Ramsey, Nyatanga, Collison, Bellamy, Evans.
Subs: Hennessey, Tudur-Jones, Blake, Ricketts, Morgan, Eardley, Vokes.