Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Rooney likes to drink, be with boys

Well, our desperate call for tips last month netted is nothing. Apparently, our reader base is smart enough to know that a trip to Vegas is an inherently losing proposition. Good on you all, fellas.

In the end, it seems that we didn't really need anyone to provide us with Rooney drinking pics. All we needed was to read the Daily Mail online. Let's dissect, shall we?

So, yeah. Rooney has been spotted in Ibiza taking in a stag night (weekend? week?) with some of his boys. I don't know about any of you marrieds out there, but at my bachelor party, there could not have been a picture taken without two things: alcohol and naked chicks. Rooney's party has the alcohol down, but there is a conspicuous lack of female bodies around. I understand that Rooney is smart enough to know that he will be photographed at every opportunity and must stay away from the ladies, but how about using some of that star wattage to get a little play for your friends? Must the entire night be female free?

Alright, to the pictures.

Whoa, who's the idiot? It's Rooney's brother, of course. Well, if I think about it, maybe the brother is a gemologist just getting off work. Perhaps the family is not so dim after all.

What? Why? It's 2 o'clock in the frickin' morning. Take those fucking sunglasses off your head. And is that a Long Island Ice Tea? I know that's what a real man drinks, an alcohol suicide. Actually, I think it's Cuervo Black and Coke.

This picture's caption should read: "Nope, there's no way that this spotlight is intentionally in me. I sat right under the dome light in the middle of the vehicle by accident. In no way do I want people to see me." but that would be way too long to fit under the picture.

Alright, I have no idea about Ibiza. For all I know it could be a British enclave on a Spanish isle. But come on. You travel to the Mediterranean to drink at a bar owned by Gary Lineker's brother? Isn't there somewhere a bit more authentic you could have gone to? At least put on a sombrero. George Best would.

Finally, a poll. How long will the Rooney-McLoughlin nuptials last? I used to work with a guy that was married for six weeks. Can Rooghlin beat that?


The Fan's Attic said...

Where's the option for "When his granny hooker croaks"?

Anonymous said...

"He prefers the company of men!"

"Who doesn't!?!?"

Rick Rottman said...

The Rooney-McLoven pairing will last longer then the Rooney-Ronaldo pairing. The only difference is that Rooney's wife to be probably wont end up in Spain.