Saturday, June 7, 2008

Liveblogging the Opening Ceremonies

I don't want to step on any toes, but seriously, shouldn't there be soccer on my TV. It says it's 10:30!

By "step on any toes" I mean I know we've got someone on deck to liveblog the game. I'm live blogging this waster of time.

A bunch of Mumeschantz (sp?) type things have run out on to the field and formed a heart. They've got TV-like boxes for heads. This should be fun.

Now I think I see something that's supposed to be a sail.

Fucking A... Weenies Euro tech music. Is Nic Harcourt the music curator for this?

Now we have cows. Let me guess we're also getting clocks, chocolate, and ski heroes.

Put Julie Foudy back on my TV. Even she is better than this.

Okay, I didn't mean that.

Those women representing winter would be much better if they were topless. Just saying.

Anyway, apparently they have gays in Switzerland, too. This pretty much confirms it.

Holy shit, I was kidding on the skiers, but sure enough. Thanks Switzerland for living up to your stereotypes. I'm waiting for either Richard Simmons or Harvey Firestein to appear.

Longest. 13 Minutes. Ever.

I totally expect to see a headshot someday in L.A. and on the back someone is going to list having been a box in the Euro 08 Opening Ceremonies in their credits.

And now the clocks... all we need is the chocolate and I've hit the trifecta. Who needs the fucking Belmont. I am Kreskin.

Okay, I kind of like the countdown with the bodies rolling from white to red. I am beginning to question my sexuality.

By my count there are 8 minutes left. Fuck. Really? Only five minutes of this are gone?

Holy shit, I am totally rubbing one out later to the thought of Miss Switzerland. Haht. Almost makes up for the rest of this time waste.

Now the box heads are making the Euro logo. Not bad. Just don't bring out the gay mascots. This has already reached its quota of queer.

Well the sliver lining for the Swiss is this delays how long until Senderos makes an horrific defending error that leads to a goal.

Okay, my clock was wrong. That was only 3 minutes. Oof. Still, that was gratuitous.

Anyway, there is a match starting. Fucking A, I am pumped. Fucking B, I am going to miss the second match of the day so this one better totally fucking kick ass to make up for it.

Enjoy your watching, kids because after these three weeks are up, we've got a little over a full month before there is any meaningful futbol again.

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