Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Manchester United fans are fat, then not

While the game on Sunday may have been nothing to laugh at, here's something to laugh at: the fact that Man United fans are fat and repulsive.

EXCEPT for this one: Lisa Rea. The News of the World covered this story with the utmost respect on Sunday. Poor Lisa was a tubby 364 pounds before she decided to change her ways and lose some weight, lest she not fit into her seat at Old Trafford.

She even got stuck in the bloody turnstile. I guess it's true: listening to Oasis and Shaun Ryder is enough to turn even the staunchest soul to drink and fried food.

Pay attention to her harrowing tale:

"Before, I couldn't even fit in the seat. I was squashed in uncomfortably against other supporters. It was so embarrassing.

I'd get bruises because I'd force myself through the turnstile by wiggling about. The humiliation was indescribable."

And she's not just talking about the shame of being caught at Old Trafford.

It gets worse:

"And her 44JJ bust was so big her little girl could use it to SHELTER from the rain."

I have no joke here.

I realize I'm clutching at straws after our 3-0 dickstomping at the hands of those Mancunian fucks, but I have to play 'em as they lay.

She lost an amazing 224 pounds, and now can enjoy her throne at the worst place on earth. Kudos to her for her determination. It would be nice if Liverpool could exhibit the same grit and gusto against Man United sometime.

/still sad.

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