Mike Ashley Helps Get Funds Out of Nigeria

Mike Ashley has to be the dumbest son of a bitch alive. He's trying to sell Newcastle United after the fans and Kelvin Koogan turned on him and now Ashley thinks some Nigerian consortium is going to pay his £400 million asking price.

I was pretty sure Ashley was being scammed in one of those email fishing frauds. Now, I am sure after a devious UF reader sent in the email Mr. Ashley received with the offer to purchase the club.

Date: Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:58:18 (GMT)
From: Moses Odiaka [mosesadiaha@go.com]
To: bigmike@newcastlefc.co.uk
Subject: CONFIDENTIAL PROPOSAL

Dear Mr. Mike Ashley,

My name is Mr.Moses Odiaka.I work in the credit and accounts department of Union Bank of NigeriaPlc,Lagos, Nigeria. I write you in respect of a number of our investors at Union Bank. The heavans have presented Nigeria with vast mineral and oil deposits. Many Nigerians have done well because of this and are now searching for grand investment opportunities to diversity their holdings. I approach you with their interest in Newcastle Soccer Club.

They are prepared to offer you 280 million british pound sterling for your interest in the team. To get this money we only ask that you tranfer your interest in the team to a Nigerian holding trust escrow account. Once that is done we can secure the funds for your payment and all sides will be happy with the end result.

To do this, I will need your full name and address telephone/fax number,company or residential, also your bank name and account, where the Newcastle interest will be transfer from. This is necessary for the escrow holding trust to be set up in Nigeria. Once this is complete our transaction will be all but done.

When you contact me, then we shall discuss on how the money will be delivered.I am currently in europe for a six months course,you can reach me on this number for further discussion 0031 623 866 723.Kindly send your reply to my private email address stated below mosesodig1@zwallet.com or mosesodiaka1@yahoo.com

Trusting to hear from you,

I remain Respectfully yours,

Mr Moses Odiaka.
mosesodig1@zwallet.com or mosesodiaka1@yahoo.com
(0031 623 866 723)

Even my grandma doens't fall for these scams...any more.

I have to hand to the Nigerians though, they are really playing out the string on this confidence game. They are telling the Toon fans that the Geordie Messiah, Mr. Koogan, will return if they succeed in the purchase of the Tyneside club.

Read more on "Mike Ashley Helps Get Funds Out of Nigeria"...

Monday Was Becks Manning Day

If you needed any more proof that David Beckham would endorse anything and everything under sun, look no further.



Well, it's not exactly accurate. Deadspin was presented by Beck's, the beer not the walking billboard, but Bigus provided this nice little mock up.

Fear not loyal readers, since Lingering Bursitis is away on vacation, we are free to write about Beckham without fear of reprisal.

Yesterday marked the revealing of the 2009 Beckham calendar. Wonderful. Just what a I need Beckham 365. We should send one to LB for his birthday.



That's his Colt Magnum look.



Newsie.

More to be found at Kickette.

Read more on "Monday Was Becks Manning Day"...

Monday Backpasses: If we didn't give you rumors, where would you get them?

Totally unsourced, but worth a look. Juande Ramos to fall if Spurs lose to Newcastle in Carling Cup [White Hart Pain]
Sunday league player banned for life for knocking out ref. Where's the RESPECT? [The Star]
One of C. Ronaldo's ladies on the side is a hooker [With Leather]

Is Amr Zaki a surprise to you? He shouldn't be [Kornheiser's Cartel]
Dean Windass wants to be a ref. Heh heh. Windass [Daily Mail]
Wow. I thought the toilet-papered corner kicks were tough [101 Great Goals]

And, finally:
Dutch womens' team takes field in skorts and tight shirts. Blatter reportedly loves it. Since we love you, there's a video [Times of Malta]

Read more on "Monday Backpasses: If we didn't give you rumors, where would you get them?"...

Yeah, But Do Those Countries Have Our Enormously Successful and Complex Financial System?

Far from grinding any axes, former Galaxy boss Ruud Gullit actually had some surprisingly complimentary things to say about the quality of soccer in MLS.

From a piece that appeared in the Daily Mail:

The football is different, and the salary cap prevents the league from attracting the very top players, but the standard is higher than people think. It's unfair to make comparisons with football in this country... I'd liken it more to the leagues in Holland, Belgium and Norway.

Watch out Aalborg.

Oh wait, I think they're Danish. Uhm, Liege.... no, don't think any MLS team could hold Liverpool scoreless for 180 minutes home and away. Oh wait, what am I saying? Stoke held Liverpool scoreless (disallowed goal notwithstanding), so clearly anyone can. Woo hoo! MLS, almost world class.

Okay, enough cheap shots. Back to Gullit. The former World Player of the Year was very honest about the limitations and mitigating circumstances affecting the quality of play on the pitch: "For a start, they play in the summer and that means it can be 90 degrees and 80 percent humidity. You just can't play high-tempo football. Certainly nothing like the Barclays Premier League, which is all about long ball and pace.

A) Ninety? Did Gullit ever coach the Galaxy at FC Dallas or the Dynamo? Ninety is unseasonably mild for Texas in the summer. B) Who the fuck is successfully playing Route 1 football and winning consistently in the EPL (Suck it, Barclays). Does Gullit even watch soccer?

He continues: "Then there's the travelling. If you're in LA and you've got a game in New York you're talking about a six-or-seven-hour flight." The salary cap, the lack of desire to schedule around international fixtures, etc. He hits all of the obvious explanations.

I kind of appreciate the compliments (even if they are slightly backhanded) of the MLS because when it's good, it's totally watchable soccer. And I'll continue to champion it as such.

But read the article more than once—and maybe read between the lines the second time through—Gullit's explanations start to sound more like scapegoating for his own lack of success. Dominic Kinnear, Sigi Schmidt, Steve Nicol, some coaches have managed to work with the limitations to field competitive teams. The Galaxy might have been a special case, given all the went on between ownership, management, and staff; but winning and doing it consistently is doable in MLS even with the heat, the travel, the cap and the calendar.

Read more on "Yeah, But Do Those Countries Have Our Enormously Successful and Complex Financial System?"...

Colaship Round-Up

That's Chris Iwelumo on the right having his bald dome shined by his mate Andy Keogh. Iwelumo scored a hat-trick for Wolves on Saturday. He was also sent off as Wolves beat Preston 3-1 at Deepdale. His goals (6) this season have fired Wolves to top of the Championship where they sit 3 points clear of Birmingham this morning.

The shock of the weekend came at St Andrews where Birmingham lost to Blackpool. Yep, read it again and it's still hard to imagine.

The only goal of the game came from Gary Taylor-Fletcher just after halftime. According to the match reviews the deficit could have been greater!

I think we will chalk that one down to an off-day!

Bristol City continued their impressive start to the season with a 4-1 thumping of Donny Rovers at Ashton Gate. Midfield maestro Michael McIndoe bagged a brace and record signing Nicky Maynard scored his second of the campaign.

Elsewhere, Coventry beat Q.P.R at the Ricoh with an Elliot Ward penalty after 15 mins and Palace lost at home to Plymouth who look as if they have turned a corner with back to back wins. A Paul Gallagher double did the damage and the defeat leaves Palace one place above the drop zone. Warnock's south Londoners have lost 3 of their last 4 games.

There were 3 goal-less games last Saturday played between Sheffield Wed and the 'Scum', Forest and Charlton and Southampton and Barnsley. Derby V Cardiff and Swansea V Barnsley both finished 1-1. In another score draw, Watford were raped by blind flag waver Nigel Bannister . You can read all about this in the post 'A Goal named Casper' here

That leaves just one result to mention. At mighty Carrow Road the super yellows beat Sheffield United 1-0. The game was in stopage time when Lee Croft surged down the right, played a neat one two with Hoolahoop before cutting inside a defender and thumping a left foot beauty into the top left. Get in Crofty!

Leaving it late...Super Lee Croft

Norwich are currently 11th. See the full table here.

-Bigus.

Read more on "Colaship Round-Up"...

Cheap Bastards...

                                                      Egg and Spoon winner David Di Michele

West Ham took to the field last Saturday to take on Newcastle in Zola's first game in charge...A proud moment and the start of a new era. Why then did they replace bust sponsor XL's logo with a white patch featuring the players squad number. Someone at West Ham had the needle and thread out late on Friday night.  It looked as if Zola had sent his new team out to take part in a schools sports day. Surely the Spammers could afford to replace the XL shirts with some new blank ones. Or maybe they could have featured the name of a local charity or business? Either way what they did looked tat. This is a Premier League team playing on TV to people all over the World!

So who could the East Londoners put on their shirts until a new sponsor is found? Maybe Craig Bellamy's shirt could feature the local Police badge. Etherington's could advertise for the nearest bookies. Faubert's could give a shout out to the local hospital and Zola's tracksuit could whore for the local stables..Lame I know..You have better I am sure...Take it away below..

-Bigus

Read more on "Cheap Bastards..."...

A Goal Named Casper Update: With New Video

Bigus is our Coca-Cola Championship expert, so I hope I'm not treading on his toes with this post, but Saturday's match between Reading and Watford was a doozy. The teams fought to a 2-2 draw, but Reading did not deserve the result, as you will see in this video:



Did you see it? Nope. I didn't either nor did anybody else save for one lonely linesman and a gullible ref who believed him.

Stuart Attwell was the youngest and most promising ref in England. I say "was" because the responsibility for this costly error will fall on his shoulders. Attwell had awarded a goal kick until his linesman notified him that ball had cross the goal line. Of course it had not. In fact, it was not even between the sticks on the part of the play where the goal was awarded.

In the ensuing mayhem, Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd was sent off. I'm sure this week's Ed Hochuli will get his own sendoff, probably down to League Two with Mark Halsey or lower.

Never has there been a more appropriate for this song at Vicarage Road:

"Three blind refs,
Three blind refs,
See how they run!
See how they run!

Their whistles are stuck,
And their eyes are closed!
What they call, nobody knows!

Three blind refs,
Three blind refs..."

Read more on "A Goal Named Casper Update: With New Video"...

Ligue 1 Weekend Review

This week once again featured quite a bit of scoring, as well as more than a few yellow/red cards. The story of the weekend, however, is AS Nancy-Lorraine getting their first win of the season, coming against Valenciennes on Saturday. Join me after the jump for all of the scores and shenanigans.



Saturday, September 20:

Grenoble 0-1 Bordeaux - In a match featuring 2 teams near the top of the table (one of whom got abused by Chelsea in their Champions League match), there were more cards shown than legitimate scoring opportunities. The first half was extremely uneventful, with the only notable action being yellow cards given to Chamakh (43rd minute) and Diarra (45th minute). Grenoble got their first yellow card shortly after the start of the second half (Baning, in the 48th minute), and received another in the 68th minute (Vitakic). In between those, however, Bordeaux had two players sent off when Diarra was given a second yellow card for a deliberate handball in the 50th minute, and Wendel was given a straight red in the 53rd minute after a horrible tackle. Sensing trouble, Laurent Blanc brought on 19 year-old Jussie, who rewarded his manager with a goal in the 81st minute. Frustration set in for Grenoble, and Robin was sent off in the 90th minute with a straight red card after kicking Gourcuff in the face (which will not make Domenech happy). Jussie finished off his day by picking up a yellow card in the 1st minute of extra time to secure "Goal-scorer to get carded" honors for the week.


Le Havre 0-1 Lyon - In the most boring match of the weekend, Lyon pulled out the win after being awarded a PK in the 44th minute after Gillet took down Piquionne with a tug on the shirt. Ederson converted the gift for the only score of the match. Sidney Govou, after almost scoring in the 11th minute, received a yellow card in the 55th minute and was shown a red card in the 66th minute for a dangerous tackle.


Lille 3-2 Auxerre - This match featured end-to-end action and scoring outbursts from 2 different players. After a 2nd minute strike from De Melo gave Lille the lead, Auxerre received a brace from Quercia after the half (49th minute, 80th minute) to take the lead. Hazard responded to tie the match in the 88th minute, and De Melo secured his own brace when he poked the ball in the net after a frantic goal-mouth scramble in the 4th minute of extra time.


Lorient 1-1 Caen - After having lost 3 matches in a row, Lorient held on to a tie in order to earn a point. Safi put Lorient ahead 1-0 in the 35th minute and they dropped into an extremely defensive posture to try and hold on for the win. Unfortunately, Deroin hit a screamer into the top corner on the volley in the 85th minute to force the tie. This was followed shortly by a yellow card being awarded to Le Pen (90th minute; personally, I would immediately red card the bastard every time he stepped on the pitch).


Toulouse 2-1 Sochaux - Toulouse scored all 3 goals in this match, and Sochaux looked very listless. The winners started early, getting a brilliant goal from Gignac off a free kick. After some chippy play throughout both halves, Toulouse were awarded a PK after Didot was fouled in the box in the 61st minute. Didot stepped up and converted the spot kick for yet another brace on this score-filled Saturday. A few minutes later, Sochaux benefitted from an OG from Cetto (67th minute), but they were unable to seriously threaten for the rest of the match.


Nice 2-2 Le Mans - Nice got 2 early goals from Fae (2nd minute) and Remy (29th minute - and, confidential to ESPN, his name is Loic, not Ludovic (that would be Giuly)), and then promptly fell asleep for the rest of the match. Le Mans, on the other hand, managed to wake up for the second half, and got a gift OG from Hellebuyck (50th minute) and one that they earned from Lamah (86th minute). Other than that, the action in the second half was largely confined to the distribution of yellow cards, with 2 given to each side.


Nantes 2-0 Valenciennes - Valenciennes started the match looking like the more dangerous side, even earning a PK in the 9th minute (which Danic had blocked by Nantes GK Alonzo), but Nantes began to pressure near the 30-minute mark. After a brilliant save by Valenciennes GK Penneteau, Nantes got their first goal from Bagayoko who converted a PK in the 39th minute. Bagayoko earned his brace shortly after the second half began, slotting home a shot in the 54th minute, allowing Nantes to cruise to victory.


Sunday, September 21st:

Saint-Etienne 1-0 Paris Saint-Germain - Despite incredible pressure from Hoarau throughout the match, it was Saint-Etienne who earned the win after Dabo put them ahead in the 14th minute. After sitting out 1 game due to yellow card accumulation, PSG captain Claude Makelele was back in the line-up, and promptly picked up a yellow card in the 54th minute. This is his 5th yellow card in 5 matches played.


Nancy 0-0 Rennes - In an extremely ugly match that featured 16 fouls committed by each side, the nil-nil result was probably all that these clubs deserved. Rennes had the better run of play, with intense pressure from Briand, but it was to no avail. Symptomatic of the ugliness, Hansson was awarded a straight red card in the 84th minute for a very nasty tackle.


Marseille 0-0 Monaco - Although both teams appeared to have several legitimate chances, it was only Monaco's GK who was called into action to make saves during this match. Marseille applied pressure throughout the match, and Monaco (with Freddy Adu sitting on the bench) responded by committing 21 fouls in order to slow them down. In the end, L'OM was unable to overcome the slow pace forced by Monaco, and the match ended in a goalless draw.


So, after Matchday 6, the top of the table looks like this: (1) Olympique Lyonnais on 16 points with a 5-1-0 record and a +8 goal differential; (2) Olympique de Marseille on 12 points with a 3-3-0 record and a +6 goal differential; (3) Toulouse on 11 points with a 3-2-1 record an an even goal differential; and (4) Le Mans on 10 points with a 3-1-2 record and a +4 goal differential. Although it is still early in the season, Lyon once again look to be the class of Ligue 1.

Read more on "Ligue 1 Weekend Review"...

Weekend reading assignment

Shirt should probably read "US Treasury"

After this weekend's results, Arsenal sit at the top of the table. The Gunners beat Bolton amidst some lumbering performances from the rest of the big clubs (P.S. - SAF might need to consider buying a bigger shirt). A good sight to see, especially after yet more insane spending by pretenders over the summer transfer window. But I'm not going to get too excited until we get through the muddy pitch season full of away games to Wigan.

The Premiership, in edited form:

1. Arsenal 12 pts
2. Chelsea 11 pts
3. Liverpool 11 pts
4. Aston Villa 10 pts
5. Manchester City 9 pts (Update: Man City demolish Pompey in an scoring orgy not seen in Manchester since....last Christmas)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
15. Manchester United 5 pts
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
20. Tottenham 2 pts

Read more on "Weekend reading assignment"...

Sunday Open Thread

Gee, I wonder what the focus will be here? Chelsea host Manchester United today at 9.00 EDT, but that's not the only match on. It's most likely the one you care about, but humor me anyway.

Schedule and gratuitous WAG photos after the jump.

All times EDT. Because I care about me, not you.

7.00 West Brom-Aston Villa
9.00 Chelsea-Manchester United
10.00 Hull City-Everton
10.00 Manchester City-Portsmouth
10.00 Tottenham-Wigan
7.00 Chester-Shrewsbury (Halsey Alert)
10.00 Rangers-Motherwell
11.00 Kilmarnock-Celtic
11.00 St Etienne-PSG
6.30 Feyenoord-Ajax (Guess the Dutch don't go churchin' on Sunday mornings)


WAG off!
In for Chelsea, Cheryl Cole


In for Manchester United, Coleen Rooney


Thanks to Kickette for the photos

Read more on "Sunday Open Thread"...