Saturday, April 25, 2009

SERENITY NOW!!!



I am not an angry man.

This isn't a mantra; it's truth. Over the years, I've taken strides in hopes of letting that which doesn't truly doesn't matter, slide. For the most part, it's helped. No longer does my throat ache from yelling at idiots making boneheaded choices in traffic. When a complete stranger does something douchey in my presence, I just go about my business. Say the gentleman parked next to me at the grocery store loads his wares into his trunk, takes a look around and decides he can't be bothered to push that grocery cart 20 yards to return it, instead opting to save three calories by leaving it there resting safely in his parking space. Why should I get sucked into his black hole by publicly calling him out on it? ("Wow, that's impressively fucking lazy" has been a favorite.)

No, it's just not worth it anymore; Not to my general demeanor, not to my blood pressure, not to my chakra(s)*. If it really doesn't hurt me, it has to be healthier to just let it go.

Except when I've absolutely had enough. And, let me tell you, I've absolutely had enough.

What is it that's driven me over the edge? Premiership teams.

Or, to be more exact, Premiership teams and their utter insistence on letting Manchester United back into match after match, pissing away whatever lead they have, capitulating to SAF and band of merry douchebags and gifting that Manc scum point after point after point.

Time after time after time, United find ways back into matches in ways other teams don't even dream of continuing to give effort in. Granted, it's the hallmark of champions. I'll give them that. Even my own beloved Liverpool have adopted this mentality on multiple occasions this season, snatched undeserved points at the death. Yet, eventually, you'd think somebody would sack up, if even by accident, and deny United points. Aren't the lot of you tired of seeing this happen time and time again?

Why do you fuckers refuse to just beat this team? (or even hold on for a fucking draw?!)

The latest string of near-misses has made a mockery of this on-going situation. First it was Aston Villa, up 2-1 at Old Trafford, with just over ten minutes left in the match before they flipped the switch from attacking to sitting back to soak up the inevitable United kitchen sink. Of course, His Douchieness scores. Then, in injury time (after SAF gave the 4th official THAT look), a fucking 17-year old finds a winner. What COULD have been three dropped points, what SHOULD have been one dropped point, turns into three gained points for the defending champions.

Onto the next crime scene: The Stadium of Light. Sunderland have fought tooth and nail to come from behind to knot the match at ones. Cisse almost puts them ahead, but finds side-netting. But, the Mackems stick to the script and let that greasy 17-year old claim the lion's share 15 minutes from time.

After United dispatch Pompey in the next fixture, they welcomed Spurs to OT. Coming up on the hour, Spurs have the champs down 2-nil. Shocking right? No, what was shocking was the way the Yids imploded. After a bullshit penalty to pull back a goal, United slot four more past the Tottenham "defence" (including three in three minutes) to wipe our minds clean of any earlier daydreams of a Spurs victory.

It's all just too much. I need some help. The madness has to end. Surely somebody, somewhere, can put an end to it?!

Serenity now.

Serenity NOW!

SERENITY NOW!

HOOCHIE MOMMA!!!


*I have no idea if I used that in the correct sense

24 comments:

The Fan's Attic said...

let the hate flow.

30f said...

I will point out that my boys at the Cottage DID hold on and beat them. Exception that proves the rule, perhaps.

Glorious fit of rage, though.

Mike Georger said...

Can I just say how much I miss your site Sven? You don't write nearly enough. That was a stinging bit of pure hatred. What I love is that teams are so good at parking the bus against the rest of the big four, but suddenly their defenses are four across Riises when they try it against United. I absolutely refuse to believe the difference is the quality of players United has, it is the crippling terror these bitches have of Ferguson and his puppet The FA.

Also, real men try to hit the cart corral from the parking spot, irrespective of how far away it is. You'd like my mom, she had business cards printed up that say 'I hope you fuck better than you park, otherwise you'd never get it in', to put under wiperblades of people who are too lazy to park properly.

EbullientFatalist said...

The Bundesliga is bananas right now. Maybe the most exciting league this year. I'll keep saying this until someone listens.


/threadjack'd

jjf3 said...

1) that is a brilliant release of vitriol, Sven....

2) MG, I wish I had one of your Mom's cards, just on principle...

3) this shit is getting old. ManU clearly has problems facing a team that attacks them. They've spent the last decade learning how to beat teams that pack it in...hey, dumbasses, the stupid 'Merican is smart enough to tell you - "DON'T sit back, you gutless wonders!"



Fuck me, that last 30 minutes seemed like a decade...of impending, obvious doom...

Lennon's Eyebrow said...

Agreed. Man U's defense has looked shambolic at times when teams have had a proper go at them (see Vidic v. Liverpool). But sit back and invite the attack, and they'll eventually find a way to score.

That being said, and despite our seeming obsession with sitting back on a lead and collapsing, today's second half performance was a fucking disgrace. Howard Webb or no Howard Webb.

sven said...

30F, I did fail to give Fulham the proper credit. Infact, I still hold affection for Danny Murphy.

And Georger, thanks for the kind words. I miss writing as well.

Erik Sweet said...

Unprofessional Foul Guys,

If Webb is so in-the-tank for United, why wasn't there any discipline for Wilson Palacios, whose two-footed, studs up, attempt at a tackle on Ronaldo (the object of your frequent hatred) could have led to a serious injury? Sure, could the penalty call gone a different way I'm sure - but that's why it's called "home pitch advantage." At White Hart Lane, United doesn't get that penalty, and they might drop 3 points.

I love reading this site, even as a die-hard United supporter. It's always my first stop when I go through my football blog flight (with EPL Talk and Republik of Mancunia rounding out the list), despite the fact that most of the posts exist to mock, belittle, or show disgust for my beloved club.

Up until today, this content has always been funny to me. The continual bashing of United players and supporters just seemed like sour grapes, and I'd always chuckle knowing that my team was still going to win a trophy, still going to dominate in some fashion, despite the growing list of naysayers.

This post however, reeks of an apoplexy that I've never seen before. It reads like one of those MoveOn.org wackos and his intense, burning hatred for Bush and his administration. This unbridled vitriol wasn't funny to me today, it was sad. Because instead of posting about how well Liverpool played yesterday against a team with everything to lose, there was a post about how some referee must be on-the-take because he made a decision on a foul call, that even if it wasn't penalty-worthy, still would have garnered a free kick. (And we know that "His Douchieness" is well versed in that aspect of the game, so it's plausible that a goal would have been the result anyways.)

Anyways, thanks for continuing to be one of the best football blogs on the web, just remember that there's a fine line between valid criticism, and stark raving lunacy.

e$.

njndirish2k6 said...

Erik Sweet has some valid points. The better question is where were these blogs claiming Man Utd favor 2003-2006?

ü75 said...

Sweets (like the Dr. on Bones) and Irish-

See, this is why we try to reign in Sven as much as possible. Of course, I'm kidding. We love Sven and wish he had time to write more. This is my, and mine alone, take on the whole deal.

As you may know, my team in the EPL is Arsenal. That is not my first squad, my favorite team is Aberdeen--the team which Sir Alex took to unprecedented heights back in the early '80s. Heights which, sadly, may never be seen again in Northeast Scotland. I have a great respect for one of the best managers of all time, I just don't want him to win everything anymore.

SAF's greatest strength as a manager has been his ability to instill an us-against-the-world mentality in his charges. He makes his teams borderline paranoid about everyone else around them which, in turn, leads to a cutthroattedness (to coin a word) which is not found in other teams in the same way. The flip side to this is that his teams engender hatred from everyone else in the league who see this dismissive and unstoppable force tear through them routinely. Simply put, his teams are successful to a point which is seen as detrimental to the fans of the rest of the league, whether that is in fact correct or not.

Now, in yesterday's Bootroom thread, I was one of the most vociferous against Webb. I saw what had been a surprising game turned on its ear by a harsh decision. It's nothing we hadn't seen before, and it's not exclusive to Old Trafford. It's just disappointing. It opened a door that was not previously there, and United, to their credit, kicked the shit out of that door and beat everyone inside to a bloody pulp. It was like watching the best episode of Cops ever, as long as you were pulling for the police.

I was pulling for the guys in the meth lab this time. Two years ago that would not have been the case. Now that I write with a group of people, including Liverpool and Tottenham fans, with whom I enjoy daily, mostly behind-the-scenes, banter, I did care. I felt their pain in watching that game as if it were my own. That's where my reaction came from.

As for this piece, it's all from a personal perspective of that pain. I am not going to post Sven's personal bio or anything, but suffice it to say that he is a strong and well-respected Liverpool fan from way back. It sucks to see a possible way back into the title race--one which you were not expecting at all--ripped away from you on such a call. If something like that happens in the Dundee United-Aberdeen matchup for fourth in SPL in a couple of weeks you can bet that I will be just as hurt, but not as eloquent.

As for Palacios, I see it the same as I said when I saw the replay--if he connects, he's out. If Ronaldo feigns a touch there, which to his credit he did not, he's out. Only be being so far off did he escape dooming Spurs to being a man down for 75 or so minutes.

Part of the fun of a blog is the piss-take. Sometimes it hits, sometimes it misses. Another part of the fun is the interaction. I hope that this post which, to the best of my knowlege, is the first time either of you have posted here, is also not the last. Dissenting opinion is welcome here, though you may be shouted down in the process. Take your lumps and work on your comebacks. There is no vitriol between the commenters, only for the dickbags on the pitch, whether they are referees or United players.

ü75 said...

Also, we seem to be engaging in longer and longer comments in threads these days. Are the days of the simple dick joke in our Web 2.0 venture over?

/penis

The Likely Lad said...

hey erik sweet. blow me.

/better u75?


oh, and bush is a cunt. his cronies, criminals.

Precious Roy said...

Erik:

And Webb also failed to give a stone cold YC for Ronaldo after he took a blatant whack at (I think it was) Modric just to bring him down. No play on the ball whatsoever. Easy card.

Vidic took a subtle karate kick at Bent's leg when they both went up for a header. Knocked Bent off balance and, when he came down, looked like it almost caused an injury (they stopped play and Bent went off before he was able to come back on). It was dirty. No card, no whistle, no nothing.

United don't get every call but on balance they get the majority of the calls in their favor. They get the extra minutes on the watch if they are down, they get the PKs when they aren't deserved (yes, they should have gotten one against Everton in the FA Cup semi, but for that jobbing there are 10 that go the other way), they get to pull down players without a whistle.

Again, it's not every time, but on balance, they are running a massive favorable call surplus.

It's not just sour grapes and I don't think that our collective non-United interests are over-coloring our perception that they get more breaks.

Yes, we're not big Untied fans around here. And if that veers into hatred it's only because we know how good and dangerous they are (Jesus, it's a world class player at every spot on the pitch, while 'Pool has to play Lucas and Arsenal trots out Denilson).

That's what makes things like Webb's call all the more infuriating. United are dominant enough as it is, and when they get help from the ref, then they are damn near impossible to beat.

Mike Georger said...

I'm sorry, but wasn't what Sven wrote primarily about other teams and not the referees? He made two fleeting remarks about the referees, that's it.

And write about how well Liverpool played? They played like absolute dick, and were largely outplayed by a ten men side who couldn't buy a win this year.

bean said...

could not agree more, on everything. i was certain spurs had done it at the half, then the bullshit penalty and they implode.

Lingering Bursitis said...

lads, lads, lads...

it's an editorial by one of our longtime LFC fans.

Plus, the conflict makes for more interesting content.

sven said...

*rotates the pint glass in his right hand*

*nods*

EbullientFatalist said...

I can think of only one solution to blown calls, missed calls, and unjustified calls in football:





Instant motherfucking replay.

Precious Roy said...

I can think of a second: Review after the fact.

You know, like on Monday. Wouldn't change the result, but a player could be out of subsequent matches, for say, oh I don't know, diving.

Erik Sweet said...

Boys,

I know what it's like to be a Liverpool fan, as I'm also a Red Sox fan. I know the heartache, the trials, the tribulations, and the sadness in seeing another team no more than 3 hours away by car tear through the league like it was tall grass. I started thinking about it this weekend after the three game series at Fenway, where my "Liverpool" hung an asswhooping on my "Manchester United," and how awesome it made me feel.

So, while I'll stand by my assertion that Sven's tone was extreme, I'll get on board with the context of the rant - you're just tired of seeing the juggernaut continue to chug along unfettered.

I'd also like to take this as an invitation, for myself (and maybe some other Man Utd supporters) to join the conversation at this site. Too often, football is an afterthought in the American cultural conversation, from ESPN on down. It's a blog like this that will heighten the exposure of the beautiful game to sports fans like myself.

Even fans of "ManUre."

e$.

Precious Roy said...

While I get where you're coming from, Liverpool:Man United::Red Sox: Yankees is not a very robust analogy.

Liverpool have more first division titles (18) than United (or than anyone for that matter) to go with their five European titles.

And while 'Pool has never won the EPL, they've got another 70 or so years to go to match the Red Sox' title drought.

EbullientFatalist said...

I'm an Arsenal and Red Sox fan because I'm into bdsm. But this past decade has been great for me!

I was joking about the instant replay, but PR's "Monday Morning Quarterbacking" idea intrigues me.

phil said...

you're just tired of seeing the juggernaut continue to chug along unfettered.No, but this is an interesting variation on the strawman argument.

Were tired of seeing the juggernaut chug along, buoyed by referees cowed by the constant browbeating of them by SAF and the OT crowd, and the blind eye the FA consistently turns to officiating "inconsistencies" that always seem to pop up at OT and always seem to favor ManU. And it's not just this season. Or don't you remember Mendes' goal that wasn't? Or Tevez scoring in the 94th minute when only 3 minutes of stoppage had been put up? It's no wonder team roll over at OT--which is what Sven is really venting about; his rant isn't anti-ManU as much as it's bemoaning the way teams capitulate to them--when nearly every time there's an unfavorable scoreline, "something" happens, whether its waving off a goal or the granting of a non-existent penalty.

I don't want ManU to be "fettered," though your use of that term was positively Vonnegutesque; I want ManU to be subject to the same set of rules as the other teams.

bean said...

i just had hopes for an interesting end of the season at the top of the table. it's just so damn boring when ManU just wins and wins. it'll be interesting to see how they look next year after the collection agency have come for the dickbag Glazer's past due credit card bills. with interest, ha, ha.