Thursday, September 11, 2008

THAT Guy won it for England!



There we were, Likely, Kopper and I, watching England destroy Croatia.

We witnessed Walcott's graduation, we witnessed outstanding performances from Heskey and Rooney and were under the false impression that Capello's England had finally arrived, that this result was a sign of great things to come.

Actually it was karma... as we were also in the presence of the most irritating, nonsensical bile spewing Irish/American/Croatian guy who single-handedly did the damage.

Even his fellow Croatia supporters cringed as he yelped and barked like a rabid dog...

Join me after the jump to discover how this, I mean THAT guy, is a danger to our wonderful sport... CAMON GUYZZZZZZ, PLAY SOME SACKAH...



So without further ado I introduce you to this guy, or is he THAT guy? Anyway, he is the sole reason that football in the U.S.A. will never develop into a big sport. He makes sure of this by roaming from pub to pub. Place to place, destroying any interest in the game that might be flowering in passers by. He does this with a noisy display of nonsense. Similar to the mating ritual of an Oranutang.

Who is he? Well from what we could gather he was born in Croatia. He sounds Irish and he LURRVES Sackah! He lurrrves Michael Owen too and told anyone who would listen that he loves to watch Michael Owen play on left or the right WING and that his Liverpool play "pure football". How does he know this? Because he has "the Time Warner cable". He also lurrves 'Serial A' and the Eyetalian Sackah.

Now everyone is entitled to talk gibberish and have an opinion, right? But when it's during an England Cup qualifier and it's obnoxiously loud (and I mean LOUD) then you must be stopped at all costs. This guy would put Beckham off the game and drive Thierry Henry to Cricket. His effect in the United States should not be underestimated.

All of our efforts to elevate our game in America could be threatened!

I tried really hard to blank him out but lets review his dangerous performance:

- Heskey challenged the Croat keeper and while it was a little clumsy it was not really worth mentioning... THAT guy jumped up and screamed. "Send hum off"!! Ref, disgrace, OFF, OFF!!" An England fan pointed out to him that it really wasn't worth a card, let alone a red and he responded with "I know about Sackah, I played in high-school and that's not Sackah".

- On no less that 15 occasions he yelped "Kick da ball into da carner, camon... play sackah... this outburst was usually summoned as the keeper had the ball on the spot for a goal kick.

- Simunic was awarded a yellow card for flattening Walcott and for that guy this was an outrage... how do we know this? because "I played sackah in high school that's no foul". This was repeated for Siminics second 'tackle' and for the Kovac red.

- Croatia's possession was usually championed with a quick burst of "wake up, wake up play sackah" and "kick da ball in da carner," followed by long outbursts of "Play some sackah dammit!"

- As each England goal flew in and the cheers in the bar erupted, it was as if that guy was heard in Zagreb. Young Theo and co could feel my pain and mustered the desire to silence this buffoon, to save my ears from bleeding and my brain from turning to mush. For this, I am grateful.

So take a good long look UFers. Print that picture out or make a mental note. If this, I mean that guy, roams into your pub before kick off, beware! He comes armed and ready to destroy your beautiful game.

THAT guy skulked out 10 mins early and let us celebrate in a 'Sackah' free zone.

Get In England!

-Bigus

9 comments:

Kopper said...

You call him "That Guy" I call him a douche. We were at a midtown bar, pretty tame as it was at 3pm in the afternoon on a Wednesday and he wasn't drunk.

While he might not be the end of Soccer in the US, no European who has ever had the misfortune to be in earshot of this guy will ever respect Americans the same way again.

It's like Herpes, once you have it in your system, there's no getting rid of it (so I'm told...). I feel dirty.

The Fan's Attic said...

wait...i thought THAT guy was irish/american/croation...that would make him 2/3 european...he's your's europe.

The Likely Lad said...

yea kopper, my thoughts exactly-- i can understand a drunken idiot blathering on, ive probably been That Guy once or twice. But THAT GUY, he was sober! A couple more pints and we may have had an international incident. Bigus was licking his lips in Lechter-esque fashion before England start dominating the sackah.

Mike Georger said...

tommy from quinzee?

Mike Georger said...

good quality? i cant lose!

ü75 said...

Fuck off, spammer

The Likely Lad said...

were you THAT GUY Georger? Sackah's yer favorite sport right?

Mike Georger said...

im that guy when im watching notre dame football with a bottle of rum, but otherwise no thats not me.

ü75 said...

You see? This is why I only watch sports at home. Morons ruin it otherwise.