Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Whudafxup? Arsenal Edition

In a new series that I just decided to start, I would like to ask you, the readers, just what the f*ck is going on with some of the biggest clubs and players around the world.

For starters, Arsenal. They're near the top of the alphabet, so they get to be the guinea pigs this time around. Whudafxup with Arsenal? Seriously. Whudafxup? Wenger just let one of his brightest stars from this season, Mathieu Flamini, ponce off to Serie A where he'll enjoy more money and a much more leisurely pace. His midfield wonder, Fabregas, is off the boil a little bit, and they also face the prospect of losing Hleb, another bewitching option in attack. Plus, Adebayor has little to no help up front thanks to the general rubbish play from the Swiss Miss Nicolas Bendtner, and van Persie just can't stay healthy.

There is some off-field entertainment from Mr. Usmanov who's maneuvering in the boardroom to get enough shares so he can launch a formal takeover bid, and there's no guarantee as to how much money the tight-arsed Wenger will splash out on anyone who isn't French or under the age of 19.

In addition, their smarty pants managing director, David Edelman, the man who turned the club into a profit-making machine and was instrumental in their move to the new stadium, has shocked and stunned everyone in the boardroom by saying bye-bye as well.

So, what must be done? What must be fixed first? What is the squad lacking most? How do you feel about being owned by this?

Answers in the comments. This thread is open; fire away.


Mike Georger said...

shooting senderos would be a good start, but on behalf of the rest of the league i wholeheartedly support the idea of making him the centerpiece of your defense

should probably sign the kid from the nike commercial as well, he comes to bang

strong like bull smart like tractor said...

Whudafxup with American Arsenal fans? Every one I've met in person is a pretentious douchebag. Is it just the Hornby thing, or is there something more sinister at work?

The NY Kid said...

Oh, you just happened to start with the Gunners, eh?

We need to rid ourselves of Senderos, Eboue, Gallas (sniff, sniff - sad, but he's too old), van Persie, and Gilberto.

Who should we pick up? Ben Arfa, Benzema, Nasri, Ribery.

What? Why, yes, they are all French now that you mention it.

The NY Kid said...

@strong - I am not a pretentious douchebag. Just a douchebag, no pretension about it.

Mike Georger said...

i think everyone is going to have to wait at least one more year to get lyon's kids. one or two more super early champions league exits should seal the exodus though

ribery isnt going anywhere, bayern have built a potential juggernaut. ugh.

Lingering Bursitis said...

That's right, NY Kid. I started with Arsenal. There's an LFC one in the pipeline, don't you worry.

Lingering Bursitis said...

Suggestions for AFC: Bring in more French

strong like bull smart like tractor said...

@NY - Well sure. That's why I used the "in person" qualifier. I still believe that there's such a thing as a tolerable Arse fan, but evidence to the contrary keeps piling up.

BerbaKeane said...

I think "Strong" makes a valid pt, all Scum supporters are douche bags and their manager is a first rate C***. "I didnt see it" my ass. Everyone hates the Arse. Even Chelsea and West Ham are more tolerable than your lot.(Dont get me wrong, Chelsea and West Ham are utter shite as well). Sexy football my arse. I hope they all rot at the Emirates.

Cheers and have a great day everyone

The NY Kid said...

Our troll is back! Does this mean that we are gaining in popularity?

Lingering Bursitis said...

Berbakeane, you're so angry. I suggest you watch a few more YouTube videos of only good game you've played all season on your wife's iPhone. That'll soothe you a bit.

BerbaKeane said...

Troll? you have to better than that wanker. Listen, we can always get you a Man U or Chelsea kit when your side turn to shit. Must have been hard to choose Arsenal during the past 3 yrs. Scummer. As for Lingering whatever the fuck your name is, you are a Scouser so I imagine if I did have an i-phone you would proceed to steal it as thats all your lot are good for. Winning the Prem is something you clearly dont excel at

Lingering Bursitis said...

Yeah, we do win bigger trophies than a Carling Cup, though. Fancy that. Why steal from you when we can just take it without a fight?

PSV did

The NY Kid said...

The past 3 years?

Maybe since Bergkamp, Vieira, and the very beginning of Arsene's stint.

Spurs supporters are funny, if not intelligent.

Lingering Bursitis said...

Must have been hard to choose Spurs for the years between 1991 and a lowly Carling Cup in 2007. What did you do in that time? Oh yeah, just one more Carling Cup. Despair has a name.... Berbakeane.

BerbaKeane said...

Ny kid, Viera? You are a veteran. Were you sitting around the house and flipping a coin, hmm Heads Man U, Tails Le Scum? You are a diehard. Whose leaving next? Hleb? At least you will get a 15yr old french kid for Arsene to "mold". (In the showers that is). And Lingering, well played at Stanford bridge last week. at least your 4th. Do you think you'll win the Prem this century? CU**

Ian said...

Can we pleas do a "how to fix Spurs" post?

Step 1: Bulldoze Shitheart Lane

Lingering Bursitis said...

I don't know where Stanford Bridge is, but I do know that while Spurs weren't busy conquering 2nd XIs across the country en route to that prestigious Carling Cup, they were busy giving up goals like Posh Spice gives up the physical void between her legs to that overrated idiot husband of hers.

Random sampling of games:
3 conceded home to Everton
3 conceded at Fulham
3 conceded home to Arsenal
4 conceded home to Aston Villa
3 conceded home to Birmingham
4 conceded home to Reading
4 conceded home to Chelsea
4 conceded home to Newcastle

That's something to shout about. You helped break Koog's turgidity, and you coughed up 10 goals to 3 teams fighting for their EPL lives.

Keep raving about beating Chelsea 2-1. Please, keep going. You're only showing how much of an idiot you are. Ramos isn't god, he's just another average Spaniard. [we've got one too, don't worry]

Ian: I'm planning a long series of these, Spurs will be included. There will be ample room to vent.

Precious Roy said...

You'd think if you were about to be caught on the bottom half of the table by a team with a NEGATIVE EIGHTEEN goal differential, you'd probably not want to run your mouth.

Then again, nobody ever accused a Tottenham fan of being smart.

BerbaKeane said...

Arsenal = No trophies this year and overall just smug cunts for "supporters"
Liverpool = Great history, think about this off season when reflecting on the failures of 07-08
Chelsea = Nothing at Wembley, I know that much. Future failures in the coming weeks predicted
Man U = Well played, all of your London based support will be chuffed to bits

I am proud to be a Spurs supporters through thick or thin. Who do you support Ian? I bet it would only take me 4 guesses to figure it out. Glory chasers, the lot of you

Lingering Bursitis said...

Out of the 21 comments, only 1 actually had any suggestions as to what to do with the club.

Nice work, especially you, Berbakeane! Your focus is an inspiration to us all. Shame your team didn't have the same work ethic from August to April.

BerbaKeane said...

Ha, the work ethic at least got a trophy. What do you have to show? Great ownership? Treating your manager well? Shall I go on?

Lingering Bursitis said...

You can go on. Then, I will belabor the same points I made earlier, you can retort with your same tired points, and we'll keep going round and round and round until we all fall down. Then, upon recovering, we'll still see that LFC is in much better shape than Spurs, Mickey Mouse trophy aside.

We could also talk about how well you treated Jol, a manager that got you a much higher EPL finish and was probably a better fit than the coiffed Spaniard. 5th place 2 seasons in a row, then you fire him and finish 11th? Love that North London logic.

Keith said...

Careful, LB. Villa scored the second-most goals in the Prem this year.

Of course, thanks to loaning out your designated Carling Cup keeper (though we did pass on Itandje, and seeing how well you guys did when you started him, I'm pretty glad for it), we also conceded a fair few, which is why we're only sixth. To be fair to Muggsy Carson, though, he did have Zat Knight standing in front of him for a bunch of games this year.

hockalees said...

In an attempt to double the posts that manage to stay on the subject matter, I will restate from an earlier post:

I am troubled by the folks that Wenger is allowing to exit... Flamini was a very good holding midfielder for us, Hleb has pace and dribbling but cannot finish, still he gives teams fits. Rosicky and RvP are made of glass. If all this exiting means that Eboue, Senderos and Diaby get more time next year... I may need Prozac.

I would feel a lot better if AW had a recent history of splashing any kind of cash, but when I see that Portsmouth expects 15mil for Nico... I can't see him paying that. I hope I am wrong.

And now that Citeh, Spurs, and Villa have money to spend, too, I don't see the great "steals" that AW was known for in the cards anymore. At some point, we will have to fair market for mature talent.

Here's a topic starter, what will Berbakeane change his name to when Dimitar leaves in the summer? BentSteed?

Keith said...

But to answer the question of the post, Arsenal could do worse than to join the Gareth Barry sweepstakes alongside Liverpool, especially now that Flamini's gone to Meelan. Barry and Cesc would be a pretty tough central midfield team to beat, and Gareth is killer on set pieces

I'd hate to see him leave Villa Park, but if it got us, say, Clichy or Sagna or maybe even Fabiansky, I'd welcome it.

Lingering Bursitis said...

Keith, I'm not knocking Villa. That being said, I do think we'll nick Barry in the summer. Some players will be sent to Villa Park as penance, but I reckon it will go through. I don't think O'Neill could stop him, and Berger's comments [that seem to have him booted off the squad] certainly didn't help.

BerbaKeane said...

Hockalees: If Berbatov leaves this summer as the press is stating I will be gutted. Then I will pick myself up and hope the Special Juan spends the 20 quid wisely.

Precious Roy said...

I'll give you Fabianski.

Sagna stays. He might have been the club's MVP. I mean the defense really fell apart when he went on the shelf.

Hard to not give Wenger the benefit of the doubt, but aren't the debt payments for Emirates ahead of schedule? Aren't revenues up? Isn't Arsenal on better financial footing right now than Liverpool or United?

Spend some fucking money.

Lingering Bursitis said...

Precious Roy: as/when Usmanov launches a full takeover, he'll almost certainly want to flex his will immediately, which means spending the money.

Once that is settled, I reckon he'll free up some cash. He wants to win regardless of cost.

hockalees said...

I don't see Wenger paying more than Liverpool would for Barry. He is on record stating that British players are "overvalued". I hope I am wrong.

Precious Roy said...

Yeah, by "Spend some money" I didn't mean "Let's be Son of Chelski."

I don't want to play the £80M for Messi game, but I also don't want to sign someone else whose young enough to fuck a 15 year old and not get in trouble for it.

Lingering Bursitis said...

Roy: oh, absolutely. I didn't mean that either, but to both of us, and to our teams, we do see the correlation between spending a little bit more than the immediate competition and the relative success that goes with it.

That being said, I'm sure he'll be fairly smart about any funds he does get. He will almost certainly take a french teen to immediately replace the ones he loses, but hopefully he'll get someone old enough to drink in the US and who can provide a little maturity and grit when the flashing passing play isn't quite working out.

Mike Georger said...

i dont know if anyone said this because im not reading through that arguing bullshit, but didnt wenger come out and say this week that the reason he hasnt spent money is because building the emirates took away his transfer funds? if so, you cannot blame him for that and compared to others he has spent smart

Goat said...

Wow, I'm out of town for a week and a half and this place gets overrun with Spurs fans. And a rather surly ones at that. Perhaps Gazza has internet access in the hospital. Anyway, while Flamini had the sort of grit that the team seemed to be lacking this year, he didn't have the physical presence of someone like Viera which is what I think Arsenal needs. Not that I don't wish like hell that Arsene would have kept him but the midfield's average height was like 5'5'' this year.

├╝75 said...

For the record, I am first and foremost an Aberdeen fan. I follow Arsenal in the EPL (suck it Barclay's) because I needed a team I could actually watch from time to time on American TV. Arsenal fit the bill. As such, I do not have a long history with the team, maybe 7 years. I have no set animosity with Spurs, preferring to hate on ManU and Chelsea. However, if berbakeane is indicative of the type of fan they put out in these tubes we all love to use, then count me a spurs hater.

Back on topic:
Arsenal need, as much as anything, someone who can take control of the team while out on the pitch. Gallas tried, bless his heart, but seems to not be respected by the rest of the team. Fabregas stepped up a little, but fell apart when Eduardo went down.

Quite simply, there is no one on this team who has had enough time with the club to become an icon. Henry grew into the role after Bergkamp stepped away. Fabregas may get there, but he cannot fade away in the second half of another season.

Also, and this may be personal bias, buy a keeper. Almunia is second-tier in the EPL and Lehmann is better left to walk off into the sunset.

My Phenomenal Swag said...

for all Flamini's "grit" and "heart" and whatever else you want to say about him, he was in no way the long term option they needed in the center of the park.

But there is a serious lack of stability right now though and the boardroom shakeups are a big part of that. There have been some big mistakes in the past 18 months at the club (Dein, Henry, the lack of signings, skipping Toure for the captaincy, etc.) and they need to be remedied. There's a lot of talent in this side but, as was said before, it needs stability and leadership for it to show itself over the course of a long season.

My Phenomenal Swag said...

Just to make some actual suggestions: First and foremost, as little stake as a I usually put in the armband, I think Toure should be the captain. It'll settle him down and give him a greater degree of authority in the squad. I don't think Gallas is done but he's not the same defender he was at Chelsea. Technically he's been less proficient and his athleticism hasn't made up for it.

They desperately need a new keeper and a more complete midfielder. When you look at the players that seemed almost through the door already before signing for other clubs (Yaya Toure, Babel, Torres, Ribery, etc.) and the success they've had it's clear Arsenal need to spend to keep up with the big clubs. They've got the money and I'm not saying just throw money away, but being too cautious has cost us at least one trophy in the last two seasons, imo.

Passive Voice said...

Stunningly unrelated, unimportant and immature, but from Torres' current wikipedia entry:

"From an early age, Torres developed Gay feeling for older Men. His grandfather wasn't passionate about his love of balls,.[1]

When he was 7, the young Torres started playing regularly indoors with his neighbourhood friend Mario from Holland. Three years later, aged 10, he progressed to playing outside with Rayo 13. After an impressive session with his Friend, in which he scored 55 times, Torres was one of three boys who earned a trial with Atl├ętico Madrid Nude dancers club. He impressed the scouts and, aged just 11,was number 1 nude dancer at the Club."