Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

You know the drill by now. I search high and low, for at least five minutes, to bring you some of the most disgusting and best-forgotten shirts of yesteryear. Sometimes I provide eBay linkage to current auctions. All the time, except when I actually like the shirt, I do my best to turn my disgust and outrage into a couple of paragraphs of witticisms, and usually I fail miserably.

Now, without further ado, I present to you the Ajax away shirt from the 1989-90 season.

Just to switch it up a little, so the format doesn't get too stale, I'm leaving the shirt for the bottom today. Scroll down now, if you like, and come on back when you are done. I'll wait.
*taps foot*
*looks at watch*
*whistles tunelessly*
So, what did you think? Would your opinion of the shirt be altered any if I told you it's currently set to sell on the ebays for around $80? "How can that be?", you ask. I'll tell you, friendo. It's fucking geometry, man.

Seriously, look at those triangles. And those other things by the triangles. What are those, rhombuses? (rhombussi?) I tell you what, if I had this shirt, I would be able to answer that question.

This shirt is multi-functional. Besides being a football shirt and a teaching aid, there is also a secret origami pattern hidden in there. I have it on good authority that if you fold the shirt just right, you get a map showing the location of secret Calvinist texts that would blow your mind.

If there is one thing to nitpick on this shirt, it lies not in the lower two-thirds, but on the upper blue field. You have all kinds of crazy stuff going on here. Why did Umbro feel the need to class the shirt up with pinstripes? It would be like Deion Sanders wearing a yellow zoot suit for TV, but wearing a demure set of cufflinks to offset the rest of the horror. My point--if you are going to go for the crazy, don't puss out, just go crazy.

One final point and one question for the reader. Those with good memories and longish readership of the column will undoubtedly have noticed that this Ajax jersey is built on the same template as this Scotland jersey. This really annoys me. I can understand if shirts look alike when the design is basic, but really, there was no reason to use this pattern twice. Secondly, has anyone ever bid on the shirts we highlight here? I know this one is priced pretty high, but some of the others have been reasonable. Anyone?

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