This is way better than Swept Away.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
UF Weekend Hat Trick
Now is the time we pat ourselves on the back. It's the weekend, and we use that time to watch football and drink, not work. Take a look at our top three stories of the week, and pal around in the comments. See you on Monday (Tuesday if the hangovers are especially bad).
The LA Galaxy are a shoddily run football squad. How bad are they? Let Precious Roy fill you in.
The NY Kid helps out unearths an email exchange of a soul tortured by Liverpool's failure in the Champions League.
It's only four posts down, but you need to make sure to see it. This is what happens when we post about other EPL (suck it, Barclay's) squads instead of Liverpool and Arsenal. We get told to fuck off.
Friday Backpasses: A theme in the first three posts
LA Galaxy try to set up date with Iranian National team. [Soccernet]
LA Galaxy to tour Australia in the summer [News.com.au]
Oops. LA Galaxy not going to Australia. Things get a little mixed up down under [Brisbane Times]
Falkirk boss hit with six match ban. Strachan points and laughs [The Sports Network]
DC United sign shirt sponsorship deal. Fahrfrumluzing? [Baltimore Business Journal]
Blast from the past [DeadOn]
C. Ronaldo's girl. Not that hot. Possibly a beard [This is Extra Time]
Enjoy your weekend.
Friday, May 2, 2008
A Chelsea fan opines.
Being the foolish bastard gracious sport that I am, I reached out to a long-time Chelsea supporter in the hopes of gaining some insight into their recent courageous run of form, because I cannot figure it out for the life of me.
Paul kindly obliged with some thoughts on it all, although he was busy packing his mittens for Moscow at the time.
Join me after the jump for some CFC praise, won't you?
Great names. Brilliant talents. A cornucopia of the finest midfielders in the world – Roman did indeed collect the whole set. And the maraschino cherry placed atop this magnificent dessert was my favorite manager to stalk the sidelines – The Special One; no further introduction is needed. Under Jose’s exquisite touch, Chelsea marched through the EPL like turds through the proverbial goose. We did not lose at home. We did not lose to Arsenal. We violated Spurs with epic regularity. We turned the 1-0 lead into an art-form worthy of most Italian national sides. Boring, boring, trophy laden Chelsea. There was, however, one proverbial fly in the ointment of Jose’s genius – the dreaded combination of Rafa Benitez, Liverfourth (credit to fellow blogger, Autoglass for this particular nickname) and the Champions League. For some ineffable reason, Chelsea would stub its toe against this rock and go crashing out of the tourney that Roman valued more than any other. The fly became a wasp, then a gull and finally the vulture that ate Mr. Fantastic’s job and tore my beating heart from its chest. My new manager - a dour jowly bloated gelatinous douche of a man - Avram Grant. A man instantly disliked by 90% of the people who he would encounter and then, over time, utterly loathed by the 10% who had previously withheld judgment. A puppet of his Roman master, who we instantly dubbed Skeletor. The wheel had turned – karma’s rent was due and the bank account was bare. Chelsea was done like dinner. Somehow through the injuries to Lamps and Terry, through the displacement of the African Nations Cup and the collapse of Drogba’s form, through the complete rearrangement of Cech’s skull and face and through the wildly un-special gag at Wembley in the Milk Cup, Chelsea won a lot more than it lost. We played dull football. We lacked punch and passion, and we would throw in the occasional howler (Wigan and Barnsley come to mind), but still we plodded on. Today, my Blues find themselves in a virtual deadlock with a struggling Man U at the top of the EPL, and, most amazingly in our first CL final after defeating the nemesis, the red beast of Liverfourth. How? Skeletor gets some credit. His absolute banality and joylessness meant he was never a distraction (his urine-chugging bride was only good for a quick chuckle). His complete lack of animus and analysis meant he didn’t infuriate his dressing room and his decision to banish both Sheva and SWP to the footballing equivalent of the Outer Hebrides has served his team well. He installed Essien at right back, Makalele in the holding role, and shifted us to a 4-3-3 that gave us width and an ability to create danger. And he was blessed with good fortune in both Turkey and Anfield with beautifully finished own goals. But in the main, he inherited a team filled with fortitude, and a relative lack of ego (I say relative because both Ballack and Drogba are on the same squad). They play team football, enjoy a heavy work-rate and are simply more talented than any other team who they play. This time it was Rafa who proved to be the distraction by inspiring Drogba and denigrating the referee before the match. And thus, me and mine in Kingdom Blue are left with the ironic dichotomy of a team playing at the height of its powers for the Lord of Darkness.
I am 47. I have suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as a Chelsea fan since I was 7. Those many years of bad karma were rewarded that fateful day, when my favorite pillager of Russia’s natural resources, turned my Blues into his personal ego toy and began playing Fantasy Football with my beloved denizens of The Bridge.
Trashcan Sinatra and the Rat Pack
As LB mentioned earlier this week, Citeh have been shit since I gave them the five star treatment in January. So shit, in fact, that Sven Goran Eriksson was fired this week by his despotic boss, despite the fact that he had Man City challenging for European places until March, and brought in a serious infusion of talent to the side. Neither Man City's players nor its celebrity fans are taking this very well. At least Sven will have more time to appear on Setanta with the Special One.
The Guardian reports that there was a near mutiny in the City dressing room, lead by influential defensive stalwart Richard Dunne:
I'm very proud of the players, willing to make a political statement on a trip that should be about whoring, whoring, and more whoring. But even though Sven has talked them out of a mutiny, it appears that all is not right in the blue half of Manchester. And I'm happy to report that my beloved Arsenal may benefit. The Times notes:The idea put forward by City's players involved embarrassing Thaksin in his native country by refusing to take part in a game against a Thailand Premier All-Stars team on May 17, as well as a match in Hong Kong against a South China Invitational XI five days later. The players, who are due to leave on May 14 and perform a series of promotional duties such as opening a new club shop, asked Eriksson what he thought about them putting together a letter in which they would refuse to travel without him in charge. Though grateful, Eriksson was against the idea, believing it compromised the players' own positions and would do no good anyway.
Since then it has emerged that, farcically, Eriksson might still be in charge of the tour anyway, for no other reason than Thaksin does not believe he will have a new manager in place, his first choice, Luiz Felipe Scolari, being contracted to the Portuguese football federation until the end of the European Championship.
The players, meanwhile, are still staunchly behind Eriksson but have accepted that they should not do anything that breaches their own contracts. Nonetheless, it is likely they will be far more reluctant to satisfy Thaksin's requirements than they have been in the past, most recently when Joe Hart and Darius Vassell were asked to record a video message saying how much they were looking forward to visiting Thailand. The clips were shown at a press conference to promote the event in Bangkok on Wednesday.
It is also clear that whoever replaces Eriksson will have his work cut out winning over a group of players who are so united behind the current manager and that it is quite conceivable Dunne will have left the club. The Republic of Ireland international has only a year left on his contract and, though he has strong emotional ties with City, he is said to be closer than any other player to Eriksson and disillusioned about the direction in which the club are going.
Arsenal are hoping to capitalise on the unfolding chaos at Manchester City by preparing a summer bid for Michael Johnson, the England Under-21 midfield player. Arsène Wenger, the Arsenal manager, is becoming concerned that Mathieu Flamini, who has partnered Cesc Fàbregas in central midfield for most of this season, has had his head turned by interest from abroad and will not be signing a new contract at the Emirates Stadium.
Yes! Signing Michael Johnson will completely make up for losing Flamini and Hleb to big spending Italian clubs. When I originally heard this rumor, Micah Richard's name was also bandied about as a possible target for Arsene. But now it appears he may be headed across town instead. Plus Arsene would never, you know, make it rain for an English youngster. Even though the backline was a huge problem this year. Arsenal are also in the race to sign Gareth Barry, but apparently we don't have the financial firepower to compete with Man United and Liverpool. You know times are tight when you can't outspend a club up to its ears in debt run by a good ole' boy from Dallas.
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Man U's French players surrender their money to SAF; FA to investigate
I apologize right off the bat to the ny kid. I'm not sorry enough to change the headline, but I do feel a little bad.
Darren Fletcher recently had an interview published in the Brit Lad's mag The Zoo. In said article, Fletcher, a Scot, makes laugh on his French Manchester United teammates by revelling in his home nation's double over France in Euro 2008 qualifying. Then, Fletcher let loose the following gem
He [Sir Alex Ferguson] was happy when Scotland beat France. He won a bit of money because he was making bets with all the French lads - Patrice Evra, Louis Saha and Mikael Silvestre.
They were looking at him like he was a bit crazy, so they took any bet.
But he had the last laugh 'cos we managed to beat them twice!
Someone at the FA saw the quote, and now there is an investigation a-brewing.
It seems the FA frowns upon players and managers betting on their own matches. Even the ones that the FA itself does not sanction. That said, there is a slight speedbump on the way to throwing United out of the league for rampant disregard of the rules. None of United's French players set foot on the pitch in either of the Scotland matches. Silvestre was never selected to the squad, and Evra and Saha never made it off of the sub's bench.
I understand the rule, and especially the need for it. Football has enough problems without having someone pull a Pete Rose and bet on their own matches. But this investigation, should it come off, is pretty ridiculous. It would seem that this is a friendly-type bet, maybe a few quid (whatever a few quid is to these guys) based on the outcome of a match that they have a vested interest in. This is the rough equivalent of two mayors making a bet based on the outcome of the Super Bowl. Unless this is a series of bets for hundreds of thousands of pounds each, let it go. Because really, what's a tenner between friends?
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Thursday, May 1, 2008
Thursday Backpasses: Two English squads to Russia, One Russian squad to England
Heh. We're "fanciable". Better than being fancy-lads [This is Extra Time]
Man City owner tells fans to stop defacing Thai flags before he has to prove he is a Thai fighter (Sorry) [The Nation (Thailand)]
Further Ronaldo fallout. Get your mind out of the gutter [Xinhuanet]
Slideshow Alert! Top 20 paid footballers [Forbes]
50,000 Englishmen set to descend on Moscow. If they get the visas worked out that is [Guardian]
Everton fan wants to know what it will take for his club to get better. Snark away in the comments [Football Fancast]
The Fan's Attic photoshops for Robert Weintraub (Not soccer, but necessary anyway)[The Fan's Attic]
I Hinted I Wouldn't Do This
Really, a Toronto FC match is only so entertaining (although, this being the first time I've watched them, I am impressed with their crowd).
But it's the visitor in Juan Pablo Angel who got me thinking...
Yes, Juan Pablo Angel and Henry Rollins were not only separated at birth, they were then separated by a couple of decades.
Maybe this will be a recurring feature after all...
Tales of the Lovelorn: What's a Red to Do?
True love is achieved most often among men between that man and his favo[u]rite club. While the Gunners among us are heartbroken at the way our season has turned out, we console ourselves with 2 facts: (1) no one thought we would be any good this year; and (2) we are still a relatively young team. However, the Scousers among us have become quite despondent about their situation. Being mischevious and cruel, I snuck into "someone's" e-mail and found the following letter:
Dear Abby*,
Very recently I experienced extreme pain at the hands of my loved ones. I've never felt this low. I was beaten and abused for 120 minutes straight, unable to move, paralyzed with fear. They teased me with relief and happiness, only to snatch it away and leave me heart-broken.
The focal point of my loved ones, whom I shall call "Rafa", has an unusual sensibility. One moment he is a genius. The next? An abject disappointment. His moods and personalities are so inconsistent that I am often left confused and dissatisfied with the relationship. I mean, what about my needs? What about my happiness?
They give me pleasure one saturday, and misery the next.
Last night, it came to a head. I am a broken man. Tell me, what should I do? Do I continue to see these people, knowing full well that they never fill my heart with pride as much as I want them to?
What am I to do?
Sincerely,
Down-and-out Scouser in Manhattan
This plaintive wailing of an e-mail was met with the following response:
Dear "Down-and-out",
At some point you must decide how long you are willing to stay in an abusive relationship - to be beaten and paralyzed with fear for over 2 hours is an incredibly agonizing experience, and it sounds like this is not the first time this behavior has occurred. The fact that "Rafa" teased you with happiness only to take it away reveals an especially cruel streak, and says quite a bit about your loved ones. If he insists on treating you poorly by toying with your emotions, you must stand up for yourself. Let him know that you find his behavior unacceptable, and that you expect it to change if he wants to keep your support.
Dealing with someone who leaves you dissatisfied and questioning your own happiness, who makes you miserable on occasion, can result in self-desctructive behavior on your part. Do you often find yourself at a bar early on Saturdays, drinking as a way of dealing with "Rafa"? Do you continue to profess your love while "Rafa" turns his attention to others? You said yourself that feel as if "Rafa" will never let your heart fill with pride as much as you want it to - are you willing to live the rest of your life being disappointed? These are all questions that only you can answer.
I would like you to know that your e-mail moved me so deeply, that I feel compelled to sign off with my real name so that you may contact me personally if you wish to speak further. And please remember that the color red is an angry color, and may contribute to the passion (both good and bad) in your relationship. Perhaps you should find someone who looks good in blue?
Sincerely,
D. Moyes
*Not Abby Clancy, apparently.
From Backpass to Post: The LA Galaxy Are Morons
Okay, what the fuck is going on with the Galaxy? Really, Alexi Lalas can talk about being the marquee franchise all he wants but: A) That's in a tenth rate league and B) As a GM he has won exactly two things: nothing and dick.
Then there's the coach, former two-time World Player of the Year Ruud Gullit, letting this little bit fly in the English press, as he told the Sunday Times:
“I’m sure that when people think of LA Galaxy, the picture that comes to mind is not of our staff making phone calls to friends on Friday to see if they can play in a reserve game on Sunday, but, strange as it may seem, this is the reality,” reveals Gullit, sitting in the sun near the VIP area of an empty stadium. “Two weeks ago we had a game at home [against San Jose] and I had two of my office staff from the commercial department playing, two people whose job is to sit in the office all day doing their work."
Gullit goes on to explain the reality of the situation in that there are 26 players on the roster. Five were injured and there is a rule in MLS that prevents reserve team players from playing more than 120 minutes in 48 hours.
Then he adds of the reserves, which are usually scheduled for the day after the first team games, "If they have played the day before in the first team for 90 minutes you can do the maths."
"Maths." Awesome.
But there is more. So much more Gullity goodness.
“In the first reserve game of the season at Colorado I had a few players who could play for only 70 minutes and another who only could play for half an hour. So what did we do? We started with 10 men because we had to. You can say that it’s only a reserve game, but you can’t operate like this because the reserve game is important... If I have a reserve game and come up two men short, what happens? We have to call people from their job, maybe a carpenter, and they just come to play with our reserve team. If we play in Toronto, we have to call people in Toronto because no one will travel on their own all that way.
"Of course, we laugh about it a little bit, but in the end it’s not a laughing matter and it’s not good... this is an example of the things I am trying to adapt to. I’m not trying to change it yet, I’m trying to adapt to it, but in the end I’ll say, ‘You need to do things in a certain way because otherwise it’s not serious’. Really, it’s ridiculous.”
Those are the bits—or edited portions of them—that have made the rounds in the L.A. Times and The Spoiler where we first were made hip to it. But there is also this little bit of tid from the story (originally reported in the L.A. Times) that is equally as priceless:
Last weekend [Gullit] was compelled to introduce in the second half against Houston Dynamo a player, Joe Franchino, whom he had watched only on videotape.
"Yes, Galaxy fans, the same Joe Franchino . . . who, along with former [New England] Revolution teammate Gary Flood, was tossed out of a recent Boston Red Sox-New York Yankees game at Fenway Park after fans complained of their obnoxious behaviour,” Grahame Jones reported last week in the LA Times.
“He is also the same Joe Franchino slugged by then teammate [and current Fulham striker] Clint Dempsey at training camp a few years back. He is also the same Joe Franchino who played only 57 minutes of soccer last season because of injuries. So the questions here are: just who made this trade? Did Galaxy coach Ruud Gullit know anything about it? . . . '
It appears that Gullit is not totally in the loop on the transaction front. Last week he was asked about the acquisition of defenders Scott Bolkan and Vardan Adzemian and their subsequent loan to the Portland Timbers. Gullit looked blank. He had never heard of either player.
This is beyond ridiculous, particularly for an organization trying to brand itself as the Gold Standard of MLS. Right? People hip to the designated player rules and the MLS salary cap are aware that the Galaxy's paying off of Landycakes and Beckham has left little money to round out the squad (never mind that somehow they have a third designated player in Carlos Ruiz—each team is allowed a max of two and you have to trade for a second designated player slot to accomplish that, which apparently the Galaxy haven't done), but did anyone think it was this bad?
I'd like to be sympathetic to Lalas, but I can't. And is his fault for talking a big game. That and the league seems to make it up as they go to accommodate the Galaxy (and other players and teams at times).
But isn't this the same organization that had half of Santa Monica come tryout for an open slot on the team (publicity stunt) and play with Becks? You really can't find a couplathree people from that pool that are passable footballers that are willing to be fill-ins on the reserves if necessary?
As little as Americans generally care about soccer, I don't think you could even measure how little they care about MLS reserve squad soccer. Whatever the unit of that caring is, it's magnitude is probably in angstroms, but it's indicative of a fairly unprofessional organization, or just a very, very under-qualified general manager.
Really, can any failed rocker get a front office job with AEG? Because I was in a pretty cool band in college.
Read more on "From Backpass to Post: The LA Galaxy Are Morons"...
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