Sunday, May 25, 2008

Nereida Gallardo Is Healthy

Cristiano Ronaldo and Manchester United just completed a double, winning the Premier and Champions League. The Portuguese star is now taking aim at Euro 2008, but he's already bagged another winner, Nereida Gallardo. The Portuguese beauty (Gallardo not Ronaldo) has shown us her assets (NSFW), already and now her friends are telling us her secrets.


Before she bagged herself the premier footballer in the world, Gallardo dated Pedro Campane, a 40-year-old football agent. Campane wasn't shy telling News of the World (note: always reliable, or not) all about his time with Gallardo.

"She didn't have any hang-ups. She liked doing everything in every position. Nereida doesn't know much about football but she knows lots about men—and how to please them. Cristiano must be having a mind-blowing time."

***

"I was introduced to her at a party and we became more than friends straight away," he said. "She was 22, very hot, and I wasn't going to waste any time. Conquering her was very easy. She liked partying and money and I could give her both."

Ha, she was an easy lay. All he had to do was part with his money. Hmmm...perhaps she's the one doing the conquering. Gallardo is tipped to become Mrs. Ronaldo, garnering even more money for her.

[Photo: The Spoiler]

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Saturday, May 24, 2008

That Only Took Nine Months **UPDATE**

On Saturday, after three runners-up finishes, Chelsea fired its manager, Avram Grant. The Israeli replaced Jose Mourinho in mid-season and "led" the Blues to second place finishes in the Carling Cup, Champions League and Premier League. The latter two were won by Manchester United.


It was widely believed unless Grant was able to bring home Big Ears with a Champions League victory he would be fired. Even then, it was not clear he would remain.
Common opinion was that Grant was not a good manager. He lacked tactical nous, was not inspirational, and by the end of the season had lost the lockerroom. And, the team actually succeeded in spite of him.

The close season will bring boundless rumors for replacements and transfer targets for Chelsea. Surprisingly, there is an old, familiar face that has already entered the rumor mill.


Update: When asked about Grant's tenure, Mourinho likened it to a "loser." Furthermore, The Guardian has revealed that after the Carling Cup loss, Abramovich bought Mourinho a £2million limited edition Ferrari.

Mourinho had this to say about Grant's reign:

Asked if Chelsea's campaign had been the good one Grant depicted it as, Mourinho said: 'That depends on your philosophy of leadership. In my philosophy it was a very bad one because in football "almost" means defeat and Chelsea almost won the Carling Cup, almost won the Champions League, and almost won the Premier League. Almost is nothing.

'After two titles per season for the last three years there were zero titles this season, which in my philosophy means a really bad season. Maybe in the philosophy of a loser this was a great season, which I respect.'
Mourinho was stunned by the gift.

Mourinho was astounded when Chelsea director Eugene Tenenbaum called in February to inform him that Abramovich had purchased a rare Ferrari for the man he had removed from Stamford Bridge five months previously.

Customised with Mourinho's 'Special One' moniker, the 612 Scaglietti was one of just 60 produced to commemorate Ferrari's 60th anniversary. While still at Chelsea, Mourinho had told Abramovich that if he could have his choice of cars, the four-seat Scaglietti would be it. The list price is around £250,000, but such is its rarity the secondary-market value is as much as eight times that amount.
It must be nice to have the money to buy a £2million gift for an ex-employee.

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Premier League 0 Hull 4


Congratulations to Hull City for making it to the Premier League for the first time in their history, where they can look forward to many a trouncing next season.

(It will probably be quiet here for the next few days -- have a nice Memorial Day weekend!!!)

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Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday Backpasses: Toulon Day 4

Group B was back in action today. Toulon the town was given another break as La Seyne was the site of today's matches.

Ivory Coast 1-0 USA
All you need to know about this match can be summed up in one stat. Ivory Coast had 10 corner kicks, while the USA had one. Ivory Coast was always on the attack while the Americans struggled to pass out of their own half. Full credit must go to Chris Seitz in the net. He stopped wave after wave of Ivorian attacks, looking much better than Cervi in the first match. In fact, where it not for the converted penalty, I think this game could have easily finished 0-0. That penalty came in the 70th minute when Tony Beltran took down Nassa Niangbo. Seitz guessed correctly on the kick, but Constant Djakpa powered the ball into the side netting. With 0 points from two matches, the USA is eliminated.

Italy 2-1 Turkey
This game was a war in midfield with neither team creating clear-cut chances for most of the match. In fact, both of the first two goals came from defensive giveaways. Italy were the first to score with Davide Lanzafame going near post on keeper Onur Kirvak. Turkey equalized shortly into the second half when Aydin Yilmaz took advantage and went far post on Italian keeper Enrica Alfonso. The game continued to stay in the center of the pitch, and the real fun began in the 68th minute. Tiberio Guarante was moving the ball through midfield when Turkish player Eren Gungor threw a hip check on him. As the referee was showing Gungor his second yellow, Guarante gave Gungor a couple of pokes in the back of the head. That set off a bunch of shoving on the pitch and the ref gave Guarante a straight red. Behind the play, one of the assistant referees spotted something, and told the referee who then gave Turkish player Caner Erkin a straight red as well. Italy finally put their 10 on 9 advantage to use in the 89th minute when Claudio Marchisio laced a left-footed half-volley into the net from 22 yards. With the win, Italy advance to the semifinals, while Turkey face Ivory Coast on Sunday for the other semi spot.

Saturday's matches see the conclusion of Group A, where all advancement spots are already decided. France and Netherlands to decide third place in the group, and Japan-Chile for first spot.

Backpass links after the jump.

TIET figures out why Didier slapped Nemanja [This is Extra Time]
Shaka Hislop. Hard to understand on TV. Surprisingly competent MLS beat writer [Guardian Blogs]
Michael Bradley was set to go to EPL until Birmingham got relegated [Birmingham Mail]
Hey Gambia, it might not be a good idea to hire that manager currently suspended for match-fixing (last item) [Reuters]
CL final set US viewing records [Soccer America Daily]
C. Ronaldo waffling on his commitment to Man U [Guardian]
English fans were right to think he was evil. Glazer has saddled Man U with £666million of debt [Daily Mail]
It's awesome when cops get drunk and deny everything in court [Scotsman]

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Don't Forget Vegas

Just a quick reminder, if any of our 12 readers are going to be in Vegas over the next week, keep an eye out for Shrek Wayne Rooney and his crew. Wazza is there for his bachelor party. Any inside info would be much appreciated.

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Euro 2008 Previews: Croatia


We continue our Euro 2008 previews with Croatia. As an Arsenal fan, I was excited to see what Croatia could do this summer, and perhaps even regarded them as a semi darkhorse to go deep into the tournament. After all, they were one of the highest scoring teams in qualification, had humiliated England twice, and had blooming striker Eduardo to lead the line. Then came this. The clumsy tackling of Birmingham's Mark Taylor (enjoy the bus rides to Blackpool asshole!) managed to, at least on paper, KO two teams' chances at trophies. While Arsenal were never able to overcome losing Eduardo, Croatia has a shot. See why after the jump.




The manager pictured is one Slaven Bilic, who outwitted Second Choice Steve both times Croatia beat England, earning himself a pretty serious reputation amongst the Fleet Street hacks. As a result his name is getting some mention when big job vacancies open up. Bilic has Croaita playing an attacking 4-3-3 in the prototypical Dutch mold, and he will surely rely on runs from the midfielders to generate scoring opportunities.

Instead of Eduardo, the focus for Croatia will now be on Luca Modric, an old fashioned creative midfielder in the Riquelme mold. He's the sort of player I might like except that Spurs just bought him for a ridiculous $30 million, so now he's dead to me. Other notables include Nico Kranjcar of Pompey and Corluka of Citeh.

Croatia has a very good chance of finishing second in their group behind Germany. Their competition is Poland, as Austria are shit. And since the USA owns the Poles, I figure Croatia can handle them. But the Croats had better take the hosts seriously, as they have to play them in the opener in Vienna, and you would imagine the Austrians will be slightly pumped up. Although they suck so badly that there was a petition to have them removed from the tournament. In the second round, Croatia could definitely upset the Czechs or the pretty boys from Lisbon.

Goalkeepers: Stipe Pletikosa, Vedran Runje, Mario Galinovic

Defenders: Robert Kovac, Dario Simic, Danijel Pranjic, Dario Knezevic, Josip Simunic, Hrvoje Vejic, Vedran Corluka

Midfielders: Nikola Pokrivac, Niko Kranjcar, Luka Modric, Ivan Rakitic, Niko Kovac, Jerko Leko, Darijo Srna, Ognjen Vukojevic

Forwards: Ivan Klasnic, Igor Budan, Mladen Petric, Ivica Olic, Nikola Kalinic


(1) Could England beat this team? Haha, definitely not. They were embarrassed in qualifying.
(2) Can Croatia win Euro 2008? No. But they can upset someone in the later stages.
(3) What is their pre-made excuse for not winning Euro 2008? Edurado's broken leg. Hey if it worked for Arsenal, it can work for Croatia!
(4) What is the biggest question mark surrounding their team? Who is going to score goals?
(5) Who is their worst player? I have no idea, sorry.

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Manchester bring home another trophy

Some cities have all of the luck. Like Detroit steadily marching to both NBA and NHL titles this year (I hope), Manchester was not content to have their teams bring home just one trophy this month. A week before Manchester United finished off Chelsea in the Champions League final, Village Manchester FC won the GFSN National League Cup. GFSN? That's Gay Football Supporters Network.

Your GFSN League Cup winners


On May 11, Village Manchester defeated Leicester Wildecats 3-2 to lift the cup, scoring the winner deep into extra time. However, the game was not without controversy. The final was held in Mansfield, and some of the locals did not take kindly to the sexual preferences of the players. Possibly because they felt left out at not being invited to the (I hear) fabulous post-game showers, these locals taunted and abused the players, management and supporters of the clubs. Thankfully, the less-enlightened folk were quickly escorted out of the ground.

Don't worry, closeted English homophobes. You'll have another chance to get thrown out of a stadium quite soon. In August, Leftfooters FC will host the International Gay Lesbian Football Association World Championship in London. The FA is helping to organize volunteers and match officials for the tournament, which is being called the "biggest gay sporting event ever hosted in the UK." I guess all of those games with Cristiano Ronaldo playing don't count because of the other players on the field, huh?

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thursday Backpasses: Toulon Day 3

Today in Toulon (actually Hyeres), two teams kept up their winning ways in Group A and guaranteed passage to the semifinals. Those two may be a bit of a surprise.

France 1-2 Japan
If one thing can be taken away from Japan's first two matches, it is that this is a team that knows how to finish its limited chances. That would be is stark contrast to France which sprayed shots everywhere except at the goal for the first hour of the match. Japan went up within 20 minutes on a powerful wide-open header by Tsukasa Umesaki. France came out after the break determined to even the scoreline, but were consistently stymied by the play of keeper Shusaka Nishikawa. Japan doubled up in the 60th minute. At that point, France had given up 6 goals in 94 minutes since Faty's red card in their first game. France finally broke through in the 71st, but Nishikawa produced a couple of more wonder saves down the stretch to preserve the win.

Chile 2-0 Netherlands
Chile started out fast and ran the Netherlands off the field in today's second match. José Pedro Fuenzalida started the scoring in the 19th minute, dancing through the Dutch back line and finishing with ease. The second half saw two Dutch players shown red. In the 75th, Leroy George was adjudged to have spit on a Chilean defender. While Milano Koenders was sent off in the 88th for throwing an elbow. In between, Chile scored a PK after Fabian Orellana was taken down in the box. Orellana summarily converted the penalty, sending the keeper the wrong way.

Chile and Japan sit jointly on top of Group A at 6 points, with Chile having a two-goal advantage on Japan. France and Netherlands are eliminated from moving on.

Tomorrow's matches:
Ivory Coast (0 points)-USA (0)1230 EDT
Italy (3)-Turkey (3) 1430 EDT

Today's links after the jump.

Manchester United meet with Real Madrid. Definitely not talking about C. Ronaldo. [Sky Sports]
Manchester City beaten by virtual pick-up squad in Hong Kong [Soccerway]
Robin van Persie, injured? No way. [Soccerway]
Jack Warner does his best to get another payday. May cause cancellation of Trinidad & Tobago-England friendly [Soccernet]
In related news, T&T players finally get bonuses for WC2006 [Sporting Life]

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Now We're Just Piling On


This beauty above has been making the rounds on the intertubes and slipped into the Unprofessional Foul mailbox (send your tips, criticisms, NSFW photos and whatnot to Unprofessionalfoul@gmail.com).

Also, if you want to watch JT's slipup on a loop go here. I particularly like what sounds like an Armenian scream of anguish in there. Immensely funny on a loop.

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In defense of Didier.


Amid all the storylines generated yesterday -- Terry's miss, Anelka's miss, Ronaldo's relative disappearance in yet another big game -- by far the most interesting talking point involves everyone's favourite petulant Ivorian striker, Didier Drogba.

While the game took place around him, leaving him largely as a bystander [except for a sublime shot that rattled the bar in the 80th minute or so], Drogba was instrumental in the match's most important moment. His slap on Vidic late into the waning minutes of extra time spoke louder than any of his goals this season. On the world's biggest stage, Didier lost the plot. And it might well be the last time he gets to do that in a Chelsea shirt.

So why am I picking on him this morning? I should be happy that he's the scapegoat for an unlucky defeat, shouldn't I? Well, I thought I'd try and defend the miserable cunt, because if we're honest, if he was still on the pitch, John Terry wouldn't need to take any penalties, would he?



Drogba is a walking contradiction. He is capable of tearing teams apart seemingly at will, and yet, when things don't go his way, he turns in awful performances when his club needs him most. It took him an hour to warm up to the conditions, but he was still ineffective against the serene pairing of Vidic and Ferdinand. The one inch of space he did get, and he almost changed the game with a phenomenal shot that rattled the post and set the hearts of Man United fans racing.

It came in the thick of wave after wave of Chelsea attacks, in a second half where they laid siege to Van Der Sar's goal and thoroughly deserved to win. Indeed, amid the small coterie of rabid alcoholics with whom I watched the match, we all thought the same. This is Chelsea's moment. They're gonna steal this game, smash n' grab.

Lampard rattled the bar, Terry made an unbelievable reflex header to divert Giggs' shot just enough that it went wide, and they had the belief to push on and snatch the win.

And yet, in the 115th minute, a seemingly benign foul and confrontation between Tevez and Terry turned into a scrum, and as Vidic pushed Didier away, out came the slap right in front of the referee.



This was it. Drogba's moment of madness, while not leading any of us to believe that Man U would push on and score the winner in the remaining 5 minutes, was crucial. It was the difference. Without their second-best penalty-taker, their superstar do-no-wrong striker, they'd need someone to make up the numbers. Grant did his best, but it was not to be.

With the last-minute changes on both sides as they brought on penalty specialists Belletti and Anderson, Chelsea's chart could have looked like this:


Ballack
Belletti
Lampard
A. Cole
Drogba


They might have moved Drogba up a couple of spots, but after Ronaldo predictably missed his penalty [which we all predicted while watching the match], you're on Easy Street. Cole and Drogba left to shoot, and there's no danger of your best goalscorer missing the winner, is there?

Of course, this is mere conjecture, and Terry did his best by even having the balls to step up and take the reins, but you have to wonder how different it might have been had Didier not lashed out.

In fact, assistant coach Hank Ten Cate even went so far as to spell this out for the hungry media, thus magnifying the issue further.


So, how can this be justified? It really can't, but I'm going to try.

Drogba is an individual. He's a nation without a state. He always has been. Derided in the past for not being more of a team player, he is the consummate professional: show up, do the job, get rewarded for it, and move on.

He's made no effort to mask the desire to leave Stamford Bridge in the near future, and while it would be crass and absurd to even hint at the slap being an act of parting sabotage, it fits with the player.

It fits with the man.

It fits with the actions and expectations we've always had for Didier, both on and off the pitch.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, and yet we're still all rather lost for words.



Just three weeks ago, Drogba and Vidic had a collision in the match on April 26, in which Vidic lost a tooth and needed stitches. Two years before that, in November 2006, Drogba was accused of deliberately elbowing Vidic as they went up for a header, and despite video replays that suggested premeditation, the incident was reviewed and quickly forgotten.

And then, last night, the two fought for 115 minutes, fouling each other and scrapping for every inch of territory. An innocuous argument between other players gave them an opportunity to square up yet again, and Didier couldn't resist. Call it a moment of blind rage, call it playful, call it a sign of respect [did Drogba really think a brute like Vidic couldn't take a gentle tap?], call it what you will.

I feel bad for Drogba, albeit in a very different way than I feel sympathy for John Terry, the physical embodiment of Chelsea FC. Didier never recovered from the loss of Mourinho, an obvious mentor and role model to someone who never really had that. Always slighted, always overlooked, always underappreciated, Didier didn't want to play at Chelsea anymore, simple as that. His slap makes for a very photogenic farewell.

In that situation, under that scrutiny, and with that well of frustration having failed to get the job done to that point, I might well have done the same thing. I think if we're honest, a lot of us would. After all, it's not every day you get to find brief moments of satisfaction like that, no matter what the context. A difficult evening released in one flick of the wrist to the face of the man responsible for all your toils. The surroundings dissolve as you enjoy the moment, and then reality kicks in. The impact, the consequences, the lack of thought for those around you.

Anyone ever been bullied at school? It sucks. It's decidedly not fun. My school bully was a big kid with red hair. He teased me for four years, and then I threw a desk at him. You know the ones: the old-school desks that have a storage bin under the tabletop, made of heavy fucking wood, sometimes with a chair attached? I lost my temper, gained some freak Hulk strength, and broke his fucking leg. Felt great until the adrenaline wore off.

Then, I was faced with a long school suspension and his hospital bills to pay.

Decidedly not smart.

For Didier, I imagine the same principle. Tired and weary of the treatment all day, and he reacts with a passionate, stress-relieving slap. Petty, minuscule, harmless, but, in the eyes of UEFA, it's a fair red. You can't hit players in the face on purpose. Not allowed.


Drogba got his flicker of satisfaction, his brief revenge against that imposing bully, and now he'll probably get the rest in the form of a long-overdue move to Serie A. It's just a shame his teammates go home empty-handed.

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