Today's shirt does not fall into the usual realm of this feature. There is no bad design. There is no awful pattern. There is no sublimated print, though the shirt is from the '90s. No, today's shirt is what happens when you use trendy coloration and then a decade passes.
The season from which this shirt comes, 1995-96, is one year before Elton John rebought his interest in Watford after 10 years away. Could the sight of these colors have enticed him back? Or was it that, after seeing this away shirt, he knew his beloved club were heading in the wrong direction? I'll leave you to ruminate on that, for I certainly do not have the answers.
To me, this looks like a discarded Vancouver Grizzlies warmup top. A team which, not coincidentally, started up in 1995. I don't know who deigned that purple and teal not only looked good together, but were the it colors of the time, but it showed up in force at Watford. Ugly, ugly stuff.
And what about that sponsorship? I remember 1995 fairly well. I had a car (Ford Escort, if you must know) with a factory sound system. From time to time I would peruse some catalogues looking for ways to update said system. Blaupunkt were, to my friends and acquaintances at least, the gold standard at the time. For a princely sum, one could update their car's sound system with a new stereo and subwoofers to really blast that Miami Bass that was so popular at the time. It wouldn't have made Soundgarden sound much better, though, so I stayed away.
Are you looking to replay 1995? If so, then this is the eBay auction for you. For a mere 10 pounds (plus postage) you can be the proud owner of this unique shirt. As a special bonus, it's actually (probably) wearable by an adult. Unlike most old shirt auctions on eBay, this is not a Youth Large or some such, this is in fact a Adult Extra Large. Though, given size inflation and the UK to US sizing conversion, it's probably about equivalent to a modern US Medium.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF *Now Doubly Updated*
Color me impressed. Initially, I thought the eBay listing for this week's shirt was full of bunk. After a good five minutes of interweb searching, I find out it's only halfway full of bunk. Good on you, eBay seller sunglasses-de.
Back on September 11, 1991 (make your own joke here), Germany visited England for a friendly. Because both teams wear white, Germany was compelled to put on its away shirt. Adidas had reworked the away shirt since the last time the two teams met in World Cup 90, and had brought it in line, design-wise, with the home shirt that Germany won the World Cup in. That was a mistake. How bad of a mistake? See for yourself below.
Ay yi yi. I would curse in German, but I have no idea how to do those extra-squiggly B things on my computer. Even as a life-long Dolphins fan, I realize that there are just some times you don't go with this shade of green. Like when the rest of your outfit consists of red, black and yellow. Mind-numbingy hideous.
As the eBay seller correctly points out, this version of the German NT shirt only saw pitch time once, in that aforementioned friendly against England. From there he extrapolates that since he only remembers players wearing long-sleeves that night, and this one has a number on it, this must be some über-rare shirt that's worth a thousand pounds. Mmm, okay.
As you can see from this lovely back shot that's not exactly a number style that would be hard to replicate. I'm sure any screenprinter from 1960 on could heat-transfer that on there for you without much of a problem.
So where does the high price come from? Well, the seller thinks this might be a training shirt. He has no proof to back it up, only the high price and the hopes that someone fails at reading comprehension. Good luck, German dude!
Looking at this shirt leaves me with one question. In the hopes that someone will be able to answer it, I will gift a youtube for you below. Where did Germany pull this color green from for its away shirts? Why did they used it for so long before dropping it of late as their second shirt color?
Update: Bill, from the wonderful Bill Sports Maps (so good, even my mom sent me a link to it), answers my question. He earned you a video!Germany wore green as their second jersey for many years, in honor of Ireland. Ireland was the only national team willing to play Germany, right after World War II, as the rest of the world was still mad about the whole Nazism/genocide/invasion thing.
As promised, a gift from the youtube. As you probably know, Jurgen Klinsmann arrived at Tottenham in the mid-'90s with the reputation as a bit of a diver. He jokingly played into that stereotype with his diving goal celebration once at Spurs. I think the reputation came from England fans, peeved at losing in PKs to Germany in the 1990 World Cup, who watched the Final and saw this. Behold, one of the greatest dives I have ever seen.
Second (and maybe final) update: I've done some digging on the subject and come up with the following possibilities. Unfortunately, none are definitive, as such a reason has been lost to the sands of time.
1. what Bill said (which is disputed everywhere it is brought up)
1a. That Ireland were the first team to agree to a friendly after WWII. Plausible, I think.
2. That it is out of respect for Ireland staying neutral in WWII. Why not the Swiss red then? Besides, Ireland was still under the yoke of commonwealth until 1949.
3. German passports were green. Whatever
4. The DFB colors were green and white. (from the DFB, but based on supposition since no one wrote down why they did so)
5. West Germany's capital was Bonn, in the Rhineland. Rhineland's traditional colors (from heraldry) were Green and Silver. This information was based on the idea that one very strong man (whose name I forget) was in charge of everything. You may count this as the historical perspective.
I guess the real answer may never be known.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I'll 'fess up. Before finding this shirt, I had no reason to think that Carlisle United might be a goldmine for future posts. Then I went to some of my other bad shirt haunts and, let me tell you, they have some horrors out there. For about 10 years, they could do nothing right. This week's shirt falls smack-dab in the middle of that time.
I think the thing that irks me most about this shirt is not the color scheme, though that is a consideration, but the sponsor. This faux-3D lettering is just too much for a shirt that has a lot going on already. As best as I can tell from the other shirts from the era, the eddie STOBART sponsorship did not use this gimmick, so why use it here?
The reason, if I had to guess, is because the striping begs for it. When there is that much going on with just the colors of the shirt, the sponsor probably felt the need to try to stand out a little more. Hence the use of the trick that I was very fond of in P6 to get my posters to POP in class.
Why so many colors anyway? The Carlisle home shirt is usually mostly blue, with some white and red accents thrown in. Perhaps it's down to being the most lonely club in the league. If my memory of geography and teams serves (and by no means do I guarantee it does), Carlisle is the most isolated club in the top four tiers of British football. I don't know why that would make the club choose such busy shirts, but it's what I have in the time frame allotted to me.
So, anyway, if you are a budding Trustifarian and what to show off your love of both Jah and footy, and can fit into a '90s English Small shirt, go bid on the ebays. Three quid plus shipping is not a bad price to pay for letting people know that even though your mom will not let you grow dreadlocks yet, you will still smoke pot with them and would really like to move to Asheville in the future.
Friday, December 26, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Gah! I'm so late with this. I'll have to make up for it with a shirt I can almost guarantee you have not seen before, and that I am quite sure you are not willing to pay for. Madness, dually from Japan and the ebays, awaits you.
I'm not attempting to call any of you out on your bank accounts or your willingness to spend it on questionable shirts, but there is no way any one of you are spending over $900 on this
is there? If you do, take a picture and we will use it as our only post for that day.
As you can probably guess, I have an issue or two with this shirt. The big one I have is with the map used. Look at it. Besides not using the Buster Bluth-confusing green and blue color scheme, the map highlights something very odd. Instead of focusing on Japan, the map seems to have its focus on China and many of the islands off the coast of southeast Asia. This isn't a soccer shirt as much as it is a remembrance of areas conquered in World War II.
I can't really fault the manufacturer (who it is, I don't know) for the shirt coloration, because that's just the way it was in Japan in the '90s. Imagine the first generation of MLS shirts, but with more variety of color and less-inhibited design. That's where this shirt comes from.
What I can fault is the seller. Why can't you crop your slippered feet out of the photo? Are you attempting to sell your overpriced shirt to a small population of people who are soccer fans, map hounds and foot fetishists? If so, good luck with that. Because that person would also have to have more money than he knows what to do with. (Yes, it's a he. Women have entirely different perversions.)
I invite every one of you to bookmark this auction. It ends in two weeks, which just might be enough time to attract a bid. I sure hope so.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
It's not often that I stay in-country to make fun of a shirt. It's like shooting fish in a barrel--it's just too easy. All you have to do is go back to the '80s and '90s when everyone involved was trying so hard to be edgy and hip while attempting to make the average American care. It was a colossal miscalculation and a giant waste of time.
One of the ways that was supposed to lure the average American sports fan was to increase scoring. "But the field is so big, how can someone ever score quickly?" someone (probably) whined. America's solution? Cut the field size by three-quarters and put it inside. With walls. Boom, indoor soccer was born.
Major Indoor Soccer League (the first one) started up in 1978, just as the Cosmos reached their heights. It was moderately successful, just enough for a competing league to form in 1984--the National Professional Soccer League (initially known as American Indoor Soccer Association). In that secondary, USFL-like league, Buffalo Blizzard plied their trade.
Buffalo started up their team in 1992 and made a run of it until 2001, when the league shut down. Needless to say, that was the apex of the stupid soccer jersey era in the US. Thankfully, the Blizzard followed the rest of America in this trend. Just as thankfully, someone bought a replica, got tired of it and put it up for sale on eBay.
I have no background info on when exactly this shirt was from. If I had to hazard a guess, based on the Adidas design, I'd say about 1993-94, give or take.
Boy Howdy, is that a looker. Adidas sure did (and do) love their three stripes, didn't they. I would bet that, if one had to count how many stripes actually are on this shirt, the count would end up in the--wait for it--triple digits. Sublimated print for company logos makes my heart hurt.
What's that on the sleeve anyway? In early, edgy ESPN2 graphic font, it says "It's you turf". 
Awesome. It's a progenitor of Under Armor's "We must protect this house" campaign, all started on this team's shirt. Boo yah, indeed.
What's that I said above? Oh yeah, this is an eBay special. Unsurprisingly, it's from in country, so no need to pay those inflated UK postage rates this time. As a plus, within the item description, there is a line that will appeal to two sets of online purchasers. The first half of the line states that the item is "gently worn". Hey, that's great for collectors. The second half reads "(by a girl)". Perv Heaven!
Anyway, right now, the shirt will set you back about $10 with postage. There are just under three days left, so you had better get your money together as soon as possible. You don't want to miss out on this one.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
Who knew Germany was such fertile ground for these things? Hot on the heels of 1860 Munich and Eintracht Braunschweig comes this gem of a shirt from the club ESV Greifswald. Don't go searching for the team, it no longer exists, having merged with another club. The new club plays in the fifth level of German soccer.
With good reason, too. When you start pulling out shirts like this week's, then you may as well fold.
If it were not right there in front of me, I would have a hard time believing this shirt existed. But then, if it were not right here in front of me, who would try to explain it?"Well, you see, it's got the red and black stripes, kind of like AC Milan, but running at an angle. But they're not all over. No, they just run from one shoulder to the opposite hip. But the stripes are not solid, either. They are interrupted by a white space for the sponsor, which is bordered above by red, then black, then white again. Oh, and there are polka dots--kind of, they're not really round--on the rib cage opposite the side where the AC Milan stripes end up. Can you picture it now?"
Uh, no.
Then there is the back of the shirt
I'm sure I have many rules for shirts stored away in my head. Every once in a while, one of them pops up. The one that does so here is: whenever you have to put the number at an angle, you have done something greatly wrong. Also, what's up with German clubs and the club names on the backs of shirts? Does that happen anywhere else?
So, if you want to remember the time you took that trip to the Northeast corner of Germany hard up against the Baltic sea, you could buy this shirt. Or you could just drink yourself into a stupor. Your call.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I've held out as long as I can. This is one of those shirts that always exists right on the fringe of this weekly effort. Everyone knows that it is out there, but I just didn't want to acknowledge it. There are so many other horrors out there that needed to be seen. Sadly, none of them came to me this week.
Yes, it's the Arsenal away shirt from '91-'93. It's hideous. How so? Let me counts the ways.
1. First, the obvious. That green and yellow print. I have no idea where adidas pulled that idea from, but damn, is it ugly. Most of the time when I come across this shirt, I think "Flying V". But sometimes, I think it was inspired by African tribal design. Kind of like that 10-year-old tattoo you now regret.
2. The collar. If you are going to go with these colors in this pattern, don't spice things up with some red and black at the top. It's already bad, don't make things worse.
3. The sponsor. Once again, this is one of those times that the shirt sponsor gets hosed. On the red shirts, JVC was a nice complement to the rest of the shirt. Here, it is buried in pattern. Plus, they could have at least lined up the V so that it ran with the pattern.
4. That badge. Now, I'm no fan of the current Arsenal badge, with it's two-toned, halved background. But this badge was pure pansy, when it wasn't being too busy. If the club went back just the cannon, then I would be happy. Maybe with the AFC cannonballs on the side as well.
Of course, I'm not your head of household decisionmaker. If this is a shirt you have to have, even in a pretty small size, then eBay is the place for you.
Happy bidding, morons.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I admit it. I go to the well of Scottish shirts too often. I wasn't planning to do so today, but dammit, this shirt snuck up on me. (By the way, Firefox spellcheck doesn't like "snuck", should I have used "sneaked"? Of course, it doesn't like "spellcheck" either, so there's that) It's an eBay spectacular. I guarantee, you are not going to want to buy this shirt.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Dunfermline Athletic home shirt from 1992-94.
Such a bargain at only 5 quid. Now, you'll go blind, or at least need to take a trip to the optometrist, if you look in the mirror while wearing this, so factor that into the total cost.
This is one of the rare time where I feel bad for the shirt sponsor. There is no way that from greater than 10 feet you can even make out who the sponsor is. I would bet that you have to be within about 18 inches to even know what Landmark does. While that might work if you are exclusively marketing to players, coaches and refs, I doubt that home furnishing firms are that myopic. Of course, that could tie into the eye exam deal from earlier. Maybe the actual sponsor was not Landmark, but instead a nearby Lenscrafters. Now that is sneaky marketing.
Oddly, this shirt reminds me of two album covers, both by British bands, that were released in the early '80s. 
>To me, this shirt is almost a mash-up of the two. Either that or an oddly mesmerizing out-of-focus photograph of New York City at night. I'm willing to go either way on this one.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
It's that time of the week again. Time for a look at a best-forgotten monstrosity. I most say that I am a bit surprised at this week's entry. It comes from Edinburgh's Hibernian. Like Arsenal, Hibernian usually have a set look for their shirts. In Hibs' case, it means a green body with white sleeves. Unfortunately for them, they are also like Arsenal in that they occasionally go off the rails with their change strips. This shirt, from the seasons 1994-96, is one of those times.
First of all, let's go with the color choice. Your club's main color is green. You choose a change shirt with green and purple stripes. How does this make sense? Celtic do the same thing, sometimes having green and black stripes, instead of green and white hoops. It drives me batty, especially when these two play each other. Also, green and purple? Are you auditioning shirts for the Wimbledon Championships? Let's try a better combo.
Of course, as is usual, some of the blame lays squarely on the manufacturer. In this case it is Mitre. They sure do love those chevrons, don't they? They are all over the collar and the sleeves. And, if you check below, even in the sublimation. Yuck. And those buttons. Three rubber buttons that force the player to ask themselves to George Costanza question of how many to open. If only this were a Greek team, then no question would be necessary--all of them would be open.
Also, Mitre, what is the sublimated text that you can kind of make out in this picture?
"Hibees" is my guess, but why add it at all? What was the big fascination of doing this in the first place? My guess is that it was there, by all manufacturers, simply because they could. It's kind of like a infant's fascination with his genitalia. Once they find it, all of the sudden they can focus on nothing else. (your welcome)
Of course, I would be remiss if I did not let you know this beauty is for sale. Hit up the E-bays to find it. Truthfully, if one is a Hibs fan, this is a shirt from a pretty good era for the team. A third place finish and a semifinal run in the cup in '94-'95. What you lot (or my lot) wouldn't give for that now, huh?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I really don't have the words for this week's offering. No matter what I try to type, I know it will not do justice to the wonders of the shirt. So, sit back, take it in, and try to keep a straight face.
I can hear it already, a hundred or so voices saying, "So what? It's a pink shirt". To that I say--wait. First I'm going to tell you a bit about the club.
Sport Boys, whose information I'm wantonly stealing from Wikipedia, is a top flight club from Peru. They have been around since 1927, and have always featured pink as their main color. They have not won a championship since 1984. They are famous in Peru for being the first club to feature cheerleaders, some of whom have become national celebrities. In recent times, the club has struggled, and wages have not been paid for months.
So, why then, have I chosen to feature this shirt, which you can purchase on eBay through Friday? Because I haven't shown you the whole shirt yet.
Wow.
That floating face on the bottom of the shirt is Hector Lavoe, deceased Salsa star from Puerto Rico. How did he get on the shirt? I have no idea. The closest I can find is that Callao, the home town of Sport Boys, has a strong Salsa presence. Lavoe played to 100,000 people in Bogota, Colombia in 1986. There is no evidence that Lavoe sported a jersey, nor is there any evidence, based on my quick search, that Lavoe ever did any more than visit Callao. In short, he had nothing to do with the club.
So this shirt is likely a one-off. A fan, moved by both Sport Boys and that timeless music of Lavoe, decided to merge his two loves. Over time, one of those loves softened, and the shirt has made its way to eBay for sale. I wholly recommend that anyone who loves Salsa, and doesn't mind wearing the pink shirt of a soon-to-be-liquidated club, pick it up and send us pictures.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
This, my friends, will be the day you remember forever. The day you look back and thank your holy stars that you alighted to this blog and found this page. The day that you will place your fateful bid on the most heinous collection of shirts that has ever hit the ebays. This is the day that changes your life.
In case you think this is nothing but hyperbole, I, and your future kids, implore you to look inside.
That's right, this auction gives you the right to own like six of the most horrible shirts ever, and one Real Madrid one, at one time. The best part? Even a fatty like me can fit into most of them. Yep, an all XL auction.
So, let's break it down. As mentioned, there is a Real Madrid shirt here. Nothing too fancy, just white with purple. Serviceable, if that's your thing.
Also serviceable is a green Liverpool shirt from when adidas put the big three stripes on the shoulder. Bonus points for the Candy sponsorship.
Then it gets really bad really fast.
The Arsenal green and yellow flying V shirt. It looks like an African print gone horribly wrong. Never has a red badge and sponsor had such a hard time standing out on a shirt.
What else is there that I spy? Why it's the bright yellow Tottenham shirt. This is the type of shirt that makes kids cry at Christmas, wondering why Santa was so mean to them.
Ooh, look, the Dutch '88 shirt! Except that it's not. It's a knock-off without any sort of manufacturer's markings. Also, the badge seems like an iron-on that's the wrong color. It's even worse than the '88 shirt.
Then there is a Scotland shirt which can best be described as a look better off forgotten. It's like a pattern that over the hill golfers would wear on a shirt to try to appear edgy and get the beer girls to notice them.
Next, there's an England abomination. Without resorting to a color thesaurus, I'd say there are about 5 different light blues on this shirt in no discernible pattern and no set shape. This is what Michelangelo's splatter sheet looked like in the Sistine Chapel.
Finally, an Ireland keeper jersey. Who the hell buys a keeper jersey for anything other than function? Well, Spike Lee did it, but he's not that far ahead of the fashion queue is he?
I'm spent, but before I go, I have to point out two more photos from this auction. To give more detail to the shirts, the seller put picture up of them showing two shirts at a time. Two of these pairing confused me.
Arsenal-Tottenham
Scotland-England
The auction ends on Sunday. Get in while you can.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I'm sure you would be very welcome to wear this at Parkhead.
Sometimes I just don't know where to begin. I guess the color scheme is as good as any. It's not that this is yellow and green together. I like yellow and green together, ask my wife. But it has to be a strong yellow and a darker green. This is some namby-pamby yellow mixed with a lighter green. It makes me think of scrambled eggs with some parsley mixed in. Good for breakfast, but not to wear around all day. Then there is the pattern. I understand the impetus of the late '80s and early '90s to get away from what had been cookie-cutter, boring shirts. But let's pick one idea and run with it. Either go with the thin stripes or the chevron thingies. Using both is akin to a local artist who adorns her beautiful painted canvas with a mess of papier-mâché. I understand that you have multiple, great ideas. Take the time to flesh them out separately, please. Thank you. If I have sold you on this shirt, follow this link. Right now, you can import this beauty to the USA for under $25. Hurry, though, you only have about a day left to pick it up.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
This week, my friends, we get to ogle a true retro shirt. As an added bonus, I'll link to the eBay auction going on right now. That's right, it's a two-fer, one part "OMG!", one part "I want that", until it combines into "OMG I want that!" I promise that I am not the seller. (I like Schalke, not Werder).
So, as Joe Elliott once said
Step inside.
Walk this way.
It's you and me, babe.
Hey. Hey.
This beauty comes from the 1990-91 season, if this listing is to be believed. I suppose it could be a shirt that brings back good memories for a longtime fan, as they won the DFB Pokal that season. That title propelled them into the old Cup Winners' Cup, which they won in 1992. You think that would bring in more than $3.78.Maybe it's the design. I don't really know how Werder's shirts looked before 2004, but this color and design screams "washed dollar bill" to me. Plus, and I'm just guessing here, I think this shirt is itchy. Doesn't it look like it would irritate your neck? And you just know that polyester blend will have that smell. I can't describe it well, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Old sweat and burnt plastic, I think.
For me, I guess, when it comes to Werder shirts, Give me the orange ones. It may be my Miami Dolphins allegiance, but I want one of these to sport around town. Besides, if you have a jersey like this, there should be no need to make an away shirt, right?
Images from the ebays (obvs) and sporting-heroes.netRead more on "The Good, The Bad, The WTF"...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
I'll admit, I am of two minds on this week's pick. The first time I saw this shirt, I though that no shirt could ever be worse. As time passed, and I saw the shirt some more, I came to admire the ballsiness of putting this mess on a shirt. It was better than those shirts that look like a Jackson Pollock knock-off. This was a Gustav Klimt inspired creation.
The fact that this jersey was once worn by the team I support above all others played absolutely no bearing on my change of heart, I swear.
This was the change strip from 1994-96. Luckily for me, having long since moved away from Scotland, I never saw this in the flesh. It wasn't until the interwebs made it possible for me to follow my club again that I saw these. I'm guessing your reaction was pretty close to mine. As in, "Who ever thought this was a good idea? It's horrible!" Or something like that. I submit to you, give it time. Let it wash over you. Bookmark this page and come back to it. You'll like it. You'll love it. You'll be the one guy on ebay that actually will pay for it.
Truthfully, this will probably not happen. You'll be like me and take another long hard look at the shirt. You'll admire the boldness of the print, but then you'll look at that stupid, striped collar and just know it will scratch your neck. You'll look at the badge and ask yourself just why it's so big on the shirt. Eventually, you'll just decide to cut out the middle man and get your coed-impressing Klimt T-shirt from ebay instead.
Aberdeen shirt courtesy footballshirts.dk
Klimt shirt is really from the ebays
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