Hearts Fans Do Not Appreciate You Celebrating Your Goal

Your good thoughts for Aberdeen, though appreciated by me, did not work. A 1-1 draw isn't the end of a challenge for Europe, but it does make the prospect very unlikely. However, there is a new possible team to overtake for a Europa League spot. Hearts, which looked comfortable in third at the time of the split, are a team adrift. They are scoreless in 338 minutes and winless in a month.

The latest setback occurred last night when hosting Edinburgh rivals Hibernian. The accounts I have seen have said the game was a dour affair hurt by a gusting wind and low visiting attendance. The play was pretty bad as well, apparently. The lone goal went to the visitors, of course, courtesy of a 79th minute penalty by Derek Riordan. That's when the match really came to life, though not in the usual way.

Riordan celebrated his goal (he also earned the penalty) not by running to visiting Hibs fans behind the goal on the right side, but to the left of the goal in front of Hearts fans. He then made two gestures that are seen worldwide after a goal. First, he put his fingers to his lips to shush the home crowd. Then, Riordan kissed the badge on his shirt. For at least a couple of Hearts fans, this was too much.

Hibernian defender Ian Murray was hit by a coin thrown from the stands seconds later as he was celebrating alongside Riordan. That wasn't the end of it, however. Immediately after the coin hit Murray (which was caught by Setanta cameras, by the way) Riordan turns around and finds an angry Hearts fan bearing down on him. The fan probably would have been able to hit Riordan at full speed, if not for referee Steve Conroy stepping in at the last second. The fan is then escorted off the field by a Hearts player, and is seen reaching for his mouth, feigning as if he had been hit. That's right, the fan was playacting for a card on Riordan. The camera then cuts to a steward wrestling another incensed Hearts fan off of the pitch.

Hibs gaffer Mixu Paatelanien had the run of the presser afterwards and let the assembled newsmen know exactly what he thought. He thought that Tynecastle had too few stewards present both by his bench and in the corner where the post-goal incident happened. He got in some good one-liners too. When asked about the apparent danger to Riordan, Paatelanien quipped "I wasn't really worried. I always trust that our players are a bit quicker and fitter than their supporters. Maybe not braver." Then, in response to the coin hitting his captain, the manager replied "He's fine - the coin is in his pocket now, knowing him." Great stuff.

Oh, it almost slipped my mind. We have video of the entire incident--the penalty call, the goal, the celebration and the mini pitch invasion. Aren't we just swell to you? The penalty call is at 0:07, the resultant kick is at 1:14 and the celebrations kick off from there. You can see Murray flinch from the coin at 1:33 and the fan runs up on Riordan immediately after. Enjoy!



Great stuff. Conroy jumping in to save Riordan is reminiscent of the last great drunken pitch invasion that I recall. That was Denmark-Sweden in a Euro 2008 qualifier. There, referee Herbert Fandel had just sent off a Dane when a fan jumped out of the stands to confront the ref. As for the rest, just watch the video. That's a lucky, lucky man.

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It still has 45 minutes to get worse

A certain Scouser asked me to post this for any Arsenal fan feeling aggrieved over yesterday's draw after a two-goal lead. It's just a reminder that things could always be worse.

Kilmarnock started out today's game at Hibernian on fire. Two goals in the first 12 minutes, and they looked set to cruise. Then it all fell apart between the 35th and 37th minute. Killie gave up two penalties, the second one bringing a red card for the keeper, and let Hibernian come level.

There's still a half to go. Down to 10 men, on the road, and missing their starting keeper, is there any hope for Killie whatsoever?

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The saddest soccer crime ever.

Snake Eyes!

Poor, poor Scotland. I realize that times are tough for the world economy, but with soccer players north of the border in the SPL pulling in a lean $2500 a week (sad, I know), it's no wonder they're lashing out in frustration.

Like Hibernian winger Filipe Morais (the haircut fanatic in the pic above). He's in trouble for using his kicking skills the wrong way at an Edinburgh casino.

From the Beeb:

"He [Morais] got into an argument with Robert Brown on a night out at Maxims casino in York Place on 26 September at about 0530 GMT. Morais, who earns £1,300 a week, has not played for the team since August. Witnesses saw Morais and his companions speaking to Mr Brown and an argument broke out at the casino. Mr Brown was punched in the face and knocked to the ground during a scuffle and Morais kicked his head as he lay on the ground. He suffered a burst nose and a split lip and was treated by the Scottish Ambulance Service."

Not too good, is it? One wonders if it was part of his training while languishing in the reserves.

Seriously though, no good can come of this, although his lawyer, the wonderfully-named George More (the "More" presumably referring to the number of billable hours he's always pushing for), tries hard to spin the incident into something so distressing that heck, if any of us had been in Felipe's boots shoes, we'd have done exactly the same:

"Young footballers are quite often harassed or picked on or spoken to when they go out and my client went out that evening for a drink with a friend. My client kicked out when he was down as an act of frustration because the last part of his evening had been utterly spoiled by these two men. He was immediately regretful that he had done it."

Man, it ain't easy being a footballer. It's all gambling, drinking, and 90 minutes of weekend work. Maybe they were teasing him because his salary seems so tiny?

So, the former Chelsea/MK Dons/Millwall/St. Johnstone player is going to be punished in the wallet, losing $1000 in fines, a further $1600 to the club for being out the night before a match (not exactly the best way to get back into the team), and possibly another two weeks' wages for his off-hours casino kickabout.

No word yet on whether he'll be able to pay his electric bill next month.

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UF Monday Market Place

The Market Place is back for its second week. And with a new cool new graphic. See it? Up above... clever, eh? Credit to Bigus. In case you missed the first edition, a reminder: Past performance is not indicative of future returns. We're just as clueless as everyone else, if occasionally more droll. Like this chair.




BUY! BUY ! BUY!

...until we freak out on national television and tell you to sell the kids for food.

Buy Barca-- This as much a comment on the sorry state of Real as it is about the marauding Catalans. Barcelona dropped four on then-second place Valencia Saturday-- apparently some French guy had a big game-- then watched Madrid come back twice, only to lose 4-3 on an 85th min goal from Sevilla's Renato. The vultures are in flight to the capital.

Buy Fulham-- Haven't lost since November 1. Haven't lost at home since September 27. Three straight draws with Liverpool, Villa, and Man. City. We're in. Rescue Roy was no fluke. The middle of the table is their playground. Oh, and try to pick up a some Jimmy Bullard-backed derivatives while your wallet's open.

Buy The Hoff-- UF's favorite Germans dropped a three-pointer with Bayern on Friday, but goal differential keeps them first. Scoring for Hoffenheim in that game... who else? Vedad Ibisevic. The One That Got Away is a goal machine. Too bad he's "Bosnian" and will never see a big international stage. Bigus loves these guys because they play in a small town where everyone's related, the bartenders to the nuns, the farmers to their cattle, etc.

Buy FC Nantes-- A big boost for the little guys this weekend. Ivan Klasnic and his many kidneys netted two, including a winner to nip perpetual champs Lyon at the death. With it, Les Canaris took a nice, long 3-point stride clear of the drop. And they play in the city that inspired this.

Buy Women's Soccer... In America A nice weekend for the ladies. The U.S. U-20 team are World Cup champs and North Carolina knocks off previously undefeated and untied Notre Dame for their 1,243rd NCAA title.

Buy Hibernian's John Rankin-- True or not, the Cabbage man says his side actually practiced the long range "squiggler" he used to beat Celtic's Artur Boruc this weekend. Said Rankin, "There was maybe a wee bit of luck on my part, but I'm delighted and I'll take the goal." Way to throw the "wee" in there pal. All class.

Buy Norwich City's Inevitable Letdown Loss vs...-- Watford. They'd have probably lost anyway, but coming off an either really thrilling or really pedestrian derby win, they're a sure bet.

Buy The Big Four staying The Big Four-- With all that's gone wrong for this group, there's little doubt (Sorry Villa) that come May it won't be some variation on Chelsea, Man. U., Liverpool, Arsenal. The Premier League is like Jazz: There's a lot happening. Moving parts. But in the end, it's just a few notes over and over in different permutations.
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Sell! For Chrissakes, Sell it all! Light it on fire, just be done with it!!



...until next week, when everything bounces back but your checking account. Sawwrry.

Sell Robbie Keane-- Liverpool would if they could. So why not you? Keane never made it off the bench Saturday. Not that it hurt much. Liverpool rolled Blackburn (we'll get to them in a minute) 3-1. And though we're not buying rumors Rafa is actually trying to sell Keane back to Spurs, some of us really enjoy the fact that someone is making them up.

Sell Bayern Munich manager Uli Hoeness-- Has his boys in a deadlock with The Hoff atop the Bundesliga after a last minute winner in Munich. But don't be fooled, Hoeness enjoys the win with a glass of red-faced whine. He's upset with the media's treatment of The Hoff... biggest fairy tale he's every seen... too much money... they can never win a general election... wants a series of townhall-style debates...

Sell Paul Ince-- On our Poo List for the second week running. We reckon Keane's departure from Sunderland has undone his last few hinges.

Sell Joleon Lescott-- Two wonderful goals. Noted. Now go put your shirt back on and play defense. Idiot.

Sell MLS in Seattle-- Peter Vagenas? Freddie Ljungberg? Hardly the cornerstones of a franchise that's going to do anything meaningful. Then again, if a team from New York can be Western Conference Champions, is anything really meaningful about your league?

Sell Newcastle-- Heroic performance at the Bridge, then you give up a 92nd minute equalizer to Stoke. Joe Kinnear won't last past the end of the season when they have a chance to really reevaluate their team.

And while you're at it, sell on anyone you know who might have actually predicted, or god forbid, bet on Newcastle to win this game. I'm not saying they shouldn't have won before or won't win again, but you can't ever expect it.

Sell the Ballon d'Or-- Sell it or re-name it the EPL MVP Award, because as fantastic as Ronaldo was in EPL play last season, that's how much he disappointed in the Champs League and Euro '08. He missed two PKs, one in the final, for Man. U. and lasted barely a week in Austria/Switzerland. Does that count for nothing? I'd have voted for Liverpool's Fantasic Fragile Fernado-- incredible debut season in England, Euro-winner playing alone up top against Germany-- over Ronaldo. Or Iker Casillas, the world's best keeper by a mile and winner of both La Liga and Euro '08.

Sell Artur Boruc-- He's like Heurelho Gomes without the brilliant saves! Quoteth Mad Dog Russo: "Heeeeeee Stinks!"
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Wait! Hold Still! Do Nothing! Freeze Up! We're confounded...


Hold on the Sunderland players-- Keane skipped out on them days before a trip to Old Trafford. So how do they respond? By losing. But they went down hard, defending well and looking generally glad to be rid of the Irishman. Will it be enough to keep them from yet another drop? We'll see.

Hold on Bolton-- Best November points-wise of anyone can't be spoiled by a loss to an angry Chelsea bunch (the Blues: Unbeaten after home losses this year!) Looks like these guys will be Wandering around England, putting Premier League crowds to sleep for at least another year.

Hold on Marouane Fellaini's 'fro There's some conflicting feelings here about this bizarre head fungus. I'd be inclined to sell, but there are just so few magical 'fros running around these days. If someone else steps in to fill the gap we'll ditch the guy in a second. How about Aaron Lennon? He's certainly capable. Imagine a huge pop-up 'fro running circles around the midfield, taking runs down the right... pounding crosses into defenders' shins... I'd buy that.

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The Good, The Bad, The WTF

It's that time of the week again. Time for a look at a best-forgotten monstrosity. I most say that I am a bit surprised at this week's entry. It comes from Edinburgh's Hibernian. Like Arsenal, Hibernian usually have a set look for their shirts. In Hibs' case, it means a green body with white sleeves. Unfortunately for them, they are also like Arsenal in that they occasionally go off the rails with their change strips. This shirt, from the seasons 1994-96, is one of those times.


First of all, let's go with the color choice. Your club's main color is green. You choose a change shirt with green and purple stripes. How does this make sense? Celtic do the same thing, sometimes having green and black stripes, instead of green and white hoops. It drives me batty, especially when these two play each other. Also, green and purple? Are you auditioning shirts for the Wimbledon Championships? Let's try a better combo.

Of course, as is usual, some of the blame lays squarely on the manufacturer. In this case it is Mitre. They sure do love those chevrons, don't they? They are all over the collar and the sleeves. And, if you check below, even in the sublimation. Yuck. And those buttons. Three rubber buttons that force the player to ask themselves to George Costanza question of how many to open. If only this were a Greek team, then no question would be necessary--all of them would be open.

Also, Mitre, what is the sublimated text that you can kind of make out in this picture?

"Hibees" is my guess, but why add it at all? What was the big fascination of doing this in the first place? My guess is that it was there, by all manufacturers, simply because they could. It's kind of like a infant's fascination with his genitalia. Once they find it, all of the sudden they can focus on nothing else. (your welcome)

Of course, I would be remiss if I did not let you know this beauty is for sale. Hit up the E-bays to find it. Truthfully, if one is a Hibs fan, this is a shirt from a pretty good era for the team. A third place finish and a semifinal run in the cup in '94-'95. What you lot (or my lot) wouldn't give for that now, huh?

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