NBC Writers: Football Fans or Lazy Hacks?

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Here's a little secret. When you work in scripted programming, made up names tend to sound made up. Think about it, parents spend nine months trying to craft the perfect name for their kid, you spend 4 seconds coming up with "Johnny Waltershine."

Actually, that's not bad for off the top of the head.

Anyway, half of the names you hear in sit-coms or TV dramas are actually lifted from guys the writers went to high school with. Or sometime they get cute. So when last night's 'Law and Order' needed some Russian mobsters, they went EPL on their (likely) unsuspecting cast: Abramovich, Pavlyuchenko, and Arshavin. That's as in Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, Tottenham striker Roman Pavlyuchenko, and Arsenal transfer target Andrei Arshavin. The only clever part was that they made the latter a loan shark, which, if he's holding up the Arse for more cash, ain't all that far off.

But someone on that staff clearly likes his London footie. Still, seeing how crime shows lift 90% of their story lines from actual real-life crimes, they're still kinda hacky.

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This week in political footballers

Roman Pavlyuchenko has been rather complainy since joining Spurs. The training sessions were too rough and too long, and obviously, his team is currently in the shitter and waiting to be flushed.

And yet, amid all the madness in North London, he still found time to get into politics, as he was elected deputy for Putin's United Russia party on the regional council in his hometown of Stavropol.

Does this mean Darren Bent will soon be lobbying for a spot in Gordon Brown's cabinet reshuffle?



The entire thing is rather hilarious, and, like most things Russian of late, rather shady and suspicious. Pavs was born in Stavropol and attended his first soccer academy there, although detractors are questioning him and his real interest in politics:

"He's not from Moscow. He's a village guy," Anton Lisin, a football commentator with Sovietsky Sport noted. "The only reason Pavlyuchenko might be interested in politics is if the international financial crisis affected his wages," he added.

Either way, he's got a seat in power now, besting his former Zenit strike partner Andrei Arshavin, who stood for United Russia in '07 but walked away empty-handed.

So now the big question remains: how the heck is he going to balance football and filibustering? Will Frazier Campbell be his shadow striker when he's busy voting da or nyet on matters of grave regional concern?

I'm assured by my intelligent Russia-savvy friend that Pavs doesn't have much to worry about in terms of policy-making or voting, because he's essentially a figurehead; in Russian politics, the party enters these elections, and should they win, or at least be in danger of losing, they'll dump a regional celebrity in their nominee chair in order to get the results their way.

In Roman's case, once United Russia won the region, Putin (or someone close to him) can fill the position with whoever they see fit, and this time around for Stavropol, they went with the jetsetting young striker who's very much beloved in Russia for his goals against England that secured their spot in Euro '08.

Hilarious, when you think about it. Poor Pavs the puppet! And the extra pocket money will be nice too, at least until these crony techniques are phased out in the motherland.

Pavlyuchenko might need to sign regional legislation every now and then that someone else has written, but either way, his sister seems certain that he'll be able to balance both and not suffer from distraction:"He's obviously still adjusting. And it's difficult for him because he's injured. But he'll get used to it. He comes back to Stavropol whenever he has a holiday."

Fulfilling his political duties before enjoying a holiday? A bit like Dubya, innit?

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Only Two Hours Of Training?

Spurs new-boy Roman Pavlyuchenko is having a tough go of it at White Hart Line right now. His two appearances since his £13.8million transfer from Russia have been less than impressive. Pavs has time to improve but that is a lot of money to spend on a striker that can't handle two hours of training. The striker puts the blame of his performance on his inability to train for two hours:

"But when there is a week's gap between games, training is serious.

"I barely survived it when I'd just arrived.

"I looked at my watch and saw that the training session had gone on for exactly two hours!

"Then another half an hour in the gym! Two and a half hours! Can you imagine that?

"I trained like never in my life before, I swear!

"The weights started to get to me, and I stopped and said to the trainer, 'I can't do this.'

"That's how they work - I'm shocked. I thought it would be a lot easier."

In my school days, we had the Tuesday/Saturday schedule and managed to get at least two hours of training in every off day except Sunday, plus we were in school from 7:30 to 2:30. It wasn't so bad.

That's not to say that our training was anything like professional training. It was probably a lot less intense, but shit, if you're a professional getting paid millions, I would think you would be able to handle two hours of training plus some weightlifting. The only other thing on your schedule is probably a mid-morning banging with some hot model and an afternoon tee-time.

Let us not forget Pavs' previous weak ass excuse for not performing well. The defenders "did not give me enough time to get to the ball properly." Maybe if he trained for two hours or more he would be able to get to the ball.

I hate to say it but I think Spurs signed a weakling. He ain't no Ivan "I must break you" Drago, that much is for sure.

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Should Have Just Told Him To Stay Away From The Merseyside

Roman Pavlyuchenko was one of Spurs many big money signings this offseason. Although, he was second-choice after Andrei Arshavin. The last second 14 million pound Russian striker hasn't made his White Hart Lane debut yet, but at least his former teammates have warned him of the dangers of North London. Former Spurs Russian target man filled Roman in on all the nitty gritty details, or so says The Sun:

Rebrov, an £11million flop in 2000, warned new boy Pavlyuchenko: “A lot of dark-skinned people live there so naturally the crime rate is higher than elsewhere.

“It’s not nice to be a robbery victim so I suggest he doesn’t walk but drives around there.”

Given the events involving Robbie Keane this past weekend, Rebrov should have told Pavlyuchenko to watch out for permed Scousers.

I much prefer stereotypes based on repeated events like Scousers robbing their football players rather than baseless stereotypes based on skin color. Except for those dirty thieving purpleskins.

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