The Bigus Tripus Roundup.

The Ricoh Arena: "Your ground is too big for you" (and your pies are shit.)

Well I am back. 0 for 2 with no goals and 2 red cards. Either I am unlucky or are Norwich are just shit at the moment? I have never been very lucky but unfortunately for me the later is the correct answer to that question.

Our trip to Coventry was certainly a fun day out. It's just a shame that the Norwich line up treated it in the same way. They were shocking. Spanish new boy Juan Velasco juant the wrong way letting Jay Tabb inside to score the games only goal 6 minutes in. Velasco was substituted on 21 mins and has not been seen since, nor is he likely to be.

I won't bore you all (or few) with a match report... needless to say the game was forgettable. What was I talking about again? Ah yes Coventry! We were crap and the referee lost his mind. Lets hope he finds it before we see that fucker near a Norwich game again.

Packimo (Michael Packard) indicates that the pies are so so. He later retracted this statement and called them 'shite'!

On to the pies. Generic steak and Kidley......... Thats what I said diddle I? Sorry, could not resist that one. The Ricoh is a great ground. Just like most new stadiums. Shame the people of Coventry don't agree. The place was like a morgue. 18,000 were inside but 4,000 sitting in our end.

Packimo was a little delicate on the way up to the Ricoh. I had introduced him to bitter and a decent curry the night before. Not to mention the magical beer scooter than runs from Soho to Stevenage (where we were staying - Up the boro!) at light speed powered only by Cobra.

Packimo grew fond of the bitter rather quickly! (second from the right)

Someone mentioned Ipsw...Ipsw..Them! (It's obligatory and my arm just springs into action on its own)

A night out back home is not complete without shoving your money into a machine with flashy lights (magnets to the drunk) and pushing the buttons in no particular order until you realize that you are going to win fuck all and have just missed the train while doing so.

"Ooooooooooo. Flashing lights and a spiny thingy"- Garry 'Gal' (QPR) Phillips shows Packimo how to lose 20 quid in just under 90 seconds. Wasting money seems to be a popular past time for QPR fans these days.

Sunday brought Packimo a trip to White Hart Lane. I gave my brother-in-law (another yid supporter) my ticket and sent them packing with a broken bottle and a manual on how to start a fight in the club shop over the last Berbatov 9 carat gold M-sized chav ring.

I stayed home and introduced my little angel (foreground) to her cousin. AHHHHHHHHH.....

Packimo returned with stories of Berbatov's alleged brilliance (Yids won 4-0) while waving a Spurs beanie bear. "They only had ten men" I sang over and over and over and over again.

We went to a little country pub in Aston in the evening and had a heated discussion with an Irish Liverpool fan.

- "IIIIIII'mm suo disappointed that they haven't won tha layygue in suo laang."

- "Get over it you spoilt twat. How many trophies do you want in 20 years. I just endured a nine-man morris dance in Coventry. Knob."

Packimo let him have it too.

The pub was so taken with the first American the place had EVER seen that they let us drink after hours. The land lady was wasted... maybe that was the reason.

Monday arrived and I was chuffed at the thought of heading to Colney (Norwich training ground) for a visit and a look at how we would defend Stoke's long throws the following night. The weather was the worst for years. Howling winds up to 80 mph and driving rain. A hurricane in England! Just my luck. We stayed in. So did the team apparently!

Later in the day we made a short trip to JJB sports in Stevenage to waste money on a lot of crap. Packimo bought a Spurs piggy bank and I bought my little boy and England shirt. Idiots. We are aware!

I also bought Lingering Bursitis some Frazzles. They made it home but are now more like Frizzles. Packimo sat on them at one point and so did I come to think of it! Sorry mate.

On Tuesday night we were invited to join Ex Norwich player and Radio Norfolk commentator Neil Adams (top man) and his family for dinner in Delia's restaurant before City played Stoke at Carrow Rd. Had a great time. The food was delicious.

Before dessert we were picked up by Norwich legend Jeremy Goss and walked through to the Gunn Club (named after legend Bryan Gunn) where he interviewed us in front of 300 as part of his hosting duties. Packimo was on good form and even sang to the crowd. They laughed and I laughed at him. Seriously though it was like watching Robin Williams at a Comedy club. I don't know what he was on but I wanted some!

I told a story about an Ipsw..Ipsw...IPSW...scummer that lives above the Norwich bar (George Keeley's) in NY and talked about the NY Canaries (http://www.nycanaries.com/) . Mike closed out with a song he had heard days earlier and another dig at the state of Coventry's pies.

We watched Norwich lose to a long throw from Rory Delap from a box owned by a Guy named Garry Mansell. A top fella!

Again I will not elaborate on the match as it is still too painful. Oh go on then. It wasn't that bad we played a lot better than we had against Coventry but still couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo. Cureton missed another sitter in the dying moments (similar to Coventry). Stoke, however, were crap and are a one-trick pony. They are very tall and physical like Watford. They will be destroyed in the Premier League if the go up. All they want to do is keep the ball in the air and exploit long throw-ins.

The following day we headed home with twice as much crap as we went with. I had eaten so many scotch eggs that I had the bug and craved more. Yesterday I whipped out the Delia Smith cook book and made my own. They are bloody hard to get right I can tell you. 4 left the pan burnt (looked like onion bhaji's) and 2 were edible....just.

Ask me nicely and I'll make you some!

-Bigus.