I'm Guessing "Owning a Football Team" Is Not on a List of "The Best Things In Life"

"A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon, you're talking real money."
—Sen. Everett Dirksen

I learned two things today. First Dirksen apparently never really said the above, which is often attributed to him. Second, Chelsea and Manchester United are accumulating enough debt that it's rapidly approaching "real money" status.

From the Guardian:

Chelsea and Manchester United, the Premier League's two representatives in tomorrow's Champions League final, owe creditors £1.5bn between them. According to the latest accounts of Chelsea Limited, the company which owns the football club, Chelsea owed £736m to all its creditors. United's accounts, also recently filed at Companies House, showed total creditors at £764m.

Translating from English to American that's about $3 billion between them. Hey, that's about enough to buy Liverpool.... three times over.

Chelsea's debt is somewhat fictitious. The bulk of it is actually a loan from owner Roman Abramovich to the club, an interest free loan that apparently has no repayment schedule on it either. It only becomes an issue if Roman decides he wants it back (or in the event of a sale), in which case the club has 18 months to come up with the dough.

United's debt on the other hand is real in the sense that they just can't pay it back whenever. Worse, unlike Chelsea's "debt" which, if you know the least bit about inflation you understand is actually getting cheaper by the day, United is actually paying a hefty interest rate on theirs.

In summer of 2006, United re-financed the loans it used to buy the club so that the overall interest charge would drop to about £62M per year (down from £90M per year) but the overall debt increased from about $£580M to about £660M (to convert those numbers into dollars, pretty much just double them).

There's a decent rundown of United's financial situation here. More fascinating is the financial statement itself (warning PDF link). About 60% of the increase in their net cash flows in the year ending July 2007 came from the increased financing (i.e. they retired about £620M in debt and took on over £650 in new debt).

So if they hadn't refinanced United would have been cash flow negative for the second year running, that with substantial debt payments (about £150M the borrowing is to hedge funds at a rate of 14.5%). Hell, Glazer could have got a similar deal if he had just used this.

Additionally, United's debt-to-equity ratio is over 10, which is pretty high for a billion dollar operation (for comparison Dell, Coca-Cola, and Amgen all have debt-to-equity ratios under 1). It's a risky profile, but it only becomes problematic when your cash flows can't cover the debt payments. But, as stated above, without the debt restructuring United would have been cash flow negative last year.

So any hiccup in cash flows—tickets, merch, TV, CL money—and United could (emphasis *could*) be in trouble.

Just something to think about when watching the Champions League final tomorrow. Sure, both teams really want to win, but in a very real financial sense, United needs to win for reasons that Chelsea doesn't.

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What is UEFA playing at?

No Bon Jovi concert here to take the blame

Now time for our second turf story of the day.

As if we needed any more ready-made excuses or realizations that tomorrow's Champions League final will be rather, ahem, boring underwhelming, UEFA is currently playing defense against concerns that the pitch is absolute shit, and that it will not be adequately fixed in time for the centerpiece of the club football season.

How did Moscow get the bid again? (Here's looking at you, Roman)

At present, officials and grounds staff at the Luzhniki Stadium are working to upgrade and improve certain areas of the pitch after replacing the entire surface just 15 days ago, and groundsman Matt Frost has talked the talk, but not really walked the walk so far.

Frost had claimed last week that he would provide a "Rolls-Royce of a pitch" for the final, but now he has clear reservations.

"I'm totally disappointed with the whole project and what we are presenting for the final," he said.

Yeah, you and the 80,000+ who will attend the game, the 22 people playing, the 2 people managing, and the millions of people worldwide who will be watching.

While there is little doubt in the minds of UEFA officials that the original turf at the stadium was absolute pants and needed to be replaced, can you imagine a bigger gaffe happening in the US? This is the big European final, the showpiece, the advertisement of top-class football to a world audience, and UEFA allowed them to start switching turf just two weeks before kick-off?

Of course, they are confident:

"We are slightly worried about the look of it," Uefa spokesman William Gaillard told Radio 5 Live.

"In terms of the quality, we have made some tests in the last few days and it is perfectly fine. It may not look very, very green on television, but, essentially, it is a good pitch to play football on. At this stage, we are confident it will be fine."

Sounds like a vote of confidence, yes?

If nothing else, it will give Ronaldo and Drogba a lot more creative freedom in their diving habits thanks to the abundance of new divots to get stuck in.

The Telegraph explains a little bit more about the turf details, but there's little one can do to deflect the ineptitude of the planning and execution process. If we get treated to a crap game tomorrow night, it's just one more thing players and managers can blame. Just watch: the winning goal will be an extra-time tap-in following a weird bounce off the pitch. Doesn't shit like this just sum up why people still take the piss out of football?

ü75 Update: UEFA president Michel Platini has spoken on the controversy. His take? Let the players decide if it is playable, intimating that the players could call off the final if necessary. Well, that's what FoxSoccer's headline would have you believe at least. In reality, he called for armchair pundits to let the players actually use the pitch for training first before we declare how bad it really is. I saw some video earlier, and I'll say this--it looks a lot like DC United's pitch when groundsharing with the Nationals. You can see the seams all over the place. Whether or not that affects the play will remain to be seen.

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Bon Jovi: living on Man City's prayer

Bon Jovi: obviously a Man United fan. If nothing else, he fulfills the fan requirement of living thousands of miles from Old Trafford, like most of their BMW-driving supporterati

Despite making the backpasses last night, I couldn't resist a little look at the operations of Maine Road, and how their best-laid plans might well be derailed by Jon Bon Jovi. It's one of those things that nature couldn't have planned any better.

Having just scraped into the UEFA Cup through the dubious back door that is the Fair Play table, the blues face having to move their home opener in the tournament to another stadium because a Bon Jovi concert scheduled for late June will probably not leave them enough time to re-turf the pitch.

I know that there are a lot of BJ fans who love the grass (groan), but is this really happening?

From the Guardian:

The club had initially believed there was plenty of time to prepare the pitch before the start of the season but at that stage they had little idea that England would be allowed an extra place in the Uefa Cup. City did not even have the best disciplinary statistics in the Premier League but the five clubs with better records - Tottenham Hotspur, Liverpool, United, Arsenal and Everton - have already qualified for Europe.

Now there's optimism for you: plan for the UEFA Cup, then realize it's unlikely, so schedule soft-rock concerts to keep the stands full through the summer?

Sven's optimism shines even brighter:

"It is a step in the right direction because the target for this club in the future is to play in the Champions League. The Uefa Cup is a very good school to learn about European football. It is a confirmation that we are a good team but also a team that behaves well on the pitch."

Ahem. We'll just casually ignore the fact that you don't need to be a good team (as Fulham almost beat you for the spot, and they were in the relegation zone virtually all season), and we'll overlook the Dunne red card that almost removed you from the running entirely.

But I digress. There's just something about this story that makes me laugh uncontrollably. Did Bon Jovi ever think he'd have this much influence? Could Man City stand the ignominy of asking Huddersfield Town if they can borrow the stadium for a night while they host a limp 1-0 win over a side like SK Brann or Skonto Riga?

The mind boggles. All I do know is that if Oasis were playing a summer concert that jeopardized the new turf, no-one would mind in the slightest. Still, the very idea of Bon Jovi soiling their dignity to begin with is frightening enough. He'll be exiting quickly on his steel horse if he knows what's good for him.

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No Toast For Me

As we all know or maybe not, Wayne Rooney is betrothing Coleen McLoughlin this summer. Wayne will tie one on for his bachelor party in Vegas on May 26, while Coleen attends to the last minute wedding details. Things like seating arrangements, centerpieces and the sort. Luckily for her, the champagne has already been selected.

While the guests will be treated to anal fresco champagne reception and barbecue, bride-to-be Coleen has decided to follow her own diet.

What? I have no clue what that is, but me no want. Frankly, it could just be a translation issue since the story is from the Thaindian News.

But, the story has several other delightful nuggets--not the kind you would expect to find in an anal fresco champagne--but nuggets nonetheless.

• Coleen doesn't want the wedding to be to chavvy.


• To lessen the chavviness, Coleen is toning down the fake tan to appear less orange.


• All female guests are asked to wear black so Coleen will stand out.

I wish Coleen the best for her nuptials, but I think this story shows she is fighting a losing battle against chavviness.

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Joey Barton jailed. England's long national nightmare over

Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months in jail for assault stemming from two separate incidents in one night last December. Barton, out with some of his loutish family, drank 10 pints and five cans of lager. That's what I refer to as a "blackout amount" of beer. Unsurprisingly, Barton ran into trouble, this time at a McDonald's, and now has to pay for his transgressions.

Barton, already used to wearing jail stripes

On December 27, Barton was arrested for instigating two one-sided fights. The first occurred after arguing with a group of youths. Since Britain is awash with CCTV cameras, the entire incident was recorded. Barton knocked

an unidentified man to the ground. He then straddled him and punched him four or five times as his cousin threw food at the victim before the Premier League player punched him up to 15 times more.

Awesome. But our boy Joey wasn't done for the night. A couple of minutes later, Barton went after a 16 year-old. Barton left the scene after breaking several of the youth's teeth.

I don't know what you do when you go out, but damn, that's a full night out. Hell, I would not be surprised if the night didn't at least feature an attempted rape on that fetching cousin of his. Okay, I apologize. That's going too far. Joey would have paid her.

So now, Joey's got six months to think about what he has done wrong. Also, he has to pony up $5000 to the kid whose teeth he broke. Considering that he probably makes that amount during his overnight sleep, I don't think he will be that bothered.

One thing that Barton should strive for is getting along with his new jailmates. Unless he plans to find out the hard way that if you stab your cellmate, you can't just get transferred to a new jail and start over.

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Fireworks In The J-League

Nothing says excitement like an unexploded WWII bomb in the middle of a soccer field. At least it wasn't a pile of used women's panties because there would have been a riot in Japan.

Prior to a match between Verdy and Shimizu S-Pulse, a unexploded bomb was found in Chofu, a suburb of Tokyo. The discovery delayed the start of the match that Verdy ultimately won 4-1.

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The Kiwi Kid

If juggling prowess translated to footie dominance, this guy would be more hated than Cristiano Ronaldo. Thankfully this equation does not compute. Otherwise, I should have been practicing juggling all the time when I was a youngin' instead of freekicks, dribbling, and increasing my endurance. New Zealander Riley Kelliher wants to solve this equation and is intent on becoming a football star.

A soccer whiz kid can juggle a ball more than 4,000 times. It is a
skill which got Riley Kelliher to the world cup and now he is using it to get to the US, where he is aiming to grab the attention of English club the Bolton Wanderers.

Aim high kid, aim high. Actually, Riley could probably help Bolton score a few goals.

Of course, I jest. I applaud this kid's drive. It has gotten him to the world cup and helped him at least get the interest of scouts. In fact, I encourage Manchester United to sign him right now.

[Photo: Scoop Independent News]

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1 Addict, 1 Cup

No, this post isn't about former premiership squad Charlton FC and its quest for silverware. Not is it a coprophilic story. Rather, it's about the continuing drug addled saga of Pete Doherty's and a cup. Doherty's a QPR devotee and this past weekend participated in a celebrity soccer match at Millwall. Doherty's squad lost the match, which might explain his behavior.

Babyshambles were given access to the chairman’s office so the attention surrounding Pete wouldn’t get in the way of all the other guests.

“He decided to play a prank but overstepped the mark.

“One of the security guards was tipped off that Pete was trying to take a trophy. When he checked it out he found that Pete wasn’t nicking it, he was filling it up.

It's tough to blame Doherty. He's been in and out of rehab and jail and always has to pee in a cup. It was just instinct.

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Monday Backpasses: FA Cup hangover

Another weekday, another collection of links.

Portsmouth players have their FA Cup winner's medals stolen [Guardian]
MLS clubs trip over themselves to offer Brian McBride a contract [Times Online]
Soccernista is back! Well, maybe [Soccernista]
Senderos needs change. Bet the guy wasn't an Arsenal fan, either [This is Extra Time]

More stuff you can't live without after the jump.

Liverpool fans debate one of our posts [Rivals]
Carlos Tevez likely to miss US friendly. US women weep with joy [Soccernet]
Manchester City will be without home for first UEFA Cup game, because of Bon Jovi concert [Guardian]
Abramovich buys expensive paintings for new gallery in Moscow. Is his time at Chelsea done? [MSNBC]
Steve Cherundolo has a nice game [Soccer America]
Using soccer to fight AIDS in Africa [Sowetan] [Grassroot Soccer]

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Euro 2008 Team Profiles: Spain

Spain is going to win the 2008 European Championships.

Or is that "Spain are going to win"? Christ, I didn't think this was going to involve my having to consult the MLA stylebook.

But, yeah, Spain, the surest fire chokers in all of international football (well of the ones that made it to the Euro). Those guys. They are going to win. And they are going to look good doing it.

I say that and I haven't even been drinking all day. Nor am I gay. Although I might have a borderline unhealthy man crush on Fernando Torres, I'd totally nail that girl in the pic right above this sentence. Even if she does have a slightly asymmetrical face, she's clearly showing an affinity for having balls against her ass, so I like my chances.

Anyway, there are at least four reasons for Spain is going to vencer or ganar or something.

First, Fernando Torres. That guy is really fucking good at futbol. Sure, it takes a firm grasp of the obvious to make that observation, but without him and his 24 goals—the most ever for an EPL (suck it, Barclay's) debut season—Liverpool is probably staring at the European NIT next season. And much like in the EPL, the only person I can see outscoring him this summer is Christiano Louganis.

Second, no Raul. Sure he's got 40-something goals in 100-odd appearances for the national team, but what's the farthest he's ever been able to carry his país? The quarterfinals? Oh wait, that shouldn't be another question. "The quarterfinals" is the actual answer. In the 1998 Cup they didn't even make it out of their group (really, a 0-0 draw to Paraguay?). Please, give me Torres and David Villa up top—which, hey, that's totally what Spain can have—and I like my odds of not getting shut out by anybody. No, Spain is going score more than Cashely Cole at a Roman Shower party.

Third, here's how loaded their midfield is. Mikel Arteta, who has been a rock in Everton's midfield for the past two and a half seasons, can't even get a spot in the selección.

Finally, I am on a roll. Having predicted the last European and World Cup champions, I'm on a two-tournament winning streak. Okay, I didn't really predict Greece in '04 so much as pull a slip of paper with their name on it out of a hat then whine like a blender stuck on frapeé, but it put me in the money.

So bet against me at your own risk because Cesc Fabregas ain't the only one en fuego.



Here's the squad:

Forwards: Fernando Torres, David Villa, Sergio Garcia, Daniel Guiza

Midfielders: Cesc Fabregas, Andres Iniesta, Xabi Alonso, Xavi, David Silva, Santi Cazorla, Ruben de la Red, Marcos Senna

Defenders: Sergio Ramos, Carlos Marchena, Fernando Navarro, Alvaro Arbeloa, Juanito, Joan Capdevila, Raul Albiol, Carles Puyol

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas, Pepe Reina, Andres Palop


Could England beat this team? I supposed anything is possi... No.

Breakout Player: Sergio Ramos. He goes box to box and, from the right back coming forward, he's a threat with the cross.

Biggest Question Mark: Well, they are still Spain. And if you go Casillas, Arbeloa, Xabi Alonso, Torres, that's pretty much Liverpool running right up the middle of this team. That either explains why Liverpool has been underachieving as of late (too much España in their DNA) or portends poorly for Spain since Liverfourth can't get out of, well, fourth. Although, Reina probably won't see the pitch in front of Casillas save maybe for the last game of the group stage when Spain is sitting on 6 points and a plus-6 GD.

Worst Player: No se.

Can this team win Euro 2008? Did you start reading two sentences in?

What is the squad's pre-made excuse for not winning Euro 2008? Well, it would have been Raul, but, as mentioned he's not on the squad. Their Spain-ness would then have to be the reason.

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