Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Joey Barton jailed. England's long national nightmare over

Joey Barton has been sentenced to six months in jail for assault stemming from two separate incidents in one night last December. Barton, out with some of his loutish family, drank 10 pints and five cans of lager. That's what I refer to as a "blackout amount" of beer. Unsurprisingly, Barton ran into trouble, this time at a McDonald's, and now has to pay for his transgressions.

Barton, already used to wearing jail stripes

On December 27, Barton was arrested for instigating two one-sided fights. The first occurred after arguing with a group of youths. Since Britain is awash with CCTV cameras, the entire incident was recorded. Barton knocked
an unidentified man to the ground. He then straddled him and punched him four or five times as his cousin threw food at the victim before the Premier League player punched him up to 15 times more.

Awesome. But our boy Joey wasn't done for the night. A couple of minutes later, Barton went after a 16 year-old. Barton left the scene after breaking several of the youth's teeth.

I don't know what you do when you go out, but damn, that's a full night out. Hell, I would not be surprised if the night didn't at least feature an attempted rape on that fetching cousin of his. Okay, I apologize. That's going too far. Joey would have paid her.

So now, Joey's got six months to think about what he has done wrong. Also, he has to pony up $5000 to the kid whose teeth he broke. Considering that he probably makes that amount during his overnight sleep, I don't think he will be that bothered.

One thing that Barton should strive for is getting along with his new jailmates. Unless he plans to find out the hard way that if you stab your cellmate, you can't just get transferred to a new jail and start over.


The Fan's Attic said...

Won't he be related to most of his cellmates?

Goat said...

At least his night out didn't involve the use of an ice ax.

TIET said...

Pennant gets nicked at a pizza joint, Barton terrorizes youth at McDonald's.

If the artery clogging lard doesn't kill you, angry footballers will.

Mike Georger said...

i completely understand people who assault athletes in a non deadly manner. whats a better life story 'i met jermaine pennant' or 'i saw jermaine pennant in a restaurant and sucker punched him'
not even close

drew carey has a great story in his autobiography about a friend of his that tackled jim brown once and had to flee cleveland because of it, but he said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and he had to take it.
thats a man