Sunday saw Corinthians celebrate its thirty-first state title, the Paulista. Corinthians clinched the title with a 1-1 draw with Santos. After the game a celebration occurred on field replete with fireworks and confetti, large amounts of both combined to great effect.
Unfortunately, nobody in Brazil, save for Ronaldo seemed to realize the potential dangers involving flammable streamers and fire. (I realize I am treading on thin ice for some asshats out there who may think this is a racist statement, but I assure you it's just exaggeration and sarcasm [looks askance], there are at least two people in Brazil with this knowledge and Pele is not one of them.)
Ronaldo, the Original, was on the field as Corinthians club captain William accepted the trophy on a scissor lift as the confetti rained down. The streamers caught fire and appeared to light the captain on fire. Update: Thankfully, it does not appear anybody was hurt, which makes this easier to laugh at.Said Ronaldo:
It was obvious that it was going to catch fire," he told a news conference. "They should have thought of something better.
"William could have been burned and, instead of celebrating, we could now be visiting him in hospital."
"I lament the disorganisation," added Ronaldo, who was surrounded by reporters and cameramen as the final whistle went.
Ronaldo's common sense could come in handy when he got into the he/she kerfluffle a while back. Although Ronaldo missed out on the immolation, he suffered again through an attack of microphones.
Today's entry comes from The Guardian The Sport Blog in a story about UF favorite and all-time great, Ronaldo. The Original, the Phenomenon or derisively The Fat One. After a devastating injury last year with AC Milan, the three time World Player of the Year has made a stunning comeback with Brazilian side Corinthians, which leads us to the headline.
Cuddly comeback king Ronaldo eating balls again
Photographic evidence of the headline after the jump as I suspect it might change.
The headline makes for a great post, but the great story is really Ronaldo's return. Granted his return is not at the highest level, yet, and the man is still out of shape, but he has scored 8 in 9 games. We may have to start calling him The Feline with all of the lives he has had. I count this as his third. The first coming, then his World Cup winning return after his initial knee injury, and now this. (Don't worry, his latest injury is not serious and will not keep him from this weeks match.)
His most recent comeback is taking place where it all started, Brazil, and appears to be quite successful as his first goal almost incited a riot. His goals have been of the mundane and spectacular variety and you have even seen him outpace a defender. Incredible, I know.
Ronaldo is only 32 and can be a serviceable goal poacher for several more seasons, particularly if he can get his fitness back. Scoring these goals will help because The Feline says
Each goal I score, I lose a kilo.
If that's the case, he might be heroin skinny in just a few months time.
There are rumors that European clubs are sniffing around for a possible return. Count this person as one who hopes to see Ronaldo, the Original, back at the highest levels soon.
A new semi-regular feature gets its debut today on UF, with some memories of four great seasons by four great players.
1. Ronaldo - Barcelona, 1996/97 Though we have plenty of evidence as to how great the now-fat and hobbled Brazilian was, one season in particular stands out above the rest. Having racked up 55 goals in 57 appearances for PSV over two seasons, his quality was undeniable, but a summer transfer to La Liga, several notches above the Eredivisie in difficulty and quality, would provide indisputable proof.
In just one season for the Catalans, Ronaldo scored 47 in 49 games across all competitions, including the winner from the penalty spot in the Cup Winners' Cup Final against Paris Saint-Germain.
The fit at Barca was perfect; with a bullish midfield of Guardiola, de la Pena, Luis Enrique and Gheorghe Popescu that excelled at relieving the opposition of possession, Ronaldo was supported up front by Luis Figo, another elegant yet predatory forward whose passing provided much of the Brazilian's bounty. Though the team fell short of La Liga glory by a mere 2 points to Real Madrid (a team blessed with 24-goal Davor Suker and 21-goal Raul), the Catalans completed a memorable treble, lifting the CWC, the Copa Del Rey, and the Spanish Super Cup thanks to Ronaldo's brilliance.
Watching highlights of his antics that season (Part 1 above, Part 2 here), you see what could have been if he didn't suffer several injury setbacks (between 1999 and 2002, he played just 17 games). Bobby Robson, the Barca manager that year (and England boss before that), had the same view: "if he managed to stay free of serious injury, he had every chance of becoming the best footballer ever. And I stand by that."
There are goals to satisfy every sensibility; mazy, Maradona-esque dribbles through a throng of defenders tackling the air, thunderous long-range efforts from all angles, straight sprints to goal finished with a playful tap-in... he was, and still might be, the ultimate human highlight reel.
Of course, Ronaldo is one of the greats simply because he managed to be the world's best in two different eras; once at full health with his lightning speed intact, and again in 2002 without it. Still, for my money, it doesn't get much better than that 1996/97 season. Take 20 minutes to watch his whole oeuvre that season, and I'm sure you'll agree.
If you're still not convinced, watch the goal beginning at 2:11, the one that against Compostela that was replayed everywhere from CNN to Sky Sports. Is there a single opposition player he doesn't beat with the ball at his feet? Robson's stunned expression at the end of it, hands on head and eyes wide, confirms Ronaldo's majesty.
2. Cristiano Ronaldo - Manchester United, 2007/08 I know, I know, I know; he's the worst thing in football. I know he's insufferable, I know he's loathed for his swagger and his swollen trophy cabinet. I also know how much I personally hate him for everything he's done to keep United on top.
And yet, from a neutral perspective, it's nigh-on impossible to look at the Portuguese winger's season in '07 and not be amazed. 42 goals in 49 games from the wing, where pace and crossing are paramount, the versatile attacker shrugged off the criticism and the hate to lead United to the EPL/CL double, scoring in just about every way imaginable.
It didn't matter what approach defenders took to gameplan against him. Isolating him on the wing never worked because of his ball skill with both feet. Fouling him, or any other United attacker, was a mistake because of his mastery from the set-piece. For every action against him, he had an answer.
Having shown his promise in previous years, 2007/08 was when everything finally clicked and rightly so, he cleaned up just about every award there was for an individual to win; all the PFA awards, selection to the UEFA Team of the Year, the FIFPro World XI, Merit Awards, the EPL Player of the Season, the EPL Golden Boot, FIFPro World Player of the Year, the Ballon D'Or, UEFA Club Footballer of the Year, and many more.
Not bad for a guy who didn't score his first league goal of the season until September 29th.
It is a prolific haul that illustrates just what a dilemma awaits Ferguson in the off-season; to sell his arrogance for a pretty price while losing the on-pitch performance, or swallow his pride in order to retain his services. Not an easy choice, by any means.
3. Michael Ballack - Bayer Leverkusen, 2001/02 This one comes with a monumental caveat: Bayer finished runner-up in all 3 competitions that they dominated that season, suggesting that the scope of Ballack's influence wasn't nearly as profound as it actually was. However, that couldn't be further from the truth (though Ballack did contribute to their Bundesliga failure on the last day, scoring an OG in a 2-0 loss where a draw would have given them the trophy). Without Ballack's contributions, they wouldn't have come close to winning anything.
Ballack, another player on this list who has suffered with the injury bug, put together his finest season once he was finally allowed to play the role he was born to play. Having shown flashes of his mercurial ways at Kaiserslautern, Ballack was let loose in attacking midfield, where he'd score 25 goals.
Freed of his defensive responsibilities thanks to the ankle-biting tandem of Bernd Schneider and Carsten Ramelow, Ballack thrived in supporting Oliver Neuville's ponderous efforts in front of him.
Ballack doubled the scoring output of anyone else in the squad, single-handedly dragging his team through the Champions League where they ran out of steam against Real Madrid (after all, who could compete against Figo, Zidane, Raul and Morientes, with Makelele nuking any attack that came near the 18-yard-box?). Oh, and Zidane's wonder goal that killed off the tie.
The quarter-final, 2nd leg at home to Liverpool was the pick of his performances that year; with a 2-1 lead midway through the 2nd half, the Reds missed several glorious chances to put the game out of reach before being overwhelmed by Ballack's constant menace moving forward. Leverkusen ran out 4-2 winners. Liverpool had no answer for his physicality and persistence, but they weren't alone that season.
4. Alan Shearer - Blackburn Rovers, 1994/95 While the biggest talking point that season remains Eric Cantona's kung-fu kick into the crowd during an FA Cup game at Crystal Palace, it's hard to overlook the season's 2nd biggest story: the millions of Blackburn lad and steel magnate Jack Walker helping the local team usurp league holders Manchester United on the final day of the season.
The feat, herculean in context, could have only been possible with Alan Shearer tapping in goals from all angles against any and all competition. (If you want to be cynical, it could only have been possible first with Walker's millions.)
In 1991, Rovers were in the 2nd Division, forever admiring the top flight like a kid stood in the cold looking at toys in a store window, nose pressed against the glass in awe of what was contained within. With Walker's finances, the club spent at a Chelsea-esque rate a full decade before anyone in the soccer world even knew who Roman Abramovich was, buying goalie Tim Flowers for a then-record 2 million pounds, and then smashing their own feat with a 3.3 million pound purchase of Shearer.
In a 4-4-2 with Chris Sutton as his wingman, he was unstoppable, scoring 34 of the duo's 49 goals in the league and despite losing twice in contentious circumstances to United that year, they prevailed.
Easily one of the greats within the 6-yard-box, the comparisons with Gary Lineker, another close-range predator, were completely justified. He appeared to possess a singular skill set on the pitch; lurking around the box for 90 minutes, he put the fear of God into some of England's best defenders of the era, an impossible force to stop.
Make no mistake that Blackburn were the first real "money-built" team of the 90s; yet Shearer, with his personality and character firmly rooted in the working class, made it rather easy to forget.
No, it's not a continuation of the post below. Sorry to get your hopes up.
This is about the tranny-hooker loving Fat Ronaldo. He made his return to the pitch last night, playing for Corinthians in its 2 - 0 Brazlian Cup win over Itumbiara (También).
For those of you counting the months, that makes 13 since his knee injury at Milan knocked him so far out of the game he had to return back home.
Such a mediagasm surrounded his return that, after the match, there was an access-seeking melee of "around two dozen reporters" where an errant microphone hit him in the eye.
Pictures (and, man, did we look but were unable to find any) showed his eye badly bruised and swollen.
This is all just a distraction from the real story: Ronaldo ran around for about 22 minutes without collapsing from either A) his own weight or B) (related) his own lack of fitness.
Eurosport described the appearance thusly: "Wearing his favourite number nine shirt, Ronaldo had only a few touches of the ball in an unspectacular debut. It was his first game for a Brazilian club since leaving Cruzeiro in 1994."
We poke fun around here, mostly because we're not smart enough to get away with sincerity and not sound like 14-year-old girls. But we're kind of happy for Ronaldo as many people suspected he was done after the last (his third or fourth) serious knee injury.
The fact that he's not done also makes us happy as it means more jokes about his size and his indeterminate sexual preference.
[Update: Our commenters rule. But, yes, this is the same pic as listed in the comments below.]
Now more Brazilian footballer news involving nightclubs.
Remember that Ronaldo fella, not the prancing, diving uber-gelled winger, the one with multiple world cup trophies, multiple Player of the Year honors, multiple devastating knee injuries, multiple bad haircuts, leading World Cup goal scorer, tranny hooker scandal. No? The fat one? Yeah, now you remember.
The Original injured his knee last February with AC Milan and has been rehabbing his knee back in Brazil. He recently signed a contract with Corinthians. Now the Brazilian club is somewhat concerned with the Original's late-night habits. Seems the Original was photographed leaving a club at six a.m. the day of his physical with Corinthians.
It is always good to give the doctor an accurate representation of your lifestyle.
It's widely known that Brazilian soccer superstar Ronaldo was caught with some transvestite hookers recently. The exact circumstances of this encounter are not quite known. Ronaldo says he didn't know they were actually males and that they tried to extort him. The hookers, well, they first said there was sex that occurred and now they are "admitting" they lied about the situation...which led to this awesome headline...
Two of the three cross-dressing prostitutes involved in the scandal with Ronaldo have admitted lying about having sex and using drugs with the AC Milan striker.
***
Two of the prostitutes have now withdrawn their allegations, volunteering the information to local police.
Police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said: 'There was no drugs or sex that night.
'They said that they invented it all because they failed to receive the money they intended as extortion.'
Who knows if they really were lying or if Ronaldo's check finally cleared. I'm going to tend to believe that they were lying and Ronaldo's check cleared. The man has pulled some incredible tail over the years and I have no reason to think he would be into tranny hookers. Not that it really matters to me, except for the jokes.
Ronaldo's still suffering a bit from low self-esteem after his recent tranny hooker bust, but now the embarrassment is extending to his pocketbook and causing far more damage.
If that doesn't stop you from blindly picking up girls with mustaches at dark, damp nightclubs, I don't know what will!
There's also a fair bit of blog speculation [Buzz Bissinger's favorite thing] that he might have endangered his lifetime contract with Nike, a good bit of business that is worth some $100 million over the course of his playing career. I for one would hate to see this happen. I was raised on a steady diet of Ronaldo wonder goals, and to think that one night of curiosity and homo-erotic madness could bring it all to an end.
After all, hasn't he been through enough? His leg is barely hanging together, his rehab is going slowly, and now he's losing money fast. It's almost enough to drive a man to drink...... or the warm touch of yet more prostitutes.
After the jump, some of those Ronaldo commercials with Nike.
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