Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Someone Really Will Work For Food

Could I change but one letter, this might be one of the better headlines ever: "Germany's Fanz to coach Cuba free of charge"

Still, phonetically, it's pretty awesome: German fans are going to call the shots in Cuba, and the Cubans aren't even going to charge them for the privilege. Awesome.

Eh, maybe not.

Instead, Reinhold Fanz, coach of German club Bonner SC (oh, again, just one letter and this would be so much more amusing) will manage the Cuban national side in exchange for only his living and travel expenses.

For those not in the know, Bonner SC is not in the Bundesliga. It's not even in the sequel, Bundesliga II: Electric Bugaloo. Bonner has subsisted in tier III and IV for most of its existence (1965). It even made a brief visit to Verbandsliga Mittlerhein (V) in 2000-01.

Nicht kann Deutsch, but I'm thinking Verbandsliga translates as "very bad liga."

Anyway, Bonner has put that sordid mess behind them and lifted themselves back to Oberliga Nordrhein (IV). Yipee.

One of three things is probably true here:

A) There's not much upward mobility for coaches stuck in the 4th divsion of German football.
B) Cuba really is a socialist workers paradise, or
C) Fanz truly does love his job so much, he's willing to do it for free (Suckers, Bonner!).

I suppose those options are not mutually exclusive, but anyone who has actually been to Cuba can assure you that B is not the case. That said, if Fanz has any kind of nest egg built up from his playing and coaching days in the mutterland, he is going to live better than you and I can ever imagine.

Cuba is swimming with drop-dead model-quality gorgeous women, who will happily give themselves up to you for the price of dinner and a few drinks. It sounds a bit sordid, but A) it's not a straight cash transaction and B) how is that any different from what happens in the US of A? Or how is it different other than the fact that it runs pennies on the dollar?

It could be a self-defeating proposition though. The appeal of a foreigner to a Cuban woman is that he represents a means off the island. Fanz isn't going anywhere, but his reward is that he gets to coach the 71st FIFA-ranked team in the world. And he'll get nothing (and like it apparently) for his efforts.


Ian said...

Cuba is ranked 71st? Is that in the FIFA rankings or the COMECON rankings?

Precious Roy said...

Behind the Congo. Ahead of Angola.