Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Completely Irrational, Rambling Spurs Screed



"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

-Famous Jew


Where to begin? It's hard to see straight with these tears in my eyes. Or speak, what with the snot oozing down my philtrum and choking my tongue. Whining, crying losers we are. And for what?

New players, same shitty results. New players, same breakdowns. Unable to cope with a ball in the air-- in either box. New players, same game. (Every Spurs fan on earth and the seven suns knew Cisse was going to score--with his noxious noggin-- at some point in those last ten minutes.)

Stick with a team long enough and you develop a bit of telepathy. It goes like: "I'll be shocked if he doesn't give up a double here"... "Pick to the house. I know it"... or "Power play? Why even bother?" With Tottenham it's easy. No magic powers required. Unless it's against Chelsea at Wembley ( let me cling, please…), the defense will suffer a collective brain fart at some crucial point late in the second half. It's nothing to do with the personnel on the field, it's about, like Seinfeld said, "the laundry." And no one is more prone to spoiling their whites than Tottenham.

It was supposed to be different with Juande Ramos. And not just because the pundits said so. We saw it-- for a moment I swear I saw it (Yetti!!)

Juande, your job is safe. For the whole year. So no talk about that. Let's talk about team selection. What did 150 years of football not tell us about playing right-footed players on the left, and left-footed players on the right? Do we have so little confidence in the striker from Charlton that Bentley's crosses, from the right, have been mooted and he is only useful on the left as a two-touch-and-blast-man?

Line Bentley up on the right, sit Lennon on the bench, and start Giovani up on the left. Bale is a winger, not a full back. The defense is not strong enough to carry his weight. Zokora is a central defender or midfield player. Please stop playing him at right back.

Now here's where I may surprise you. I say The Mister gets a pass on the Berbatov debacle. That was and is (and remains!) Levy's mess. It existed well before Ramos got here and judging by the pace of business these days, may well exist after he leaves. Sell that filthy beggar for 25 or 28 or 30 million, whatever. Just be done with it. Buy the crazy Colombian kid from River. Or overpay for Forlan or Huntelaar or any striker who will agree to move to London. It doesn't matter. It is the essence of addition by subtraction.

Ok. Deflating...

Lucy! I'm ready to kick again.

Just one win. Three points at Chelsea. Two awful streaks end at once. The world alight again. Wonders are many.

8 comments:

Ian said...

The crazy kid from Colombia playing at River Plate you are referring to is Falcao, right? He scored this weekend. Didn't realize Sp$rs were moving for him.

Keith said...

Now, now, Likely. Ain't no team concedes late like Villa concedes late.

/grumble, grumble, effin' Stoke

Lingering Bursitis said...

You know who else concedes late?

Both teams LFC have beaten so far this season :D

The Likely Lad said...

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/2008/08/25/tottenham-in-7m-bid-for-radamel-falcao-115875-20711322/
link... take it for what you will.

im sorry keith. look back last year. must have been 10-15 games spurs gave up a goal to tie or lose in last couple mins.

Keith said...

And Villa did the same last year. We even went 20 games straight without a clean sheet.

The upside for us is that people besides our strikers score goals.

The Likely Lad said...

yea... we don't know much about that. especially troubling considering there are zero [mildly effective] strikers in our current side

Andrew said...

Yeah, watched the Spurs game yesterday on Tivo. Talented, but sans direction.

@ Keith: that was a tough, tough loss. To battle back, and then surrender a goal that late is shattering. But, I think Carew has emerged as the sparkplug that Barry used to be.

Keith said...

Andrew-

Carew has been the king of the flick-on ever since we got him. His hat-trick against Barcodes last year was his coming out party. What would be nice to see is if Gabby ever decides to try play-making as well, and not just runningreallyfasttowardthegoal!

And Barry is still a sparkplug- he was the center of the action in the opener against Citeh. But when he's off his form, he totally disappears.

The guy to watch out for this year for us is Petrov. Yeah, he still blasts the ball ten yards over the goal from the channel, but he's starting to become a rock in the center of the park, and an important part of the squad right in front of the back four.