TWAG: Asshole United Fan Might Be Redundant

As much as I love futbol, even I am surprised that I made it to Ginger's just a couple of minutes after the kick for the second leg of the troika. And yes, I do want a cookie. I thought about it a good long while and, after hitting the snooze button twice, realized that if I missed the match, it would turn out to be the Greatest Soccer Match Ever Played.

Instead it was mild torture. For the second time in 4 days Arsenal outplayed Liverpool and had almost nothing to show for it (okay, one league point).

I blame Wenger. The second he saw the Skrtel (I'd like to buy a vowel please) and Carragher in central defense, he should have put Adebayor in. That pair was dreadful against United and he should have exploited it. Bendtner couldn't scare a 4 year old boy, not even if he were wearing Jason's hockey mask.

Champions League Schmampions League. With United dropping points, had Wegner been a little more aggressive with his line-up, a win at Old Tratford next week and United would be down to a one point lead atop the Prem.

Okay, Wegner couldn't have known that United with draw on Sunday, but still, manage like a baseball manager down 3-2 in a seven game series. Do everything you can to win game six, then worry about game seven when it happens.

I really could do this all day. "This" being ifs and shouldas. But I'm only making myself miserable. In fact I don't think I've even enjoyed much Arsenal soccer since sometime in January. That's the real bummer here.

Sure the first two matches were exciting, but not exciting in a fun kind of way. In the first, they held a lead for all of three minutes before giving a goal right back. In the second, they controlled the match only to be one down at half. It was a nice individual effort by Crouch, but it was equally a horrid defensive lapse.

Is it too much to ask for a methodical 4-0 dismantling of someone? Anyone? Probably not happening Tuesday. Probably not happening the 13th either. Who is getting promoted and when are they on the schedule for next season?

Anyway, instead of the Greatest Soccer Match Ever Played, I think I got a mild ulcer (or maybe that was just the seven cups of coffee I put back eating a hole in the line of my stomach). Oh, and I had to listen to some United fan talk shit the entire match.

That's right some dicktard (and no, it wasn't Douchey McBosox Hat, this guy was old) showed up at Ginger's wearing a United shirt and scarf just to cheer against Arsenal and talk shit the entire match.

A) It was finally warm in Chicago, what the fuck you need a scarf for? B) I think the very definition of "asshole" is to get up at an ungodly early hour to put on garb for a team that isn't even playing and spew stupid half truths you've heard elsewhere like there's a string coming out of your back.

Sometimes I wish Americans were the type of people who beat other people senseless just for wearing the wrong shirt into the wrong bar. Sometimes I wish I was that kind of American instead of the pacifist that I am.

Well, asshole, hope you enjoyed sweating it out against 'Boro on Sunday. Maybe if you're a little less of a dick the Universe wouldn't derive such pleasure from taunting you. Of course if there really is a direct causal connection between your behaviour and United's on-field performance, then feel free to show up for the Champions League match on Tuesday and be an even bigger prick. That would make my weekend.