Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Today, and to my eyes, this is the ugliest collection of shirts I have ever put together. Instead of just concentrating on a certain shirt this week, I have done some exhaustive research and come up with the worst team collection I could find. If you have the stomach, join me after the jump for a truly awful set of shirts from today's most annoying English team.

To those that don't get the inherent joke (a possibility given that the internet lives forever and dates are rarely checked), this article was posted the day after Arsenal won, then lost, the CL tie against Liverpool. I'm sure this knowledge will make the article a lot funnier to you.

Usually, with that kind of hate-filled intro, I would be introducing Manchester United, or maybe Chelsea. But with the average Scouser's inability to realize that Babel was, at best, fouled outside the box, or, at worst, a diving cuntbag, I'm going to immediately change my tune. Instead of being the member of the Big 4 I could tolerate, now I have nothing but contempt for you lot and that stupid goddamn song you never quit singing. Sure, the players will never walk alone, but when will the "fans" quit breaking into their houses? Never, I'm guessing, if the alternative is getting off the dole and getting a job.

But I digress. Let's look at the abominations of Liverpool's past.
If there is one thing I hate in the world of jerseys, it's the cookie-cutter style that some manufacturers force onto teams. Teams that are not strong enough to say no. Teams, apparently, like Liverpool. This shirt is especially egregious because of the placement of the three stripes on either side of the abdomen. If you ever need a shirt that says "Hey, look. My ribs are right here", this is the one for you.

Dear Liverpool, you are a football club playing by Association Rules. You are not a Rugby club. Please dress accordingly on the pitch.

If the mid-90s will be remembered for one thing in football shirt world, it's the sublimated print. Liverpool obviously decided to go all-in on this trend, but not really with the sublimated part. Instead they chose a pale yellow suitable for your grandma and doctored it with what looks like random inkstains. Until you get close in, that is, and you say to yourself "Hey, it's that same badge embroidered on the shirt over and over again."

Ah, kids Liverpool shirts from the past. Eyesores in their own right, now decorated with autographs of former players who, if they didn't make it in football punditry, now glaze windows. Remember, YNWA, unless you no longer play, that is. And really, what is that top one? Baby blue? Blue-Grey? Either way, real manly, fellas.

Uh, I like this one. Let's move on.

Hey look. It's the exact same design that Trinidad & Tobago wore in the World Cup. That must be nice feeling, knowing that Liverpool has as much sway with adidas as T&T does. And what did I say about cookie-cutter shirts anyway? Come on.



Oh, and one more thing, Liverpool fans, your captain is an Everton fan, as this pic attests. Deal with it. I don't care what his ghost-written autobiography says.

Thanks to The Spoiler for sending over the Gerrard pic. The others are from the eBays, if you have that poor of taste.

8 comments:

Lingering Bursitis said...

I loved that yellow 3rd kit from the early 90s. Even had Rob Jones' name and number 2 on the back.

We have had some abyssmal kits though. Most from the Candy era look awesome now.

Damn you for the cheap Gerrard shot! He had every kit as a kid!

The Fan's Attic said...

ahem....Arsenal...
http://www.ave-it.net/Arsenalkit.jpg

Mike Georger said...

the four square green one is the closest they can get to their original kit which essentially was blackburn

and i dont give a shit about that everton picture, imo its gotta piss everton fans off a lot more to see what they missed out on

Mike Georger said...

also, fwiw, theyre allegedly going all grey for away next year and all green for euro away. personally i loved last years away kit, this years is almost identical to the training one. brilliant marketing idea adidas

The Fan's Attic said...

and

http://www.footballshirts.dk/static/000118/000001/005756.asp

The Black Dog said...

That "bluish" one with all the autographs made me think of Ian Rush. And that made me happy.

The Fuse Project (as seen at deadspin.com), owner of about 50 football shirts.

RK5 said...

Now, now, Trinidad and Tobago wore the Adidas Libero template kit in World Cup 2006. See below:

http://www.soccer.com/Images/Catalog/ProductImages/600/69456.AP23.JPG

They are vaguely similar, but not really that close.

Adidas Golpe template:
http://www.soccer.com/Images/Catalog/ProductImages/600/648144.SW.JPG

strong like bull smart like tractor said...

I'd mock, but have you seen some of the shirts Chelsea used to wear?

/shudders