UF After Dark: Derby County FC Finally Scores

So far here at UF we've introduced you to Eva Roob and Danny Mountain, both former football players who turned to pr0n to make a buck. Now, thanks to one of our most dedicated readers (you know who you are!), we are very proud to show you even more football pr0n....






These are stills from the latest straight-to-Internets video titled "I'm Looking for My Balls" (not making that one up!). The video features English pornstar Kieran Lee (but not this Kieran Lee formerly of ManU), who isn't a Derby County player, but he is from Derby, England and does wear a Derby kit throughout the video, including during the, uh, action. Way to show your support for the team! We're guessing that he learned a thing or two from former-Derby County manager Paul Jewell.

More pics after the jump. No actual nudity but still NFSW. Although, we've saved the really raunchy pictures for our personal collection.










Punchline: For once the Rams give it to someone else in the ass!

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Carling Cup open thread: Like Rams to the Slaughter

Don't be scared, Carlos, it's only Derby! Oh... yeah, that.

Is there anyone on this planet that imagines Derby can unseat the high-priced, high-flying sulk machines of Manchester United? If so, please step forward. Burnley showed us last night just what going up 1-0 before half-time will get you: a 4-goal spanking from the restart. When a mediocre striker from Zenit is scoring goals, you know you're done for.

That said, it's Derby's turn to nip at the ankles of a proud EPL behemoth.

New manager Brian Nigel Clough isn't quite ready to take over, meaning that academy boss David Lowe is in charge tonight. Not that it'll matter; while United will probably rest a ton of first-teamers, this evening feels like one of those 3-0, Danny-Welbeck-scores-an-absurdly-brilliant-goal-with-five-minutes-remaining games. It's unshakeable.

Rams striker Rob Hulse is bravely playing the media game, insisting that all the pressure is on United to beat them mercilessly over two legs (although really, a one-leg massacre and a 1-0 at Old Trafford will do the job):

We are the underdogs and we have got nothing to lose whereas United are expected to win, so we can just enjoy pitting our wits against some of the best players in the world. Being the favourites and being expected to win brings with it an added pressure. We have got to try and take advantage of that and make it difficult for them and if we can play and get the crowd behind us, we can give anyone a game. It is a cup game so you never know what could happen, but at the same time we know that whatever team they bring it will be packed full of experienced internationals and great players."

Indeed Rob, this one's truly up in the air.

Come watch Fergie's reserves with us after the jump, with a possible Rodrigo Possebon sighting!

Lineups:
Derby: Carroll, Connolly, Todd, Nyatanga, Camara, Sterjovski, Green, Addison, Commons, Hulse, Davies.

Subs: Bywater, Savage, Teale, Barazite, Dickinson, Powell, Hines.

Man Utd: Kuszczak, Rafael Da Silva, Vidic, Evans, O'Shea, Anderson, Scholes, Gibson, Nani, Tevez, Welbeck.

Subs: Amos, Ronaldo, Rooney, Giggs, Carrick, Fletcher, Possebon.

Sad that Rodrigo only makes the bench, although young Welbeck's primed for his late, meaningless wonder strike. For Derby, a whole bunch of players I've never heard of who are charged with the task of protecting poor former United keeper Roy Carroll.

All joking aside, Phil Dowd's in charge, adding a whole new layer of chaos to the proceedings. Seriously: he's rubbish.

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BIG Shoes To Fill

Brain Clough was one of the greatest managers in English history. If you don't believe me then click here and see for yourself. He once said "I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one." Whether or not his son Nigel has the same talent to succeed in the big leagues is up for debate. But he will get a shot. He was just named manager of Derby County after 10 years with non league Burton Albion.
Is he ready? Nigel Clough has made it the big time and he leaves his non league team at the top of the Blue Square Premier, 13 points to the good and looking up at League football for the first time. He must be good right? His old man certainly was. Brian Clough managed Derby for 6 years and now son Nigel will get a go. Nigel is only 42 but has 10 years experience as a manager already. This move has to be a risk for Derby. No doubt that Clough has done a super job at Burton, but this is Derby County and not a non league side filled with builders, roofers, car dealers and salesmen. His new players have big wage packets and egos to match.

"This is a fantastic opportunity for me and one that I relish. I know the club inside out. It has always had a special place in mine and my family's heart, and I know that this is one of the most exciting jobs in football. Derby County has everything - tremendous support, a first-class stadium, magnificent training facilities and an ambitious ownership group looking to grow the club even further. Also, we have a terrific squad of players already here and I can't wait to start working with them" - Nigel Clough today.

Derby are sure they have the right man and Chairman Adam Pearson spent the afternoon singing Clough's praises.

"He is right man for this club at this time, he has created a fine legacy at Burton and wants to do exactly the same at Derby. He sees it very much as a long-term project. There was no sentiment or romance involved in the appointment, you can't have that in football. He's tough enough to take the club forward in his own style." - Derby Chairman Adam Pearson.


The younger Clough followed his old man into football and started his career at his dad's club, in his dads old position. He scored 102 goals as a striker at Forest in 317 games. Short stints at Liverpool and Manchester City followed before Clough took over at Burton Albion as player manager. Clough made 300 appearances for the non leaguers and was still registered as a player this year. He leaves Burton riding high with a good shot at making League Two and professional football for the first time.

Brain Clough managed Derby but it was at the Rams big rivals, Nottingham Forest that he made his name, winning the European Cup twice. His team also went 42 games without a defeat. The equivalent of a whole season. A record that stood until Arsenal bettered it with a 49 game run back in 2004. The year 'Old big ead' died at the age of 69.

Clough senior was a real character and always good for a quote. He once said "Telling the entire world and his dog how good a manager I was. I knew I was the best but I should have said nowt and kept the pressure off 'cos they'd have worked it out for themselves."

His son is the opposite and a quiet character, but he seems to have the same confidence of the old man. He will need to be a chip of the old block if he is going to succeed with Derby. They are currently 22 points from Reading in second place and just 5 from the drop.

-Bigus.

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Football Is No Place For A Promise, But A Pair Of Balls

He came, he lost, he quit. Paul Jewell has resigned as manager of Derby County, leaving them just 5 points above the drop zone in the Coca Cola Championship. But did he jump too soon?

Jewell took over at County last season and failed to win a single Premier League game. Derby were relegated with the worst ever record for a top flight side but Jewell vowed to bring the rams back up at the first attempt. We all know that such a promise was a ridiculous offering. The Colaship is an extremely hard league to survive, let alone get out of, as Norwich, Palace, Southampton, Watford and Derby have all found out.

Jewell was backed heavily by County's American owners in the summer and he spent a fair bit of money on players such as Nathan Ellington, Kris Commons, Martin Albrechtsen, Paul Green, and Rob Hulse.

But his new men have failed spectacularly this term and the home defeat to Ip..Ip..Ip..Them last Sunday was the final straw. Derby have won just 7 games this season and have lost 11. Derby have won just 2 of their last 10.

For me he has quit too early and left County in the lurch. He spent the money, he made the promises and with a 5 point buffer from the bottom and 12 to the play-offs, quitting was definitely premature. His actions could send Derby into free-fall. Not to mention that Jewell had led them to the semi-final of the Carling cup against Manchester United and now leaves them manager-less to face the Premiership giants in next weeks first leg. If Derby had been closer to the drop or in the relegation zone then the move would be understandable, but they weren't in that mire just yet and he has shown he hasn't the stomach for a fight. Which is strange given the heroics he performed at Bradford City. He gained a reputation as a fighter during his first managerial role with the Bantams and has been living off that reputation ever since.

"He came to see me after the game and said that he felt it just wasn't working out and didn't want to club to suffer as a result." - Derby Chairman Adam Pearson.

Leaving Derby in the lurch after just one year will certainly have put doubt in the minds of any future suitors for Jewell's services and I should imagine that any Championship or Premier League club will steer well clear. I hope he likes his wife, as I can see him spending plenty of time at home. Oh dear, apparently he doesn't.

Derby head to Forest Green in the third round of the FA Cup next Saturday before hosting Manchester United in the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final on Wednesday the 7th of January.

-Bigus

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English Footy Comes to Michigan

Back in January of this year, Andrew Appleby, chairman of Rochester Hills-based General Sports and Entertainment (GSE), bought a majority stake in Derby County FC for £50 million. Although GSE owns minor-league basketball and hockey teams (and represents Astroturf), this is their first foray into footy (cue Derby County are a minor league team jokes). Derby had been in the English Premier League (suck it Barclay's) every year from 1996-2001, were relegated, and regained their promotion through a playoff spot in 2006. Therefore in January 2008 (the middle of the 2007-2008 season), Derby were back in the EPL after 5 years away. With the club sitting at only 7 points at the bottom of the table, Appleby bought Derby on the cheap and then watched them finish 20th and be relegated yet again.


Having owned the club for 9 months, GSE has watched Derby County start slowly in the Championship as they sit 15th in the table with 13 points from 10 matches. Suffering through this poor form, Appleby decided to brighten his own backyard and formed a strategic partnership between Derby County FC and the youth teams playing under the name Michigan Wolves (boys) and Michigan Hawks (girls). In particular, the boys U-16 and U-18 teams playing in the US Development Academy will receive a significant amount of money from the club, and will play under the name Derby County Wolves going forward (no word on whether the girls' teams in that age group, who have produced USWNT players Lindsay Tarpley and Kate Sobrero, will also receive financial assistance).

Roger Faulkner, the Vice-President of Soccer for GSE, has noted that the state of Michigan has a rich soccer history, and the Wolves-Hawks have been well-represented within that history. The club has produced seven overall US Youth Soccer National Championships (1989, 1991, 1992, 2001, 2003, 2004, and 2007), and has been ranked as high as #7 nationally, with a current national ranking of #16.

So, Derby County FC increase their presence internationally and develop a pipeline into a legitimate national power in the United States. That is good news for a team like Derby, who has had to endure matches like this.

Even better, with some of the talent on the Wolves squad, maybe they should make some call-ups sooner, rather than later.

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BREAKING! **DOUBLE-UPDATED** This "Fix" Needs a-Fixin'

[Ed. Note: hit the jump for the update to the update]

There's a stink around Carrow Road this evening and it's not just the usual daft draft blowing up from Delia's kitchen. No, this odor's been brewing since an October 4 match between Championship sides Norwich City and Derby County. The game is now under informal investigation by the FA over concerns about betting irregularities in Asia and a bizarre foul by Derby's resident twelve-stepper, goalkeeper Roy Carroll.

FA Chief Lord Triesman has, per the BBC, said that match-fixing suspicions are being "taken seriously." The spokesman for the Department of Culture, Media and Sport wrote that there will be "no hiding place for cheats." And notorious Tokyo-based crime boss Fuzi "The Fist" Fuzigama is reported to have put out a 90m Yen bounty on the head of striker Nathan Ellington, who potted the winner for Derby, and if the allegations are true, cost a lot of folks a lot of money. (Two of those sentences are entirely true.)

For his part, Derby manager Paul Jewell isn't impressed. He's called the story "nonsense." But as Joe the Plumber would say, -- no wait, Fuck Joe the Plumber. The details, circumstantial evidence, conspiracy theories, and character assassination after the jump.

***NORWICH STATEMENT***
**NO IRREGULAR BETTING**
Norwich City released a statement this afternoon, citing a report from the European Sports Security Commission and the Association of British Bookmakers, saying that there is NO REASON to suspect any illegal actions surrounding the October 4th match.

per Bigus: It looks like a couple Asian bookies decided have some fun with the punters and tip them off to a fix that never existed, making a pretty penny in the process.

Oh well. Good news I'd say. Still, feel free to enjoy my fanciful conspiracy theory as spelled out below.


(from 10.16.08)


Unprofessional Foul launched its own investigation into the matter and came up with the following. All credit to Bigus Dickus, whose beloved Canaries could end up looking pretty bad if this all bears itself out. He's played the Hoffman to my Redford all afternoon.

The worst case looks like this:

Derby's former West Ham and Northern Ireland keeper Roy Carroll, who checked himself into rehab for booze and gambling (he owed a teammate £30,000) in November 2006, got stuck into another tight spot, only this time with a group of unforgiving Asian types. In an effort to redress his debts, and fast, he agreed to take a dive in an early October match at Carrow Road.

There was nothing untoward in the run-up and the first half played out as one might expect, with Derby taking an early 1-0 lead off a blistering header from Rob Hulse.

Into halftime we went when, according to a newspaper report delivered to the FA, there was a "massive movement" in bets across Asia. Those wagers, we're told, mostly picked Norwich to win.


Cheat? Maybe. Flexible? You betcha.

The teams came out for the second half and not six minutes later Carroll was off with a red card. And not just any red card. See above, the Derby keeper takes a boot to an onrushing Leroy Lita's face, causing the striker to hit the deck and earning Norwich an, ahem, timely spot-kick. Sammy Clingan would take his chance and with a tick under 40 minutes to play, Norwich were level and a man up for the remainder.

Carroll, if you're to believe this dreck, had done his job. The score was even and Norwich now had an eternity-- and the man advantage-- to find a winner. At home.

Alas, there would be no second score for the 21st place team from Norfolk. The game would stay tied until the 85th minute, when Canary keeper David Marshall did some stepping of his own, an unfortunate stroll off his line, and allowed the aforementioned Ellington to roll home the winner for Derby.

Time expired and despite the best efforts of the Asian match-fixers, the degenerate keeper, and the referee (possibly-- there's been some question about Darren Dreadman's handling of the match), Norwich had failed win. The fix was broken.


***

This is the theory, even if no one in the press or among the investigators has taken the risk of spelling it out. If for no other reason than to save Norwich the embarrassment, I'd have to say it's an unlikely tale. No one with the power to shift a noticeable amount of money across Asia would be stupid enough to pin their small fortune on one apparently delinquent Roy Carroll. There's also the issue of betting customs, as Derby chairman Adam Pearson notes, "large bets go on in the Far East all the time and that's their culture, it's not something you come across in UK football, certainly not at this club."

Pearson in his indignation slammed local MPs for making a meal of the allegations, affecting umbrage at his club's being caught up in what he's deemed a provincial kerfuffle. Still, his "they should be looking at events closer to home and maybe looking at crime on their own doorstep, people getting murdered in their city centres and the financial turmoil" comment sounds a bit like a certain 18-year-old's protests against a liquor fine.

The investigation then, by all accounts, is ongoing. And there's nothing for us news types like an ongoing investigation. Our ongoing surveillance of the situation will too remain... ongoing.

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Derby's Eleven

Derby County were a fun distraction in the EPL last season, mainly due to their commitment to futility. 11 points from their 38 games saw them return swiftly to the untelevised comfort of the Colaship, and it saw their manager get fined for a tirade against Phil Dowd, as well as being caught in a sex tape scandal!

And now, they're enjoying some interesting times once again, as their ex-owner is fighting with the newly-installed American Investment Group! Oh, and they've signed 11 new players since the end of the season.

Remarkable times ahead at Pride Park, that's for sure.

First up, the business business.

It appears that their former chairman, Peter Gadsby, was terminated on Friday. This morning, he made a statement showing his anger at the manner in which he was terminated (perhaps something to do with the persistence he showed in trying to get some investment numbers from the new Yank overlords, and even hinted at possible legal action:

"Following my appointment as a non-executive director at the time of the club’s takeover by GS&E in January this year, I repeatedly sought confirmation that public pledges of an investment of £50m – £18m to purchase shares, £22m to clear debts and £10m for new signings – were being honoured... Right up to the moment I discovered that my position had been terminated, no answers were forthcoming.

Nor was there a single official board meeting at which these crucial matters could be raised, an astounding state of affairs for any company, let alone one facing up to serious challenges in a difficult business climate."

Not particularly inspiring, is it?

His statement continued:

“On several occasions after the takeover, Adam Pearson [Rams’ chairman of football] maintained publicly that the club would go forward “free of debt” as the result of the investment of “substantial new monies” and it was announced that a takeover worth £50m included £10m for new signings.

From the outset, I expressed my unhappiness that such were being made without corroboration and was told that corrected figures would be forthcoming later, when all possible sources of new investment had been explored."

So we're looking at possible grounds for unfair dismissal, or some deviation from that if Gadsby himself could only provide evidence that proves what he's saying.

However, the weird turn here is that he also offered to buy back the club from General Sport and Entertainment!

“I sincerely hope that, in making my doubts about an unhappy situation public, I may help to exert pressure on the owners to produce a full and precisely detailed account of the terms of their takeover, of the amount of new monies invested, the current financial position and the identity of the investors, as well as future financial intentions.

Such is my disappointment and sense of frustration about the situation that I now contend that the current owners should either make good their financial commitments to Derby County and provide the supporters with proof that their initial promises have been honoured or give me the opportunity to buy the club back and return it to local ownership more atuned to the needs and expectations of its outstandingly loyal supporters.”

A rather bizarre game of He-Said, She-Said, isn't it?

Meanwhile, the club has been out spending money like Charles Barkley in Vegas, bringing in eleven (!) new faces recently. A week ago, the club added Polish loaner Przemyslaw Kazmierczak (Don't ask me how to pronounce that) to their haul of faces and names who will all need to get acquainted rather quickly:

- former Plymouth Argyle defender Paul Connolly
- midfielder Paul Green (from Doncaster Rovers)
- Watford left-back Jordan Stewart
- winger Kris Commons (from Nottingham Forest)
- Watford striker Nathan Ellington (loan)
- Ex-Sheffield United striker Rob "f*cking useless" Hulse
- Striker Steve Davies from Tranmere Rovers
- Midfielder Ruben Zadkovich from Sydney FC
- Ex-West Brom defender Martin Albrechtsen
- Striker Liam Dickinson from Stockport County

It's a lot of new faces, and almost enough for a brand-new starting XI! (and they just got turned down by a possible 12th signing, Welsh international midfielder John Oster)

Considering the talent of some players still with the Rams, like Giles Barnes, it's fair to assume that they'll bounce back up, but who can say? Let's just hope for their sake that the ownership situation gets sorted before it becomes too distracting. You get the impression that it's going to take a lot to keep Gadsby quiet.

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Goodbye Derby County, We Hardly Knew Ye

Derby County, tipped to relegate back to the Championship from the moment they were confirmed for promotion, have finally succumbed to their general ineptitude on the pitch. With six games left to play, there is an insurmountable 19 point gap between Derby and the currently-safe-in-17th Birmingham City. Inside, a look at Derby's horrible campaign.

Derby has played 32 games to date in the EPL (Suck it, Barclay's!), and have one win to show for their efforts. That win came in the 6th week of the season. In 16 away games they have scored a woeful six goals while giving away 40, an average of 2.5 a game. Current leading scorer for the Rams (you'll wait for the Paul Jewell comments until later, thank you) is jointly held by Kenny Miller and Emanuel Villa at three goals, the latter only caught up to Miller with a brace on Saturday, including one goal which deflected off of him into the net.

Let's look at some Derby highlights through the eyes and fingers of UF writers

• First off, Derby was bought by Americans! Americans with a bad website!
• Derby buys Robbie Savage, who gets off to a really bad start with his teammates!
• Derby boss Paul Jewell, winless since taking over the club, scores more on his own than his team! Oh, and he films it, which is moronic.

The Paul Jewell story is possibly our most linked-to and most read story to date. Last I looked, if you Google "Paul Jewell video", our article is fourth in the queue. And the links come from some interesting places. I think it's safe to say that this link is our first from a gay, British message board. Thanks, fellas! We think Paul Jewell's dreamy, too, in a Bearforce1 sort of way.

Well, that's about all of the fun I can wring out of a story about the worst club in the EPL this year. Okay, one last NSFW link, for the pervs. Join us in a couple of weeks when we take a look at just what the fuck went wrong with Fulham this year, once they are relegated of course.

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Paul Jewell Likes To Role Play **Update**

Like I said before, we here at UF like a good sex scandal. Derby County manager, Paul Jewell, is in a bit of hot water with his wife over his role play tastes. Seems the former Wigan manager may have filmed himself having a randy romp with another woman.

I can't wait until the tape is leaked. I mean who really wouldn't want to see an overweight, balding former player on a sextape.

Details after the jump.

The Derby County manager filmed himself in an hour-long bondage romp with a blonde.

Details of the lurid spanking and sex film surfaced yesterday.

* * *

During the film, dad-of-two Jewell – wed for 21 years – ties a mystery woman in stockings to a bed with silk before they have sex.

In another clip the Rams chief and his lover – who is in her 30s and wearing a wedding ring – romp on the boot of his Mercedes.

You really can't blame Jewell on this one. I'm sure he just wanted to know what it was like to be on the other end of a spanking. His team Derby County squad has been outscored 14 goals to 65 this season--a whopping 51 goal deficit--and are relegation bound.

Update 12:30 PST: News of the World comes through with even more details and a play-by-play script. Although the photos are censored (and quite humorous), not much is left to the imagination so be warned that it is NSFWish. Jewell was hanging out with a Beckham ex-girlfriend, too.

[Photo Credit: 4thegame]

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This story's all about an expensive car

Blond idiot who loves nice cars, seeks teams that'll pay him for not doing much

Robbie Savage, the blond-haired tosser that I never liked, is in the news this morning for predictably bad reasons.

He's not been playing well for Derby since arriving from Blackburn last month, his team is on pace to shatter the record for futility in the EPL [9 points this season, with just one League victory], his teammates are low on confidence and now, he's turned up for training in a $320,000 car.

Not surprisingly, the other players weren't very happy, considering they're all making bugger-all and Derby's just under three months away from stumbling back down to the Championship.

Is it his scar that scares them? No, it's his car.

As weird as this might sound, there is definitely a precedent. When Sunderland were relegated from the EPL in 2003, then-manager Mick McCarthy fined captain Michael Gray two weeks' wages and removed the captain's armband from him after he showed up at the ground in a new Ferrari.

Jewell's not about to take such measures against the long-haired idiot, although he recognizes the insensitivity of it all:

"It's about having a bit of decorum. If 70 people are getting laid off, leave it a couple of days before you come in in your Ferrari....Sav had a flash car before he got here. All the players here have flash cars, it's the Premier League - 'Premier League player has flash car' shock, horror. Robbie Savage is an international footballer. He's played in the Premier League all his life, so he's entitled to earn a lot of money and to spend it how he likes. It's when some people drive flash cars ... and think they've cracked it, that's more of a problem."

The subconscious punishment for Savage is that he's likely to be dropped this weekend following a string of absolutely shite performances. At least he can cry all the way home in his shiny Mercedes and listen to the match at the same time.

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Rams welcome businessmen with the worst website ever

GSE is here! GSE is here!

As we so-very-briefly reported on over the weekend, Derby has joined the ranks of the Yank-owned, their fate now in the hands of General Sports and Entertainment Group.

They're a company shrouded in mystery, one that's seemingly snuck in overnight with foreign, anonymous investors and a cast of former-NBA executives to join current chairman Adam Pearson on the boad of directors.

So what does it all mean?

As Mihir Bose pointed out in his BBC blog yesterday, doing a bit of business like this is a smart, sweet move. It's a purchase for £50 million, about 20 of which goes to the existing directors, 15 covers the 30-year mortgage on Pride Park, and 8 to cover the existing debt. Factoring in roughly £10 million for players and acquisitions, and the club's looking firm again [especially when you consider the exorbitant price tag on so many other clubs in the EPL, like my Liverpool].

GSE went for Derby because they're the first "global brand" they could get their hands on. We can get to that claim in a minute, but the sweetness for GSE lies in the mighty parachute payment doled out by the EPL to relegated clubs [payments in the amount of £6.5 million over the club's first two seasons in lower leagues, although a figure that's set to rise to £11.2 million per year for clubs relegated in 2007–2008]. So, whether Derby fulfill their prophecy of slumping back down to the Coca-Cola wastelands, they'll still make a nice payday and stand the best chance of springing right back up.

Bose also points out the planning permission to develop the area around Pride Park, which will surely net them some increased revenue in a developing area.

But this is all information best found elsewhere. I'm more concerned with the dog-and-pony show that is GSE.

Who the hell are the General Sports and Entertainment Group?

Well, cursory review brings us to their website, which is an absolute fucking mess. Branding is so important in this day and age, and GSE's online presence is terrible. Like, absolutely terrible.

Their "About Us" page gifts us with this gem:

"General Sports and Entertainment is a multi-faceted sports and entertainment firm with a national reputation for excellence. General Sports was founded with the notion that the most effective way to build a successful business is through developing strong, sound relationships. We are convinced that there is no better way to build strong relationships than through the power of sports and entertainment."

If that isn't a lot of words saying absolutely nothing, I don't know what is.

Try to navigate their site with the sound turned up, and every page you click on yields a terrible .wav soundbite of a whistle being blown, someone yelling "PLAY BALLLL!", a golf club being swung, or a crowd cheering. It's amazing stuff, straight out of the web 1.0 range when you factor in the mess of generic clip art that also festoons the site.

Ragging on the web site is one thing, but I'm still confused as to what they do. They name things, host events, consult on stuff and place executives in jobs.

In addition, their team ownership record is questionable, at least according to their own website copy: from 1999 to 2006, they owned the Fort Wayne Wizards, a single-A affiliate of the San Diego Padres. Sure, they turned that team's finances and organization around during that time [so their website proudly proclaims], but this is the EPL we're talking about now. From Fort Wayne to Derby? I don't see it just yet.

GSE chairman, Andy Appleby, has gleefully spent his first couple of days in charge trumpeting all the ways they differ from the likes of Hicks and Gillett, two egotistical businessmen that admittedly have much stronger portfolios and track records than Appleby himself.

Jewell's happy to have them, and happy for the assurances that his job won't be shopped around behind his back. That's more than I or Benitez can say, that's for sure.

All I can say is that GSE looks rank amateur, if their online presence is to be believed. One can only hope Derby doesn't feel the burn in the long run.

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Because it has worked so well for Liverpool

That's it, it's officially a trend. Derby County is set to announce new American owners on Monday, if Sky Sports is to be believed. I'm undecided as to which is the better joke, so I'll let you decide:

A) Just wait until they find out the team is in the Championship next season.
B) Just wait until they find out they are not allowed to move the franchise to the States.
C) Just wait until they find out there are no more US players available, because Fulham already signed them all.
D) (fill in the blank in the comments)

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EPL Tap-Ins

Liverpool make their grand run at greatness, signing what will be their most expensive defender in club history. And it's someone we've never heard of. As Rafa sings for his job, Martin Skrtel, the 23-year-old Slovakian defender, is being shipped in from Zenit St. Petersburg for 6 million pounds.

Good luck with that. We can kiss Hyypia goodbye [and rightly so], the latest in a long line of past-it defenders we've passive-aggressively put out to pasture. [Paging Stephane Henchoz, paging Stephane Henchoz...]

---
Robbie Savage is leaving Blackburn for Derby. The annoying midfielder with annoying, flowing blond locks has only started 10 games for Rovers this season, and his irritating style of play will fit in well with the Rams.

Paul Jewell summed it up best when speaking on his new signing:

"I hated Robbie Savage when he played against me. He is one of those characters you despise when he is playing for the opposition but you love when he is on your team."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

---
Jermaine Defoe has been given permission to leave Spurs, which is not something he wanted to do in the first place.

"He called me into his office and told me. I thought it was a joke. I thought he was going to say I would be starting against Arsenal in the Carling Cup."

Candid Camera was not present for this conversation.

Thanks to the goal-bagging of Berbatov and Keane's ability to win penalties [but not score them], Defoe is the odd one out up front, and Ramos is alright with letting him go. Aston Villa will surely make a run, and expect all the big clubs to offer 2 million pounds more than Defoe's worth in their bids to retool before the stretch run.

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Newcastle's signed a 17-year-old defender from lower-league Swindon Town. Big Sam is surely safe!

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Continuing the trend of signing players we've never heard of, Hatchet Harry is wheeling and dealing again, bringing a young Swiss striker, Danijel Subotic, in from Basle. It's a three-and-a-half year deal, which Harry's looking forward to:

"He was recommended to us so we brought him over for a few days' training and he did well. We've taken a gamble on him and hopefully he's one for the future."

Why am I not surprised at his approach?

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Remember Laurent Robert? Yeah, neither do I really, although he did manage to piss off Graeme Souness and Bobby Robson during his time at Newcastle, which is an extremely difficult task. Well, he's back to the EPL, set to sign a deal with Derby through the end of the season. Said Jewell:

"I'm convinced we'll get the best out of him here and if we do, we'll have quite a player on our hands."

Yeah. Because Derby is where players bring their best.

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Drogba's at it again. He echoed his desire to leave Chelsea in the summer, mainly because the new manager doesn't massage his gargantuan ego like Mourinho did.

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Finally, Chelsea's bid for Anelka has been reported at 11 million pounds, the one that Bolton promptly turned yesterday, and one that brought the boo-boys back out of the woodwork.

Are Chelsea trying to buy the league by throwing all this money around? Honestly, who cares? It is a successful gambit? [See: New York Yankees, 2000-present]

Joe Cole has an opinion, that's for sure:

“It riles me when people talk about Chelsea buying the league. I’ve never seen a pound note scoring a goal and I’ve never been at a club with as good an atmosphere."

Yeah, and I've never seen 30 million pound notes joined together and covered in a Chelsea uniform score so few goals, either.

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