UPDATE: Here's the latest. Thanks to those of you who have emailed already. I am extending the deadline to let me know you if want in to MONDAY AT NOON. Send an email to unprofessionalfoul [at] gmail [dot] com. I'm also happy to report that more of the UF crew are now on board. We are looking at me, Ian, Sven, Lingering Bursitis (probably), Bigus, the NY Kid, ü75, the Likely Lad, Moonshine Mike and E-Town Hooligan all being in attendance. So c'mon, it'll be a fun time! (in Baltimore! with anonymous bloggers!)
Okay, I threatened to do this and have managed to not change my mind....
So, I'm happy to announce that not only will I be going to Baltimore on July 24 to see Chelsea take on AC Milan, but I'll organize the purchase of a block of tickets. So far Moonshine Mike is in, Ian is a maybe .... and the rest are unlikely. But that just means more fun for us.
Here's what you need to do if want in: Send an email to unprofessionalfoul [at] gmail [dot] com no later than FRIDAY NIGHT. Most importantly, tell me how many tickets you want. I'll then set up a paypal account and handle distributing tickets. I know, you are taking a slight risk here, but you know where to find me. Email if you have any questions. And I'll see you in Baltimore.
Friday, March 27, 2009
UF Road Trip to Baltimore!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday Backpasses: How am I going to compete with that?
Well, Hell. If Spectator gets to run a picture of Omar (and not use my tag for The Wire), then I get to run a picture of my favorite character--Bodie in an impromptu meeting with McNutty.
David Beckham ripped a guy's arm off [The Sun]
I think Wayne Rooney studied tape of Zach Thomas. Great form from England's Dirk Kuyt [Dirty Tackle]
Wanna own an EPL club? It just got a lot cheaper [The Sun]
Lawrie Sanchez used to wait by the phone for calls from WAGs saying their hubbies/boytoys couldn't play for Northern Ireland that week [Off The Post]
Sadly, DC United will never get a SSS [The 24th Minute]
Finally:
Team by team guide of players called up for internationals in the EPL. You don't have much to worry about Newcastle and West Brom fans [Daily Mail]
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
GTA: Ackerville
Who's up for a Blind Item Guessing Game? 'Cept that the item ain't really blind, it's just withheld. What with these foreign newspapers and their ethics? I mean, once the guy is arrested, you can actually publish it as fact, right? Apparently not in South Africa. Join me below for scant, but juicy, details.
It's the land of the 2010 World Cup and, in case you haven't heard, it has a bit of a crime problem. Kind of like my home state, except amped up a good bit. Since crime apparently pays, and well, in South Africa, it ensnares all kinds of folks. Including men so powerful, their names cannot be printed, and only their job titles alluded to.
A "top soccer boss" in Soweto has been arrested for his involvement in a fairly sophisticated car theft ring. He was caught when an arrested accomplice snitched his part in the plot to the police. Obviously, this is not a Barksdale-scale organization, or else that kid would have been iced a lot earlier.
Now, onto the interesting part. The paper knows the name of the man arrested, but will not release it. They do dance around it a bit, giving the names of his former clubs, but don't go any further. I have no idea what South Africa's libel laws are like, but this seems extreme.
Anyway, if you have any insight on a high-ranking soccer official around Soweto who used to play for Vaal Professionals and Bush Bucks, then please tell us who it is in the comments. Otherwise, make up stuff for you own personal amusement. Me, I vote Roy Wegerle.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Luciano Moggi may never cheat again, at this rate
You remember Luciano Moggi, right? He's the guy purported to be behind all of the match-fixing shenanigans at Juventus that had them stripped of a couple of titles and sent down for a season in Serie B. Moggi collected a five year ban for his efforts at the time.
Now, some news has come to light on just how far and wide the scandal went, as Moggi has received an additional 14 month ban for futzing with some cell phones.
Now, I don't know if Moggi was inspired by the third season of The Wire, but I like to think that he was. I can just see this weathered mini-Berlusconi watching the Baltimore based series and saying, "That's it! I'll switch out SIM cards just like Stringer Bell."
So, yeah. Moggi started up an illegal wireless network, and dragged others down with him. One of those is Angelo Fabiani, who was the director at Messina. Messina's fate? One year removed from Serie A, they have given up their professional status and have been sent to the purgatory of Serie D, the Conference of Italy.
Also, some of the SIM cards showed up in the hands of various referees. Though no names have been released, the refs have been handed fines. I would hope that a continuing investigation into the refs' actions is ongoing.
Friday, April 18, 2008
It's like you just cannot trust anything you read in the blogosphere!
This is the Bleacher Report bio for Andrew McNair. I point it out not because I want to make fun of him, his tastes, his hobbies, his haircut, or anything like that, I point to it because of two things. First, his given bio states that he recently graduated with a journalism diploma. Second, three out of the four articles linked on his frontpage have titles that end with exclamation points. Both points will be made relevant shortly as I dissect one of his recent articles, Another Day, Another Chelsea Scandal, and Poor Old Sven!.
Inside, I'll break down his article (very short) paragraph by (extremely short) paragraph, complete with running exclamation count!
I thought I'd got everything off my chest in my last English football article, but it appears that players and owners are just as bad as the fans.
First of all, I'm not too familiar with Bleacher Report, so I snooped a bit before I laid into Mr. McNair for not using a link to his previous article. Unless every article I looked at was posted by dolts, BR is not user friendly enough to allow in-article links. So, boo on BR for not providing HTML for its users, and lesser boo to Mr. McNair for affiliating himself with a site that is not user friendly. As for the paragraph itself, I can't wait to see just how bad EPL players and owners are.
I woke up to read Tal Ben Haim's amazing newspaper rant aimed at his current boss, Avram Grant.
Don't just leave us hanging, get there already. Jew on Jew violence is always the best.
The Chelsea center back claimed, "I knew that nothing good would come with Grant as Chelsea coach." He went on to lament his lack of opportunities under Grant, and basically said he's Mourinho's player!(1)
Ooh, juicy. Once again, this could do with a link, but for now, I'm willing to take what the author says at face value. It's nice to know that this middling former Bolton defender thinks he should, presumably, be played ahead of John Terry, Alex, and Ricardo Carvalho among others.
So what? Shit happens Tal, and you're not contracted to a manager, but to Chelsea FC.
Oh, McNair's going another way with this. Um, yeah, he's right. Mourinho's gone, get over it Tal. But really, who does Ben Haim want to bench? That's my question.
Have footballers also lost the plot?
Excuse me? Where did this come from? We were talking about one disgruntled guy. Where is this blanket statement coming from?
In any normal profession such an outburst would undoubtedly get you the sack! What makes footballers so special?(2)
What's so weird about this? I talk shit about my boss all the time to the press. If by press, you mean co-workers, of course. What is a normal profession anyway, and why would the press ask them about working conditions? I don't think my local rag is going interviewing bank tellers after the shift to ask them is they like the teller window the manager gave them that day. Point being, if the public didn't, on some level, want to know footballer's opinions, they would not be asked or published.
I fully expect Ben Haim to pick up the maximum fine of two weeks wages for his outburst, and he 100 percent completely deserves it!(3)
Yeah, I think Ben Haim will have a little hell to pay over this, but it's not really a scandal as stated in the headline, is it? If it is, Mr. McNair must be easily shocked. "Oh God! They bagged my bread and my eggs together! If I don't fix it, I'll have a wonky-shaped loaf! Alert the press!" (as an aside, though I have never written or said it before, I really like the term "wonky-shaped loaf".)
It all comes back to the issue of respect amongst footballers. Apparently, they have none!(4)
As on Wikipedia--citation, please. Once again, a blanket statement that seems to be based on the single Ben Haim-Grant situation. I agree that footballers may not be the nicest guys on earth, but how about another couple of examples?
Not for each other, not for the referee, and not even for their managers!(5)
ibid.
Having said that how do we expect players to respect their managers, when even the chairman doesn't?
Transition alert. It would be easier to ferret out if the author used longer paragraphs. By the way, I hope I don't have to use (sic) every time McNair makes a grammar mistake. I'm just copying and pasting here.
I was just as appalled to hear that Manchester City owner Thaksin Shinawatra is refusing to publicly back Sven Goran Eriksson after City's recent run of results.
Alright, Shinawatra is a new owner to the EPL. He is also of a different culture than the English. He may have different ways of dealing with personnel issues than what the author expects. You may have to give it some time before you try to read anything into Shinawatra's actions. Besides, as we have pointed out before, the dreaded vote of confidence is not something that SGE should be courting anyway.
I'm quite honestly shocked and appalled by this!(6)
What did I write above? Oh yeah. "Mr. McNair must be easily shocked." He must also be easily appalled. If Shinawatra dtermines that SGE is underperforming, he may replace him. Given that turnover in the EPL for managers is at 30% just since the season began, it's not that odd, is it?
He is reportedly lining up Portuguese boss Luiz Filipe Scolari as a replacement for Sven. What good is that ever going to do?
Big Phil is lined up for every job in the world above my local youth team. I don't think he's going to leave a Portugal squad with C. Ronaldo either before the Euros or after unless he is forced out. National Team coaching gigs are pretty cushy. You get paid the same or better to do less training, less matches and get free admission to any game in the country you want to see. Oh, and--citation, please. That guy you sat next to in the pub is not good enough.
You can't just throw another high profile manager at the job every season when things don't go your way.
Because that's what Shinawatra has done so far, is it? Oh, it's still his first season as owner, so we have no track record to go on. If Shinawatra does establish this pattern, then you can excoriate him for it. Until then, quit jumping the gun based on pub talk.
I believe Sven has done a fantastic job this season. His young squad held their own for a large part of the season near the top of the league, but sadly injuries and fatigue have led to a dip in form of late.
The most even handed lines in the article. Shame they are about to be tainted.
Everyone knows they will be a stronger side next season, with a few signings to boost the current squad. We are saying the same about Arsenal!(7)
Because no one else in the league will be making signings, Man City will rocket to the top. Seriously, until the summer arrives, you cannot talk about signings and their impact. I believe Man City will be outspent significantly by some teams, and will come out much the same next season. I have no proof, but the internet doesn't need proof, does it?
It's not rocket science!(8)
No, it's not, sadly. Of course, I don't know what we are comparing to rocket science, but I can assure you, nothing in the article so far has been rocket science.
It's funny how the clubs with foreign owners are the ones who seem to be constantly in the daily papers for the wrong reasons.
Uh, what? This is the one that really set me off. The following list of EPL clubs are foreign-owned:
I don't think the author realizes that the majority of EPL clubs are now foreign owned. I guarantee you that he was thinking of Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea and, now, Manchester City. In other words, the clubs that get most of the press anyway. Can you really say anything about how Randy Lerner has run Aston Villa? What about Björgólfur Guðmundsson at West Ham? Can you even name the guy who owns Portsmouth (Alexandre Gaydamak)? No. Many of these people stay out of the spotlight. As an author, though, McNair seems to forget them because they don't make headlines and instead takes the easy targets that everyone else goes after. This is the state of modern journalist graduates, I fear (just like Scott Templeton).
The beautiful game has been truly tainted!(9)
Whew. The end of the article. Nine exclamatory statements. Blanket statements not backed up by anything. English-style pseudo-xenophobia in an article written by a South African. I sure do wish that Mr. McNair deigns to take a more even-handed approach in his future articles. It's not rocket science!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Chelsea fans are racists
Maybe, maybe not. I don't really know to be honest with you. But when the news comes out that Fat Frank and Asshole John Terry shirts outsell the one guy who can consistently score for the team, then I don't know what to think.
So, what's an Ivorian to do when confronted with these statistics? Well, Drogba fights back the only way he knows how--by going to the club shop and purchasing his own jersey. Sure, that's how I'd do it.
The Daily Mail article, using conveniently unnamed insider sources (but it's better than making them up, a la Scott Templeton), says that Drogba, hurt by training ground razzings, goes to the club store up to ten times a week to purchase his own jersey in bulk.
Here's what I don't understand. I know that footballers are never the brightest lights, but come on. Drogba is really going tho the club store at Stamford Bridge to purchase his own jerseys by himself? Why not send a mate to a local Sports World to buy them for you?
I call shenanigans on this whole story. Until I get picture proof of thousands of Drogba's closest Ivorian friends wearing this season's Chelsea shirt, I say no way. This feels like an attempt of someone to discredit the guy who is likely leaving in the close season anyway. Maybe, just maybe, that move will mean that this shirt starts to sell instead, you know, to the racist Chelsea crowd.
images from uksoccershop.com and thequake.com
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Gazza pulls a Maradona, goes batshit insane
Paul Gascoigne has been taken against his will to a mental institution after being sectioned following a presumed altercation at the Malmaison Hotel in Newcastle overnight.
One of these men is a drunken, red faced twat. The other is Gazza.Photo courtesy BBC
After the jump, pure, wild speculation on what happened.
The way I see it, only one thing could have happened. Gazza, tired of being an international punchline for wasting his talent while in search of birds, drugs and drink had decided to turn his life around. He had gone to the Malmaison for the most upscale AA/NA meeting on earth, because as everyone knows, Newcastle is where the posh junkies are. Being rich, he was able to fly through all 24 steps (12 on each side) in a single day. Jubilant, Gazza reemerged into the Newcastle night. Oddly, the moment that Gazza was leaving the hotel, Vinnie Jones emerged Omar-style out of a shadowy alley and started heckling him. Vinnie told Gazza that he needed to apologize for allowing Jones to catch a chill years before when Gazza refused to lend him a sweater. Gazza blanched, and told Jones to forget it, as Vinnie would have just stretched the neck out. Jones started to walk off, passing Gazza, but left him with a final reminder of who owned the power in the relationship.
Gazza, recalling the pain from early in his playing career that caused him to go off the tracks back then, went wild. Details are sketchy at this point, but he may have turned into a giant, radioactive wolfman who started attacking the hotel. Witnesses say he appeared to be trying to punch the building into tiny bits when the local police got involved. After a barrage of bullets and billy clubs, he morphed back into naked Gazza. He tried to slink off, but was then arrested and remanded. Video of this part of the night can be found below.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
MLS Superdraft=Superaction!
Chance Myers. This little bundle of smiles is your #1 MLS Superdraft pick of 2008. He joins a list of luminaries taken #1 in previous years, including Steve Shak, Chris Carrieri, Chris Gbandi, and Nikolas Besagno.
Alright, before I go any further, I'm going to go ahead and own up. I believe that the Superdraft is one of those many things that make the MLS a league that will never have true international standing. It should be obvious that American soccer can't be treated like other leagues in the US, but still the powers that be try to fit the square pegs into the round hole. Meanwhile, the kids in college (or earlier) who don't want the hassle of going through a ranking process just go ahead and sign overseas, like Oguchi Onyewu, or Landycakes. Besides, it's not like college programs are the best step up for building international talent. America's budding young players need to get away from the TV timeouts and multiple substitution patterns as soon as possible. But I digress.
Chance here is a single-year starter from UCLA. His top collegiate honor is a 1st team Pac-10 spot in 2007. He also got a call to the USA U-23 camp this winter. Ooohhh. All signs are go for that Steve Shak revival, I tell ya. From the looks of things, the best chance he has to make history is being the guy who changes the play Take Me Out from baseball to soccer. Fun bonus fact--he was not even on the MLS poll of who will be the first pick. Those guys are all over it, aren't they?
The rest of the first round proves that it pays to either go to a California state school, or be a part of generation adidas (no capitalization necessary). Of the top eight picks, only Patrick Nyarko from Virginia Tech, who would have been my personal top pick of the draft, did not come from one of these places.
Patrick Nyarko. Next year's MLS Rookie of the year. May be Marlo Stanfield's cousin.Some last, random thoughts
- Players drafted came from seven nations, including the new Haitian Sensation, Ricardo Pierre-Louis. Oh, and MLS can't decide how to spell Haiti.
- Furman, a smallish school in my hometown, had two kids picked in the second round, Shea Salinas and Johnathan "With" Leathers. God, I hope he makes SportsCenter someday.
- While Stephen King and David Roth came close, the best name in the draft is Rauwshan McKenzie. When I see that name, an image of a kilt-clad Busta Rhymes pops in my head.
- Really. A quarter of the picks came from California state schools. If your kid wants to play in the MLS, get him a scholarship there.
Chance Myers photo from mercurynews.com
Patrick Nyarko photo from hokiesports.com Read more on "MLS Superdraft=Superaction!"...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Gang signs everywhere on the pitch!
If you're anything like me (cynical, getting older, scared of change), you've undoubtedly been thinking to yourself, "What's up with all these EPL players flashing gang signs after scoring goals?". According to the BBC, Micah Richards, Andy Johnson, Titus Bramble and Marcus Bent have all been caught flashing the same sign.
How can they get away with this? Are they trying to start an "A" gang to compete with America's Bloods and Crips? The scary answer below.
Sorry for the Sun-style scare-mongering, but dammit it's fun.
The answer is yes, and no. It's all a part of hyping up A-Star Global, an initiative started by some mostly lower-level English footballers to give young'uns a chance to be something other than gang members and louts. Or something like that. I read it is a chance for kids to be in an anti-Gang "Gang" without all of the nasty beat-ins (and fun, guns and money). Kinda like this, but with less hands-on involvement.
God, this was a lot less fun to explain than it was to worry about. If you need me, I'll be at home continuing to be cynical about the nature of footballer's after-hours ventures.
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