UF Quick Throw: Saint Koog?

According to the Southern Daily Echo, Kelvin Koogan was spotted yesterday, meeting with Southampton legend Matt Le Tissier and ex-chairman Lee Crouch. The two men have been trying to spearhead a takeover at the failing club. Southampton is currently in administration.

Could the Koogster be about to make a sensational return to football with his former club in League One? Will he drop them like a hot potato if the Saints fall further? One thing is for sure, the Koogster has experience at this level and dragged Fulham from the depths of League One to the Premier League. UF Headquarters will greet this news with excitement. The return of Kelvin Koogan will mean we can dig around the UF basement and find the Koogometer.

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UF After Dark: Meet Danny Mountain.

As an academy lad, and today

Danny Mountain (yes, that's his real name) always wanted to play football, and fought his way into the Southampton Academy in his early teens. With interest from Chelsea, West Ham, and Spurs, his career was on the up-and-up, until a nasty tackle (Wenger has been notified) ruined his knee and prematurely ended his career.

For a 16-year-old with no other aspirations, young Danny was devastated, at least he was until he got into porn and married a porn star.

SFW pictures (no nudity) after the jump (not of him, natch, but of the wife. If you really want that, use the Google), as well as more of his wonderful, irritating life story.

Fast forward 8 years from that awful injury, and Danny's now living in LA with wife Eva Angelina (pictured thusly), they just had their first child, and he stars in straight porn six days a week.



It's not the career he thought he'd ever lead, but as he remembers it:

"I was dating a Page Three girl. Her agent wanted her to get into porn. She wasn’t keen but he gave her the details of an audition in London and I went along. I didn’t know what to expect but I was full of confidence. I wasn’t at all nervous about the sexual part. I was worried about talking on camera – I couldn’t control my face I was so nervous."

There isn't really much more to say, other than well done. I mean, most of us would love a shot at one of these careers, or at least think we would, and yet, Mr. Mountain has tasted the joys of both. Literally.



To maintain this story's tenuous link to soccer, Danny does still play stateside, and definitely enjoys the life that boning women on film for money has provided:

"We have a nice house, we go to restaurants. I play football here for Vinnie Jones’s Hollywood Allstars, with Jason Statham against people like Frank Leboeuf. We go to Vinnie’s house for barbecues and meet his celebrity friends.”

UF salutes you. We think. After all, we're not sure whether hanging out with Vinnie Jones is really a smart idea.

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Total Football? Total Failure! Dutch Courage Lacking At Southampton

I warned you Saints fans... I told you in July. I greeted Jan Poortvliet's pledge of 'total football' with a deep sigh and a hearty laugh. This is the Championship people! 6 months later total football at St Mary's has been total disaster. Today Jan Poortvliet resigned as manager of Southampton. That's the clubs nice way of saying that they propped the door open and booted the useless Dutchman into the street. Poortvliet leaves Southampton second from the bottom of the table with just one win at home all season. But never fear Saints fans, you are in safe hands. Mark Wotte takes overs. Wotte was assistant to Poortvliet but has plenty of experience... in Dutch football.



Wotte has coached and managed at no less than SEVENTEEN clubs and he is only 48. He actually stayed at one club (ADO Den Haag) for a whole TWO years. This ones got staying power for sure. Saints fans must be livid this evening. As if they haven't got enough to worry about with their dire financial situation and board room struggles. Wotte way to go...Actually, I shouldn't mock Wotte and Southampton, that's just bad karma. Southampton may stink worse than the pungent smell of a rotting corpse at home but they have actually won 5 games on the road. The kind of record expected of a play-off team, and with Wotte and his Saints coming to Norwich next Tuesday I should not be tempting fate.

How long Wotte lasts at Southampton is anyones guess but a quick look at his resume would suggest he has anywhere between 2 weeks and a year.

-Bigus

Poortvliet is at the top, Wotte on the right.

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Championship Preview - Southampton

Welcome one and all to a glimpse at what the new season holds for the giants, minnows, underachievers, overachievers, should do's, won't do's, no chances and surprise packages of the Coca Cola Championship 2008/09.

I am going set the ball roiling with a look at Southampton. Last season was one the saints will truly want to forget about. There was turmoil in the board room, on the pitch and off it. Southampton barely stayed up after being involved in a relegation battle for much of the season. For Saints fans it's bad enough to have one eye starring along the coast at the miracles being achieved at Portsmouth without having to put up with board room wranglings, tales of debt, caretaker managers and players getting themselves in trouble with the law.

Unfortunately I can see no light at the end of the tunnel for Southampton. The new season will bring a new manager in the form of Dutch gaffer Jan Poortvliet, the former Telstar and Helmond sport coach ( yep, neither had I!) has arrived on the south coast with promises of total football. This should send shivers down the spines of the supporters and cheers throughout Portsmouth. Total football is all well and good when you are fielding 11 top class players who can pass the ball to a high standard. Poortvliet has a little to work with. While total football (which was made famous by the Dutch national side in 1970's) is very pretty and entertaining, it is extremely naive to expect a Championship side to execute the style effectively, especially away to Burnley on a rainy Tuesday eve. The fact is that a lot of teams in the Championship will not allow you to keep the ball (The Championship skill level means an average of 6-7 passes before possession is surrendered) long enough to allow your defense to get into forward positions. If they do manage that they will soon find the ball being closed down on their unprotected keeper as soon as they give up possession.

This naive approach, coupled with the lack of signings this summer, should set the alarm bells ringing. The Saints lost the influential Youssef Safri and are about to lose, the even more influential, Rudi Skacel (To Ip..Ip..Ip...them of all teams.)
Jan Poortvliet and "Total Football" ... Good luck with that!

Off the field two Southampton players have found themselves in court up on Burglary charges after items were stolen from a local night club. Also off the field the club announced it is running at a loss and has no cash to spend on incoming players. Their biggest signing this summer has been Spurs fourth string keeper Tommy Forecast. Pootvliet has even had to have emergency talks with midfield star Jhon Viafara to persuade the Colombian international to stay at St Mary's. It is also likely that want away forward Grzegorz Rasiak will be elsewhere next season (hopefully Norwich!), leaving veteran Stern John and goal shy Marek Saganowski to lead the line backed only by inexperienced youth.

I can't see any improvement for Southampton this year and it could be a very tricky season for them*. Poortvliets inexperience in English football, his desired style and their lack of signings to replace the outgoings stars could mean another relegation dog fight this year. If you look at the current Championship table with no games played, Southampton sit 21st in alphabetical order. This is where they will stay.....If they manage to stay!

-Bigus

*Sorry saints fans here's a clip of better times to cheer you up....

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