Vikash Dhorasoo Loves Poor Kids, Hates Zizou

This may be the only pic in existence of Dhorasoo on the pitch for Les Bleus.

Let me start off by saying that I think that Vikash Dhorasoo is quite the humanitarian. He has been active against racism in football, is one of the main sponsors of Paris Football Gay (an anti-homophobic football club based in the capital), and fights poverty in Mauritius (where his grandparents are from). However, he is also a cranky, disgruntled former footballer.



Dhorasoo has been in Delhi recently in an attempt to expand the presence of football in India, given the relative lack of Indian athletes in "major" sports. On Saturday he played in a friendly match against a squad led by India defender Renedy Singh. While the majority of his focus is to spot talent among the poverty-stricken street children of Delhi, Vikash apparently felt the need to also speak up about his former captain.

In describing Zizou's charity work (in contrast to his own), he stated flatly that he had a humanitarian purpose while Zidane had only a financial one for this efforts. When asked about the pressure of stepping in to the midfielder role to replace the legendary Zinedine Zidane, Dhorasoo asked "Who is Zidane?" While that by itself could be taken as a joke, he continued:

"We are not friends. We are workers, and football is a job like any other. So, there will be competition. Yes, Zidane's return to the team (to help coach Raymond Domenech's badly struggling team qualify for 2006 World Cup) wasn't good for me."

Yes, clearly the return of one of the game's greatest midfielders ever was not beneficial to the playing time of Dhorasoo, but if the latter really cared about Les Bleus he would have recognized that it was beneficial to the team. Perhaps he is still upset that he recorded only 18 appearances for the national team, scoring only 1 goal in that time. Or perhaps he feels the weight of having disappointed everyone who thought that he had such promise as a young midfielder. After starting his career at Le Havre, Dhorasoo then went on to play 238 matches for Lyon, Bordeaux, AC Milan, and Paris Saint-Germain, but scored only 12 goals in 9 years of football (although he won 2 titles with Lyon, and finished 2nd in Serie A with AC Milan).

But in truth, it is likely that Vikash Dhorasoo is just a bitter, disgruntled footballer who spent only 16 minutes on the pitch in World Cup 2006, and decided to make a petulant film about the experience. "The Substitute" revealed his frustration at his lack of playing time, and made public some of the behind-the-scenes discontent of Les Bleus (which, at the time, most people already knew about) during their run to the finals. His teammates were not happy that he had made their dressing-room arguments public, and Dhorasoo was (rightly) ostracized.

So, you were a disappointing midfielder who was disappointed by your lack of playing time, you went public with private disagreements, and now you are taking potshots at the living legend of French football?

Umm, va te faire.

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Uh-Oh: Zidane Isn't Happy

Everyone knows that Zidane has kept busy, albeit with a lower profile, since retiring from footy after "the incident." He's been hilariously linked to MLS squads, been used as evidence, and been turned away from comforting his friends. In France, however, Zizou will always be a legend, and the French media continually chase after him to ask him loads of useless questions.



But this time around, Le Parisien decided to do something a little different and they got Zizou to agree to be "interviewed" by some of their readers. Some of the notable questions and answers, translated for you below:

Q: You have recently been criticized in several books, notably that of Jerome Rothen, who says that you insulted him during a European club match. What is your reaction?

A: I haven't really wanted to respond before now, since I have better things to do. With everything happening in the world today, there are more important things. (Ed. note - pretty standard so far). That's his (Rothen's) version of the story, not mine. I know where it comes from, and I've said some stupid things in my life, but on that day (emphasis mine; so, is Zizou saying that he has insulted Rothen on another day?) I did not say that to him. But it bothers me that this comes out in a book when we have crossed paths 5 or 6 times and he never said anything to me about it. I called him and left a message, but didn't hear back. And then I hear that he said it was all taken care of.

(Ed. note - the alleged nasty words from Zizou to Rothen were "son of a whore", which sounds awfully familiar).

Q: Your ex-teammate Emmanuel Petit wasn't very nice to you either.

A: With Petit it's the same thing, even worse because I know him so much better. I hate it when people aren't honest, and he is being a hypocrite because he does the same thing as me. I do what I want with my life.

(Ed. note - Petit has accused Zidane of "chasing money" and only doing things in retirement for large companies/events).

Q: What do you think of "La Marseillaise" being whistled at the friendlies against Morocco and Tunisia?

A: I think it is an indefensible act.

Q (follow-up): Do you think it is a reflection of the difficulties in France regarding immigration and generational issues?

A: It's like racism in the stands - it's a few people (maybe 400 or 500) who are spoiling things. I don't know how to stop it, but I don't think that stopping the match is the solution. In fact, that might make things worse.

Q: Do you miss Les Bleus?

A: I will always miss the pitch. (Ed. note - notice he didn't say that he would miss the team, as there is no love lost with Domenech). I am taking care of my family, which I haven't been able to do for 17 years. But I will return to football, since it is what I do best.

Q: Yoann Gourcuff has been touted as your successor. Is that too much weight for anyone's shoulders?

A: There will always be comparisons. Gourcuff has a brilliant future, and I love the fact that when he is on the pitch he is playing for the team.

Q: What are your impressions on the election of Barack Obama?

A: In France, people aren't ready for a black president. In terms of success for the people, it's easier to be an athlete or rapper (Ed. note - hey, just like the US!).

Q: Have you ever used a performance-enhancing drug?

A: When I was at Juventus, we all took creatine, which is prohibited in France but legal in Italy. I don't think it was dangerous.


So there you have it. Zizou doesn't care for the literary exploits of Rothen and Petit, thinks immigration in France is still a big issue but whistling the national anthem is disgraceful, feels that America has progressed further regarding civil rights, and popped creatine during his days at Juventus.

By far, the best part of the interview for me was the following:

"Est-ce que tu… est-ce que vous pensez… (Zidane l’interrompt : « Tu peux me tutoyer ». « Ah c’est cool, répond Djordje, je tutoie Zizou, t’as vu ! ».)"

This was from the person who asked him about "La Marseillaise." In France, people use the "vous" form of "you" when speaking formally or to someone whom they don't know, and the "tu" form when speaking informally or to someone they know well (although there are generational differences in these patterns, with youngsters more likely to use "tu" for everyone). So, basically, the reader starts to ask the question using the informal "tu", catches himself and then starts over using "vous." But Zizou interrupts him and tells him that he doesn't have to be so formal, and the guy gets all giddy.

To be fair, if I were speaking face-to-face with Zizou and he said that to me, I think I would faint.

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The Real Mouth of the South.

I was absolutely dumbfounded this morning when I saw the arrogant, ridiculous comments that Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon made yesterday. This clumsy, loud-mouthed arse clown really needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut. 16 Premier League chairman would love to help him do that, I am sure.

The forever attention seeking Kenyon thinks that clubs outside of the Premiership top 4 need to "get their houses in order" if the perceived lack of competition in the Premier League is to be addressed.

Un F------ believable. Where does this man find the balls? So how do you get your house in order? Well if you are Chelsea here's how...

1: Sell out to a billionaire owner.

2: Hike up the ticket prices and screw the fans who have been coming for years... Start by selling F.A Cup tickets to corporate 'fans' while the real ones line up on the street for 24 hours unaware that will be disappointed.

3: You spend, spend, spend! Spend aforementioned billionaire's money. Lots of it. Spend 578 million quid. In doing so, you over-inflate the market so other teams cannot compete with your billionaire's fantastical urges to taste victory.

4: You tap up young players that have signed for someone else so they go into hiding while you use your financial muscle to obtain the player and dispute his previous agreement with fancy high priced lawyers. Pay the kid more than your rival was offering and shower his dad with gifts. (allegedly!)

5: Be sure to pay the highest wages in the land for your new superstars. Out do all-comers and pay crazy wages for squad members who ride the bench. Pay top dollar for you megastars while they play in front of an old stadium filled with corporate arseholes who think Gianfranco Zola and Peter Osgood are on the pitch.

6: Sit back and watch as over 500 million quids worth of transfers, agent fees and wages choke spectacularly in the Champions League final after losing out on the Premier League title days earlier.

Kenyon's large mouth needs to be sewn shut. He is to football what Chemical Ali was to Saddam Hussein's Iraq.

Without a billionaire using your club as his personal plaything, the reality of "getting your house in order" involves paying bills based on income. Based of affordable wages and transfer fees financed with money from the gate, the club shop, local advertisers and from television appearances.

It also involves spending what you can afford and not threatening your clubs financial future by burdening it with debt. If you are Bolton and play to smaller gates in a small town, running your club sensibly, how can you possibly compete with a megalomaniac billionaire who sits in his luxury pulpit scanning the team sheet as I scan my fantasy baseball team online? It's simple...You cannot.

Kenyon is an irresponsible moron. A smarmy bald mouthpiece. His outbursts are an embarrassment to common sense an his harmful echolalia threatens every club in the country that manages on a budget supported by reason and business sense, without a billionaire to pay the bills! Kenyon lives in the World of pure fantasy. A world that Newcastle, West Brom and Stoke City know nothing of.

Peter Kenyon is so far removed from reality that his ginormous noise making funnel threatens grass roots football and small clubs in every town and city across the United Kingdom.

This northern monkey douche bag has no idea what football is about. Well Peter, put down your 10 quid cup of coffee and listen up.

It's about Hull reaching the Premiership.

It's about Reading reaching Europe. Barnsley making the semi of the F.A cup, remember that pal?.

It's about Yeovil with back to back promotion seasons.

It's about Jimmy Glass and Dean Windass.

It's about local heroes offering hope in return for a lifetime of loyalty, a concept that Chelsea's corporate crowd will never understand.

It's not about fantasy football for the self indulgent few who can afford to buy Kaka for their own personal kicks. It's about people. The people who spend their hard-earned money on the latest Doncaster Rovers shirt and the Charlton fans who scrape the pennies together so they can travel to Sheffield with their kids.

Its about a filled-to-capacity Carrow Road, a full London Rd and a full St James's Park. St James's Parks in Newcastle and Exeter. It's about kids believing in their local team and believing in the players that wear their badge. It is not about one man's desire for success, turning a football club in south London into a mere facade of what it really is and has been.

Chelsea's history is long gone. They are now just an emotionless entity that represents all that is wrong in football. They make a farce of the game by splashing several hundred million on the World's best players who play Champions League ties in front of 5000 empty seats that cant be given away over the radio.

Kenyon needs to get his own house in order and sell out Stamford Bridge for Champions League and League Cup games before opening that gaping hole in his face every 5 minutes to point out everyone else's problems.

If Abramovich died tomorrow, Chelsea would be done. They would not be able to buy the players, pay the wages and afford to wave their middle finger at the supporters they have shafted in recent times. They would need every dime. The players would be gone, the caviar-munching Zola watchers would be gone, the facade would be lifted and Chelsea FC would fall back to earth with a bump. The international shirt sales would decrease as glory chasers is the U.S and the Far East look for new winners.

If "getting your house in order" means risking 100 years of history, local pride and the collective passion and joy of a community then Kenyon can keep his house. Because it's one built on a foundation of bullshit instead of concrete.

- Bigus.

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