Bentley Goes Down

a UF artist's depiction

Some news stories hit their peak in the top line. For example: David Bentley was punched in the face by a fellow patron while dining with his girlfriend at a restaurant on Saturday night.
The simplicity, the "lightning sanity" as Fitzgerald would say, of a fist gone square to the mouth is beautiful in its way. When that mouth belongs to an individual with Bentley's personal reputation, there is comedy galore. Some of those funny things... and some less so, after the hop.

The plan was to select certain details from an assortment of British tabloids and then mash them together like some linear Rashomon (Norwichomon!!), with the end product a definitively nonsensical account of the incident. Alas, this is a blog. And I just got an iPhone. So now, here in list form are the details of the shot heard 'round Hertfordshire.

Funny: "David is pretty shaken. He was in the restaurant with his best friend and their respective partners. A guy walked over and started talking gibberish to him, then he just took a swing and punched him," Bentley's agent tells The Mirror.
-- Bentley shouldn't have been taken completely off-guard as he did play for Juande Ramos for three months. Ramos literally spoke gibberish (that's before AND after translation) and figuratively decked Bentley in the face, with his career fulfilling the face's place in the metaphor.

Not Funny: England football star David Bentley was punched in the face as he sat in a restaurant with his heavily pregnant fiancée. Lede from UK tab.
-- You can't be cold-cocking a guy in the presence of a "heavily" pregnant woman, especially if she's his girlfriend. Glass could go flying... she goes into labor, etc. Not cool.

Funny: Waiters immediately called the police and Bentley, who was said to be "badly shaken", is keen to press charges. -The Mirror
-- Shocker here. Where was the emotional fortitude he displayed at Wembley during PKs with Man U? And this excitement to press charges... I'm not saying he should or shouldn't. But you know guys like this: Talks a lot, spends a lot, then take one in the kisser and all of sudden he's wailing for the bobbies.

Not quite as Funny, but Funny: from The Mirror again-- Bentley's agent Robert Segal said the attacker's table had paid their bill and had taxis waiting outside in readiness for their escape.
-- Premeditated, then? Imagine if this had happened to Michael Jackson. Larry King would be having a special tonight, Bentley's father and sister would be alleging a conspiracy, and Jackson/Bentley would no longer have even the rumor of a nose.

Super Funny: "I am just pleased that the guy did run away, because if David hit him back he would be sitting in a police cell now." -Robert Segal, the agent.
-- "Someone hold me back! Hold me back!" Yea right. Bentley is indeed lucky the guy ran away as, had the aggressor stayed, our pretty young lad would be looking like Edward Norton after the "make me ugly" scene in 25th Hour.

Not Funny At All: David Bentley joined Tottenham Hotspur in July 2008 from Blackburn Rovers after agreeing a six-year contract. The deal was worth an initial fee of £15 million with a further £2 million payable on future performances. -espn.com bio
-- To Villa!

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Miracle at the Emirates: Spurs Strike Back!

Now this is the Tottenham I remember! It's amazing how a team can, in the course of four days, go from being physically incapable of scoring a legitimate goal to popping off four on the road. In a derby. Against a stalwart Arsenal defense (ho ho!) Granted, they're still shipping them left and right, but that's OK, this is Spurs after all. How about the fight in 'Arry's Boys?!?

If ever a game was over with a half-hour to play, this was it. Adebayor punched home Nasri's chip and it was like Arsene yelled out "Feu!" The place cleared out fast, Spurs and Scum alike.

For more on why the early birds might have done better to stick around a while, follow me (to the video!)...



Spurs keep their derby unbeaten streak alive. Ten months and 18 days since last loss, at Chelsea, on Jan. 12, 2008. Last home derby loss: Sept. 15, 2007


Watch Arsenal v Tottenham in News Online | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

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David Bentley Will Be a Big Star...

...as long as Pekhart (seen leering in the background) doesn't kill him first.


Quoteth BBC:

Bentley sealed the win for Juande Ramos' team when Gareth Bale raced down the left flank, cut inside and his cross eventually found its way to Bentley for the easiest of finishes.

The preseason is the preseason is the preseason, as the saying goes. But there's nothing in the sentence above that I wouldn't mind reading over and again for the next ten months... or ten years if you'd allow me a midsummer's day dream. (To have Bale back and healthy-- for the moment-- is a dream. He is big, with pace and a clever left foot that makes one (me) think dirty thoughts.)

But the focus here is David Bentley and what he brings to this Spurs side. We all know he can whip in a cross; and that he may be the heir apparent to old Goldenballs on the right side of the England midfield; and that yes, he may be a bit much at times.

But this year, with this team, he is precisely what the doctor ordered.

The proverbial Boyhood Dream Move can cut both ways, a lesson us forlorn yiddos were taught in brutal fashion this week. It was Off with Robbie and on with The Bentley Era in the space of three days. And you know what, I've already convinced myself that it's all for the best. So let there be no doubt, whomever wears the band, this club flies or dies with David Bentley.

The 23-year-old was not 24 hours a Spurs man before proclaiming that his "heart is at Tottenham." It was a kind thing to say, whether or not you believe him. What's important though is that his locker is at Tottenham, and will be for at least the next five seasons. That Bentley came up through the Arsenal youth system is rubbish for the tabloids to feast on, and maybe even enough to earn him a few Ribbits when he arrives at the Emirates. What I'm feasting on today though, is the attitude. Finally a player who will speak up. Who will provoke. Who might complain. And not with his agent's tongue. Bentley brings some juice to a team that, for all its insistence on "young, English talent," has played with the collective demeanor of an old Italian club since Edgard Davids left the mix.

"It's all there for us," Bentley said yesterday morning.

Fuck yea, it is! (Even if it isn't...)

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