CL Liveblog: Manchester United v. Porto

If we have to explain, it's already too late
Credit to Bigus

United's war on five fronts can come to a merciful end this evening with anything less than total victory at FC Porto's Estádio do Dragão. But as ever, even when it's not about Liverpool, it's about Liverpool. The Reds supporter is in an awkward position this hour-- does he root for a bloody end to his sworn enemy's European campaign... or does he get out his wiles, and Manc crest, and pull for United to ride into Porto and slay the Hulk, thus ensuring more fixture congestion and "nightmarish rotation hell??" We already know Bad Karma Bursitis's feelings on the issue. Those are his quotes a few words back, and he was not-at-all quietly rooting for the Reds to lose, gracefully, but lose on aggregate to Chelsea yesterday.

ED'S ADDENDUM: To clarify, I absolutely did not root for my team to lose yesterday. I merely said if we did lose, I wouldn't take it as painfully as any other loss. Plus, some stuff about being healthy, focused, etc. I will root for United to win today though, simply because I wish for their tired, flagging squad to be buried under an avalanche of more fixtures. Anything to keep their focus away from the EPL.

LAD'S ADDENDUM TO ED'S ADDENDUM: Pithy, elegant, but ultimately, untrue.

Sadly, the level-headed among us know that Liverpool in 2009 is no Russia in Winter 1942. I'd say they're more like Holland in Spring 1940-- talk a big game, puff their chests a bit, but ultimately destined for quiet capitulation.

So there's the intrigue. As for the game at hand: the ball is round, the tie is square (or, more honestly, it's rhombus, tilting in Porto's direction under the weight of their two massive away goals), and we are set to watch Manc blood flow like the Mondego!!

Oh, and for the rest of our Iberian-interest crowd, I'll be sure to check in on Villareal's afternoon playdate with Uncle Arsene and his Super Adventure Club.

The madness begins... after the hop.



FC Porto XI: Helton, Sapunaru, Rolando, Alves, Cissokho, Gonzalez, Fernando, Meireles, Lopez, Hulk, Rodriguez.

Subs: Nuno, Stepanov, Guarin, Mariano Gonzalez, Costa, Madrid, Farias.

Note: Porto's lineup is unchanged from Old Trafford. However, manager Jesualdo Ferreira is banned through an old, since appealed and reduced UEFA suspension. BBC is reporting a rumor that he's not even sticking around the stadium to watch the game. Don't blame him if it's true-- better to go home, have a drink, and check the score online every 15 mins. Less stressful.

Man Utd XI: Van der Sar, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Anderson, Carrick, Giggs, Ronaldo, Berbatov, Rooney.

Subs: Foster, Neville, Evans, Nani, Scholes, Tevez, Macheda.

Note: Big changes for SAF. After fielding a 75% strength side in the first leg, it's Luftwaffe, Panzer divisions, etc.. all barreling toward the front.

(In London, it's a makeshift Gooner backline, with Gibbs, Silvestre, and Eboue being trusted to protect Fabianski from what are sure to be braver-than-usual-advances from the Yellow Submarine, who themselves are without Marcos Senna.)

4 mins to kickoff: Yesssss. The Anthem! Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmpionsssss!!!

2 mins to kickoff: Porto fans doing some scary call and response business with the PA. No English team has ever won here, as we've been told 8,764 times in the past fortnight. But still, it's a precedent, no?

0:00 : AAAAnd we are underway. Our friends at ESPN2 confirm the bit about Ferreira not being in the stadium.

1 min: No HD tonight?

2 min: A clever build up from United ends with a Rooney cross cleared by a Porto noggin. Berbatov recovers the ball, but is ultimately dispossessed.

3 min: Free kick for Porto from 30 yards and an angle.

Hulk is the man who has a go-- skips low and into van der Saar's gut.

4 min: Lopez runs at the United defense... Ferdinand prevails, but Porto look to be their old attacking selves from the first leg.

6 min: Nothing was happening.. then Ronaldo scores from 40(???) yards out!!

Tommy Smyth says 35 yards. So 40 it is.

United 1, Porto 0 (United 3, Porto 2 on agg)

9 min: Anderson and Lucho Gonzalez, Porto captain and form United player, collide on the Porto side of the halfway line. Lucho prevails in the writhing contest.

10 mins: Tommy Smyth Wisdom: United have been hurt by the absence of Rio Ferdinand.

11 min: Porto looking about us stunned as I feel. Most of the play is in the middle third.

12 min: Lasagne Boy Carrick tries his luck from just outside the 18-yard box. Alas, he is not Ronaldo and it's a goal kick.

But United are right back in. Rooney's swinging cross falls on vacant green.

15 min: United are playing games with Porto in the midfield. Congested, as Rooney and Berbatov are both dropping back. Still, United tap dance around.

17 min: Carrick's run is halted by... Ronaldo, who'd drifted in... Porto take possession, but Cissokho throws in a weak cross for van der Saar to collect.

18 min: Carrick is down with a nick. Why? Cos Ronaldo stomped on his foot on the way up the field before.

18 min: Scholes getting warm.. just in case.

20 min: Lopez brought down by Carrick 25 yards out. Free kick for Porto.

Alves takes it...

...and licks one about a yard or so wide of van der Saar. Daaamn. Boy kick ball hard.

22 min: Getting chippy in the midfield. Anderson in none to pleased with a Lucho tackle.

24 min: Porto with some possession, but only on the perimeter. Attacking throw.

25 min: Lopez tries to bicycle boot one past van der Saar.. this is made more difficult by Ferdinand, who shoves him to the ground as he turns. No whistle-- a theme for the night?

26 min: Porto midfield starting assert themselves. Still, no REAL chances. Speculative through balls all cut off by the Vidic-Ferdinand Axis.

28 min: a weak clearance/pass from Giggs gives up possession. Porto counter with an awkward cross to Hulk, who's waiting in the box. The ball skips through his legs, and United take a clearance.

29 min: Lucho is down for the count. And as per usual, with (seemingly) real injuries, there was no contact. Just and awkward kick and slip. He's gripping his knee... we'll see. Either a torn ACL or he's back in 10 seconds. Ten months or ten seconds. That's the rule for footy injuries.

30 min: Berbatov lays one off for Ryan Giggs, who doesn't miss by much. United now pressing for a second.

Rooney playing behind Ronaldo at this point...

31 min: Gonzalez on for Lucho, who is, apparently, actually injured. United's luck.

33 min: and our esteemed announcing tandem do their best apologies for Giggs outrageous PFA nomination. He's a sub, shit.

35 min: Old Onion Man points out that, with all the players gone to ground, it must be slippery. That, and it's definitely Portugal.

35 min: I'm not just lazy/stupid... there's not much going on in the way of chances. Spoiled by yesterday? Perhaps.

38 min: Rooney is limping and Lingering is whining. All is right with the world.

38 min: OOOOoooh see that? Metataaaaarsal, eh??

39 min: Helton comes out to challenge Ronaldo near the touch line... ends up kicking it out for a corner...

Carrick receives the corner, then shoots into a crowd of United players. Happily, Macheda is not there to re-direct.

Seriously, as great the first Macheda winner was, the second could've been the work of a heavy traffic cone.

41 min: The cards are finally out... as Vidic sees YELLOW for scything down Rodriguez. Free kick...

43 min: Hulk flies a weakass balloon into vdS's arms. United counter... Ronaldo is pulled down just outside the box. He earned one there... but it's a corner.

44 min: Giggs corner is flicked on by O'Shea to Vidic who slides and puts a golden opportunity into the stands.

45 min: 2 mins until my halftime burrito.

45 + 1 min: Ronaldo free kick is floated across the box, where Porto take over...

45 + 2 min: A Lopez long-range effort is smothered by van der Saar. Bruno Alves header from 10 mins back stands as Porto's best chance.

45 + 3 min: Giggs cross kicked, oddly, away by Porto keeper Helton.

HALFTIME.

First commercial is...

Heineken. Pure class. Chaaaaaaaahmmpiooooooons!

Now for 20 mins of Soccer.com and... wait, no Proactiv? That's next season I guess.

So advertisers think we are:

Beer-drinking, boot-buying, lawn-week murderers. Got it one-third right, I suppose.

Burrrittos!

(microwaving)

Meanwhile, halftime as well in London, where Le Arse lead 1-0, 2-1 on aggregate. Walcott is the goal scorer, so commence the buggery circles.

By the way-- anyone else get the email about the Macheda jerseys from WorldSoccerShop?

"Represent United's Newest Star Federico Macheda" ...is their pitch. Mehh.

Not the best microwaved Chicken Chimichanga I've had, Jose Ole, not the best.

Chhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmpions! (Never. gets. old.)

I will never get AT&T. That commercial was officious. Seduce a woman with two-word text messages? I'd need at least 3.

Back underway!!!

46 min: a downpour now in Portugal. Only going to get murkier on that pitch.

46 min: Berbatov played through by Rooney, but strikes one right into Helton's chest. Porto clear the lines.

47 min: Football in RAIN??? Certainly not, Tommy. Not suitable at all.

48 min: Miereles slices a wide-open chance from the top of the United box. Tails away and away and ends up with the fans.

50 min: Gonzalez-Meireles-Gonzalez-Hulk-Section 334 behind the United goal.

52 min: Meireles attempts to give Ryan Giggs the Heimlich near the center line. Giggs picks the ball up before he could have possible heard a whistle.. which comes, eventually. Of course.

53 min: Cissokho hip checks Ronaldo... free kick from 30...

Giggs with a taut, but ultimately lacking in pace ball into the box... Helton collects.

55 min: Meireles heads wide on a clever Gonzalez cross. He was marked, but still got a piece. End result: NIL.

57 min: Patrice Evra's face, meet Mariano Gonzalez. There Will Be (is) Blood.

Free kick for Porto. Dangerous spot, to van der Saar's left.

Hulk?

Bruno flying in?

Hulk rips one right into the Dutch keeper's chest. Cleared.

60 min: Rodriguez wheels around, but outside, the United defense. Shoots wide.

Evra ends up with a Yellow for the challenge that led to earlier free kick.. and the bleeding of his own blood.

UPDATE: Super Adventure Club 2, Villareal 0. That's that.

61 min: United looking for that second goal now. Berbatov follows a blind cross by whacking Sapunaru to the ground. Ref sees. Does No-thing.

64 min: Farias for Rodriguez, for Porto. Second substitute for the Portuguese. Rodriguez ran 7.15 km. So you know.

66 min: Ronaldo feeds Rooney into the right side of the box, his cross pushed out for a corner.

Giggs's kick is headed off into the stratosphere.

AAAnd back in. For another corner.

Giggs again...

Steered away. Anderson intercepts, but his pass back to Giggs is snuffed out. We're back into the midfield.

68 min: SO... QUESTION? Do United not have any TALISMANIC players? They are on pace to win FIVE trophies. Yet, still, no talisman. Strange, that.

69 min: Berbatov off for Nani

69 min: Rooney nearly bulls through the Porto box... ultimately cleared. But wow, great effort for England's best young temperamental Everton fan.

71 min: Vidic gets a foot on a long, low cross. United do not look impossible to crack. But not likely either.

Carrick has run more than 8 km. He must be tired. Or not?

73 min: United are letting Porto hangaround. Hangeeng around, hangeeng around.

74 min: Hulk dribbles down to the byline, then plants one into the side netting. Goal kick. Hanging around, but not doing much else.

75 min: Porto win a corner!!!!!!!

It's their first.. and it's headed a mile wide by the misfiring Bruno Alves.

76 min: Giggs and Rooney JUST miss running tap and go on the edge of the Porto box. That goes through to Giggs and it's Goodnight, Porto.

78 min: corner, another!, to Porto.

Anderson off for Paul Scholes. Both sides have now used 2 subs.

79 min: Kick floats past van der Saar, right onto Rolando's head... but... ahhhhhh, he put's it wide from just right of the post.

80 min: Sapunaru off for Tomas Costa. Last change for Porto.

81 min: Hulk long-range blast tipped for a corner.

Farias hooks on to it, but cycles over to put yet another Porto chance into the stands.

@umlaut yea, they're just playing for the long cross and header. Not the intense, driving to the net from the first leg...

83 min: Rooney tries his best impression of his teammate from 77 minutes earlier. Ball ends up in the ether.

85 min: United back the whole squad into the box and still Porto fly test balloons over the defense.

Nachhh!!! Porto's best chance of the night is a laser from yards out, right into van der Saar's chest.

Man United hanging on now...

87 min: United making in-roads now on the left. Giggs wins a corner. Tick tick tick

88 min: Giggs is your man of the match, if not for Ronaldo's singular moment. He's everywhere. PFA, hell yea!

89 min: Costa cross is muffed by Farias. Porto just cannot got a header on goal.

Twitchy bum time, regardless. Thanks, Mr. Rae, for introducing "twitchy" to the discourse.

90 min: Mr. Hulk slices another wide from just outside the corner of the 18-yard box.

Three minutes added.

90 + 1 min: Ronaldo with a clever low ball that Helton just nips wide. Another corner. United are looking like they're though. THEY ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO WIN.

90 + 2 min: Porto cannot get out of their own end.

90 + 3 min: Porto have one last rush...

...but nothing comes of it. Again. A failed header.

It's over in Porto.

Instand Postgame Analysis: Porto never had a chance. That United goal could've come in the 6th... or the 86th minute. United were always going to win. And "rotation hell" or not, they're probably going to win every trophy this year. When it matters, they buckle down.

Finally this evening, a big congrats to Lingering Bursitis. His midweek dream has been fulfilled.

Signing off. It's been a pleasure.

UNITED 1(3), PORTO 0(2)... MANCHESTER UNITED GO THROUGH ON AGG, WILL PLAY ARSENAL IN SEMI-FINAL, BEGINNING APRIL 29

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CL Quarterfinals Preview: Manchester United v. Porto

We’re still not exactly sure what happened at Old Trafford on Sunday: Villa had played well enough for at least a draw, but then some 12-year-old Italian player making his debut smashed home the winner for United. (Hard for me to complain about Macheda getting poached from Lazio when Arsenal did exactly the same thing with Fabregas.) So what had initially looked to be a dreadful 48-hour turnaround for Man U turns into an opportunity to quickly continue their lucky streak today against Porto. And so the Manchester United Steamroller continues, while the rest of the world grumbles.

United are still without Berbatov and Ferdinand, but Rooney, Vidic and Scholes all return from league suspensions. It’s also expected that Park Ji-Sung will be in the lineup today. Porto have a few injury problems of their own, including captain Pedro Emanuel, and will rely upon Lisandro Lopez and Hulk (smash!) to create scoring chances.

Man U are saying all the right things about how they won’t take Porto lightly and how this is a difficult game, but if United don’t advance it would be a huge, huge shock. The only thing Porto have going for them is the return leg is at the Estádio do Dragão. But that hardly makes up for the fact that Porto has lost 10 out of their last 11 matches on English soil – and yes the one exception was when Porto won the Champions League, but Mourinho and 2004-era Deco aren’t expected to walk through that door. United, on the other hand, are working on their own record of 21 straight Champions League matches without a defeat. They’ll look to make it 22 today.

About the only chance that Porto have today is if they can impose their will on the game, if Man U’s defense is wobbly, and if Porto can capitalize on their few chances. It’s a very tall task for a young and relatively inexperienced team. So, I’m predicting a lopsided win today, let’s say 2-0 for United.

(And can someone please explain to me why this game is on live on ESPN2 rather than the more compelling Arsenal v. Villareal match? Oh right, it's because ESPN lurves Man U.)

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UF POWER POLL-- MARCH 27, 2008

Get it? Ugh...

Welcome to List Day on UF! If you're looking for coherent thoughts strung together with transitional phrases-- all in support of some unifying thesis, well... you've come to the WRONG PLACE! Sumpin' may slip through the cracks here or there, but mostly we're just going to name a bunch of shit, in some particular order, by some chosen standard, then watch like mad scientists as you debate it-- or should I say, as we debate our own decisions, with your scathing commentary fueling this shared fire. So look out for the UF Best XIs-- we each picked one, and all by different measures-- and if I can plug myself here Ed: Go on, son, a Top Tenner of "Spurs' Worst Transfer Moves since the Dodgy Lasagne Incident of 2006." You'll see both later in the afternoon.
For now though, please enjoy our 18th power poll in the last 15 days. We've bumped this one up in accordance with international week. And because soooome of us just could not wait another minute to vote ManUre into the 3rd or 4th slot. As always, the Facebook vote has been factored in with all the UF "staffers."



1) Barcelona - 1.4 (1st, 1.2)

No shock here. The Catalans hold on to the top slot. In a week when United fail to bounce back from the Anfield Incident, Barca douse Malaga in their champagne best. Lingering has given me shit in the past for wearing a Barcelona shirt-- as I'm a known delinquent Spurs supporter-- and I try to explain that, ya know, "mes que un club," and stuff. When they are at their best, they are a credit to the game. They are what separates, in form and function, football from baseball and other more staid endeavours. (That said, if Spurs and Barca ever competed for something, I'd root for Messi's fat legs to snap like twigs during the morning trot...)

2) Liverpool - 1.6 (3, 3.4)

If Barca conjure up ideals of football Renaissance, angels' wings, and potpourri, then Liverpool-- Viva Los Rojos!!-- are Guernica. They are fucking assassins. Madrid, United, and now Villa. Three snuff films. Rafa and 'Nando flying bombers over Dresden. Paul Castellano had a better chance than Villa. Fergie looked like Moe Green during his [final] rubdown.
Of course, it's all prologue. All leading up to Game 38. At Anfield. The Return of Robbie Keane. Please, footy gods, please let that game be relevant to the title. One's testicles shrink in anticipation!

3) Manchester United - 3.6 (2nd, 1.9)

It truly does happen to EVERYBODY. Barca had their dry run. Liverpool edged toward it, then fell off the cliff at Middlesbrough-- after being nudged for months... and now it's United's turn. Have they hit a wall? They were winning, but never filling the net. The Inter encounter was probably a little too close for comfort. They are, at present, a team that can be held. I mean, Spurs did it for 120 minutes against their 3/4 strength Carling Cup squad. Ditto for Fulham at the weekend. Could Liverpool have set off The Crack-Up of '09. Cos that's what it'd be.

4) Inter Milan - 5.1 (5th, 5.5)

Followed their close-but-not-really-that-close swipe at United with consecutive clean sheets against Fiorentina and Reggina. They haven't conceded in three matches in Serie A play. So basically, for Inter in 2008-09, it's new manager, old results. Some clubs would be happy with their problem. Looking at you, Liverpool.

5) Hertha Berlin - 6.6 (6th, 7.0)

I recalculated this two times. But the figures are correct. Even with a loss, Hertha remain in the top half of our poll. They do lead the Bundesliga, and have for a bit now. So credit there. And I think we all like them a bit because they're not Bayern... and all that stuff about what they meant to the East Germans during the Berlin Wall years (see: Simon Kuper). Or maybe we're just idiots...

6) Chelsea - 7.2 (4th, 5.2)
There's nothing like being right. And I was right on this one.
Allow myself to quote... myself (from March 18):

It's odd to say, but this weekend at WHL has to be a bit of a measuring stick. The Blues have been good, and beating Juventus is always a feather in your cap, but have they really faced down an in-form club and dominated? Nyet. Stomp Spurs on derby day and we'll be wholly convinced.

0-1.
Hence, fourth to sixth place.

7) Real Madrid - (unranked)

Like Inter, except not winning their League. They recovered nicely from the Liverpool debacle to win two straight in La Liga and stay within a grito of Barca for the Spanish title.

8) Bayern Munich - 9.6 (T-7, 8.8)

Bayern like to bounce around this region of the poll... in and out and up and around. The questions remain. Can they do it against the big boys? Karlsruhe and Bolchum ain't the big boys. Thankfully, they'll be sorted out-- one way or another-- in the next round of the Champions League. Should be fun. Goals Goals Goals!

9) Arsenal - 12.7 (t-7, 8.8)

So they're here.

Question: I've become a bit obsessed of late with reading about and watching video of the Dutch WC team from 1974.. Cruyff and Michels' squad who lost to the Germans in the final, etc. I've even bought in, to a degree, to the idea that despite being outscored (details!) they are the great squad of the tournament. Actually, I think a lot of people would agree with that sentiment as it's just been articulated. So the question is-- does feeling this way mean I'm starting to think like a Gooner? Like, as long as ze football eez beautiful, ve can never loooze fair... Dey keeked us! Etc...? I don't think so, but I'll keep an eye out...

10) Porto - 14.3 (unranked)

Just edged Villareal on the "still in the Champs League so I guess I'll put them tenth vote." But let's leave it on one more question: If Spurs had a home-and-home with the Dragons, who would the bookies favor? i think it'd be Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. But that's just me :)

Dropped - AZ Aalkmar, AC Milan

In the mix - Juventus, Villareal, Spurs (two 10th place votes!), Wolfsburg,

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Champions League Preview: Atlético Madrid v. FC Porto

Porto almost didn't make it to this point despite winning their group.

Remember last year they were banned from European competitions for bribery allegations that date back to 2003-04 (when Jose Mourinho was still in charge)?

They lodged an appeal early last June and had the ban overturned less than two weeks later on the basis that the allegations hadn't yet been adjudicated.

Porto's president, Jorge Pinto da Costa, was just cleared a couple of weeks ago on individual charges of trying to bribe a match official by providing him with not one but two prostitutes. Their nicknames? Fruit and Chocolate.

The case died when the judge threw out the testimony of a star witness. And who was that witness? Da Costa's ex-wife.

We really should pay more attention to Portugal around here.

By the way, it's not over for da Costa though as he still faces more serious charges and has been suspended by Portuguese league officials since May of '08. So they may be out of future competitions. But back to the here and now because thing are pretty good for the club there (or here).

Here's FC Porto's form in their last, oh, let's go twelve league matches: W-W-W-W-D-W-D-W-W-D-W-W. That's 9-0-3 in the Portuguese Liga.

Porto get good midfield support from Cristian Rodriguez and Lucho Gonzales. The latter has been recovering from a knee injury but should be fit for the match in Spain. More fierce than flash, the former River Plate mid is also Porto's on field leader, so having him healthy should bolster the squad.

Pretty sweet analysis: Having one of your better players back helps you. There's a reason you come to UF.

Porto also have one of the best-named strikers in all of football with Hulk. He's sitting on seven goals through 19 matches, so while not prolific, he's fairly efficient. In fact Porto rely on scoring balance, having four players with five or more league goals to this point in the season.

Defensively, Porto are tops in the Liga with a plus-21 goal difference. How does that translate into Europe? Eh, a healthy Arsenal put a 4-0 pasting on Porto in their first group play match but that's when FCP were still struggling to find form. In the return leg Porto beat the Gunners 2-0, but that was against almost a B-team (Vela, Ramsey, Abou Diaby, Song, Bendtner). So, neither result is enough to draw much from.

As for the opposition,we're pretty sure that "Madrid" means "Madrid" so that must mean that "Atlético" translates roughly as "Tottenham."

Atlético have talent up and down the roster and they suck. Or, more accurately they've been sucking as of late. They are 1-4-3 in their last eight. That's not very good.

They kicked manager Javier Aguirre to the curb a couple of weeks back, but have failed to get the much touted bounce from the new manager Able Resino. And Resino has admitted that he may ask Aguirre for advice on playing in Europe.

I'm sure there's a joke about Atlético and the mattress makers and them already lying on their backs. But look at the roster: Forlan, Aguero, Maniche, Ujfalusi, Simao, Maxi Rodriguez. I'm not sure how this team can be so pitiful.

Full disclosure: Atlético were my dark horse pick to go deep in the Champions League. And I felt like a genius when they came within a late Stevie G goal of winning their group. That seems so long ago that I don't even feel like I'm jumping off a bandwagon, more like I'm jumping off the Adrea Doria, which would be kind of ridiculous because didn't almost everyone get rescued off that boat?

We're not even talking football anymore, are we?

Prediction: For tomorrow, Atlético's strikers should get some room to operate around Porto's slower defenders. On the other end Porto should get some chances against a slightly banged up Atlético back line. In two weeks, eh who knows? Plenty could happen between the legs in the leagues.

But we're going with FC Porto in a mild upset. 1-1 at the Calderón and 2-1 Porto at home for a 3-2 aggregate win.

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UEFA's Convictions Are As Steadfast As Cristiano Ronaldo's

Once again UEFA has proven that it is unable to truly regulate clubs and hold them accountable for their chosen course of action. UEFA has denied Portuguese club Benfica's appeal of UEFA's reversal of FC Porto's Champions League ban. Rather than focus on a ban in the future that harms a club that is currently fundamentally different than the offending club, in that the manager and players are different, UEFA should focus on a penalty that strikes where it really hurts--Porto's history and pocketbook.

In June this year, UEFA determined that Porto had forfeited its Champions League berth next season due to its involvement in a referee bribing scandal in the 2003-04 season--the year Porto won the Champions League under Jose Mourinho. Porto had successfully appealed the ban with UEFA determining an additional hearing was needed, despite Porto's conviction in the Portuguese courts of bribing referees.

All of this leads to the conclusion that UEFA's disciplinary are is feckless and powerless. One of the most storied Portuguese soccer clubs was convicted in a court of the country of bribing referees but UEFA can't enforce a simple punishment. Presumably the standards of conviction are a bit higher in the court than UEFA, but the organization needs a further hearing to determine if the club was involved in this scandal. It should be a simple case..."Your honor I present the conviction of FC Porto in court and the prosecution rests." Tweet. Tweet. Tweet. Ban upheld.

Of course, that's not how it works in nepotic UEFA, where politics and money outweigh any sense of justice. Remember way back to 2006 when AC Milan was allowed back into the CL after being found complicit in the Italian match fixing scandal? Yeah. Back then UEFA said it regretted that it's rules did not permit it to uphold AC Milan's ban but would change its rules so this could not happen in the future. Well, I remember it, but I'm not sure UEFA does because its rules still reveal a true disciplinary dunce.

Why not just strip the club of one of its most prestigious titles? Forfeit the 2003-04 title it won during the season for which it was convicted of bribing referees. Disgorge any profits Porto earned from its Champions League victories in 2003-04. That would be a fitting punishment for the bad acts of that season, with the added benefit of upsetting Jose Mourinho.

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The Good, The Bad, The WTF

Seeing this week's shirt makes me want to go back to last weekend's poll and dock the Portuguese League a few spots. After the jump, my uncensored reaction to seeing this shirt for the first time.

HolyFuckingShit. It's a Motherfucking dragon! I think. Either that or it's a fat chicken with a huge back tumor. I really have no idea. I need a drink.

Once the 13-year-old in me settled down, I came up with some other thoughts. First of all, HolyFuckingShit. Sorry, I can't get over it.

This was FC Porto's away shirt from 96/97. This was the middle season in a five-year stretch of Portuguese titles. When you are piling up trophies like that, you can mess with your fans a bit. You can put out a shirt like this and see it become one of your clubs top selling replicas to date. Seriously, people bought this in droves. I guess the Portuguese love dragons. I wonder if they like dungeons, or gatherings of magic as well? Nerds.


shirt image culled from the forums at bigsoccer.com
lolcat built at icanhascheezburger.com

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