Red Card Sparks Chainsaw Rampage

Sunday League football. A bit of banter, bit of a laugh, colorful words, all in the name of fun eh? That's until the guy sent off for foul and abusive language returns to the pitch wielding a chainsaw and tries to cut off your hands!

Anthony Lloyd was dismissed for swearing, but instead of heading home to lament his use of the English language, he decided that the best way to deal with the situation was to return to the pitch with a running chainsaw, and to attempt to chop off the hands of a rival player while screaming "I'm a crank".

Last week, a court in England heard that Mr Lloyd, who has a history of drug abuse and who was on a conditional discharge for possession of a knife, had been drinking before the attack in Horley, Surrey. And I thought only George Best and Paul McGrath played pissed.

Guildford Crown Court heard the details from Prosecutor Laura Plant...

"They heard an engine start and saw the defendant coming out of the bushes
revving a chainsaw. The victim's friend ran off, leaving him cornered by the
defendant. He tried to chop his hands off while Mr Westwood was defending
himself. He then walked off."

The victim, Mr Westwood, suffered a cut to the chest while hiding in a bush. I don't know about you, but if someone waving a chainsaw was coming at me shouting "I'm a crank" I'd do one in the opposite direction, not try to hide in the nearest shrubbery!

So what was the punishment for trying to amputate another guys hands with a chainsaw without a doctors license or a leatherface mask? A 12 month suspended sentence. Yup, that's right. Mr Lloyd is free.

So the moral of the story is be careful out there next Sunday and try not to piss off your opponent, because he may have access to a dangerous gardening implement.

-Bigus