Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Euro 2008 Team Profiles: Poland

In the interest of full disclosure, it must be noted that I own a Poland jersey. I have it because I am, in fact, one-half Polish by blood (and fully by unpronounceable-in-the-South surname). However, in the interest of never getting Christmas Aped because of this blog, that is all of the personal information you will get out of me.

So yeah, despite Scotland not making it in, and the Americans cruelly being left out (South America invites us to their championship), I have a tenuous rooting interest. I will pull out my too-tight jersey on a couple of occasions and hope it works better that the USA one I wore during the World Cup.

I suppose, the best place to start would be with the roster. So we'll do that. Forgive the fact that I only type the 26 characters (plus one umlauted one) that I grew up with.
GK: Boruc (Celtic), Kuszczak (Manchester United), Fabianski (Arsenal)
Def: Jop (FC Moscow), Wawrzyniak (Legia Warsaw), Golanski (Steaua Bucharest), Bak (Austria Wien), Wasilewski (Anderlecht), Zewlakov (Olympiakos), Kokoszka (Wisla Krakow)
Mid: Dudka (Wisla Krakow), Kryznowek (VFL Wolfsburg), Gargula (Belchatow), Pazdan (Gornik Zabrze), Blaszczykowski (Borussia Dortmund), Lobodzinski (Wisla Krakow), Murawski (Lech Poznan), Guerreiro (Legia Warsaw), Lewandowski (Shakhtar Donetsk)
FW: Smolarek (Racing Santander), Zurawski (Larissa), Saganowski (Southampton), Zahorski (Gornik Zabrze)

Whew. Now that my Firefox screen is filled with red squiggly lines, I will take the time to note that the two best Polish-born players are not on this squad. For those playing the home game, they would be Miroslav Klose and Lucas Podolski. Somehow, they both pulled a Owen Hargreaves and went to play for another country. Tossers all of them. As an aside, I really hope Davey O'Brien gets called up to do Euro coverage. I would love to hear him and Marcelo Balboa ruin these names.

If the Poles wanted to get revenge on those two for deciding to play for Germany, they don't have long to wait. Just like in World Cup 2006, Poland's opening group match is against the Germans. One (I) would hope that they pull off a better effort that they did last time. The other teams in the group are co-hosts Austria (win) and Croatia. That game with Croatia should determine which club joins Germany in the knockout stages.

(1) Could England beat this team? To be honest, maybe. Remember, Poland just two months ago played USA with a full-strength squad and lost 3-0 at home. But, the Poles finished top of their qualifying group over Portugal, who would rape the current England squad.
(2) Can Poland win Euro 2008? No. Getting out of the group stage will be a struggle. Winning is out of the question.
(3) What is their pre-made excuse for not winning Euro 2008? Well, of you look beyond the fact that Germany already has their top two strikers, maybe it's the fact that Boruc is a headcase in the goal.
(4) What is the biggest question mark surrounding the team? Should we have taken more than 4 forwards?
(5) Who is their worst player? When in doubt, guess. Lukasz Gargula is the home-based player who plays for the worst-finishing Pole team from last season. Otherwise I have no idea.


Goat said...

Allow me to be the first with a kielbasa joke. Here goes. (Clears throat). "I'd show her my kielbasa." Thank you.

The Fan's Attic said...

She makes it onto my liferaft for two reasons.

ü75 said...

She wouldn't need your liferaft.

Lingering Bursitis said...

I just felt my Soviet bloc move underneath my Iron Curtain.

The NY Kid said...