The Itandje Method of Getting Fired.

For those of you who don't know him, Charles Itandje is the Liverpool reserve goalkeeper. He's also rather rubbish; his last start for the first team was that FA Cup defeat by Barnsley, you know the one, where he was left sprawled out like a drunk at Christmas, unable to stop Brian Howard's injury-time rocket.

Not only is he no good in goal, but he's not much good as a person; spotted laughing and joking on camera during the Hillsborough memorial service, the club has had enough. Itandje's getting a fine and a hasty transfer in the summer.

From the Guardian:

Members of the congregation afterwards complained about Itandje's behaviour, which was in stark contrast to the solemn occasion and that of the rest of the Liverpool squad. Rafael Benítez, the team manager, is understood to be livid with the 26-year-old having studied the complaints and the footage.

Anfield officials have described Itandje's behaviour as "wholly unacceptable" and are exploring the maximum punishment they can impose on the player with their legal advisers. He is unlikely to play for the club again.

While I support the club fully on this one (as you'd expect), what do you think: right move, or a harsh move? Does it even matter considering he's crap anyway?

In the meantime, let us bid adieu to Monsieur Itandje. I wonder if he'll find it as funny when he's playing in Cyprus or Norway next season.

Read more on "The Itandje Method of Getting Fired."...

FFA is run by absolute tossers

Remember the Vukovic story from a week ago?

Quick refresh if you don't: Vukovic is an Australian goalie playing in his homeland, and he got himself sent off for slapping a referee after a particularly egregious penalty decision. The Aussie Football Federation [FFA] decided that he was a menace to society, and promptly banned him for 15 months.

Well, his appeal was heard yesterday, and the FFA is determined to come out of this looking like a collective of stiff, reactionary assholes.

After a seven-hour deliberation, during which they probably threw darts at a dartboard for six and spent the other hour working on PR strategies, they reduced his probation from six months to three, but they're still firm on his nine-month ban and they're set on him missing the Olympics.

What a bunch of pricks.

Vukovic was almost a certainty to get a lot of playing time for the Socceroos between the posts, and this was pretty much his last chance to see time representing his country in that competition. You see, the Olympics rules state that any country participating can only use three players over the age of 23, and Vukovic is 22 at the moment, making his chances of future Olympics rather slim.

That's not really a nice way to treat a player who started 14 games of the qualifying campaign, but still, as I mentioned before, the FFA is a collective of stiff, reactionary assholes.

Check the video again, and recap the basic story: he's out of football for almost a year because he slapped a referee's arm.

Read more on "FFA is run by absolute tossers"...

Streuth, poor bloke

Vukovic doing what he does best: not slapping referees

In our second slapping story of the day, we see the other end of the spectrum, and even the other side of the world.

Now I'm not entirely clear on how Australia governs itself -- I do know it's the land of lazy swine and the distant progeny of British criminals -- but this story is absolutely hilarious.

Central Coast goalkeeper Danny Vukovic got his slap on this past Sunday, slapping a referee's hand, and has since been disciplined.

The ban? 15 months.

According to the Reuters report, via ESPN Soccernet, the ruling isn't as bad as it sounds, but Mr. Vukovic had better keep his hands well away from the faces of anyone other than himself. Quote the Football Federation of Australia [FFA] in a stern statement:

"The suspension was reduced to nine months with the remaining six months to be served under probation, meaning Vukovic will be eligible to resume playing in the A-League in November.

If Vukovic re-offends in the 12 month period after 24 November 2008, he will be required to serve the remaining six months of his 15 month suspension (in addition to any new sanction)."

The ban currently only extends to games in the Aussie A-League where Vukovic peddles his trade, but they're considering extending it to all games in all competitions, which would of course rule him out for the 2008 Olympic Squad that's traveling to Beijing.

That's where I have a problem. Who do the FFA think they are? Eric Cantona was suspended for only 10 months after his karate kick on a fan in 1996, while it's looking unlikely that Matthew Taylor will receive a massive ban despite the shocking challenge on Edu.

Meanwhile, a gentle slap on a referee, and they're thinking of not only shunning him from the league for a massive nine months, but not let him represent his country?

Whatever they're doing down at the FFA, they're mad. Punishments like this send the wrong message, making Vukovic look like the victim and not the one who caused all this mess in the first place. Meanwhile, it deprives the country and his club, Central Coast, of his services. Does that make the game better? Does everyone feel safer now?

Maybe the FFA will rescind when they realize that Mark Schwarzer's certainly no spring chicken. [boom! Another Middlesbrough reference!]

So here's the video. You tell me if this is worth 15 months.

Read more on "Streuth, poor bloke"...