Oliver Kahn to Scare One Billion People

Chinese television producers are aiming to give kids in their country nightmares for decades to come a shot at being Beijing's Next Top Keeper.

Former three-time World's Best Goalkeeper winner and German legend Oliver Kahn will host a reality show in China aiming to find the country's next Number 1. And he's treating it as serious business.

"We don't want to do an empty and meaningless, mindless casting show," he said, without mentioning Heidi Klum, who hosts model search shows in Germany and the US. "And I don't want to be the one who 'talks big' and disses or offends the young candidates when they don't succeed."

Yeah take that Heidi. You might be pretty and all but you are empty.

The 10-part series will be about more than just goalkeeping though as Kahn aims to give the Chinese a "road map to success." Hopefully there will be lessons on how to look intimidating before ultimately losing your job to someone taller but less skilled (cough *Jens* cough).

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That's a lot of pain for such a club

Ah Tottenham. We like to make fun of you on these pages. Every once in a while The Likely Lad will show up and try to defend you, but that often just makes it worse. Still, we don't get as mean as we could, because at some point beating a dead horse is not as fun as it used to be.

Today is not one of those days.

Consider yourself duly warned that what we are about to link to is as vile and disgusting as it gets.

From the, well, oddballs at ONTD comes a bevy of images all showing the same thing: shirtless Spurs getting tattoos. You know you are in trouble when the first image of the post is of a pasty and pliable Robbie Keane.

See? Not pretty.

Anyway, there are plenty more on there including one groups shot that shows just how short Aaron Lennon is in real life. Go look. And when you're done with that, I have another treat for you.

That one bloke in every picture seems to be the proprietor of New Wave Tattoos. Betcha didn't know that he has a Myspace page. I didn't either until I clicked the link at the bottom of the post.

Some of the winners from that page.

So, why is Homer Spurson wearing a pink shirt?

You should probably eat a sammich, Craig Bellamy

Male trampstamp, complete with bloody runoff

A Yid? Really?

I don't know what to say

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