This week in Impending Homelessness

These stories aren't much fun, but they're a stark reminder that for all the scarf-waving, shit-talking and trophy-hunting, football is still ultimately a business.

In the last couple of days, I've seen two stories revolving around clubs being forced out of their grounds in the near future. The circumstances and details may be a bit different, but both clubs are surely going to struggle to remain in existence after this.

And no, one of them is not Everton [oh, how I was hoping].

First up, a weird story with so many convoluted details that I barely understand what's going on, where one of the Israeli League's founding members is about to be made homeless.

A judge in Tel Aviv ruled that the club, Hapoel Ramat Gan, must cease operations at their stadium, their home for some 80+ years, and must clear out within 60 days. The judge felt that the club has no right to continue operating there, due to a complicated series of purchases and investments over the last decade by the company that controls the club's assets.

I could try and summarize the whys and wherefores, but you should just read the article instead. It's shit like this that makes me lament a little less about the mountain of shit that's ruining my team at the moment.

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In the second story, we can probably kiss goodbye to the Rochester Rhinos of the United Soccer Leagues, who are about to be booted from their $32 million PAETEC Park, a brand-new ground that opened just this past June.

City officials say that the team's ownership group at way behind on tax payments and utility bills, and that the city could seize control as early as this week. The sad part about this is that Rochester is now stuck with a shiny new stadium, and no-one's around to use the bloody thing!

The Rhinos owe NBT Bank about $10.6 million on the remainder of their loans, and it's unlikely that the money will be repaid any time soon. The Rhinos used almost $19 million of taxpayer money to build their home, and they're about to lose it unless new owners and investors swoop in to claim the team and sort out this mess.

Expansion is a tricky business, but you'd think that the team would have the werewithal to check their projected growth and income before conning their way into a brand-new facility. Admittedly I know little about the USL, but that seems like it's almost MLS money [it's only a million dollars less than what De La Hoya just sunk into the Houston Dynamos] being talked about, like getting a Platinum credit card to buy cereal and milk.

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Both stories are sad, but like I said: football is ultimately a business. For every smart businessman purchasing power within the leagues, there are a thousand fast-talking halfwits.

I still haven't decided which camp Tom Hicks falls into yet.

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Chelsea, meet American Idol

This is a singing competition, not a dancing competition! Oh wait, no, it's a football competition. Dribble more and call us in the morning.

As anyone working in an entertainment industry might know, trying to find talent is hard. Simply, there aren't enough hours in the day to go out, search, solicit and canvas for fresh faces and diamonds in the rough.

To remedy the problem, they create shows like American Idol and America's Got Talent, whereby the undiscovered brilliance comes to them! That way you do less work, you get to make fun of the oddballs, and occasionally you might find someone incredible who you can immediately take credit for unearthing.

It's a phenomenal system, and Chelsea's finally cottoned on, with the news this morning that they're setting up a reality show in China to find the next big Asian soccer star. And, the top 4 get to come to Stamford Bridge!

Brilliant!

According to the Times Online, Chelsea will give trials to four Chinese youngsters after agreeing to partner with the Super Soccer Star programme, broadcast across the region on Guangdong TV Sports Channel.

They're desperate to get some presence in the world's most populous nation, as well as boosting their profile across the whole of Asia with this move. It seems a little cynical that this might be the answer, but, as we know, it's all about media management these days, and the possible drama that could come about when hundreds and hundreds of aspiring soccer players try out for Chelsea brass. I'm not entirely sure how much involvement the Blues will have over the show until the winners come over to the UK, nor just how they're going to be associated with the program besides having their fucking badge plastered everywhere.

The show will start airing in Southern China next month and take place over 13 episodes. It's open to players aged between 14 and 16 [sorry, distant Asian relatives of Danny Almonte], and the four most talented players will then get coached at Chelsea's academy at Cobham.

Peter Kenyon, obviously aiming to fill Simon Cowell's shoes, gives a wonderful soundbite:

"We are delighted to be involved in such an innovative project that helps us deliver on our continuing commitment to promote grass roots football amongst youngsters in China."

[I might believe that if TV cameras weren't rolling while you deliver on that "commitment".]

I wish I had a subscription to Guangdong TV Sports Channel, so I can watch the fun take place without having any idea what's being talked about. Chelsea could find the next Drogba. Then again, they might find the next Shevchenko.

Which outcome carries better ratings?

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Premier League Will *Not* Be Welcomed as Liberators

So about that Game 39, the plan to have each Premiership club play a 39th match abroad that was a subject of our point-counterpoint earlier. The supporter outrage was expected and understandable, but turns out, it's also getting chilly receptions in the United States, Asia, and Australia, presumably the three most desirable destinations for the 39th Round.

Oops. You figure when you propose something as explosively touchy as taking matches abroad, the least the Premier League honchos could have done is send out feelers and see how willing the potential hosts were. But the rejection by the Asian Football Confederation should pretty much kill this misguided adventure before it has even left the gate.

The more I think about it, the more I see how ridiculous this idea was from the start. Did PL owners seriously think that Asian leagues, who have a tough enough time fighting for attention with European leagues as it is, would roll out the red carpet? That was about as likely as Michael Dell setting aside space for MacBooks at Dell's mall kiosks because Steve Jobs told him that would sell more Inspirons.
/nerd

You see, the problem in America isn't turning sports fans into soccer fans. No, the challenge now is turning Eurosnobs (and to a similar extent, Mexisnobs) into Major League Soccer fans. The doubleheaders that EPLtalk envisages will only reinforce the league's second fiddle status. Sure, there is a way to use the European leagues to sell the game and the domestic league, but Game 39 is pure football imperialism.

And now Wigan chairman David Whelan reveals the owners weren't unanimous on the plan as the league claimed, but their reservations were pushed aside. Good lord, the Bush Administration parallels just keep coming.

As with globalization in the marketplace, globalization of the sport is a Good Thing, but it's not without its perils. For one thing, this plan does nothing to stem the growing gap between the wealthy and the middle class (see what I mean about the parallels?). The Lutons and the Leeds and the Sheffield Wednesdays won't in any less of a crunch because the Liverpools and the Chelseas get their millions - trickle down economy is only slightly less bullshit in soccer than it is in real life.

Ultimately, the clubs (not franchises) belong as much to the supporters (not fans) as they do to the owners, and they are part of communities, rather than outposts of a national corporation. No offense to Spectator, but this isn't nostalgia; this is the essence of English football in 2008. And whatever the merits of this plan, pushing a plan without bothering to gauge the reaction from supporters and host countries was a stupid, stupid mistake.

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Point: The Premier League's Foreign Round Plan Is BAD

Ed. Note: This was written by the indomitable Sven of Being Sven... hopefully we shall seem him around these parts more. Find his blog here.

Like a slovenly grade-schooler who's crammed all his cookies down his throat and now hungrily watches the other children eat their delicious treats while the crumbs fall from the corners of his mouth, the Premier League unveiled its utterly ingenious plan to mortgage the future and integrity of its league & clubs for a few more chocolate chips.

In an age where the top tier of English football is as popular as ever and is beamed to every corner of the Earth with streams of cash flooding back in the opposite direction, this week's announcement once again proves that the men who run football are not interested in the touch or bylines (or the good of the game), but merely their own bottom lines.

Firstly, I'm amused/ashamed that the proposal actually uses the word 'auction' -- as in auctioning off the right to host one of the 10 newly created Premier League fixtures. Could they not find a more crass word? While every fan must at least begrudgingly admit that football is both a business and a sport, the clubs and players are certainly not cattle to be put on a block for the highest bidder and the sport & league I love should certainly not be in the business of peddling flesh.

"Come and get it! Step right up! Make your bid for the right to have these little monkeys dance for you and make you some fine coin in the process! All you need is a stadium, some proper infrastructure and a few million quid! Come and get 'em while they're hot!"

This could not be a more deliberate and shameful money grab by the PL. There exists NO other reason for adding another round of matches to the schedule other than just to generate more revenue. You see, some people just can't leave well enough alone. They see the NFL do it while the NBA and MLB talk about it. Why not ruin the perfect symmetry (not to mention common sense) that the home-and-away table provides for a few million more pounds?

Find me one educated person who actually believes that there aren't enough matches on any given fixture list, let alone that it's utterly clogged and actually endangering the game. At a top level English club such as my beloved Liverpool (enter your own 'top level joke' here) you've got 38 league games, two domestic cup competitions and then European club competition (not to mention a likely qualifying round for that, as well... or enter your own 'European club competition' joke here).

And, lest we forget, there is also the matter of the international game, with its endless stream of pointless friendlies and actual tournaments to wedge into the crowded calendar.

That's a shitload of matches to be played. And, when you're one of the world's top leagues (subject to such daunting work permit laws), a good number of your league's players are going to represent their countries. So, not only are we talking about too many games in any given year, you actually have to think about the logistics of traveling the globe in order to play all these games.

Now, why don't we throw another twig on the fire? Why don't we make the players, who already have clocked up thousands of air miles (especially in the summer/preseason months) undergo yet another pointless trek to play in a match that ruins the integrity of one of the world's finest leagues? What could it hurt?

For years, English-based managers have rallied against fixture congestion and even begged for the creation of some sort of Winter Break. While they certainly have their best interests at heart, each and every one of them obviously loves the game and wants what's best for it (with the exception of attractive footy in some cases). So, in it's infinite wisdom (wisdom being spelled g-r-e-e-d in this case), the PL has chosen to rectify the situation by making a mockery of its fixture schedule.

And while I'm a Liverpool fan, the fact that the Top Four wouldn't face each other further (while likely a good idea for LFC) suggests that this dog-and-pony show is merely that, a completely rigged operation sweetened to lure the big dogs over with the promise of a Snausage.

"But, what of the children?! Won't somebody think of the kids?"

I can understand the plight of the foreign fan. Many are unable to travel to England to watch their favorite club live and in person. If only there existed such a mechanism that would allow these clubs to come and play in distant cities, expanding both their and the Premier League's exposure level (not to mention their wallets) whilst giving the fans a real taste of what they yearn for!!

Oh, that's right... they already do. IT'S CALLED THE FUCKING PRESEASON.

What club hasn't already taken advantage of its overseas fanbases by jumping in a jet and hop-scotching around a few countries to play a handful of exhibitions in July and August? (let me rephrase that: What club, that isn't run by fucking idiots, hasn't already taken advantage...) Clubs have been plucking the ripe fruit that are the Asian and North American markets for quite some time. And, as each year goes by, the number of games being played Stateside increases, with bigger names and more illustrious (and some not-so-illustrious) clubs getting in on the act. Now, the Premier League just wants a bigger slice of the pie.

Let's be honest, these proposed games would end up in Asia or North America anyway. Outside of the oil rich Middle East, who else is going to outbid those markets for the games? Because the PL ain't shipping them to Africa for a Showcase in hope of bettering the sport or out of the goodness of their hearts.

You've got to ask yourself three questions. What's the real motivation? What's the upside? And, is it truly worth it?

You know what? I'll answer them for you.

Money.

Nothing.

No.

I'll leave you with a quote from a certain blowhard French UEFA Chief:

"The beauty of football is you have some values, you have the teams, you have the fans, you represent something important and you are not a travelling circus."

Look at what you've done, Premier League. It took an idea of the most moronic proportions to make me agree with Michel Platini. I hope you're proud of yourself.

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The EPL packs its bags for a vacation!!!

Depressing, jaded, inevitable, much like the thought of another Jamie Kennedy movie. The news came out this morning that the EPL is considering adding an extra game to the English season, with that magic 39th game being played somewhere abroad. Magic. In other news: nothing is sacred.

The powers that be are hungry and aroused at the thought of football's globalization in branding, with this news serving as surely the first point in a long list of wacky, zany ideas to follow. As it stands, the 10 games will be scheduled so as to avoid any two of the biggest 5 or 6 clubs facing each other [presumably in the hopes of setting up a series of 4-0 wins], and then cities around the world get to bid [rather ambiguously] for the right to host.

Sure, it makes fiscal sense, as Mihir Bose points out:

"The growth of the Premier League has been impressive in the last 15 years thanks to the sale of television rights in this country, but now the market in the United Kingdom is becoming saturated and it is the overseas market which is now the big target area."

but still...is what it's come to? Overseas television rights are big business, but the concept of bringing the sport to peoples' doorsteps is a little cynical to me. Remember when the Giants and Dolphins "played" at Wembley Stadium? Or preseason NFL being hosted in Japan? Oh how they clamored and shouted for the chance to see superstars play for 4 drives before ceding way to the walk-ons!

Unsurprisingly, the Football Supporters Federation has jumped all over this story, and surely not just because they think it's an early April Fool:

"The FSF has no doubt whatsoever that the vast majority of supporters are against this, and believe it would drag the Premier League into the realms of farce. When this ludicrous idea was first mooted in October last year, we ran a poll here on our website and a huge majority of supporters - 80% who took the trouble to vote - were in complete opposition to this.

Are we going to see local derbies played in a foreign country thousands of miles away? Are supporters supposed to accept missing the biggest games of their season because it's being played on the other side of the planet? Let's face facts, the sole motivation for this is the Premier League to make more money - aren't they making enough already? This displays a complete disregard for the proud traditions of the English game as well as a crass lack of consideration for football supporters in general."

Couldn't have put it better myself, really.

There is a famous saying that I'll probably butcher right now, but it essentially says that the minute you start to fail is the minute that you stop being yourself, and this is what it seems the EPL is doing. It's taking our product and removing from it the very thing that matters: the people who've spent lifetimes supporting, cheering, investing in it.

Bringing a game like Bolton vs. Blackburn to Bangkok is going to demonstrate nothing, and prove even less, the only beneficiaries being the players' passports and the EPL's ridiculously swollen coffers.

Surely, it should not be countries paying for the privilege of hosting Middlesbrough/West Ham? Shouldn't the EPL be begging the world market and paying them for the chance to take part?

I feel like the EPL makes more than enough money on simply broadcasting the game abroad, and the idea of puppeteering the teams and players on a world stage is ludicrous. Of course, we knew this day was coming, but at what cost?

Thankfully, the lefty Guardian blog agrees with me to a point. Read it up, and offer your equally-depressing visions for the EPL's future in the comments section.

When will we see cheerleaders? TV time-outs? American players? [joke on the last one... sorry folks]

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Sepp Blatter Said Something Stupid Again: Country Before Competence

Critiquing Sepp Blatter quotes is like shooting fish in a barrel. Have you ever shot a fish in a barrel? It's a lot of fun.

Today, Blatter condemns the F.A. for hiring someone competent to manage England.

"I have never seen Italy, Germany, Brazil or Argentina with a coach from another country. In fact, most of the best teams have a coach from their own country."

Sepp, a few problems:
a) England is not "most" teams. It is just one team.
b) England is not one of the "best teams".
c) Most of the worst teams also have native coaches.

"I would say it is a little surprising that the motherland of football has ignored a sacrosanct law or belief that the national team manager should be from the same country as the players."

The idea that a league or a national team should be purely domestic is as cute as it is silly. It's just another variation on the standard goodoldaysism, like assholes who reminisce about how players had to work second jobs in the offseason (because the owners didn't share the spoils with the employees) and they played harder because they did it for the love of the game (they didn't, and they didn't).

Seriously, there are few people I hate in sports more than the idiots who retroactively attach some virtue to the way things were (which very often sucked).

Players didn't stay in their own countries and national teams weren't coached by their own countrymen because of some "sacrosanct law" that Blatter just made up last week. They stayed where they were, partly because they didn't have the cross-border travel and communication that we have now, and partly because of xenophobia (thank goodness that's done away with).

But you know what they did have in the old days? They had Di Stefano and Puskas ditching, respectively, Argentina and Hungary, to suit up for Spain. That's some sacrosanct-ass shit, right there.

"When you talk about being a football nation and you look at the big clubs in the Premier League it is not the English or British game that is represented…

"… one has to question whether this success has been for the benefit of the game, and not just in England but elsewhere, because the example of football's motherland is important."

Let's just drop the canard that globalization in soccer is (a) the cause of England's crappiness, and (b) bad for soccer as a whole.

England has been many things for the past 20 years, sometimes good, sometimes unlucky, sometimes bad, and sometimes really bad, though never great. But the "really bad" (between 1992 and 1996) happened to coincide with a time when the domestic league was still feeling the effect of the European ban and was just starting to blend foreigners into the mix.

On the other hand, Italy managed to win a title or two, despite having foreigners in their midst for decades. Germany won the 1990 World Cup with a core of Inter players. France wouldn't be as good as it is if its players were limited from playing in Serie A or the Prem, and that's not to mention the leap African teams have made, in large parts because French clubs had to deal with the talent drain and turned to the former colonies. Japan and Korea overachieved in 2002 because of the discipline that only foreign coaches could instill.

Granted, care needs to be taken so that young players and clubs in third-world nations aren't exploited, and loopholes, like the one allowing Arsenal to pick up Fran Merida and Cesc Fabregas for nothing, need to be closed.

Otherwise, all evidence suggests that infusion of foreign talent has benefited England and the rest of the footballing world. But that's neither here nor there, since Blatter has never been concerned with reality.

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