Scotland Round Up

That picture up there? That's the earliest surviving map of Great Britain. England is pretty recognizable and Wales is more or less correct. On the other hand, Scotland is crudely rendered like the earliest cave drawings of an erect penis. Just thought I would share. No allegory there whatsoever. Nope.

The fixture list in Scotland this weekend was jumbled by fifth round ties in the SFA Cup. There was intrigue before the weekend fixtures even began, as the SFA had to sort out the fourth round result of Brechin City-Hamilton.
Midweek, Aberdeen was told that their tie against Brechin was postponed, because the aforementioned match needed a replay after Brechin fielded two ineligible players. Aberdeen protested the postponement because their fixture list is full with upcoming Euro and League Cup ties. The SFA assented and did the sensible thing, removing Brechin City from the Cup. In the Fifth round tie, Hamilton outplayed the Premiership hosts, losing (thankfully) on a Zander Diamond 62nd minute goal.

Aberdeen's prize for advancing is a home tie hosting Celtic. Not exactly the draw one hopes for. Celtic slammed Killie 1-5 on Saturday and look to be in great form chasing Rangers for the title. The only other cup tie that was decided over the weekend saw Queen of the South defeating Morton 0-2. Replays will be necessary for Hibs-Rangers, Livingston-Partick Thistle (nil), and St Mirren-Dundee United, all nil draws. Surprise, surprise, Motherwell-Dundee and Ross County-St Johnstone were called off because of weather.

In the First Division, Hamilton Academicals have opened a five point lead on Dundee for the lone promotion spot to the SPL. Stirling looks dead in the water at the foot of the table, with Clyde and Morton losing the race for the negative playoff spot. The Second Division shows a close fight at the top with three points separating three squads. Ross County currently holds the top spot, but are being chased by Raith Rovers and Airdire United. At the bottom, Berwick Rangers (they're in England, BTW) are 13 points adrift. Berwick will be replaced by East Fife who hold a commanding 21 point lead at the top of Division Three.

That's it for me, I'm going to try to find a Sopcast of the Aberdeen-Dundee United League Cup semi. Come on the Dons!

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Drogba Unwilling to Sit Through Time-Share Presentation

Didier Drogba was the 2006 African Footballer of the Year and after a stellar campaign the past Premiership season with 33 total goals for Chelsea and the EPL Golden Boot, Drogba looked fit for a repeat performance. Yet, it appears the Confederation of African Football had different ideas.

Ivory Coast striker Didier Drogba did not win the 2007 African Footballer of the Year award because he refused to attend Friday's ceremony in Lome, the team spokesman said on Monday.

Jean-Claude Djacus said the Confederation of African Football (CAF) had planned to give the award to the Chelsea forward but decided not to after he said he would not travel to the Togolese capital to collect it.

The CAF awarded Mali International and FC Sevilla striker Frédéric Kanouté with the award instead. Kanouté collected his award along with a free 3-day vacation to one of three wonderful locations--Johannesburg, Darfur, or Ouagadougou--with airfare and lodging included.

Drogba's refusal to attend is not without reason. His team, Côte d'Ivoire, is in the middle of the African Nations Cup in Ghana and had a quarterfinal match on Sunday against Guinea. Flying to another country (albeit a nearby country) two nights before a big game doesn't seem like the greatest idea. Who were the geniuses that thought that it would be a good idea to have the awards ceremony during the largest African tournament?

[Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images]

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The Latest And Longest Weekend Review Ever

See that. That's a guy in a Chrisitano Ronaldo jersey. Obviously. What you probably can't tell from the shitty phone pic is that he's wearing a Boston Red Sox hat. Look at the size adjuster on the back, if that were at all legible, you'd see there are indeed two little red socks stitched into the tab.

Is there any clearer way to announce to the world that you are a frontrunning douchebag than to couple your man love for the pink-wearing Portugese national with a wikked retahded hat?

Anyway, that guy sat quietly next to me for 94 minutes during the Spurs v. Man U match on Saturday morning. And we did not say word one to each other. Nope, not a word. I knew nothing about him. And he knew nothing about me. He probably thought I was a Spurs fan because, well, I was pulling for Spurs.

This is not something I would normally do. In fact, that roughly two hour span was like maybe chemically engineering New Years a little too much and ending up in a BBGG foursome. You probably know you are going to feel creeped and weirded out when you wake up the next morning and realize that you were that close to another naked and aroused man, but hey, there's also two naked chicks there, so, eh, what the hell.

Not that I would have any idea what that's like at all. No way.

But there I was, parked at the bar at Ginger's and pulling for Tottenham. Why? Well, Arsenal had already handed SGE and Manchester Citeh their first home defeat of the season, so a Man U loss would leave the Gunners three points clear.

And, shit, I think I'd consider voting Republican if it meant Arsenal winning the Prem this year. All I had to do was hate Spurs a little less than I hate the Mancs for 90-plus minutes. No problem. And so it was, Berbatov deservedly put Tottenham up 1-0. And I had Mr. Hat to my left, oh, and another obnoxious Red Devil to my right.

The irony being the dude on my right, with every touch, every whistle, every call, and every non-call... "Fuh, fuckssake." "Ah wot the fuck?" The whole match long. Mr. I've Got A Ronaldo Kit? Not a peep.

The morning only got better when the man who was a Spur not 48 hours before, Jermain Defoe, leveled Portsmouth with Chleasa. Do I dare dream the near-perfect morning? There's nothing schade about schadenfruede when it involves Chelsea and Man U giving up points at the same time.

Three minutes of stoppage time were added and at 94:00 on the clock, United lined up for a corner. The only person close to marking Carlos Tevez was also wearing a red jersey and on the match's final strike United leveled.

Goddamit. Tottenham can't even defend a corner. Dicks.

But the Tevez goal sent my leftorium denizen into a rapturesque series of shouts.

At first I thought he was screaming: "Kitson, Kitson..." Which would have been really fucking peculiar because Dave Kitson plays for Reading.

After about a half dozen shouts in, I realized Ronaldo Red Sox didn't have Tourette's and was saying "Get some."

I've been a sports fan my entire life. I've been to a Final Four, a World Series, a World Cup, two college Football National Championship games, and a myriad of other non-championship events. Never have I ever heard anyone say anything as patently stupid and meaningless as "Get some" in celebration.

But that wasn't even the best part. Amidst the barrage of "get some" after "get some" he turned to me and shouted, "Fuck you."

Whoa, slow down there, chief, all I had done was pull for Spurs. And even that was slightly painful for me, so it was pretty muted. Apparently pulling for anyone besides the Mancs is worth a big fat "fuck you" to a Red Devil.

Anyway, what's the lesson in all of this?

Sometimes people are exactly what they seem. I took the phone pic of the dickweed's shirt and hat about halftime. Then I actually felt a little guilty for being so judgmental about someone I had never even spoken to. Turns out, when you wear a Ronaldo jersey and a BoSox hat you are wearing your entire personality on your sleeve (and head). At the 94th minute I felt more stupidity than guilt.

And the guy on my right? Save for his impartial observations, he seemed pretty cool. Turns out he was. We had a little chat after the match. He said "Well played." I said "I'm not a Spurs fan" and we exchanged some mutual respect for how good our respective rooting interests are.

Yep, sometimes your prejudices are 100% correct.

There's also a fun addendum to the story. What Mr. Dickhead McDouchetool doesn't know is that he also sat next to me when the Gunners pulled even at the death to salvage a draw at the Emirates the first time United and Arsenal squared off this season. And Saturday, with him next to me, United gave up two points on a draw at White Heart Lane. So every time you sit next to me, dude, the Red Devils draw. I'll take having your front-running, stupid-expression-shouting, get-up-earlier-and-shower-next-time ass sit next to me every day and twice on Sundays; and you can scream "Kit-son" all you like because the end result is 2 points less for United.

Oh, and fuck you Keane. You were alone in on Van Der Saar with space and time and you chipped it right at him.

Anyway, less turned out to be more and we were right, there was less scoring. Both for me and the teams in the Prem.

Kitson!
Blackburn 0 - 0 Everton
Tottenham 1 - 1 United
Fulham 2 -1 Aston Villa
Wigan 1 - 0 West Ham
Portsmouth 1 -1 Chelsea
Reading 0 - 2 Bolton

Get Some!
Birmingham 1 -1 Derby (0-1)
Newcastle 1 - 1 Boro (2-2)
L'pool 3 - 0 Sunderland (3-1)

Hey clown, we're 2 points clear
Man City 1 - 3 Arsenal (0-1)

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Security, Please Escort the Freckled Man off the Premises

You know that guy at your office? The one who was fired three months ago, but keeps showing up anyway? He'll come in unannounced, gives unsolicited advice to his replacement, gives lectures about "that's not the way we do things around here", and otherwise acts like he wasn't fired for turning everything he turned into crap? You know that guy? Of course you don't! Because that guy would have to be pretty delusional to think anything he says would be taken seriously.

Unless of course, you happen to work at the Football Association and "that guy" is Steve McClaren.

He thought he'd be ever so helpful to his much, much more qualified replacement, telling us Fab Cap must (must!) hand the captain's armband to John Terry. If you feel like you've read this post before, it's because, well, you have. He just won't shut up!

Look, I'm not going to take anger management advice from O.J. Simpson, nor will I take pointers from Alan Greenspan on how to manage the interest rates, and Fabio Cappello certainly won't take anything Second Choice Steve says without a grain, nay, a sack of salt. And really, John Terry? The same Terry who missed the match that essentially got McClaren canned, but was fit enough to start 3 days later for Chelsea? That's some serious commitment to the national team, right there.

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African Cup Semi-Finals nailed down.

Egypt - Angola played a great match, and reaffirmed my belief that good ball can be played in the African Continent. Upstart Tunisia suprised Cameroon by scoring twice to tie the match, only to lose in extra time as Cameroon pulled it out. Excellent Monday action.

Monday's Matches


Egypt 2 - 1 Angola Angola lost this with defensive errors. The first being the hand ball which allowed for the Rabou PK. Man U's stud Manucho sent in an equalizer, before a miscue from the Angolan defense allowed the go ahead goal. I watched a large portion of this match at work, and it was some very back and forth balling. Made up for yesterdays' dogs. Egypt now gets to match up with Ivory Coast.



Tunisia 2 - 3 Cameroon

This one even topped the earlier match. Cameroon struck first scoring two goals, the second a free kick by Geremi that seemed to cinch the game. Newcastle can use you back in the lineup Geremi. But not so fast. Tunisia struck back and played an almost manic style of play, first with a free kick by Ben Saada, and then Chukhaoui equalized with an amazing handling of the cross. Tunisia was then spent, and hoped they could withhold until the penalty shootout phase. But no such luck. Two minutes into extra time, Mbia came through with the go-ahead score that would send Cameroon into the Semis, where they will face host Ghana.

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Benayoun avoids suicide bomber in home town

According to reports in the news today, Yossi Benayoun narrowly avoided a suicide bomber during a trip home to visit family in Israel.

From the Guardian article:

"Yossi came to visit his parents who live nearby," said his agent, Ronen Katsav. "It is a small place and he heard the explosion and the gunshots. He was inundated by phone calls from friends asking him if he was all right after the event. He is fine and will take part in the international game."

He was about five minutes' walk away from the attack site in the southern town of Dimona with his family, preparing for an exhibition friendly against Romania tomorrow.

There's no joke or upside here; just a reminder of how everything's intertwined. Life doesn't stop for sports, and more often than not, the converse is true too. It's all part of the same, big picture, and a story like this just reminds you of that.

After the jump, a video of Yossi's goals for Liverpool so far this season.... excuse the bad music.

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Apologies

Apologies for the non-existent showing today here at UF. Several of us are under the weather after that Super Bowl thing last night, and the celebration/commiseration that immediately followed. We will be back to regular programming tomorrow. I promise.

After the jump, a video of really nasty tackles.

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Tunagonga-teremsha

That should be Swahili for "BEAT DOWN." Which is all you can say about Sunday's matches. There was nothing pretty about the outcomes, they seemed to be decided before the matches started. Nigeria were flatting than a warm guiness in the summer sun, and Guinea thought it was a friendly and brought their practice squad. That's the only way I can explain it. Or that Cote d'Ivorie are just that damned good and the level of play in Africa experiences a big drop off that they can't even fill out a 8 team bracket?



Sunday's Matches

Ghana 3 - 1 Nigeria


(called off for a Professional Foul)

Nigeria came out playing flat, flatter than I expected. For such an important match, they seemed to not be able to string passes together. Ghana had the crowd, but more importantly, they wanted this match more. They had to, going a man down with Mensah being sent off in the 20th minute. You know it's bad when the Nigerian Goalie apologizes for the Eissen goal. Which was a beauty by the way. The country has rallied around the Nigerian team, complete with their new name of Super Chickens. Indeed.

Cote d'Ivorie 5 - 0 Guinea


(Chelsea's best?)

The Elephants came out and rampaged. Poor Guinea, but the middle of the first half, it was obvious they were outmatched and were being outplayed. That was when Drogba picked apart their defense like he was giving clinics on how to run and shoot. After that the rout was one. The last few goals were very nicely executed, but they were against a beaten down and worn out Guinea defense, and they were just piling on at that point.

These were the beatdowns on Sunday, and not the American beatdown (which never happened).

Monday's Matches

Tunisia - Cameroon - Monday Cameroon advanced the last time the cup played, and then lost in a penalty shootout with Cameroon when their offense seized up. Eto'o will be marked heavily by Tunisian's defense, who will be tasked in keeping them in line.

Egypt - Angola - Monday Egypt feels confident now that they are back at full Strength. The question is if the Pharoahs can keep things rolling or will this plucky Angolan team pull out another sleeper victory.

Here is hoping these matches are a bit more exciting.

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UF's Weekend Poll

Once a week, we poll ourselves to find answers to the burning questions of the football world. We are, of course, experts in the field, so the results can be taken as definitive. This week: Who are the Top 5 players you'd most like to have in you squad?


#1 Steven Gerrard. Definitely more than just a Scouser homer pick, right? Lingering Bursitis sets us straight- "homer pick, maybe, but when your team needs a big goal, he comes through with it. Won the CL in 2005 by dragging the team on his back, and that FA Cup Final win vs. West Ham was all Stevie G too."

#2 Cesc Fabregas. Arsenal's wonderkid midfielder comes through in second. With the top 2 picks, it's obvious that the EPL really is the best league in the world. According to Ian, his appeal lies in that he is "still really young, but doing a damn good job in the midfield against players that are all bigger than him."

#3 Lionel Messi. Like Fabregas, he's young, but unlike Cesc, he's Argentinian. Don't ask me what that is supposed to mean. According to email transmissions from ü75, Messi has a "ginormous upside", and that's much better than a ginormous backside.

#4. Cristiano Ronaldo. Easily the most hated on man in any email conversation we have. The only people who seem to like him are Manchester United fans and people who have him in their fantasy squads. The nicest thing we can say abput him is that he doesn't dive quite as much as he used to.

#5. Juan Roman Riquelme. The third set piece specialist to show up on the list, Riquelme squeaks in at the fifth position. His shots baffle keepers, and he is "the reason Boca will win the Clausura" according to one UFer who actually follows that kind of stuff.

Others receiving more than one vote: Ribery, Drogba, Henry, Kaka, Essien, Beckham
Others receiving one vote: Totti, Pirlo, Torres, van Persie, Thuram, Agbonlahor, Nakamura, Altidore, Dempsey, Tim Howard, Heather Mitts, Cannavaro, Bojan, Pato, Micah Richards, Walcott, Ashley Young, Inzaghi, Convey.

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African Nation knockout stage

This was going to go up yesterday, but I spent the day playing landlord. We'll try to wrap up the teams heading into the knockout stages, some random bits of knowledge about the matches so far, some picks from the unprofessionals, and a look at today's matches.


(ABDELHAK SENNA/AFP/Getty Images)


Semifinal Stages

1) Ghana - Nigeria - Sunday, 2/3
4) Tunisia - Cameroon - Monday 2/4

2) Ivory Coast - Guinea - Sunday 2/3
3) Egypt - Angola - Monday 2/4

Fellow Predictions

We trolled ourselves for predictions on the semi-final matchups, and the winner. Here is a short condensed view of this.

Fan's Attic:

Ghana - Cameroon
Ivory Coast - Egypt

Ghana - Ivory Coast

ian

Ghana - Tunisia
Ivory Coast - Angola

Ivory Coast - Ghana

ian

Ghana - Tunisia
Ivory Coast - Egypt

Tunisia - Ivory Coast

me

Ghana - Cameroon
Ivory Coast - Egypt

Cameroon - Ivory Coast

Sunday's Matches

Ghana - Nigeria Home favorites Ghana are playing for pride, but the Nigerian president has assured victory, so we can only assume something strange will happen. One of those African rolling blackouts perhaps? A 419 scheme gone awry? One can hope it's interesting. We however, love the Black Stars mostly because they have a better name than anyone else in the tourney.


Ivory Coast - Guinea Guinea has a slightly weaker team with captain Balde is questionable with an injury. Working against Guinea is a man named Drogba, leading the charge for the Elephants. I don't see how Guinea can keep up with Ivory Coast.

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