Wear This Or Else!

Where's your kit? What kit? This facking kit!

Nah, listen up you slags. You'd betta buy this ere West 'Am shirt or else.

Q: What's the best way to promote your shirt if you are a club from East London, the home of real gangsters?

A: Hire a fake one!

Movie land hard man (and West Ham fan) Ray Winstone is the new face of West Ham's new kit. What a way to reinforce the old East Laaandon stereotype. The cockney actor, famous for playing tough gangsters and hard man 'types' in movies such as Sexy Beast, Nil by Mouth and Scum, jumped at the chance to show his true colours.





Not so sure about the checkered look. Not half as nice as my lot's new away shirt. Why's that you ask? Cos I said so slags, and I'm the daddy of B wing, er UF wing, er here.

Click here to see Winstone earning his reputation in his most famous scene. Beware of NSFW language and a rather unpleasant racist attitude.

The new West Ham shirt is available from the 30th July.

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Quick Throw: Upton Park to go belly up?

Say goodnight to West Ham's Icelandic owner Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, as he announced liabilities of 301m pounds this morning and that a group of his creditors, led by Icelandic bank Straumur, will be taking control of the club shortly.

Long story short, a bank he had a significant stake in collapsed, and now he's in the shitter and might even lose his house.

Not sure this means for West Ham in the long term (they should be able to keep their Europa League spot pending UEFA review of their financial paperwork), but I can safely say one thing: fire sale!

[Guardian Sport]

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How to re-anger a fanbase

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREEN. THIS IS A TEST. THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

Displaying the kind of wisdom one would expect, England's Boring John Terry and Frank Lampard have agreed in principle to play in a testimonial match this summer. Oh, and they'll be playing this testimonial for a West Ham XI at Upton Park.

Common sense never was part of the footballer's skill set, was it?

The testimonial is for Hammers Academy Director Tony Carr, the man who nurtured both EBJT and Franky during their slimmed-down formative years. Lamps was a Hammer until 2001, while Terry trained there but never signed on, opting to join Chelsea at age 14 instead.

And now, presuming that the deep-lying scars of their traitorous London switch are fully healed, they'll both pitch up for the charity game.

Of course, for those of us with memories, just this past weekend the Blues endured a volley of abuse at Upton Park, so much so that Terry piped up to defend Lamps from the torment to which they were both subjected. And these remarks were just 2 days ago!

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely gesture from the pair to acknowledge the importance of Carr in their footballing development, but it's also incredibly naive to think that playing 90 minutes at 1/2 pace in the Hammers kit will quell all the bad blood and backstabbing they've doled out to West Ham over the years from across London.

We'll now wait and see whether they follow-through with it, or whether they'll snap the hearts of Hammers fans and management for the 1,957,607th time this century.

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Zola signs a new 4-year deal?

Zola: fearless

Despite recent financial turmoil surrounding the club, Zola's penned a new contract for himself at West Ham.

Was that really a smart thing to do?

First off, let the record show that he's done well in his first season, steering the aesthetically-challenged club to a Top 10 finish (not certain, but highly likely) while the bulk of the league struggles and flirts with relegation disaster. They weathered the storm of the January window, retaining most of their stars while any bigger club was looking to pillage the squad, and in this day and age, it's a feat akin to miracle.

However, now, the club is in administration; with their Icelandic owner unable to repay his loans in a timely manner, the banks have swooped in to take control, and the name of the game now becomes "Protect Our Remaining Assets." You can bet what that translates to in the real world -- bye bye, expensive players who could command a fair bit of scratch on the open market.

Farewell, Carlton Cole.
Adieu, Matthew Upson (Gooner nation salivates!).
Ta-ta, Scott Parker and Mark Noble.
Hit the road, Robert Green.

The continuity of Zola in charge should have a galvanizing effect, when it comes to keeping players focused on football while their paychecks bounce, but when it comes to personnel decisions, the banks will surely have the final say on which players are shed for quick cash in order to keep the entire operation afloat. He's also looking at a rather lean summer, having already been told that there's no money to spend on bringing in new players.

Hammers fans can expect a lengthy spell of loan wheeling-dealing in July, which will only add to the mounting frustration at the uncertainty surrounding the club's future.

Zola's plans for West Ham are admirable:

"It would be something fantastic for the club. It's going to be very difficult to be a monster like Manchester United, but we want to build something different. Maybe it's going to be a longer-term project, but we would like one day to be competing with those teams."

Is it really feasible?

With Shearer carefully manning the HMS Magpie as it slowly sinks into the North Sea, grumpy Gareth Southgate waiting for Relegation Rapture, and the already-failed Paul Ince Experiment, it is clear that Zola is smarter than most retired players who've been mad enough to get into the managing business instead of sipping cocktails on the Costa del Sol (let's not mention Roy Keane's seething walkout amid this lot).

Predictions for Zola's future in the comments, please.

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WWOS: Who Would Obama Support?

Say it ain't so, B.O.!!"
Bigus again with the magical photo work

There's been some speculation-- that's to say, full-throated debate, hair-pulling, and name-calling-- in these quarters over what footy club the President of the United States would/should/does support.

In his column for the NYT Monday, George Vescey referenced Mr. Obama's [loose] ties to West Ham. But that's hard for a lot of us here to swallow. This president isn't blowing anything... least among them, Bubbles. Forever. And we can say, though I'll have to confirm with GBWTF, that his style sense is about 3,745 notches above your classiest Hammer chav.

Join me for some baseless speculation... after the jump!


So what is it really for El Presidente?

We know Mexico and South America are weighing heavily on his mind these days, and given his concern about access to higher education, might he be on the blackberry right now finding the best price for the new Estudiantes strip?



Or, given his success with the latino electorate in SoCal, perhaps there's a Chivas scarf in his closet?



He seems pretty popular in Germany-- could Mr. Obama be a closet Hertha freak?



The President has been derided in some trog righty circles as being too quick to please Europe. So, as far as pleasing in Europe goes, would it be so far-fetched to suspect he has a soft spot for the Nou Camp Catalans? They're clever, successful... beautiful to watch...


Uncle Leo Wants You!

And then there's always the possibility that Barack's African, Southeast Asian, and Muslim roots have pointed him toward the likes of Hearts of Oak or Haras El Hodoud.

Just some test balloons here. So what is it UF, who does the president support? Who should he support? Please back up your opinion with some implausible-yet-empirical evidence!



p.s. He's not, nor would he ever be a Gooner. It's a weak argument, so don't bother.

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West Ham Open A Can of Worms.

Just yesterday I said West Ham's settlement of the Tevez affair could set a dangerous precedent. Well today it's open season on E13 9AZ. Not only is Sheffield United's former manager Neil Warnock planning to sue, but so are the players! What's next... The fans?

Oh dear West Ham, look what you have started. Warnock says: "We worked so hard that year. The club was going forward. You do feel bitter without a shadow of a doubt."

Ring the alarm bells, free money on offer. I can see law suits from players and fans on the horizon. Still, West Ham deserve this for being so stupid as to offer Sheffield United compensation for being crap. Maybe West Ham could counter sue the FA and Premier League for not catching the Tevez transfer mess-up earlier? They both have to approve any transfer at the time of the deal.

Neil Warnock is currently the manager of Crystal Palace, and I am not going to say anything nasty about him. Why? I need his side to beat Barnsley this afternoon in one of the Yorkshire side's 'games in hand' over Norwich. Lets hope he is focussed on the match and not on a new Porsche 911 turbo. By the way West Ham, that's a 186,000 quid motor. I wonder if it comes in claret and blue?

-Bigus

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EPL Liveblog: West Ham v. Manchester United

He won't have been so pleased to see Liverpool's miracle win yesterday

Everyone else has gained their points, and now it's United's turn. While I pray for some sudden backbone in Zola's men despite losing a few players in the January window, I fear another competent, workmanlike romp for Fergie and his band of joyless, Satanic robots.

Put on your claret and blue and give us your best United hate songs in the comments. Teams and commentary below the jump.

Starting Lineups:
West Ham: Green, Neill, Collins, Upson, Ilunga, Behrami, Parker, Noble, Collison, Cole, Di Michele.
Subs: Lastuvka, Nsereko, Boa Morte, Kovac, Spector, Tristan, Sears.

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Rafael Da Silva, Ferdinand, Vidic, O'Shea, Ronaldo, Scholes, Carrick, Giggs, Tevez, Berbatov.
Subs: Foster, Park, Nani, Welbeck, Fabio Da Silva, Fletcher, Eckersley.

PREGAME:
I'm calling a late 1-0 win for the visitors, in a result so utterly appropriate for those automatons at the top that it should be renamed after them. It was their hallmark last season, and recent games have brought the same outcome (see: Stoke, Sunderland, etc.)

Upton Park is not the easiest place to play, but it's hard to imagine any result other than 3 more points for that drunk Scottish prick.


becomes

Too soon?

The fact that Carlton Cole made the England squad is mindblowing to me. Then again, maybe it'll inspire him to a goal or two today. I'm not sure whether his inclusion is indicative of his recent quality, or the complete lack of striker options England truly have beyond Rooney. Then again, it's only a friendly. I already know we're not winning the World Cup next year!

Hey look, LFC are top. Not for long, mind you.

West Ham operating in the 4-4-2, and Man U are going with the same. I thought the 4-4-2 was dying... where's the 4-5-1 that has become so hopelessly fashionable? Hate that formation.

And we're off! Hammers kick off...

Carlton Cole has a breezy jog down the left, but cover arrives in time and the chance is gone. Call me crazy, but West Ham will regret losing Bellamy, regardless of the influx of cash from Citeh, aka the ATM of the EPL.

Scrappy possession early, but West Ham are up for it! Not ready to just roll over like the Baggies did.

3 mins: United knock it around at the back, and Ronaldo's first touch is greeted with a chorus of boos. It's only fair. Tevez tries to get something up the middle with a couple of 1-2s, but he eventually fouls. The Hammers give the ball back immediately from the free-kick.

5 mins: Ronaldo gets free down the left and manages to bang in a low cross, but it's cleared easily.

The tone of the game is becoming apparent rather quickly; Man U will attack all day and West Ham are going to sit on it for the most part. The Hammers attack in pairs, and Man U throw the kitchen sink forward in response.

7 mins: Another good run for Ronaldo, nipping past two on the wing and putting a dangerous low cross in for Tevez, forcing Collins to shin it out for a corner. Giggs to take...

... and Vidic wins it but puts the header miles over the bar. If West Ham allow the visitors that much space moving forward, this game will be over by half-time. Just calling it like I see it.

More pressure for United as Berbatov releases Giggs down the right (amazed he's playing right-wing, by the way) with a wonderful, outside-of-the-foot pass. Giggs appears to trick Upson into slide-tackling too early, but the tackle does the job and West Ham clear.

11 mins: A West Ham attack! Vidic puts the ball out for a corner under little pressure, and Lucas Neill gets a good shot off that Van der Sar smothers at the near post.

The Hammers break again! Carlton Cole gets in behind Rio Ferdinand and despite the heavy shirt-tugging, Cole forces a good save from Van der Sar as he shoots for the far post. If Cole had gone down, Rio would surely have been sent off for the professional foul. 9 times out of 10, you'd fancy the striker to milk that contact for a free kick or penalty, but Carlton does the honourable thing.

16 mins: I take back the bad words about West Ham, they're clearly up for the challenge. Berbatov gives the ball away cheaply in midfield, seemingly frozen while figuring out which 5-yard pass to make, and Collison breaks but wastes possession looking for Di Michele through the middle. A lot more pace since Cole's chance, and they're not about to become the latest 3-0 plaything on United's fixture list.

20 mins: Lots of sideways passing from United without much intent, and the Hammers are content to shepherd them across the field before finally winning possession. Ronaldo's stepovers are not fooling anyone.

Berbatov has it in the net, but he's miles offside. Nice try, you slimy Bulgarian.

22 mins: Another United corner after Rafael works hard for it down the right. These Brazilian Nevilles will be rather good in a couple of years time.

25 mins: West Ham try to build an attack, but Cole loses it at the top of the box as United's 10 men behind the ball policy works well. They break via Tevez, who finds Berbatov with a gorgeous flick. Berbs finds Ronaldo wide, and Tevez continues his run but narrowly misses getting on the end of the cross.

Hammers break and Collison somehow gets free in the box, but instead of shooting on his left foot, he cuts back to his right and feeds it to Cole, who turns right into Vidic and loses possession. United swing back down the other end and Giggs' cross is put out for another corner. Giggs puts the corner right on Ronaldo's forehead, but his powerful header is wide of the post, and the Hammers breathe again.

29 mins: Good build-up by United is wasted by Scholes, who wellies the ball miles over the top. It took a deflection apparently, so Giggs gets another chance to swing one in. He does his job, putting it to the back post, but Carrick fouls in the air and the Hammers are safe for now.

Di Michele gives away a silly free kick wide on the right, deep in Hammers territory. Giggs plays it low to the top of the box, fooling everyone, where Scholes has a free shot. He blasts it low, and it's going wide until Ronaldo flicks it towards goal and forces a fine save from Robert Green to tip it over the bar. Giggs swings in the corner but nothing comes of it.

33 mins: Pretty even game thus far. The Hammers are proving not to be the typical mid-table fodder that rolls over and plays nice for United, while the visitors in their shiny white shirts aren't looking quite as deadly as normal. Problems with the final pass, and far too many touches on the ball around the West Ham area. To prove my point, Ronaldo dribbles into three defenders with nowhere to go. He kicks it into Lucas Neill and gamely shouts for handball, but Phil Dowd isn't standing for any guff.

Fergie chews his gum on the sideline, emotionless.

35 mins: Another promising Hammers attack, but Parker's through-ball for Di Michele is too strong and Van der Sar collects.

38 mins: A lot more action down at United's end, to be honest. Ronaldo seems hell-bent on skipping past every West Ham player when he gets possession, but it's not a good tactic against such a hard-working side. Meanwhile, Berbatov has been worse-than-lazy, and Tevez' energy is squandered in the form of side-to-side passing and not much creativity to get beyond defenders. The Hammers' discipline at the back will prove nigh-on impossible to break down, that is until Man U score with a dubious penalty in the final 5 minutes. That's how these things normally go with United, and it drives me insane.

41 mins: Fergie's on his feet! I presume it's to ease the pressure on his prostate.

Cole gives Van der Sar a London welcome, hip-checking him after Vidic's backpass wasn't very strong. No signs of goals in this one, sadly. After the drama of yesterday, we might well be getting back-to-back 0-0 draws today.

43 mins: Ronaldo shows none of the form of last season, getting possession on the left and immediately giving it away. Parker sprints forward and meets Vidic head-on, but West Ham win a corner nonetheless. Of course, like everything else in this game, it's wasted and frustrating.

45 mins: Cole gets the ball in the box again, and manages to turn and shoot... but Vidic takes some sting off the shot and Van der Sar's job is much easier. Only a minute of added time.

HALF TIME: West Ham 0, Manchester United 0
A rather lively half of football, although ruined by poor finishing when it mattered most. The Hammers, to their credit, are making a good effort of it, and United don't look so slick going forward. Despite having Ronaldo, Tevez and Berbatov all on the pitch at the same time, you wouldn't know it.

Best thing about watching this? We get highlights from yesterday's game, and I'm reminded of Spartak's wonderful draw at home to Hull (Stamford Bridge has lost its aura, me thinks), as well as that GLORIOUS MIRACULOUS SPECTACULAR WONDERFUL late win at Fratton Park. Easily the best thing ever.

What's that? You want to watch highlights? Alright, here goes!



Oh, I forgot! Jose is in attendance! He can't be too worried about United in the CL based on the first 45 minutes this morning.

We're off again! Pray for goals, and an end to Van der Sar's perfect streak!

46 mins: Carlton Cole is given enough space and time to control a cross from Ilunga, and although he can't get through, the ball comes to Behrami who smacks it toward goal rather speculatively. He wins a corner off Vidic's back, but Carlton Cole fouls the keeper as the ball is whipped in and the game remains scoreless.

48 mins: Is anyone else amazed that Berbatov sold for 30 million? It seemed a fair price in July, but christ, he is awful. He loses possession again and the Hammers get some good pressure in the United half that culminated with Neill curling one in and forcing a decent save from Van der Sar. It all stemmed from Dimitar's inability to retain the ball for more than one touch. He is not value for money.

50 mins: United win a couple of corners, but Giggs' delivery isn't up to scratch.

51 mins: Fergie mutters and chuckles in his wicked throne as Man U see another free kick decision go against them. Ronaldo plays Giggs in behind Lucas Neill but Giggs' backheel return pass is safely cleared. Ronaldo didn't continue his run and the move broke down. Dire stuff at the moment. Bordering on unwatchable. I might have to put on those Pompey/LFC highlights embedded above...

Meanwhile, the most exciting thing is becoming this developing meme in the comments. Keep 'em coming! Can do older players too.

55 mins: Home crowd in full song, and they're sensing their chances of sneaking a win. United dilly-dally too much around the area, as if they assume their talent is enough to win without added effort. They are sadly mistaken.

Ilunga gives the Rafael the stonewall, giving away a free kick. Giggs finds the tiny Tevez amid the crowd in the box, but his header is well wide.

57 mins: West Ham have caught Arsenalitis! After dispossessing Ronaldo easily, West Ham waste their counter-attack with a series of simple passes culminating in a shot by Parker from 20 yards and fizzes into the crowd. If the goal was 15 feet wide, West Ham would have a 4-0 lead by this point.

Fergie takes a moment to give Ronaldo some instructions while play pauses for a Lucas Neill yellow card. I presume he was saying nothing more nuanced than "dribble forward and shoot." As successful as Fergie is as United manager, I fancy that his tactical nous isn't that strong.

Vidic rips Cole's card in half as Carlton attempts to muscle his way up the middle. No booking for Nemanja, but a free kick in a dangerous position. Hilariously, Vidic gets a yellow seconds later for infringements in trying to set the wall. Karma is a bitch, although if karma were really in effect, United would be losing right now.

62 mins: Another Giggs corner! Another corner wasted!

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL... utterly undeserved. I punch my coffee table and take another shot of bourbon. Ryan Giggs gets it miles wide on the left, cuts inside one sliding-tackle, cuts inside another challenge and shoots off his right foot, low and hard inside the far post and through a crowd of West Ham players. A brilliant goal out of nowhere from a player who is allegedly past his best. Well done, Ryan Giggs. Bastard. West Ham 0, Manchester United 1

Fergie is jubilant, as if he had anything to do with the goal.

64 mins: West Ham look to respond immediately, winning a corner thanks to Lucas Neill's enterprise. Collins leaps for it but Vidic manhandles him and clears.

More Hammers pressure, but Behrami gives away a stupid free kick to ease the pressure. There is space for West Ham to attack, but they're trying to pass it into the net and that'll never work against this lot.

67 mins: Subs any time soon?

Cole has another crack at goal from 25 yards, getting good contact but slicing it wide. Tons of venom and power in the shot, and he skipped past Scholes rather effortlessly to set up the shot. He's been impressive today in ways that I did not expect.

69 mins: Ronaldo scampers down the left wing, losing possession to Neill thanks to a heavy first touch, and he responds by fouling Lucas Neill. Wonderful stuff from the Portuguese fella.

Another good chance for West Ham, snuffed out by Scholes at the last second. The ginger takes the ball off Cole's foot as he lines up a free shot. Another attack down the right yields another corner as Vidic bundles out a dangerous near-post cross for a corner. They waste the corner.

United sweep downfield in a flash and Ronaldo has time to shoot from the top of the box. He cuts inside and shoots low to the near post, but it's deflected out for a corner. Giggs to take, and we see Ji-Sung Park warming up on the bench.

Giggs' corner is headed out firmly by Cole, and the Hammers have 20 minutes to find an equalizer. On this performance, I'd fancy them to do it, but this is United, a team guided by black magic and terrorism.

73 mins: Berbatov wins a lucky free-kick right when it looked like he'd lost possession for the 43,852nd time this game. He's absolute crap. He feigns some kind of injury after Matthew Upson's zesty challenge, but quickly jogs off the pain.

76 mins: Lucas Neill caps another West Ham attack with a shot miles off target, as he's done so many times today. Don't West Ham have strikers, a guy named Carlton Cole? It's beyond me that 50% of West Ham's shots have come from their right-back.

Sub for West Ham: Scott Parker Mark Noble off, Savio Nsereko on. His third appearance for the Hammers, and I know nothing about it. Anyone? He's from Serie A? Can he shoot better than Lucas Neill?

80 mins: Things are petering out. Man U don't look like conceding, at least not to Lucas Neill. Nsereko has made himself useful in the last 5 minutes, at least useful to United in terms of the number of fouls he commits per minute. Amazing stuff, really.

The Hammers aren't dead yet! Ronaldo gets a talking-to from Dowd after a cheeky foul. Nsereko plays in an awful free-kick that United clear with ease. Nsereko then shows that he doesn't know how to play a 1-2 pass, putting the return ball out for a goal kick with Collison seemingly running in the opposite direction.

84 mins: Berbatov springs to life down the right wing, but his cross is off-target and West Ham survive.

86 mins: United begin the keep-ball routine, and hope is fading for Zola and co. When they do decide to advance, Tevez has a decent effort, shooting just over the bar. That's his last act of the day, as he's replaced by Ji-Sung Park as a bit of insurance. Good response by the fans as Carlos makes his exit (perhaps part of the reason he was pulled off and not Giggs)... so easy to forget that Tevez single-handedly saved the Hammers from the Colaship drop a couple of seasons ago.

West Ham make a change, albeit to much less fanfare, as Tristan replaces Valon Behrami.

89 mins: A strong penalty shout for Ronaldo, but it falls on deaf ears. Perhaps a case of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"... he fakes so many fouls that when he does actually get fouled, not a ref in the country could give a toss. Lucas Neill bundled him over and Phil Dowd casually waved play on. I enjoyed that.

90 mins: Ronaldo gets a free kick 30 yards out and dead center, but he belts it right into Scott Parker.

90 mins + 1: Berbatov gives surprising chase to a wide pass by Ronaldo... he actually broke out of a jog for that one. COME ON HAMMERS PUT ONE SHOT ON GOAL RIGHT NOW.

United do choose to live the remaining seconds of stoppage time dangerously, clearing twice from decent crosses by Nsereko. Last chance saloon... Ilunga hoofs it into the box, it's headed clear, and some possession in the final 1/3rd ends up with Collison blasting a shot comfortably wide of Van der Sar's post.

Fergie is up and ready to celebrate, I'm guessing his liquor of choice will be VSOP Cognac mixed with the blood, bile and semen of freshly-murdered orphans.

FULL TIME: West Ham 0, Manchester United 1
A deceptive game, one that was more even than I imagined. Still a narrow away win was probably the fair result. It puts them back at the top of the league, with LFC 2 points back. Not dead yet!

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Sunday Open Thread: Today is Groundhog Day

Tottenham: Where boyhood dreams go to die.

This room... there's something about this room. And that guy over there-- I know him! But from where? When? It's a strange sensation, like we've all been here before.

And of course, we have. Arsenal and their bright new [boyish-looking] foreign star are visiting White Hart Lane for a showdown, if we can call it that, with Tottenham Redux. Robbie Keane makes his debut (again) today and does so as captain, which just makes the whole thing that much more bizarre. But as with truth and war, this type of moral ambiguity doesn't play so well during a relegation battle. So I'll stash it until things are more.. emmm... comfortable. (Note: Arsenal not expected to play Arshavin. Tottenham not expected to play well. Prediction: Spurs 2, Arse 2)

Elsewhere in London, West Ham play host to Man. U. in a match they will lose either 0-1 or 0-5. I'll put my money on the former if only because the Liverpool fans are so heavily invested in the outcome and everything for them this season is a blathering, teary-eyed melodrama. (Prediction: Manchester United 1, West Ham United 0)
Update! Lingering is threatening to liveblog this, so beware...

The fixtures and squads after the jump.



TOTTENHAM vs ARSENAL -- White Hart Lane -- 8.30 am

Tottenham: Cudicini, Gomes, Alnwick, Corluka, Dawson, Woodgate, Assou-Ekotto, Chimbonda, Lennon, Huddlestone, Jenas, Zokora, Modric, Keane, Pavlyuchenko, Campbell, Bent, Bale, Taarabt, Rocha, Giovani,

Arsenal: Almunia, Sagna, Gallas, Toure, Clichy, Nasri, Denilson, Song, Eboue, Adebayor, Van Persie, Fabianski, Djourou, Gibbs, Wilshere, Vela, Bendtner, Ramsey, Arshavin..


***


WEST HAM vs MAN U -- Upton Park -- 11.00 am

West Ham: Green, Neill, Collins, Upson, Ilunga, Behrami, Parker, Noble, Savio, Collison, Cole, Di Michele, Boa Morte, Lastuvka, Lopez, Spector, Tomkins, Tristan, Sears, Kovac.

Man. Utd: Van der Sar, Foster, Kuszczak, Brown, Eckersley, Ferdinand, Vidic, O'Shea, Evra, Ronaldo, Carrick, Scholes, Fletcher, Gibson, Giggs, Park, Tosic, Berbatov, Rooney, Tevez, Possebon.

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Quick Throw: Portsmouth sign Pele!

I'm ashamed to use that cheap trick, but it's true: Tony Adams has signed Pele to help stem the tide of hasty Fratton Park departures. Sadly, it's just some Portuguese guy and not the Brazilian put through a reverse-aging machine, but it's something, right?

They also nicked Hayden Mullins from West Ham, showing that the Hammers really are selling anyone to anyone who comes a-knocking.

[Guardian Sport]

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Play for West Ham? I'd Rather Blow.

16 year old Tyler Rix had a dream shot of playing in the Premier League for West Ham. But oh no, that's just not good enough for the kid. He has decided he would rather play his Saxophone.


Rix has signed a 1 million pound deal with Universal to play the instrument professionally after being discovered on the BBC2 'Classical star' TV talent show.

Tyler said: “I always knew that one day I would have to choose between my music and my football commitments. I could never have dreamt of making that choice in such a spectacular way.” -Tyler Rix.

Now this is just wrong. A career as a footballer? A career we all want and day dream about while we are waiting for the bus OR A career as a saxophonist? It's not a choice. Tyler you plum, you have really sh*t the bed with this one.


Dublin: The former Villa, Coventry, Celtic and Norwich man played a mean sax.

Tyler should have paid attention to one footballer who chose to play the saxophone in his SPARE time. Dion Dublin was famous for banging in goals but he enjoyed nothing more than a good blow on his sax after the ref had blown his final whistle. But that's what it was people. A hobby!

A true school boy error here by young Tyler. He has disappointed millions of Sunday footballers across the World.

Lets hope he doesn't blow to regret it.

-Bigus.

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Move On People...Please!

The case of Carlos Tevez's ineligibility to play for West Ham during the EPL (suck it Barclay's) relegation dog fight of the 2006/2007 season still refuses to go away. Mainly because Sheffield United refuse to admit that they were crap. Am I the only one who has had enough of this nonsense?


The case against West Ham is set to roll on as the Premier league and FA open another investigation into Carlos Tevez's contract and it's existence.

West Ham United had told the Premier League that the contract in question (which made Carlos Tevez's status as a EPL player illegal due to third party ownership) had been destroyed. But the Independent Arbitrary Tribunal, chaired by Lord Griffiths, reported that the contract was in fact not shredded as stated . West Ham's Chief Executive Scott Duxbury and the Lawyer for Tevez's agent (Kia Joorabchian) told the panel of the contract's existence. The Premier League allowed Tevez to play crucial run-in games for West Ham based on the fact the contract had been destroyed.

The new inquiry will focus on West Ham's dealings with Joorabchian and whether the existence of the contract should warrant more punishment. The Hammers have already been fined 5.5 million pounds for their part in the controversey.

Meanwhile Sheffield United are still chasing 50 million pounds they reckon they are owed by West Ham after they were relegated from the Premier League in May 2007.

Sheffield United: Relegated on goal difference.

The reason Sheffield United were relegated was because they were crap over 38 games and not because Carlos Tevez played for West Ham United. Tevez is just one player. A good one but 'one' player regardless. The Blades are just looking for free cash or an excuse to explain their miserable failure to beat Wigan at Bramall lane on the last day of the season.

The real reason Sheffield United find themselves in the Coca Cola Championship is that they only accumulated 38 points during 38 games. They lost 20 times, conceding 55 goals. They only scored 32 goals and choked at home on the last day of the season when they lost to Wigan and were relegated by ONE goal in the goal differential column of the EPL table.

Ever since they were sent down, they have bitched and moaned about the Tevez affair incesantly. West Ham have been punished and a new regime has been installed at Upton Park. The main players in the Tevez affair are long gone and Tevez himself no longer plays at the club. West Ham are in financial trouble and the current owners are looking to sell. Should the next chairman, three removed from Terry Brown (Chairman in 06/07), have to pay the price?

Sheffied United and Blades Chairman Kevin McCabe need to ask themselves how they managed to blow their big opportunity to survive and allow former player David Unsworth to score the winning goal that sent them back to the second tier of English football. They need to take ownership for their predicament and stop blaming a piece of paper. West Ham have been fined and the parties involved have all moved on. Tevez is at United and Terry Brown is no longer at West Ham. If the contract exists or not, it's irrelevant at this point. The decision was made and the fine handed out.

Lets all move on shall we?


-Bigus

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EPL Liveblog, Pt. 2: West Ham v. Aston Villa

Well, I'm up for it this afternoon. Feeling ill in bed, I need a sense of purpose. Thus, a second liveblog of the day.

West Ham. Aston Villa. Will O'Neill get a firmer grip on 4th place, or will Zola's London renaissance continue?

Come Claret with me after the jump and make me feel loved.

LINEUPS
West Ham: Green, Neill, Davenport, Upson, Ilunga, Collison, Noble, Parker, Behrami, Bellamy, Cole.
Subs: Lastuvka, Boa Morte, Mullins, Faubert, Tristan, Bowyer, Di Michele.

Aston Villa: Friedel, Cuellar, Davies, Laursen, Luke Young, Petrov, Milner, Sidwell, Barry, Ashley Young, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Guzan, Harewood, Delfouneso, Knight, Reo-Coker, Shorey, Gardner.

They're in the tunnel getting ready to appear. I am hoping and praying that there will be goals in this one. Shit, if Sunderland can give us 4 goals by themselves, hopefully Agbo and Ashley can do the same for us here.

And we're off!

3 mins: Early corner for Villa, but Green (aka England's future #1, surely) comes out confidently to collect. This sentiment is amplified when I see how nervous David James looks when faced with any ball crossed into the 6-yard box.

5 mins: Villa are harassing the Hammers, making every simple pass across the backline seem like a chore. Ashley Young's already found some room down the left wing. Expect more of that as time goes on.

8 mins: Cagey start thus far. Both sides scrapping in midfield and trying to dictate the pace. Behrami gets hauled to ground by Barry as they battle for a 50/50 ball, giving the Hammers a free-kick 30 yards out on the right. Surely Bellamy's not looking to shoot from there, is he?

It's crossed in and headed back across goal by Davenport. Lucas Neill has enough room to shoot, but his weak half-volley lands right in Friedel's hands. Simple save. Counts as a half-chance.

10 mins: OUCH. Ilunga and Cuellar go full tilt for a loose ball and clash hard, with Ilunga's knee ending up buried in the Villa player's thigh. Cuellar is slow to get up and looks in some pain. It's a miracle he still has a right leg. O'Neill has a quick word and warms up a sub or two just in case. Not a bad idea as Cuellar hasn't managed anything above a limp since rejoining the action.

13 mins: Sh*t... the speedy malcontent Bellamy gets in behind the defense and clean through on goal, his low shot forces a fine leg save from Friedel. Should have buried that. Zola squirms in his seat, knowing that should have been 1-0. Troubling times for the visitors. Villa pour forward and win a corner off Lucas Neill. Ashley Young to swing it in...

... and while it bounces around in the area, eventually West Ham clear. Plenty of space to be had in midfield if either side is feeling brave.

3 decent efforts on goal for the Hammers thus far, nothing of note for Villa. Ashley gets around Behrami down the left and gets dragged to the floor. Young takes the free kick himself, short to Steve Sidwell, and he has a shot from the edge of the box. Tons of power, no direction whatsoever. Well off-target, 10 yards wide to the right.

25 mins: Sorry, stepped away for a few minutes to hack up a lung. Being ill over the holidays are never fun.

27 mins: As soon as I come back, Villa get a gift as Parker plays a terrible backpass that gives Ashley Young a chance one-on-one with Green. He beats Green for pace but pulls the ball too wide, and his shot at the empty net ends up hitting the post and pinging out.

28 mins: Yes, Precious Roy, they are definitely outplaying Villa. Then again, that's what it so bewitching about Villa: all they need is a half-chance to break an opponent's will, regardless of having far less possession and shots on goal. The pattern might well continue if Scott Parker plays such ridiculous backpasses without looking.

30 mins: Was that a penalty a minute ago? Lucas Neill smothers Gareth Barry in the box like a warm blanket, and no whistle.

31 mins: Gabby Agbo flops under pressure from Calum Davenport after a trademark run-right-into-traffic, and Ashley Young puts the free kick just wide of the post. Green had no chance of stopping it if it were an inch to the right. Another good chance for Villa, yet the game remains goalless.

Here's a thought: if Villa win today, they'll be 4 points out of 1st place. Should we include them in the EPL title chase? It seems foolish not to, especially with their pace up-front.

Never thought I'd ever think that, by the way.

35 mins: Well, Bellamy goes close again. He gets free down the right and forces a corner as Curtis Davies heads behind. Good pressure from the Hammers. As much as I hate him, Bellamy is finding some rare form of late.

38 mins: Nothing substantial happening at the moment. There is tension in the game as Capello watches from the stands, but you get the feeling that it'll amount to a 0-0.

Bellamy gets another good cross in from the right but no-one can get on the end. Curtis Davies looks like a titan at the back.

40 mins: Frustration for Villa as yet another crossfield pass ends up floating out for a throw-in. They look far from their usual selves, playing more errant passes than Jermaine Pennant on a good day.

43 mins: Behrami unleashes a wicked swerving volley down Friedel's throat, knocking the Yank GK off his feet in making the save.

45 mins: Robert Green is forced to show his class once again, as Villa split the defense twice. Gabby can't control initially to shoot, but Milner and Barry force two good saves within 10 seconds. Please, fire David James already, Mr. Capello.

HALF TIME: West Ham 0, Aston Villa 0
Fair result thus far. The Hammers are dictating possession and looking more inventive in midfield, but Villa's squandered three glorious chances to put the game away. Please, give this ailing liveblogger some goals.

Quick moment for some wonderful Beckham PR work as he's officially unveiled at AC Milan today:

"Meanwhile, David Beckham is officially unveiled at AC Milan. I've already fallen in love. I love the history behind great teams. It's going to be hard to leave but we all know that I play in America for the Galaxy. But I'm going to have a great time here I hope."

I love the nonchalance of his LA Galaxy reference, and the loaded language. You just know he's never coming back, right?

Subs for West Ham to start the second half: Hayden Mullins on, Scott Parker off. A substitution they've used a few times lately as Parker struggles to find full match fitness. Mullins did play a blinder against Spartak the other week.

46 mins: West Ham begin the half like they ended the first: with good possession and movement up the pitch. Ilunga gives Bellamy a glimpse of goal but he's well marked and gives Friedel a simple save.

Ashley Young barges into Behrami under a high ball, giving the Hammers a free kick in a tasty position 25-ish yards out. Noble swings it in and Upson gets a free header on it, but there's no-one on the near post to re-direct it and it goes wide. Opportunity missed.

49 mins: More Hammers pressure as Carlton Cole earns yet another corner for the home side. Lucas Neill gets a clean header from Noble's delivery but puts it yards over the bar. There's a goal coming soon, I can sense it despite my weakness...

52 mins: I don't think Villa have taken the pitch yet to start the second half. More half-hearted defending gives West Ham another corner, only for Sidwell to shank it clear. All the action is around Friedel's goal at the minute. No cohesion or comfort on the ball for O'Neill's side in this second half yet.

54 mins: A Luke Young sighting! He gets a second to cross from the wing but puts it out of play. Agbo and Ashley have been non-existent thus far, thanks to the hustle of the Hammers midfield to cut out distribution. They're definitely the EPL's form team at the moment. Parker, Noble, Mullins are a nightmare to face in front of Upson, Davenport and Neill. Nigh-on impossible to break them down.

56 mins: Time for another tactical Zola sub (Parker wasn't injured; purely tactics)... looks like Behrami will be exiting.

Here it is: Valon Behrami off, Lee Bowyer on.

Villa will take the stoppage to make a change as well: Carlos Cuellar off, Nigel Reo-Coker on. He's booed immediately with every touch he gets on the ball. Breaking the Hammers' hearts by causing a fuss and demanding a transfer away from Upton Park will do that, I guess.

60 mins: Carlton Cole, HUUUUUHH, What are you good for, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, say it again! He wastes a glorious chance to give West Ham the lead, managing to head Lucas Neill's gorgeous cross over the bar from 4 yards out.

Villa come down and cause a scare, as Luke Young's long cross to the back post misses everyone but James Milner, but he can't get on the end of it.

64 mins: The Hammers fans are rejuvenated by the appearance of Reo-Coker. Every touch is greeted with a chorus of boos and insults. I love this game. Fans never forget this stuff.

Villa waste a corner and Bellamy gets space and time on the ball in the box. His cross sits up perfectly for Carlton Cole, except Laursen nips in at the last second to divert the ball off his feet. Cole still manages a shot on the rebound, and Friedel saves with his feet. So wasteful, Mr. Cole.

Trying times for Villa. Another West Ham corner out on the right, Noble to take...

... and Davenport gets a free header, putting it just over the bar. I don't remember the last time Villa were this outmatched in the air, and this outplayed on the floor as well.

66 mins: Cole goes close again, shoving past two defenders and forcing a near-post save and clearance from Friedel. Villa counter-attack with Ashley Young, but Neill knocks him over to slow the pace and picks up a yellow card.

A West Ham goal is imminent. Surely. Remove Carlton Cole and replace with any semi-competent striker, and this game is over.

69 mins: Ashley Young finally gets a bit of space to show his class. One-on-one with Neill, he cuts inside and blasts a swerving shot just wide of the far post. He had time to blast it, but went for placement instead. The Hammers exhale. 20 minutes left.

71 mins: Oh, Ashley. Barry robs Noble in midfield and gives it to Young, who cuts inside again but plays a curving cross to no-one and gives Green a goal kick. Wasteful.

72 mins: James Milner picks up a yellow for bodychecking Ilunga at full speed. Noble to take it, wide on the left...

... cleared easily.

74 mins: Great reflexes by Davenport to take the ball of Gabby's feet as he sets up to shoot from 10 yards out. The Hammers deserve at least a point, if not all 3. Can they break through in the final 15 minutes? I'll say no, if Cole stays on the pitch.

76 mins: More pressure at Friedel's end as the Hammers keep pushing.

78 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and what a steaming pile of bullshit it is. Villa break quickly with Young up the middle, and finds Milner out on the left. Lucas Neill closes him down easily enough, and Milner elects to cross/shoot to the far post. It loops off Neill's leg/arse area and dips under the bar at the last second, leaving Green helpless. Milner and Barry barely celebrate. Utter rubbish. The most undeserved lead for any team this season. West Ham 0, Aston Villa 1

80 mins: A heartbreaker for Zola. How will they respond? The life has just been sucked out of the home side as Villa finally assert themselves a bit in the midfield. Dare I say it, but O'Neill might well park the bus for the final 10 minutes. Zola's finally getting some strikers warmed up for his final substitution. Carlton Cole can expect an early shower.

83 mins: Ashley Young ends up on the right wing, winning a corner. It's half-cleared, and Petrov blasts the loose ball high and wide.

Substitution for West Ham, and it's not Carlton Cole! Jack Collison off, Diego Tristan on.

86 mins: Hang about, Ashley Young is dead. Davenport gets his leg up to clear a difficult cross, and his boot meets Young's face as he tries to race on the end of it. As one would expect, little to no sympathy from the home fans.

87 mins: Davenport, how did you miss that? A series of half-chances for West Ham around the box, and it breaks for Calum free on the right. He shoots for top corner and Friedel paws it around the post for a corner.

Another throw for West Ham deep in Villa territory. Neill loops it in and causes havoc in the box, but Villa clear once again.

West Ham have 8 up-front at the moment, the crowd urging them to find an equalizer. Another cross whipped in from the left, but Davies gets to it first and directs it back to Big Bald Brad. Crisis averted.

4 added minutes at Upton Park.

90 mins + 1: West Ham push again, but Bowyer mauls Ashley Young and concedes a free-kick, giving Friedel plenty of time to waste in punting it forward. I think we're just about done here.

90 mins + 2: Cole gets a chance to shoot, but it's deflected wide. He's a bit rubbish. This game could have been over by the hour mark if he'd been more gifted in the finishing department.

Still, they drag forward again. Cole botches another header.

FULL TIME: West Ham 0, Aston Villa 1
Desperately unlucky for Zola. The home side did everything right except for putting it in the net, and Milner's freakish deflected goal ends up being good enough to put Aston Villa in 3rd place for Christmas.

As Precious Roy notes in the comments, this is very much the hallmark of Top 4 clubs: win those games you're not supposed to win. Villa have played about 6 minutes of decent football today, and yet they have three points to show for it. Let's see how Liverpool and Arsenal do tomorrow, although the early game (Newcastle v. Spurs) should be entertaining as well.

Now my online feed is showing Real Madrid v. Valencia. It's 1-0 Real, 27 mins gone! (not liveblogging that one though)

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Now They Really Need A Kit Sponsor

Sheffield United has won its case before an independent tribunal against West Ham for the Tevez Affair in 2006-07 for the damages resulting from West Ham's intransgressions which may reach 30 million pounds. As you may recall, West Ham signed Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano right before the season, but violated FA rules by failing to disclose that the contract rights of the two players were held by a third party, Media Sports Investment (MSI).

Ultimately, Tevez fired West Ham out of the relegation zone on the final day against Manchester United. Tevez's winner relegated Sheffield United to the Colaship and caused them to lose out on the EPL (suck it, Barclay's) funds.

Sheffield lost its appeal to the FA seeking docking of points for West Ham's misdeed. The Hammers only suffered a fine of 5.5 million pounds to the chagrin of the Blades.

If the British court system is anything like the US court system, and it should be since we based ours on our cousins' over the pond, this will not be the final word. Endless appeals and motions will ensue, but at least Sheffield United has the upper hand at this point. West Ham better find a shirt sponsor soon so they can afford to pay this debt, either that or start selling players.

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West Ham to collapse financially (maybe not)

West Ham was dealt another blow today. Already reeling from losing their manager and signing up someone inexperienced, and foreign, to take over the job, the Hammers today have to face the prospect of having a shirt sponsor that can no longer afford to pay for the privilege.

XL, a travel company, signed a sponsorship deal with West Ham way back in February 2007. Their 2008 check, for £2.5 million, apparently has not come through yet. Which is bad because the company has gone into administration, the rough UK to US equivalent of bankruptcy. Oops.

So, it's by no means a death blow. That amount is roughly the cost of Dean Ashton's salary. With recent player sales, it is easily absorbed. Plus, another shirt sponsor can be easily found, and probably at an equivalent rate. No worries then, right?

Not so fast. The gem of the article is that one of the guarantors of an XL bank loan of over 200 million euros is Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, West Ham's chairman. Man, if they default, his credit is going to be ruined. I wonder if Free Credit Report can work that into a commercial?

The biggest question, in the end, to an '80s metalhead like myself is how does this affect Steve Harris? Will he be able to cope with having to replace this season's shirt with a new one after the sponsor is changed? I sure hope so.

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Zola begins his pint-sized reign at Upton Park

Well, it's official, after days and days of feverish, frantic interviews by Icelandic billionaire owner Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, the manager-less HMS West Ham has found a new skipper, albeit one who might need a booster seat or a couple of phone books in order to see over the top of the steering wheel.

Gianfranco Zola, a man with absolutely no managerial experience whatsoever, is now charged with the unenviable task of keeping the Hammers relevant and competitive amid a slew of mid-table clubs becoming richer and richer and leaving teams like West Ham struggling to stay relevant and secure. Before Zola, they were looking at a decent run, but Curbishley exited knowing full well that he was going to be undermined at every turn. It might not be physically possible to undermine the tiny Zola, but will this move succeed?



Before I go further, I am aware that Zola's at least been involved on the non-playing side of football, as his stint as assistant to fellow Chelsea teammate Pierluigi Casiraghi with the U-21s team was rather successful: one or both of 'em got the squad to the Olympics, where they lost 3-2 to Belgium. That last bit, not so good.

18 months later, he's managing an EPL team. Forgive me if his list of credentials seems rather, ahem, short.

The best quote came from West Ham managing director Scott Duxbury:

"Gianfranco was a world-class player who wants his team to play exciting, attractive football, which is the West Ham way."

Out of the three candidates (Zola, ex-Hibs boss John Collins, and ex-Italy boss Roberto Donadoni), they went with the one who ultimately talked the biggest game.

I worry greatly for Gianfranco. Well, not too much, but you get the idea. EPL jobs don't exactly spring up every day, and West Ham's haste to find a replacement has led them to a guy with plenty of playing experience and leadership roles on the field, but very little proof of doing it off the field.

Is this really the best place to get his managerial start? A struggling mid-table club in the highest-profile, highest-pressure league in the world?

It took less than 2 months before Martin Jol lost his job at Spurs last season. Keegan? He lasted barely 8 months, 3 of which were the summer! Eriksson managed a single season at Eastlands before Trashcan axed him in favour of something more exciting, and we haven't even hit October yet.

Curbs and Koog are just the beginning, but considering the pressure in the EPL now, the pressure for the next-tier to keep some semblance of pace with the big-money teams, I wouldn't be surprised if Gianfranco's handed his walking papers before season's end.

Either way, the league, the Hammers, the press and the rest of us can all count on an entertaining ride.

Quoth Zola:

"I know I am not the most experienced manager, but I have ideas and have been involved in football for 20 years."

We all look forward to seeing them. If he can teach Matthew Etherington to do this below, he might just be manager for life.

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EPL Preview: West Ham United

I love the song, OK? Always have. And I have a soft spot in my heart for the entire Hammers thing. The bleak East End economy over the years. The raising of incandescent talent (Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick...) for bigger clubs to poach.

The fact is that the Hammers about single-handedly won England their one World Cup (Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst... look it up!).

But it’s the song that kills me. "...And like my dreams, they fade and die. Fortune’s always hiding! I’ve looked everywhere! I’m forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air!"



Now, sure, if I were a London Chelsea supporter, my soft spot for the Hammers would make little sense. My uncles and dad would have spent their entire life exchanging beatings with Hammers supporters. This is why Bigus mocks me with the sobriquet "Bubbles."

When I went to the FA Cup Final in Cardiff a couple of years back, I passed on Liverpool luxury box tickets to sit with the Hammer support (this was an easy decision), and I sang their song long and loud at the Millenium Stadium. I drank many pints with Hammer supporters at many pubs. These are the Steelers or Bills fans of the Premiership, except that they drink more heavily, typically have a more checkered past (the discussion over pints surrounded how each bloke had gotten banned from continental stadia), and bleaker prospects.

So, yeah, call me Bubbles. I don’t mind. But it’s a better damned song than even "You’ll Never Walk Alone." We all have our soft spots for other clubs. Mine is for Hammers.

This season? The buzz is that Alan Curbishley may be the first manager fired in the League. The Hammers have a notoriously short leash with managers. Alan Pardew and, before him, Glenn Roeder were canned early in new seasons after having had success their previous years. Personally, I think that Curbs is example number one of the English Manager job program. English managers always get another chance after mixed results. (see also Glenn Roeder…so maybe the Hammer board is actually smart!)



Last year they finished 10th, putting Spurs fourth in London, and that’s about where I see them this year. Curbs saw injuries to expensive signings Julien Faubert, Craig Bellamy, Keiran Dyer and Scott Parker. This year they are all back, but for how long?.

However, there has been only one big signing this summer: "The Swiss Beckham", Valon Behrami from Lazio. And they’ve shipped off underwear model Freddy Ljungberg. It appears that the Hammers Icelandic owner wants to wait and see on Curbishley’s success rate. Three successive late season 4-nil thrashings will do that to an owner.

The Hammers have the talent. And Curbishley, all kidding aside, is no slouch. If Dean Ashton and Carlton Cole start scoring and the squad stays healthy? Call it 6th and a spot in Europe. If not? Well, maybe Curbs can move over to the Galaxy....

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At it again!

Never far from controversy, Craig Bellamy has made the news again. Not for his pre-season goals but for allegedly, verbally abusing a female Ipswich fan as his West Ham side beat the scummers (Ip..Ip..Ip..Them!) 5-3 in a friendly on Monday night. Ashton scored a hat-trick (he also hates Ipswich). Get in Deano!

The woman claimed that Bellamy responded to her "on yer way Bellamy" (reportedly!) with a tirade of foul language.

West Ham have backed their man after reviewing the incident which 'happened' as Bellamy was walking along the sidelines on 22 minutes after being substituted. Bellamy is said to have kicked the advertising boards before the getting involved with the bin lady.

Now no one can blame Bellars for having a go at an Ipswich fan but C.B has certainly been no stranger to trouble.

There was assault in Newcastle City center, threatening behaviour at a Cardiff nightclub, the alleged attack of one John Arne Riise with a golf club (before the own goal!), an alleged 'chair throwing' incident involving Geordie coach John Carver, the $160,000 fine for calling Graeme Souness a liar (I have no problem with that one), a tunnel row with Terry McDermot and more recently he was cleared of assault in a nightclub involving a female 'admirer'.

Wow, has he been busy.

Bellamy when it all began.

Bellamy had so much potential as a teenager. He was an instant success on the pitch; off it, he was always cocky and a bit of a lad. Norwich coaches found him a real handful, but he was super talented and fast. Boy was he fast!

These days people don't remember that, he is known for the trouble that follows him more than he is for the football, and that's a shame.

At 29 Bellamy has a few years left and another chance to leave all the trouble behind and show the Premier League what a great player he can be. Whether he will take that chance this season or not remains to be seen.

-Bigus

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Columbus Crew and West Ham Get in a Tussle

West Ham’s trip to North America sure is turning out to be a not-so excellent adventure. First, there were botched travel plans. And then, last night, there was a brawl between Columbus Crew and West Ham supporters, with some arrests, tear gas and maybe a couple bruises.

It would be very easy to blame the Columbus Crew fans for this one, with their history of inane behavior. However, the Columbus Dispatch is reporting that some West Ham supporters unfurled a banner that read “ICF, 30 Years Undefeated” (ICF = Inter City Firm). And, the Crew message boards seem to blame a few drunken West Ham supporters, who were in fact Americans, as well as an over-response from the paid security.

Instead, we’d like to think that the Crew supporters triggered the fight with a couple of their patented witty chants. After the jump, see some of our best guesses as to what these could have entailed. (Feel free to add your own chants in the comments.)

We're more refined
We're more refined
We're more refined than all of you
Ohio is more refined than you

We’re the buck eyes
You hammers fuck guys

England Sucks! Ohio Rules!
England Sucks! Ohio Rules!
England Sucks! Ohio Rules!
England Sucks! Ohio Rules!

Ohio,
Round on the ends, high in the middle

Our knuckles drag on the ground
We all just got GEDS
We haven't bathed in weeks
But at least we have straight teeth

Ohio. Woah
Ohio. Woah
We take our guns to work.
In case it goes beserk.

You're still eating gruel
You're forever eating gruel

(Photo: AP)

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MLS to West Ham: Please Be Sure to Stow Your Carry-on Luggage in the Overhead Compartment

It’s really difficult not to make fun of MLS when stories like this one pop up in the international press. (Okay, so the Sun isn’t exactly Pulitzer Prize material, but you get the idea.)

The story goes something like this: West Ham United agrees to play a couple friendlies against the MLS All-Stars and the Columbus Crew, with half a million pounds being paid in exchange for the “right” to avoid injury on astroturf fieldturf. Part of the arrangements included the promise of business class travel. Only problem is that the travel agency that MLS booked the charter flights with went under.

MLS then had to scramble to book alternate arrangements, and the West Ham players were left bitching and moaning about the unusual itinerary:

First, stay overnight at a hotel near Heathrow, where two separate planes will whisk the Hammers away - in economy class - all the way to Chicago – with one flight leaving hours after the first - total flight time around nine hours.

Then a layover at O’Hare, which is arguably the worst airport in the world, and another flight to Columbus, where West Ham will play the Crew on Sunday. The team will then make their way up to Toronto where they’ll play the MLS All-Stars, before returning back to jolly ol’ England, assuming that the wings of their econo-plane don’t fall off.

This incident is all fairly embarrassing, but to be honest not all the blame can be placed at the feet of MLS when the recession is sinking airlines left and right. (Don’t forget the San Antonio Spurs travel debacle in the NBA Playoffs.)

That said, stories like this suggest that MLS is a long way off from international respectability. It’s difficult to claim that you are world class when your invited guests have to fly economy class.

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