Hey Look, Financial Difficulties

While Real Madrid, Chelsea and Manchester Citeh appear to be unaffected by the economic crisis and are connected to just about everybody under the sun as possible transfers, other clubs have not been so lucky. Valencia and Liverpool, two clubs who are no stranger to financial controversy lately suffered another round of finanical embarrassments.

Valencia's well-documented financial struggles have claimed its president, Vicente Soriano. The President had been attempting to sell the land under the Mestalla Stadium to help finance the club's move to a new stadium. This will do nothing but stoke the transfer rumors regarding David Villa, David Silva, and Raul Albiol. Villa has been linked to Real, Chelsea, Citeh, Barcelona and comically, Liverpool. Silva and Albiol have been linked to more clubs because their transfer costs will be significantly less than Villa.

I say comically in regards to Liverpool, because it turns out the holding company of LFC has posted losses of £42m . Predictably, the British rags are claiming imminent financial doom for the Kop and the club sources are playing it cool. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Hicks and Gillett have been attempting to refinance the £350m debt they hoisted on the club in its acquistion for some time having received a six-month extension earlier this year that expires in July.

Hicks has been attempting to sell some of his other sports interests and even defaulted on a loan payment for those interests in what is claimed to be a strategic decision. Indian and Middle Eastern interests have been linked to purchasing either the entire club or a portion thereof. Who knows if it will happen, but Reds fans would welcome either so long as it stabilizes the situation.

All of this turmoil certainly will not help Rafa Benitez's transfer policies. Rafa probably doesn't have much kitty at this point to acquire his targets and will need to sell assets to get what he wants. The same situation as last summer which caused the transfer sagas to draw out for the entire summer. Not a situation any party wants to recreate as it adds to stress and hampers the negotiation power of the club.

So, all in all, it is more of the same. Expect rumors of Valencia player transfers to fly all summer as the club tries to wring every last dollar out of them and Liverpool to struggle to complete transfers. Also, expect lots of clubs to be linked to acquiring Liverpool players because of the financial issues.

Fun times.

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Great Moments in Leadership

Breathe easy all you Barcode fans!

You may have just been taken to the woodshed by the mighty Reds (be sure to thank Shay Given for keeping the score in single digits), but every cloud has a silver lining; Mike Ashley has decided to save the club. Again.

That is, at least until the global economic climate warms back up, allowing him to follow the rats off his sinking ship.

After failing to unload the lemon of a club he'd hoped to rescue from its perpetual waking nightmare, the fat fanboy has reversed course from September's "You want me out" statement, untucked his tail from behind his pasty legs and is now ready to steady Newcastle United (and by 'steady', I mean 'ensure many more seasons of a barren silverware cabinet').

In comparison to his Fall treatise, Ashley's latest message to the fans is merely a Post-It note. But, that doesn't make it any less important reading. Although economical with his words (and likely, NUFC's January transfer budget), the billionaire says it all, both with what he's written and what he hasn't written.

Allow me to help you read between the lines. Firstly, let's take a look at Ashley's unedited statement:

I am happy to end the uncertainty fans may have had about the future direction of Newcastle United.

I know just how important that is to you.

I have withdrawn Newcastle United from the market, and for me 2009 will be the year in which we drive the Club forward together. Even when I haven't been at games I have remained a keen supporter, kicking and heading every ball and cheering the team on TV and being the first to congratulate Joe whenever there's a good result.

When I took the decision to put the Club up for sale in September I made a point of saying two things were very important.

Firstly, any potential buyer would have to show they had the best interests of Newcastle United at heart and had both the commitment and finance to be worthy custodians of such a fine football club before I would even consider doing a deal.

And secondly, I gave you my word that as long as I remain owner, this Club would continue to be run responsibly at all levels. I hope you will accept that I have stood by that pledge.

And now, what he actually means:

I am happy to end the uncertainty fans may have had about the future direction of Newcastle United. But not as happy as I would be if I'd gotten back the quarter of a billionaire I've sunk into this steaming pile. But at least we all know where this club is headed -- nowhere.

I know just how important that is to you. Trust me, I know. I've heard every word you lot have had to say. I go home and cry in my fanboy shirt after every match. Even the thoughts of Alan Smith's bleached locks or the memories of King Kev's delightful perm doesn't smooth the sting.

I have withdrawn Newcastle United from the market, and for me 2009 will be the year in which we drive the Club forward (or forward-ish) together. Hell, sideways is good enough. 2010, though, will likely be the year I get myself out from under this fucking disaster as the world's economy should be back on two feet. Even when I haven't been at games I have remained a keen supporter, kicking and heading every ball and cheering the team on TV and being the first to congratulate Joe whenever there's a good result. You do understand, though, I mean 'kicking and heading' in the metaphorical sense. Otherwise, I'd give myself a massive coronary. As for Joe, I figure his appointment as manager will save me a few quid, as what top-notch player in his right mind (with high wage demands) is going to sign with him?

When I took the decision to put the Club up for sale in September I made a point of saying two things were very important; Everything else was just filler.

Firstly, any potential buyer would have to show they had the best interests of Newcastle United at heart and had both the commitment and finance to be worthy custodians of such a fine football club before I would even consider doing a deal. But mostly, they had to show me the money. Those best interests mostly involve me getting all my money back. It's ridiculous that I couldn't even get those oil-rich Middle Eastern types to take this junk off my hands. But, at this point, being a 'worthy custodian' isn't exactly a tall order. Forget silverware, all you have to do is save the club from The Drop.

And secondly, I gave you my word that as long as I remain owner (another 18 months, tops), this Club would continue to be run responsibly at all levels. Unfortunately, for you, that means more of the same, both on and off the pitch. Michael Owen? Good as gone. It wouldn't be very 'responsible' of us to hold onto a Sicknote who's lost about 4 steps. Not that he even wants to stick around. I hope you will accept that I have stood by that pledge. For now. Notice I said 'stood by' and not 'honored'. Because at some point in the near future, I'm going to get tired off all that standing (again) and have to go sit down.

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When $300 Billion is Not Enough

Zimbabwe's Dynamos budgeted 300-billion Zimbabwe dollars (Z$) to cover the costs of its return leg of the African Champions League tie against Etoile Sahel of Tunisia.

And it's not enough.

Because of currency buying regulations and hyperinflation the team is unable to purchase enough US dollars to pay for the trip.

The current cost of the trip would be 10-trillion Zimbabwe dollars.

At the turn of the new year, the country's Central Statistical Office had officially announced that inflation had passed the 100,000% mark. And on April 4, the Zimbabwe Financial Gazette reported that, by February, it had jumped to 164,900% (And you thought W. couldn't fuck things up any worse).

Last week, when the country unfixed its pegged exchange rates, Zimbabawe's official exchange rate floated to $1US = Z$ 168,815,000 (that's $169 million if the zeros are confusing you), meaning the cost of the trip would be about US$50,000.

So it's not just that Dr. Evil is running the Zimbabwe FA, it's that the government is trying to run a country on Monopoly money. Ask Germany, it doesn't work. The irony being it's a Munich-based company that's literally printing the money to run the economy into the ground. The München-based company, Giesecke & Devrient is receiving more than US$700,000 a week for delivering bank notes at the absurd rate of Z$170 trillion a week.

Hey, at least the Germans have experience with this sort of thing. Thankfully Zimbabwe doesn't have an antsy megalomaniacal streak in them. So it's neighbors are safe.

Anyway, it's a bummer because Etoile Sahel are the defending champions and Dynamos hold a 1-0 lead after the home leg and if any club would have that kind of coin you'd think it would be one whose nickname is the "Glamour Boys". But even at 10-trillion, it's probably even outside the spending habits of Roman Abramovich.

Although if anybody else has 10-trillion dollars laying around and has always wanted to help out Zimbabwe, opportunity has met preparation.

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