Can Someone Do More Than Ban Him?

Know what's hysterical?

Racial epithets. Seriously. Try it. Walk up the next black person you see and call him the N-word. Or if that's a skosh much for you, maybe just call him a 'spearchucker' or 'jungle bunny.' Hilarity will ensue.

Ridiculous right? Well, that's what happened to DC United keeper Louis Crayton—not the hilarity, just the epithet—after the team's scoreless draw against the Dynamo in Houston last night (Sunday). Somehow Crayton, a native of Liberia, kept enough composure to respond to the offender in a rational manner instead of maybe dismembering him. Crayton recounts:

"It is so sad that he would say that to me," Crayton said. "I am saying hi to the fans and he walked up to me and told me, 'Hey, you're a monkey, go back to the jungle.' I told him, 'Hey, you can't say that to me. I am not a monkey, I am a human being like you.' I jumped over to ask him why he insulted me, and he kept going."

The person in question was escorted from the grounds by Robertson Stadium officials and banned from Dynamo games indefinitely. It's a pretty sorry event. And if there is any silver lining it's that it didn't escalate into anything violent.

As a fan of football—not to mention a human in general—this is disappointing to say the least. For all the positive aspects of the game we're trying to import from around the world, racism isn't on the list and shouldn't be tolerated. Assuming this is all accurate, anything the Dynamo or MLS can do beyond simply banning this person it totally cool with us.

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Eh what the heck: US Open Cup FINAL liveblog

Yep, I'm shamefully late to the party, but let's do this thing anyways, shall we? I have my choppy, pirated internet feed and lousy laptop speakers. Nothing can go wrong!



LINEUPS
-----
DC United: Crayton / Martinez, McTavish, Namoff, Burch / Quaranta, Vide, Simms, Guerrero / Moreno, Emilio

Charleston: Hudock / Akwari, Nylen, Reda, Alonso / Williams, Armstrong, Fuller, Alvanja, Wilson / Patterson

Note: I have barely any idea who any of these people are. This should be good.

I've also already missed two goals. This couldn't be going any better.

20 mins: Alvanja just hits the post for CB after a neat counter. Ball slipped down the left flank, he finds himself all alone from a tight angle, and his cross-goal shot whizzes past Crayton from a narrow angle and hits the far post. DC look a little shaky... the MLS sides can't afford any more embarrassments after the CONCACAF debacles of a couple of nights ago.

24 mins: DC let CB pass the ball around neatly in their third of the pitch, and Alvanja cuts inside looking for a shot, but it's blocked.

26 mins: A lot more possession for Charleston, as least as long as I've been watching. Can someone tell me if DC United is putting out a reasonably full-strength XI for this one? I recognize their strikers, but precious little else.

28 mins: Still, plenty of time on the ball for Charleston. Both sides are scrapping for control of the midfield, and DC's long balls forward down the flanks are pretty easy defending. I didn't realize Emilio's already been subbed out, and DC are looking for width. The midfield is rather crowded.

This Alvanja guy looks good. When will he end up playing for Moenchengladbach?

32 mins: Nervy times for DC as Patterson gets free down the left wing. He gets in behind the defender but there's no-one in the box for him to cross to, and his ball in ends up going to no-one in particular.

The timing on this is good. The game will wrap-up in enough time for me to prepare dinner and drinks before the Sarah Palin speech. You know that's gonna be fun.

Nylan gets a yellow for Charleston for a rather innocuous push-off on a goal kick. Nylan puts in a shove, gets a yellow card. One wonders just how muddy John Terry's disciplinary record would be if his aerial shoving received equally-harsh judgment. First yellow of the game, and Charleston push forward again.

35 mins: Martinez gets robbed in possession on the right side, and the only possible retort from Martinez is to scythe down Patterson as he begins a counter-attack. Another lad in the book as Martinez takes the yellow card for his sins. Nice free-kick for Charleston in a dangerous position; 30-odd yards out, just to the left of goal... Alonso to take...

... and nothing. He whips it in but not very menacing as it never dipped back down. Goal kick to DC.

37 mins: Shit, route 1 (well, Route 1b) almost pays off for DC. Moreno finds himself onside after a neat ball forward, and he gets a nice one-on-one with Hudock. Instead of putting it square, he takes the low shot himself and Hudock makes a neat, sharp save low to his left. No-one snares the rebound, and the Battery breathe easy.

39 mins: Sign from the Barra Brava: Thank you, Joe Public. Seriously. Thank you for exposing the rather wafer-thin line between quality and misery that is the MLS. (sorry, a bit harsh perhaps).

So I'm informed that this is close to a full-strength DC United side? They look quite awful so far, and now they burn another substitute as Fred comes on to replace Joe Vide. The commentator notes that Vide wasn't entirely fit before the match, so it makes their decision to start him look even more brilliant. 40 minutes in, two subs already. They'd better hope this doesn't go to ET else they might need oxygen.

42 mins: Moreno finds Burch wide on the left, but his cross back to the edge of the box finds no black shirts. Charleston break sharply with Alonso, and Quaranta brings him down cynically from behind to slow their roll.

Rather uninspired football from DC thus far. I want to see another Joe Public-esque result from this one. Alvanja and Alonso are doing well to dictate the midfield, and all DC seem to do is foul.

45 mins: Ah nuts, DC come close. Great run by Fred gets clear of the center-halves, but his scuffed shot flies wide of the right post. A flash of inspiration in an otherwise muted performance.

Fred gets free on the left but his cross is awful. He'd do well for Liverpool with drifting, aimless centers like that.

Quaranta gets a free, wide-open header around the penalty spot after a good ball in from Guerrero on the left, but he puts it well wide. The ref's seen enough, and so have I. Aside from the early shock of DC's 5th minute goal, Charleston look rather comfy.

HALF TIME
They call it the Dewars Trophy? I could do with one of those right now, although I'd fill it with Bushmills because I have absolutely no class.

The most alarming trend on FSC and Setanta is their commercials. If they're not shilling space and time for Wallbangers, it's male enhancement remedies. Is the demographic really that tragic? Surely not.

Oh wait, hair replacement too, and a mildly racist ad for worldwide phone rates.

Sigh, I hate Max Bretos.

Enough greasy close-ups of this sad pair. Let's see Charleston get it done in the 2nd half already. I do like FSC's snappy graphics when showing 1st half statistics.

Perhaps the Revolution could use a ShamWow right about now... someone should send one to the northeast and hope it helps clean up that mess. Seriously, lame jokes aside... last night was fucking abysmal.

And now zit cream ads! Damn... I do not like this portrait of the average American soccer fan that FSC's advertising placement dept is painting.

SECOND HALF UNDERWAY
And the ball is kicked out of bounces immediately from the kick-off. Brilliant stuff. Simms is going into the book for DC as he poleaxes Alonso in the aerial challenge. A nice snappy start for both sides. Looked rather innocuous to me... 50/50 ball, Alonso leaps for it and Simms comes in shoulder-first but wins the ball. This referee is touchy with his notebook... Alonso gets the magic spray and does the "walk slowly off the pitch with the trainer and then immediately come back on" routine.

Damn you, illegal feed! You keep getting choppy!

50 mins: DC content to knock it around their back four.

GTFO... a nice bit of Route 1 there from DC! Long pass from Simms, who shoots it through. Quaranta dummies it and Fred keeps running, somehow remaining onside (you expect him to get the timing wrong). Hudock cuts the angle down but Fred slots it home near-post. DC United 2, Charleston 1

53 mins: Quaranta takes a free-kick squarely to the groin. Hilarious! DC getting a lot more confidence from the goal, and Fred is just rampaging on the right wing. Will anyone stop him? More importantly, will the right-back on the other side stop playing him onside?

55 mins: Charleston push forward, but Patterson is offside as the cross comes in. Promising from the Battery. I just pray this game doesn't just grind into a sketchy, defensive halt from DC united. Do they practice catenaccio in Maryland?

Sorry, I keep spelling it Alvanja when it's Alavanja. Yep, that's the most exciting thing going on right now, especially while I'm waiting for my illicit feed to buffer.

DC do look a lot better so far. They're testing Charleston's rather inept offside trap and thanks to Fred, you get the impression any Colaship-esque long ball could become goal #3.

Be back in a minute. I'm sure I won't miss much. Insightful comment alert: Fred is fast!

59 mins: Alonso gets a good sharp shot from the top of the box but Crayton smothers it comfortably. Where's this equalizer coming from?

62 mins: This Charleston offside trap is awful! Another DC lad in the book, this time it's goalscorer Fred. I didn't see what he did because my feed froze and had to buffer. I'm assuming it was a lazy tackle trying to slow a Battery counter-attack. Am I right?

Bretos opines that Charleston are playing a 3-3-4. I counter-opine by saying that I think Bretos is an idiot.

64 mins: Burch hoofs a neat through-ball aimed for Williams high into the stands. All this desperate attacking from the Battery is giving DC space up top, and Dichenko (sp?) gets a bit of space at the edge of the box. Of course, he dawdles on the ball too long and the attack is over.

I like this midfield tandem of Alonso and Alavanja. They're showing more skill than the rest of 'em out there.

66 mins: Now it's DC United's turn to look slow and lumbering at the back. Burch muscles Patterson off a quick pass right through the middle and Crayton comes out to collect.

Please, someone put a meaningful attack together.

68 mins: Quaranta gets the ball in tons of space at the top of the box and blasts it high over the bar. He'd do well at Stoke with potshots like that.

70 mins: Crikey. Martinez gets the ball in acres of space inside the box, with a clear shot on goal, but inexplicably, he tries to pass it in and his pass gets lofted away easily. A criminal waste, that.

The entire Charleston bench is warming up. The players on the pitch are cooling down. It's a criminal imbalance of player/performance temperature.

Charleston struggle to get the ball forward as their 3-3-4 formation is not working! Long ball forward amounts to nothing. 18 minutes left, and Battery make their first change: Williams off, Spicer on. This should change things immensely [I have no idea if I'm correct on this].

73 mins: Lots of walking now from both teams. DC are slowly tightening their grip on the match, creating far more chances, but they're not exactly being emphatic in killing the tie. With Alonso and Alavanja, I still fancy an equalizer.

75 mins: Charleston break down the right as Nylan feeds Spicer for his first touch, and he wins a corner. COME ON BATTERY. Their 6th corner to DC's 1. Lots of pushing in the the box and the ref tries to restore order.

Whipped in low and easily cleared. DC break with Moreno one-on-one with the last defender, but he doesn't have the pace to burn past and take the shot. Still, DC threaten.

78 mins: Oh, Charleston my Charleston. To equalize, you need to advance beyond the half-way line! This is bread-and-butter sleepwalking by DC, looking to grind the last 10 minutes into a brainless dirge. They're passing it around neatly but without menace, and I could opt for an Arsenal comparison there, but I shall politely refrain.

Long, aimless ball forward is gathered comfortably by Crayton. This kind of Colaship effort will not an equalizer make.

Substitute time for DC! Wake me! Dyachenko off, Marcelo Gallardo on. Charleston pull off Fuller... I didn't see who replaced him. I don't think it really matters.

81 mins A half-cross, half-shot from the left finds Hudock's hands easily. Oh, Aaron King replaced Fuller. And the final sub for Charleston... David Kenga on, Stephen Armstrong off. Will they slot seamlessly into the 3-3-4? Are they playing 2-2-6 now? I have no clue. DC are stroking it around calmly as the clock ticks down.

84 mins: Lots of ping-pong from both teams. Charleston look in vain to get it forward and control it, but their passing is sloppy. Then, they chase DC around for a few minutes until they inevitably cough up possession back to their underdog opponents.

I just lost my feed again. Curse the heavens! I blame Max Bretos.

86 mins: Ah crap, nice move by the Battery. Alonso's mazy run gives Spicer some room on the right, and his cross finds Alonso on the edge of the 6-yard box but his header flashes over the bar. More of that, please.

Alonso then tumbles Gallardo down in his own half as DC dilly-dally in possession.

Kenga and King have tons of energy to run, but they're not exactly getting good service. DC break with Fred down the right, and he's clearly in no hurry to bring it forward. Alonso nicks possession in midfield but his long ball (yawn) amounts to nothing.

88 mins: Wilson is all too casual moving forward with the ball and Fred steals with ease. Little time left for Charleston, and their continual long ball strategy is rather ineffectual. My feed is buffering again, and it surely looks like DC's taking home the whisky.

90 mins: Alonso is working so hard to get the ball in midfield, but then he gives it away so easily. Sad, this. Charleston had the run of the first half but they're just not clinical enough in the final third. Spicer brings it forward on the right, but Alavanja gives it away in the middle and now they're on their heels again.

3 minutes of stoppage time. They're gonna need some Liverpool-esque luck here. They are retaining possession around the box but can't make the final pass.

DC with another sub: Cordeiro on for Moreno. This final 90 seconds will be choked down now, surely.

90 mins + 2:30: You're kidding me. Offside on that? Where? A jumble of a mess in the middle of the box gives Reda a chance, and the ball ends up in the net... however, the linesman gives it offside. An absolute pants call.

And the ref's done. He's earned his paycheck, and DC United take home a trophy they don't deserve. With their full-strength XI, one has to compare them to Spurs. They obviously had their entire season set on securing the Dewars Trophy. Bully to them, and bully to all of us for sitting through it.

FINAL SCORE: DC United 2 (Emilio 5", Fred 50"), Charleston Battery 1 (Fuller 10")

Fred played well and definitely changed the dynamic of the match. Still, I'm unfulfilled. Perhaps the wonderful, shimmering rhetoric of Sarah "Super Gov" Palin will help me salvage some semblance of entertainment from this evening.

Thanks for reading along. Beer is calling. I suggest you all load up and do the same.

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US Open Cup Final preview

This is what people call a good problem. The two teams I support in the US, DC United and Charleston Battery, meet tonight in the US Open Cup final. I should be conflicted, but I'm not. I want the Battery to win. Just call it the American love of the underdog.

Charleston ply their trade in the second division of US soccer. Since there is no hope of promotion for them, ever, this is quite possibly the highest profile game they will ever play. Even bigger than winning the old A-League championship on home soil in 2003 (suck it, Minnesota Thunder). Their chances of pulling it off tonight? A little less than slim, but definitely better than none.

Charleston boast the joint-second top scorer in the tournament so far in Darren Spicer. Spicer's four goals are one behind Frenchie Sebastian Le Toux's tallies for the soon-to-be-repurposed Seattle Sounders. A brace tonight, and the Battery being able to hold either Marc Burch or Luciano Emilio to less than five goals, and Spicer takes the virtual golden boot. I wouldn't count on that happening though, because Spicer's scoring seems to be a cup anomaly. In 23 league matches this season, Spicer has but one goal.

The truth of the matter is that DC United are likely to put all of their eggs in this one-game basket. Their MLS season is not going that well, they blew in the Superliga, and are likely to be embarrassed in the CONCACAF Champions League as well. At least they will do better than the New England Revolution. Really, a 6-1 aggregate loss to Joe Public of T&T? Yuck.

The point stands that DC has worked to get to this point of the competition, routinely putting out top squads, while other MLS teams treated their fans to teams that looked more like reserve members of their youth squads. DC want the trophy, which would be their 12th major trophy in 12 years. There is little reason to think that they will not. All that Charleston has going for them is two wins against MLS competition already, spiced with a semifinal win against a team that looks a lot like that new MLS team in Seattle next year. That's nothing, right?

While I would be very happy to see a repeat of 1999's 4-3 Open Cup win by Charleston, this will probably turn out more like the 4-0 reversal the following season. It is on TV, for those of you with Fox Soccer Channel, at 7:30 EDT tonight. I'm sure there are other ways to see it online as well (wink, wink; nudge, nudge).

Battery website preview
United website preview

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US Open Cup Semis tonight

The disregarded stepchild of US soccer competitions plays its semifinal matches tonight. It features a couple of pretty good matches, as well as the promise that one USL-1 team will reach the finals.

After the jump, some stolen graphics detailing the games. Or you can just jump to USOpenCup.com and look at their ads.

The big problem tonight is that some genius decided that it would be best if the games ran at the same time. Both games, therefore, have a 7.30 EDT start.

DC United v. New England Revolution
Given recent runs, this should be an easy win for New England. Matt Reis, in particular, has been on fire for the Revs. The teams should also be energized by Kick-Medic hawker Taylor Twellman's return from sabbatical/injury/whatever. DC United were beaten 4-1 by the New York Fuckin' Red Bulls. Not a good sign. You can listen to the game here, or here .




Charleston Battery v. Seattle Sounders
The more intriguing match up tonight, if only because it assures a USL-1 team in the final which brings the possibility of the first non-MLS champ since 1999. Charleston started out brightly in the league, but have since slumped to third in the table. Seattle, on the other hand, started out kind of slow this season, but have picked it up to now place fourth in the table. The two teams have met twice in the past month, with the home team taking each game 1-0. It is certainly to Charleston's advantage that the game will be in the muggy confines of Blackbaud Stadium. You can watch the game online here.


The date and location of the competition final depends on tonight's winners. A quick breakdown is
DC-Charleston; RFK; September 3
DC-Seattle; Qwest; September 3
NE-Charleston; Blackbaud; September 22
NE-Seattle; Qwest; September 15

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DC United pwnz the Nationals

In the capital of this great nation, a new saying is taking hold. No longer does one say, "As American as baseball and apple pie." Nope. Now one has to replace "baseball" with "soccer". The TV ratings bear it out.

Nielsen Media Research reports that, in the 2.3 million households designated to be in the DC area, DC United matches are watched by more people that Washington Nationals games. DC United draws an average 0.5 rating, while the National have averaged 0.39. Before we get all uppity that the tide has changed, United's ratings equal out to 11,500 households and the Nationals get 9000. No world changing numbers there.

Unlike the WaPo columnist who had to add an update to placate frothing Nats fans, we will just let the numbers speak for themselves. On TV, in DC, United are better watched than the local baseball team. And that's change we can believe in.

I'm ü75, and I approved this message.

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The day after...

So the Spanish have won, making England the biggest underachievers once again, and I'm hoarse of throat from singing the Torres Kop song (well, just the chorus, really) far too much at Kinsale yesterday. Apologies to anyone who now has that refrain permanently embedded in their cerebral cortex.

And so we find ourselves in that frightening void, that scary abyss where championships end and new seasons struggle to kick into life.

What on earth will we do with ourselves for the next month? Should we take up a hobby, like beekeeping, home brewing, or philately? (Actually, the home brewing doesn't sound like such a bad idea)

Or should we look to the MLS for our fix, struggling to find a vein in which to mainline the excitement?

If more matches end up with Beckham and Donovan looking bruised, battered and humiliated, then I might well try.

It's always fun to see Beckham suffer. Really, it is. It ranks high on the list of casual pleasures, to see the tattooed twit from Leytonstone looking well and truly bemused and frustrated. Yesterday was no different; in a smart bit of promotion by ESPN, they put the MLS's centerpiece on TV right before the Spain/Germany match, and while it wasn't quite what they'd hoped for, I certainly enjoyed it.

DC United ran 'em ragged, and I lost track of the number of closeups Beckham received in the game's dying minutes. Each shot seemed to be searching for signs of life or fear in Beckham's eyes, perhaps a flicker of realization that while his bank account is neatly padded (and, ahem, his underpants too), his cultural account might be dangerously close to overdrawn. (I should write for the AP with lines like that)

Simply put, he was an island, a one-man island lost amid a sea of black shirts. No free-kicks just outside the box with which he could drag his team back into contention, and the awful defending from Xavier and friends didn't help either.

Mannix's point about the league needing more Beckhams was, as was his entire article, horribly misguided, because one player can't make that much difference. Just ask Gerrard in that strange pre-Torres year, where teammates looked to him and him alone for inspiration and crucial late goals.

I enjoyed the match greatly, even if the combined forces of advertising and corporate synergy didn't.

I hope to see more shellackings like this before the MLS realizes their transfer monies might be better spent elsewhere.

Here's the match highlights, and some thoughts from one of the better US soccer writers, Steven Goff.

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"Team Set Me Up" - DC United Stadium Plans getting turfed out

DC United has been petitioning the DC Government for a stadium of their own. The primary team owner, an urban real-estate developer, made some promises to build the stadium, in exchange for some contracts. Well, he didn't win the contracts (more DC contract boondoggles?) and now wants to take his stadium deal off the table, and wants the city to bankroll it. A tale of money, property, development, and the wonders that is the Local Government.
I've been following this locally, and it has a several twists and turns.
Initially, the majority owner of DC United (a San Franciscan by the
name of Victor McFarlane) offered to build the stadium with his own
money, if he was allowed to develop the surrounding area. However, he
lost the contract on the development of the area (which is slated for
mixed-use retail/office space) and he has since been claiming that the city
needs to build the stadium. Stadiums in other cities have been built
for $100MM or so, DC is offering (weakly right now) $150MM, and he is
claiming they need $225MM for their stadium.


Poplar Point

The location of the new stadium is an area of SE DC called "Poplar Point". As the picture shows, it's jammed in between the Anacostia freeway, the South Capital St. Bridge, and the 11th St. bridge. In other words, while it is served nicely by a combination of freeways and metro stations, it is still termed "Centrally Isolated". The MCI center was smack in the middle of downtown, and the Nationals park is on the waterfront

Other stadiums like the MCI center downtown (hockey/basketball) and
the new National stadium (baseball) in SE are able to meld into the community
(the baseball one is a very big question mark as the area down near
the old navy yard was special in its own way).

The Post article which nailed the reason for the concern was Mark Fisher's article where he used the number: 35. This is the number
of home dates that are played by DC United. When you do the math, and you look at the return, each home date will need to bring in $320K worth of revenue. I'm basing this on $225MM cost and 20 years to pay it back (which may be too long. Many owners start whining when their stadium is ten years old). In this term, they are correct. We haven't even discussed the environmental issues surrounding the open parkland, though personally the place has always been a no man's land - near the water, but so close to nothing, and it's ideal for noontime trysts from the local military bases.

Councilman Jack Evans (the one who made the Nats stadium happen) will probably make a good run at getting this going because
he has two agendas - he wants to see the Anacostia development go
through and work and he thinks the mixed use idea can be made to work
again. Second, and more importantly is he wants everything out of the
old RFK stadium because he wants to level it and tempt Dan Snyder into
bringing the Redskins back into the city. RFK is there, and DC United
will get trampled the first whiff of the Redskins moving back.

Victor MacFarlane, primary owner of DC United, has been running into some financing issues recently, most notably in Southern California with CALPERS. They had to get bailed out by Dubai money. Struggling real estate market + lack of contract to build retail/office space = no money for stadium from Victor.

The best part - Councilman Marion Barry is in the mix!! You can not be denied
the political enjoyment.

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