Steven Cohen said some stuff today. We're tired of it all. No further comment.
Generally good guy and soccerphile Ethan Zohn has cancer. We wish him the best in beating it [MSN]
Andrei Arshavin clarifies his comments on women drivers. And then talks about whatever races through his tiny head [The Offside]
Hey Rio, you didn't play, nor were you on the bench. So why did you take a post-match shower? [Kickette]
The real reason Rafa has been so mad at Fergie? [Studs Up]
German youngster signs for Everton. Is David Moyes the EPL's next Scottish overlord? [Setanta]
Ballack must choose club v. country--on the day of the FA Cup final [Guardian]
Of course, he had better have his permission slip from his club, or else he'll be dropped like these guys [Guardian]
Wanna see Carragher and Arbeloa go at it over and over and over? [ONTD_FB]
Five best and worst Eye Ties in English football [SoccerLens]
Originaldo gets a handful [Dirty Tackle]
Finally:
NYC people, this is a must do. Red Bull New York are going to play 6 on 6 against players from the Armed Forces on the deck of a freaking aircraft carrier. Article implies it will be open to the public [The Offside Rules]
Monday, May 18, 2009
Monday Backpasses: Really, we're done (for now)
Daily Fail: May 18, 2009
Yes, we have been somewhat derelict with our Daily Fail feature (which is such a popular name that everyone is using it!). So a big tip o’ the hat to reader White Speed Receiver for passing along this gem from Sky Sports:
Mr. Receiver asks, "When did Sky start outsourcing to the New York Post?" We couldn’t have put it any better.
As always, please send along crap football headlines to unprofessionalfoul [at] gmail [dot] com. Read more on "Daily Fail: May 18, 2009"...
Do Not Let Lampard's Ex Invest Your Money
Lampard's ex-fiance Elen Rives didn't spend much time on the market before moving along on a Bosman. She's been spotted dating Lawrie Wilson, a utility player earning £500 a week with non-league side Stevenage Borough.
That's a nice step down from the £150,000 that Lampard was pulling per week at Chelsea.
But now, Rives gets to be something better. No, not poor. She gets to be a Cougar (Rives is 34, Wilson is 21). Oh and a homewrecking one at that.
Apparently Wilson had a girlfriend when he hooked up with Rives. The girlfriend found out the old fashion way, by spotting the couple together in the papers. Awesome. Doesn't Wilson fucking Twitter? Seriously, dude, they are way more modern ways to spinelessly dump your girlfriend so you can upgrade.
The Sun has a fun little graphic to show the downgrade in lifestyle Rives must be incurring, but they also point out that Wilson's family has swank digs. All of this is in the Sun, so the only thing we're willing to say is bankable is the fact that the shirt sponsor of Stevenage sells 'Lamps.'
Relegation: it's full of conspiracies
For all the perceived machismo in soccer (C-Ron not withstanding), it can descend into banter and vicious gossip more in tune with that of the local sewing circle. And with the final EPL weekend of 2008/09 looming on the horizon, the brewing discontent on Tyneside is hard to ignore.
It's also rather hilarious.
Right off the bat, Alan Shearer, he of the bland punditry and blander managerial nous, is pointing fingers in the direction of Sir Alex Ferguson and threatening to tell teacher that he's not playing fair.
With United's trophy secured and a more important Champions League final to prepare for, there's every chance that Fergie's side will be rather, ahem, depleted in their final league game against Hull City. Of course, Hull are right there in the dogpile for the drop, and Shearer's not happy that the perma-tanned microphone wearer Phil Brown might have an advantage in the fight for survival.
Of course, we'd be remiss in mentioning that the Magpies have had countless opportunities to climb out of the hole since Alan's arrival, and that Shearer should spend his Monday evening watching hours of Aston Villa game tape instead. One win and 2 draws in his 7 games as Newcastle boss isn't very good, is it?
What we forgot to mention was the "special" relationship between Ferguson and Brown, presumably derived from the latter's constant attempts to rattle Arsenal's cage. Fergie helped Phil get a job at Derby County back in 2005, and the two have enjoyed a friendship for many years. There's also the whisper that SAF still loathes Alan for turning down an offer to play for Man United back in the 90s. Considering the grudge-holding reputation of the drunk Scot, I wouldn't be surprised at all.
As one would expect, Phil is mumbling pleasantries and the usual pre-match jingo about "expecting no favours" and "working hard" and "it won't be easy." On the inside, he knows it will be simple, although given the Tigers' form since October 28th (2 wins and 9 draws in their last 28), they'd have a hard time beating the United U-10s.
Meanwhile, in his high chair at St. James's, Alan wonders whether he'll get any help from his Match of the Day cohort, Martin O'Neill. The prognosis appears grim. Shearer is trying to get Bassong's red card overturned so he can play in the final game (good luck with that, Alan), but other than that, there ain't much sunshine in their future.
Once again, Chelsea get Nul Points
Nul points, pronounced 'nil pwa', also known as the response from fussy French judges who certainly don't like a song in the yearly Eurovision song contest.
Ahh, The Eurovision song contest. Bigus' youth comes flying back; Saturday nights sat in front of the box, Terry Wogan's quiet tone, softly introducing videos featuring the contestants. Jan from a small town in Sweden, maybe he was a math teacher? We would learn of his weird hobbies and all about the boring town he lived in. Cue Jan and his song, possibly titled 'Walla ding dang dong'. Then on to Turkey for more of the same. Then? Two more hours of the worst music imaginable before the voting begins.
This year Chelsea fans tried to scupper a certain contestant. But it was not the dreadful music that inspired the Saaaath Laaaandoners to turn their thoughts to the worst gathering of musicians since the Monsters of Rock festival in 1983.
As Precious Roy told us last week, Chelsea fans were so disgruntled at referee Tom Henning Ovrebo after his performance during their Champions League semi, second-leg, that they decided to target his countryman at 'The Eurovision Song Contest'. Childish I know, but amusing all the same.
Pointless and redundant? Yeah, kinda... as Norway won.
The winning song was performed by Alexander Rybak. The song itself is a frightful three minutes, built from mind-numbing lyrics and bad fiddling (think The Levellers without dirty hair and caravans), accompanied by some dancing that would look at home at a Russian wedding. Here it is below. Please do not watch straight after eating.
Norway went to Russia for a winner. Cheats!
Now, those of you are genuinely interested in this yearly gathering of bad amateur musicians, I'll share a couple of the most popular Euro songs of all time. Be prepared to laugh, cry and maybe vomit.
First, the song that propelled a certain bunch of Swedes to stardom, infiltrating Bigus' house for years as his mother dusted in time to their records...
Abba 1974. Hmmm.
1981. Great Britain's entry by Bucks Fizz. Oh lord, why!
1969, Lulu wins for Great Britain! Get in Lulu.
Britain win again in 1976. The Brotherhood of Man! The choreography in the chorus is mind-blowing.
Dutch band? Teach-in sing 1975 winner Ding a Dong!
"Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley". Nuff said.
The contest has been running for 57 years. This year's results can be viewed here.
-Bigus
UF Quick Throw: Ranieri Out at Juve.
Claudio Ranieri has been sacked at Juventus. Ciro Ferrara will take over for the balance of the season and try to keep the club in Champions League qualification (they are currently 4th, a point above Fiorentina).
Ranieri is now clear to return to Chelsea and again guide them to a 4th place finish.
David vs. Goliath: Beckham & Obama Lead World Cup Charge
The English footballing galaxy packed into Wembley this morning for the ceremonial unveiling of the country's latest bid to host the World Cup. FA Chairman Lord Triesman is organizing the effort, which will be stamped over with David Beckham's golden grin.
Sadly though for trophy-starved Ingerland, there is at least one equally magical genius of international acclaim standing in the way of their proposed hospitality.
Said President Obama, vouching for Sunil & Co., in a letter to FIFA's Septic president:"As a child, I played soccer on a dirt road in Jakarta, and the game brought the children of my neighborhood together... As a father, I saw that same spirit of unity alive on the fields and sidelines of my own daughters’ soccer games in Chicago.”
By contrast, England frontman David Beckham sought to remind the world of his homeland's priapismic hard-on for the beautiful game: "The passion doesn't just stop at Premier League level. It's from the grass-roots and the amateur leagues right through every league, including the dark recesses of League One, where the Norwich City Canaries will fight fate and push for a return to the Colaship in 2010." (I made up those last 18 words)
The happy-ending scenario being bandied about by the English press involves the Americans and English teaming up (like in Iraq!), with each country backing the other as England targets 2018 and the U.S. sits back for 2022.
Here are some relevant (and informative) links:
*Football's Coming Home!-- Err I mean, Please, football, come visit for a few weeks nine years from now!
*Breaking down the existential threats to plans for an Anglo-American Axis of World Cup hosting... Greedy Spanish thieves!
*Hey, who let Shrek in the shot?? The game report from Wembley.
And the wind cries... Rafa
Well, that's that. Something about how all the jacks are in their boxes, whether the wind will ever remember the names it has blown in the past, oh, and brooms drearily sweeping the remnants of yesterday's life.
The EPL was decided in that most thrilling of fashions, a 0-0 draw that United really could/should have lost, and we must all drag our attention to August, where the excitement and optimism of new signings still makes us all thing our teams are going to win the league. This is the year, this is it, I can feel it... etc etc ad nauseam.
And in a bid to keep the journos busy over the summer, Rafa Benitez couldn't resist another jab or two. Which is weird, as I always thought it was the winners that got to do this kind of thing.
So what did he do exactly? Something very becoming of a high-schooler, or maybe even Tracey Flick. He refused to congratulate Alex Ferguson! He wouldn't give him credit! He was smug! Et cetera!Asked whether he would congratulate Ferguson in the wake of their 18th League title, Benítez, who had gone public with his grievances with the United manager in January with his infamous list of "facts", replied: "I will say congratulations to Manchester United." Not Sir Alex? "Ah, done well," said the Spaniard begrudgingly, "but I prefer to say congratulations to Manchester United; good club, big club."
(When added to his refusal to admit United are that much better, it makes for hilarious reading)
It is protocol for the manager that finishes runners-up to send a letter of congratulations to his triumphant counterpart but Benítez gave little indication he will have a pen in his hand over the next few days when he was asked if he would write to Ferguson. "I have had normally to be polite and to respect the other manager at the end of the season. He has said a lot of things that I didn't like. I say congratulations to Man United because they have won and that's it."
At least the Spaniard is consistent. I mean, does SAF really give a toss? He's sitting home with his silver polish while Senor Benitez is gorging on paella and figuring out which left-back to purchase in the summer.
Don't get me wrong here; I love Rafa, in large part because this season, despite ending trophyless again, has been the closest to something resembling progress during his tenure. Trending up, they call it, and no, I'm not delusional. Though we crashed and burned in domestic cups early, we're on course to finish second, something I don't think we've managed this century.
There's all the statistical rubbish about finishing within 10 points of the champs for the first time in ages, as well as the wonderful record against United, Arsenal and Chelsea (4 wins, 2 draws, having beaten none of 'em since the Benitez era began).
Still, we finished second, we faltered in February with that agonizing run of draws, and if ever there was a time to be contrite and quiet, it might be that first presser after those c*nts at Old Trafford hoisted the title. I give him mild credit for trying to maintain some drama in the league.
Which brings me to that nagging question: when is Jose Mourinho coming back to the EPL?
WPS: Revenue At Any Cost
"We've made it clear that our job is to get it started, and then we're going to let others step in here and continue this. But we felt we owed it to the women's game to give them a shot." "We were never intent on being here forever. Our plate is full."
The most recent incarnation of women's professional soccer, WPS, here in the states is trying desperately to improve upon the failed attempt of WUSA a few years back. That league folded after three years and burned through $40M of seed money intended to last five years in its first year. The league is taking a more cautious approach and actively seeking sponsorships to bring in revenue that doesn't appear to be coming from ticket sales (see pic above). WPS inked its third "founding sponsorship" this past week with health supplement company AdvoCare International.
Only one slight problem. One of AdvoCare's former endorsers, US swimmer Jessica Hardy, tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. During Hardy's legal battle, she had an Advocare drink tested and those tests indicated the product was contaminated with clenbuterol, the same substance found in her positive drug tests.
A three person arbitration panel agreed she had met her burden of proof indicating a contaminated supplement and reduced Hardy's suspension. The legal battle continues, however, as AdvoCare seeks to clear its name.
How wise is it to associate the league with a company, while not well known, at least connected a PED controversy. Is any publicity really good publicity? Perhaps.
The cliche is that any money is good money for the league.
AEG, which owns LA Galaxy, LA Kings, and the WPS franchise LA Sol, has indicated it will only be taking on WPS losses for this inaugural season for the sake of the women's game and then getting out of Dodge. Said Tim Leiweke, AEG second in command:
Taking any money it can get its hands on doesn't seem like such a bad strategy given those words. I hope the league can find more shady investors. Maybe we can get some gambling entity on the shirts.
That concludes our semi-regular WPS updates.
Ligue 1 Weekend Review
This week saw quite a few braces scored and a rash of OGs (attempted and completed). The result of the week goes to Bordeaux, who moved into 1st place with a 3-2 victory over Le Mans thanks to a Lyon victory over Marseille.
Saturday, May 16th:
Bordeaux 3-2 Le Mans - Bordeaux took 26 shots and held 68% of the possession, but Le Mans made them work hard for their 3 points. The pressure began early from Les Girondins, as a Tremoulinas free-kick hit the crossbar. The opening goal, however, came for Le Mans as Le Tallec finished off a nice pass from Baal (seriously? that's quite the name) on the counter-attack. Soon after, Le Mans gaffer Daniel Jeandupeux was sent to the stands for protesting, and Bordeaux took advantage when Chamakh headed home a Gourcuff header in the 38th minute. The latter got a goal of his own in first-half stoppage time, cleaning up a scramble in the goal mouth for his 5th goal in his last 4 matches. In the 55th minute Maiga and Gervinho did some nice work down the right-hand side, eventually resulting in a goal from Le Tallec to complete his brace. Tension was high on the pitch as Bordeaux pressed for the match-winner, and Planus obliged in the 76th minute, sending home the rebound after a Gourcuff volley came back off the post.
Caen 2-0 Sochaux - Sochaux wasted their efforts from last weekend by finishing the match with more YCs than shots on goal. Caen made their intentions clear in the 8th minute when a Gomis free-kick was headed goalward by Yatabar, forcing a save from Sochaux GK Richert. The latter was forced into another save just 1 minute later, this time on a Deroin free-kick headed by Gomis. Sochaux did not get their first opportunity until the 43rd minute when a Martin free-kick was stopped by Caen GK Plante. They began to apply slightly more pressure in the second half, with Perquis forcing a save from Plante, Erdinq hitting the post after beating the offside trap, and a free-kick from Dalmat hitting the crossbar. Caen finally opened the scoring in the 77th minute when Savidan dribbled circles around Sochaux defender Faty and lobbed Richert. The profilic Savidan finished off his brace in the 90th minute when he got on the end of a long pass and beat Faty (again) to come in alone on goal. The result moves Caen back out of the relegation zone, and Sochaux back into danger.
Grenoble 0-0 Nancy - It's cliche to say that nil-nil draws are often boring, but this was exactly the type of match that footy-haters point to as a negative example of the sport. Grenoble managed only 1 shot on goal, had only 2 corners, and were caught offsides six times, while Nancy were only slightly better, with 3 shots on goal and 6 corners. In fact, both clubs were whistled vociferously by their supporters for their poor play throughout the match. In the 11th minute a Gavanon free-kick was caught by Grenoble GK Wimbee, while in the 24th minute a shot from the former hammered the post. The lone Grenoble effort came in the 43rd minute when a shot from Boya was well-stopped by Nancy GK Gregorini. The only other significant action in the match came in the 85th minute when Wimbee came off his line to beat Adjet to a long pass.
Lorient 1-1 Le Havre - In a match that featured an assist from Alla and a YC to Mary, the biggest miracle was the fact that Lorient barely avoided 2 OGs. Le Havre struck first, with Diallo scoring in the 11th minute, and they could have been up 3-0 after Le Lan and Saifi almost scored OGs within minutes of each other. In the 56th minute a Morel volley was stopped by Le Havre GK Placide, but Lorient finally got the equalizer in the 63rd minute off a Vahirua free-kick. The match ended with 2 big saves from Placide, the first on Saifi and the second on Gameiro.
Monaco 1-1 Valenciennes - Monaco were caught offsides 7 times and could only manage 2 corners, but they were able to hold on to a very early lead. Park scored the goal in the 6th minute, finishing off a nice pass from Meriem. In the 24th minute the latter was stopped by Valenciennes GK Penneteau, who also stopped Park in the 30th minute. The equalizer came in the 61st minute when a header from Mater was punched out by Monaco GK Ruffier, but only as far as Audel who finished it easily (claiming the GSTGC award in the process). Ruffier atoned by making quick saves in succession on Mater and Bangoura, while the draw was kept alive for Valenciennes when defender Ducourtioux cleared a shot from Nimani off the line. Freddy Adu watch: On the bench, staring forlornly at the pitch.
Saint-Etienne 2-2 Toulouse - In an incredibly even match the sharing of points was a well-deserved result for both clubs. Toulouse almost got off to an incredibly poor start in the 9th minute when a cross from Payet threatened to become an OG until covered by Toulouse GK Carrasso. Attempting shots on the correct goal, Cesar and Tabriou both shot just wide. The goal came in the 34th minute when Sall headed home a corner from Machado. The second half began with a shot from Tabriou straight at Saint-Etienne GK Janot, while at the other end of the pitch Carrasso did well to stop a volley from Ilan. The equalizer came in the 66th minute from Sissoko on a well-weighted through-ball from Gignac. Saint-Etienne went back in front in the 73rd minute when Cetto fouled Machado in the box and Ilan easily sent home the resulting PK. Things fell apart for relegation-threatened Saint-Etienne in the 89th minute when Gignac picked off a poor clearance from Janot and sent home his Ligue 1-leading 22nd goal to secure the draw.
Paris Saint-Germain 1-2 Auxerre - Paris Saint-Germain took a blow to their European dreams with a loss to Auxerre, despite outplaying them on the pitch. In the 6th minute Kahlenberg had a well-struck shot saved by PSG GK Landreau, while Camara had his diving header stopped by Auxerre GK Sorin. Kezman and Pedretti then traded shots on goal, with both going wide. The first goal came in the 40th minute when Jelen took a shot which was deflected by PSG defender Camara for an OG. Jelen then got his club a more legitimate goal in first-half stoppage time, finishing off a pass from Pedretti. In the 59th minute Sakho had his volley cleared off the line by Auxerre defender Berthod, and Ceara was stopped by Sorin just minutes later. PSG finally broke through in the 83rd minute when Sessegnon finished off a pass from Ceara, but it came too late to avoid dropping the points.
Sunday, May 17th:
Nantes 1-1 Rennes - In another very even match, goals late in each half provided most of the action. In the 8th minute N'Daw had his shot stopped by Rennes GK Douchez, and 4 minutes later Nantes GK Alonzo had to be alert to handle a Mareveaux free-kick. Bagayoko opened the scoring in the 42nd minute after an error by Rennes defender Hansson. Despite continued pressure, however, he was unable to score another, shooting wide on 1 occasion and shooting straight at Douchez on 2 other opportunities. He would rue the misses in the 84th minute when a through-ball from Leroy was collected by Sow and sent home for an easy finish.
Lille 1-1 Nice - Despite Nice only putting 1 shot on goal they were able to come out of this match with a draw, securing 1 point. The club's lone goal came in the 34th on a low shot from the top of the area by Modeste. They thought they had taken a 2-0 lead in the 37th minute after a goal from Bamogo, but it was disallowed due to a foul. The second-half belonged to Lille, as Nice GK Ospina was forced into a wonderful double-save on Balmont and Vittek, and Bastos followed a few minutes later with a header that Ospina did well to save. The equalizer finally arrived in the 71st minute when Ospina came out for a corner and missed the ball completely, allowing Cabaye to score with an easy tap-in. Ospina atoned for his error by stopping the last goal-scoring opportunity of the match after Hazard beat 3 defenders, tipping the latter's shot onto the post.
Marseille 1-3 Lyon - Lyon showed a bit of spark in this match, knocking Marseille off their spot atop the Ligue 1 table. The latter club started off more strongly, however, with Niang hitting the post and Valbuena and Brandao forcing saves from Lyon GK Lloris. In the 31st minute Brandao took down Ederson in the box, and Benzema stepped up to slam home the resulting PK. He completed his brace in the 42nd minute, finishing off a through-ball from Toulalan. Marseille began to push back, with Cheyrou hitting the post, and Niang was twice denied an appeal for a penalty. They finally scored in the 80th minute when Wiltord finished off a cross from Niang, but it came far too late. Juninho ended the scoring in the 91st minute with a well-struck free-kick.
So, after Matchday 36 the top of the table looks like this: (1) Bordeaux, with 74 points on a 22-8-6 record and a +28 goal differential; (2) Marseille, with 71 points on a 20-11-5 record and a +27 goal differential; (3) Lyon, with 67 points on a 19-10-7 record and a +21 goal differential; and (4) Paris Saint-Germain, with 63 points on a 19-6-11 record and a +12 goal differential.
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