While you were tucked up in bed dreaming of all the transfers your team won't make in January, that FIFA Club World Cup Trophyship TourneyShield was taking place over in Japan, and with an almost full-strength Man United XI on display, one would expect the score to have been rather emphatic.
Instead, the final result had a touch of Benny Hill to it. But seriously, 6 goals in 17 minutes?
Of course, United still prevailed by the score of 5-3, but not before some late fun from both teams in the second half, giving the match more of an NBA All-Star Game feel thanks to its invisible defense.
Rooney's contribution was perhaps best of all, summing him up in his brief 17-minute appearance (yes - as soon as he came on, the goals began). Young Wayne managed 2 goals and 1 yellow card within 4 minutes. He's nothing if not efficient.
Hideo Yashimoto's injury-time strike was the pick of the litter. Anyone think Roman might buy him for 8 million? Meanwhile, Fergie's men will play LDU Quito in the final.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Osaka scored in the midnight hour, that's when Rooney goes tumbling down
UF Quick Throw: The Football League votes
The Football League has just voted yes on the 'homegrown players' rule, to be implemented from the beginning of the 09/10 season. The rule determines that at least 4 players in each 16-man matchday squad must have been registered domestically for a minimum of three years before their 21st birthday.
So much for the impending arrival of hundreds of second-rate Scandinavian footballers.
What do you lot think? Could you ever imagine the EPL following suit?
[BBC Sport]
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Wednesday Backpasses: This is an appropriate fit
The Twelve Days of Scottish Christmas [Inside Left]
AC Milan players want Becks' package for Christmas [The Sun]
Italian football and sex, linked forever in skeeziness. Sadly, this is not a Cassano story [The Spoiler]
Robbie Keane does not believe Lawro [Sky Sports]
Platini wants Sports Police. Well, Cheap Trick had Dream Police, so why can't this work? [iGaming Business] (yeah, that's a real site)
Closure in a Becks story we did not cover [E! Online]
And, finally:
Guardian's The Knowledge is awesome. Here they write up some Christmas party shenanigans from years past [Guardian]
Champions League Draw Contest
The draw for the knock out stages of the Champions League is Friday. So this is the chance for you to use your powers of Kreskin and let us milk some free content out it.
What could be more win-win?
Plenty. But we're still going to have a contest because few things in life rival the joy of watching old white guys watch some stage candy pull ping pong balls from a bin. So pick the most pairs correctly and you can win your very own post on Unprofessional Foul.
Groups and rules after the jump.
Group Winners: AS Roma (ITA), Panathanaikos (GRE), FC Barcelona (ESP), Liverpool FC (ENG), FC Bayern Munich (GER), FC Porto (POR), Juventus (ITA), Manchester United (ENG)
Group Runners-Up: Chelsea FC (ENG), FC Internazionale Milano (ITA), Sporting Club de Portugal (POR), Atletico Madrid (ESP), Villarreal CF (ESP), Olympique Lyonnais (FRA), Arsenal FC (ENG), Real Madrid (ESP).
Clubs from the same association must not be drawn against each other (e.g. EPL teams can't draw each other). The winners and runners-up of the same group must not be drawn against each other (i.e. you can't draw the team from your group).
For example, Barcelona can't be drawn against Atletico Madrid, Villarreal, or Real Madrid (same association—La Liga); or Sporting (runner-up from same group).
Here's the boring minutiae from the UEFA Website:Under the draw procedure, eight blue balls containing the names of the group runners-up are placed in a bowl. A first ball is drawn from the bowl containing the group runners-up. The team drawn is placed as the home team of match 1. In accordance with the conditions of the draw, the computer will then show which group winners are eligible to play the runners-up of match 1. A bowl will be prepared with white balls containing the names of the group winners which are eligible to be drawn against the runners-up of match 1. A ball will be drawn from this bowl to complete the pairing of match 1. The team drawn is placed as the visiting team of match 1. This procedure is repeated for the remaining matches. If the computer indicates that only one group winner can be drawn, there will be no draw.
Great, now if you want to replicate the process at home, all you need are some blue balls.
Anyway, we're not even certain how we are going to break ties for our contest. We like making shit up as we go along. It gives us the latitude to be arbitrary. One thing is certain, you get no credit for predicting that Arsenal draw Barcelona, as that one is pretty much a metaphysical certainty.
The only tip I can offer is to maybe sing the Champions League anthem in your head when you are making your picks. So, pair away, put your guesses in the comments. We'll close the contest Thursday and have a winner posted after the draw.
A speedy UEFA Cup Round-up
"Yep, remember when we could have won this Cup but played the dullest football known to mankind in the final? Ahh, good times..."Well, it's the middle of the week and nothing else is happening in the world of soccer, so it's the perfect time for the Little Euro Cup to peek its ugly head out.
So, how did everyone get on today?
Portsmouth 3, Heerenveen 0
Solid performance from the newly Diarra-less Pompey, including a brace from Peter Crouch, who no doubt celebrated with some delicious nachos. The Eredivisie side aren't up to much, but Pompey came in this evening knowing they were already eliminated from the competition, so the lack of pressure brought out their flair. Good thing they're not advancing considering all the players they'll lose in January.
AC Milan 2, Wolfsburg 2
The Rossonieri sure do love their score draws! At least this time round, they led in the match instead of waiting until the last 10 minutes to score twice (like they did at Fratton Park).
Hamburg 3, Aston Villa 1
O'Neill's men were manhandled, but what does it matter? They had safe passage wrapped up weeks ago. A late scrappy goal for young'un Nathan Delfouneso (seriously, if Villa has any more speedy young wingers/forward, they should declare them at Customs) wasn't enough to counter Ivica Olic's double and Mladen Petric's volley.
Ajax 2, Sparta Prague 2
Look, last minute penalty equalizers! The Dutch left it late but were through anyway.
St. Etienne 2, Valencia 2
Hey look, Fernando Morientes scored. Remember that guy at Anfield? Yeah, perhaps best not to.
Club Brugge 0, FC Copenhagen 1
Why am I still recapping?
Deportivo La Coruna 1, Nancy 0
Ha, Nancy. Of course the Gallic pansies went down limply.
Feyenoord 0, Lech Poznan 1
Goal! Ivan Djurdjevic must have a foot like a traction engine. The cagey win puts the Poles into the next round.
Read more on "A speedy UEFA Cup Round-up"...
The saddest soccer crime ever.
Snake Eyes!Poor, poor Scotland. I realize that times are tough for the world economy, but with soccer players north of the border in the SPL pulling in a lean $2500 a week (sad, I know), it's no wonder they're lashing out in frustration.
Like Hibernian winger Filipe Morais (the haircut fanatic in the pic above). He's in trouble for using his kicking skills the wrong way at an Edinburgh casino.
From the Beeb:
"He [Morais] got into an argument with Robert Brown on a night out at Maxims casino in York Place on 26 September at about 0530 GMT. Morais, who earns £1,300 a week, has not played for the team since August. Witnesses saw Morais and his companions speaking to Mr Brown and an argument broke out at the casino. Mr Brown was punched in the face and knocked to the ground during a scuffle and Morais kicked his head as he lay on the ground. He suffered a burst nose and a split lip and was treated by the Scottish Ambulance Service."Not too good, is it? One wonders if it was part of his training while languishing in the reserves.
Seriously though, no good can come of this, although his lawyer, the wonderfully-named George More (the "More" presumably referring to the number of billable hours he's always pushing for), tries hard to spin the incident into something so distressing that heck, if any of us had been in Felipe's
"Young footballers are quite often harassed or picked on or spoken to when they go out and my client went out that evening for a drink with a friend. My client kicked out when he was down as an act of frustration because the last part of his evening had been utterly spoiled by these two men. He was immediately regretful that he had done it."Man, it ain't easy being a footballer. It's all gambling, drinking, and 90 minutes of weekend work. Maybe they were teasing him because his salary seems so tiny?
So, the former Chelsea/MK Dons/Millwall/St. Johnstone player is going to be punished in the wallet, losing $1000 in fines, a further $1600 to the club for being out the night before a match (not exactly the best way to get back into the team), and possibly another two weeks' wages for his off-hours casino kickabout.
No word yet on whether he'll be able to pay his electric bill next month.
Read more on "The saddest soccer crime ever."...
The Good, The Bad, The WTF
To date, I have stayed away from goalkeeper's shirts for a couple of reasons. One, they are too easy of a mark. Two, there's just so many bad ones out there. Look, I could spend a couple of months eye-raping you with Jorge Campos specials. Then I would move on to the Petr Cech special Chelsea shirt before I went back and revisited the early-90s adidas line. You wouldn't be happy, and I would be sick of it.
So why break it this week? Simply put, this isn't like the rest of them I've come across. Sure, it's busy, but it's not bright, so that's a start. Plus it's a short sleeve keeper shirt (which I traditionally hate), so you could wear it out if you like. Plus it has Cyrillic writing. Game over.
We could play a game with this. Kind of life those web ads which ask how many triangles do you see (the answer will surprise you!). How many stars do you see? The answer will hurt you. Look, we get it about the stars, alright? Red Star is the club name, and then you have a whole bunch of stars on your shirt. Yay for literalism. Boo for my eyes.
To me, and maybe it's just the season, this looks like a poinsettia. Yeah, it's probably just the season. I don't remember having seen a red, white and black poinsettia before.
One other thing struck me about this shirt. To see it, you will probably have to click on the shirt to enlarge it, or just follow this link. Looking at the badge, I was struck by the Cyrillic letters ФК. My base knowledge of the sounds of the language, confirmed through the internets, tell me that these letters correspond to F and (duh) K. Was that a tiny message to other clubs? Or am I just reading into things and placing vowels in the middle based on my dirty mind habits? That missing vowel could make it FaK, FeK, FiK, FoK, FyK, or one other one.
Turns out that those crazy Cyrils (I don't think that's right) transliterate Club as Klub. They don't need a stupid hard C to do K's job. They do, however, use a soft K to do a soft C's job. So, yeah, FK is Football Klub, and then you read the red star, and that's the club name. Stupid Cyrils.
My answer is 12, by the way, though I'm not sure how many stars are on the back. Remind me to never do keeper shirts again.
If At First You Fail... Fail, Fail Again
It's probably the highest compliment to the now defunct Fire Joe Morgan that their blog name spawned a verb. Now, when we receive something epically dumb, someone around here usually offers to FJM it.
So yes, our theft of their schtick is pure flattery.
Anyway today we're going to talk MLS expansion. The collective UF is fairly ambivalent on most the cities up for a team. We like some places more than others, but we don't think there is any bid that should be trashed straightaway.
So with that in mind we give you this piece from the Orlando Sentinel on Miami's bid for a second MLS franchise.
Play along after the jump as we deconstruct Uncle Ed. And not that's not a euphemism (but it's also not a stone as I am well aware that I blog under the moniker of Precious Roy).
No matter where I go it seems every news article, blog or discussion board has a large group of haters just waiting to comment with something negative about a Major League Soccer team being awarded to Miami... and I wonder why?
Dude, that's so true. That shit also happens to me no matter where I go. Just today I was taking my morning poo, when suddenly a blog post that was full of negativity about soccer in Miami appeared out of nowhere. Blogs, articles, message boards, I can't get away from them. They're like Jehovah's Witnesses.
I'm guessing the author doesn't go anyplace besides the Internet.
Did someone from Miami treat them bad? Maybe their vacation in Miami was that terrible? Perhaps it was an ex-girlfriend from Miami?
This is either attempted humor, or the silliest list of motivations for writing about pro sports expansion ever put together. I've actually spent time thinking about it and I can't decide which it is.
Whatever the case I'm here to Finally confront these mere pathetic mortals with a little reality!
Are there immortals writing about MLS expansion? Anyway, most of the stuff I've come across has been deferential to the Miami bid, and almost solely because it has ties to FC Barcelona. The only thing I've read that raised concerns was a piece in SI. Here, this one. Now, granted my sample versus your sample isn't very intellectually compelling, but the onus is on you here. If you're arguing against the "haters" then you should probably establish that a) they exist and b) they are the majority of people commenting on the possible MLS bid in Miami. You didn't do either.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Folks, I'm sorry most of you live in Cold places
Where is Cold? I'm going to guess North Dakota. I bet that whole fucking state in under ice like 72% of the year.
If you turn "cold" from a proper noun back into an improper noun, then that statement is not relevant. It might also be false. The population shift in the US over the last 40 years is away from cold weather climes to warm ones.
Also, where can I get a random proper noun generator?
I'm sorry our women are beautiful
Also not relevant.
I'm sorry that one of the two new teams that will be part of Major League Soccer will be a team out of Miami.
Apologizing for things that have yet to happen? If this is something you will regret, but it hasn't happened, then shouldn't you instead work to make it not happen? That way you could avoid having to apologize.
Sucks to be you but thats just the way the cookie crumbles!
Boom! Scoreboard. You. Sucks to be us. Man, there is no recovering from that one. We're just going to stop right here. We've lost. And that cookies crumbles bit? You sir are like Shakespeare and Hunter Thompson, only combined into one person.
Sure, go ahead and comment about how the last team in Miami failed (It was actually in Ft Lauderdale)
The New York Giants play in New Jersey and sell out every game. The L.A. Galaxy play in Carson and lead the league in attendance. What's your point? That people won't go someplace to see a team that's different from the city that the team has in its name? My point is that I came up with two counterexamples without having to think about it.
go ahead and cry about how the fans didn't show up (In the last year of the Miami Fusion; attendance went up almost 50%),
Finally, now we've got data, or rather datum. But he's got a number to help back up his claim, and even better, it's accurate. The average attendance at Fusion games indeed jumped 50%. It went from two fans to three.
In 2000, the Fusion drew an average of 7460 fans. That was dead last—12th out of 12—in attendance, and the lowest number in the (admittedly brief) league history. The next season, when the Fusion had the best regular season record in the league, attendance jumped to 11,177. While a nice jump in absolute terms (and yes almost a 50% increase) it was still only good for 9th best in the league, and just slightly better than half of what league leaders D.C. United averaged in attendance (21,518).
Just for the sake of completeness, here are the Fusion attendance numbers (with the rank in parenthesis).
• 1998: 10,284 - (11th of 12)
• 1999: 8,689 - (11th of 12)
• 2000: 7,460 - (12th of 12)
• 2001: 11,177 - (9th of 12)
So the Fusion were last or next to last in attendance every year of their existence save one. That one year, they were pretty good. That more people come out to support a winner isn't the least bit surprising.
The two years they finished next to last, the only team below them was Kansas City. So Miami, a city with a metro area population of about 5.4 million people barely outdrew a city about 35% of its size (Kansas City is about 1.9 million people).
complain about the weather (I got nothing on that except it doesn't snow here and thats still great!).
Actually, it does snow in Miami.
No Stadium to play in? FIU's brand new stadium is there, regulation Fifa size and everything! Why all the complaining? Jealous people my friends, because when it gets down to it.... Where do most people want to go?
Because when it comes down to it... insert an ellipsis.
God I'm so envious of Miami with it's hurricanes and plastic surgery-addled population. Wait, I know how I'll get back at them, I'll write that they don't deserve an MLS team. By helping to keep a sport out of the area that nobody ever attended the first time it was there I'll have my revenge. Bwa ha ha ha.
That works best if you envision me screaming it with a Herbert Lom as Chief Inspector Dreyfus eye twitch. Anyway I certainly hope the author is kidding because that's one of the three dumbest arguments I've ever heard in my life.
Let me see some hands...who wants to go to Canada?
Let's play along... I do. Vancouver is absolutely beautiful. One of the better cities in North America.
Anyone for St Louis?
Eh, I've spent a few nights in St. Louis. Not a preferred destination, but I can think of worse places to be exiled.
Portland?
Another great city. Totally livable. Good people. If you gave me a good job in Portland, I'd move there tomorrow.
Atlanta?
I'll pass. I'm not too big on sprawl. But if hot babes is central to your argument, Atlanta grades out well in that department.
Ok, ok, Miami, Florida anyone.
Been there twice. It was okay. But if I never went back it wouldn't bother me in the least bit. Plenty of places have nice weather and hot babes. Miami is not particularly special in this regard.
The argument here seems to be: I like Miami, so they should have an MLS team. Me? I like Sydney. So they should have an MLS team. I also like Reykjavik. Can we put one there?
So why will it be different this time? Deep pockets! Miami Fusions last owner didn't have them and wasn't willing to stick it out
Miami's last owner was a guy named Ken Horowitz. He was an early investor in the wireless industry. He co-founded Cellular One and purchased cell phone licenses for central New York. He then sold 1.3 million potential customers to Southwestern Bell. For his troubles, he pocketed $250 million according to this article here.
I'm not sure about any of Horowitz's other investments, or how much he made in all of his wireless business, but a quarter of a billion dollars seems like plenty deep pockets for MLS in the late 90s.
so it wasn't the fans that failed the team, the fans were there.
No they weren't. Back up a couple of sections if you missed that.
If the MLS could take it back I'm sure they would have kept Miami because of Location, location, location. Thats why they always wanted to come back.
So nobody was really going to games, and the Fusion (or the Fusion's share in the league as the league owns all the teams) were probably hemorrhaging cash because of it, so they folded up shop. But that was actually a mistake because, hey what nice weather, and check out that cans on that bimbo.
The difference today is that Barcelona of Spain is one of the investors.
Not to be confused with Barcelona of Utah. I'm assuming he means F.C. Barcelona as I don't think the municipality of Barcelona will be investing in MLS.
It probably does make a difference that FCB, as opposed to some wireless tycoon—oh wait, that's the co-investor this time around—wants to get in to the league, especially from the league standpoint. In fact that alone might be enough for MLS to want to go back to Miami. How can they pass up the opportunity to have FC Barcelona invested in the league? But what, beyond the name, is Barca really going to provide? I don't mean that rhetorically. What have they committed to that will make this substantially more appealing both to the league and to the fans? Despite having an enormous fan base in Southern California, Chivas de Guadalajara providing the name as part of their ownership in MLS hasn't been a boon to popularity for the American side as Chivas USA is 8th (of 14) in average attendance (see the SI article linked above). That lags about 11,000 fans per game behind their cross-venue rivals, the Galaxy. Certainly some of that difference can be attributed to the presence of David Beckham, but it's still eighth.
The difference today is that Soccer in this town is being played more then ever! In every park, empty lot, back yard, kids, adults, animals, you name it! They are all playing the game.
People are playing soccer (sorry, Soccer) in kids? Okay, parallel structure issues aside, if you can quantify the purchasing power of pets in Miami, and give me an estimate of how much of that is likely to be spent on MLS, I'd be interested in hearing that.
We have a large support group in the Miami Ultras Fan Club, (Go and join!) We have Soccer academys from Homestead to the Palm Beaches! Things are better organized.
That doesn't mean people will go to games. It might help things be better if the MLS goes back, but better is relative. Will they jump from next-to-last to next-to-next-to-last in attendance?
When the news comes in January; I'll be very surprised if Miami doesn't get a team. Shocked is the word.
I thought "Grease" is the word. Okay, I'll flagellate myself for that. In any event, if it's going to shock you then MLS certainly must give it to Miami. Best argument I've heard yet. Sarcasm.
At the end of the day Miami is where its going to be.
That sentence makes me want to stab you. And I'm a pacifist.
Because if you ask any player in the world, where would you want to play if given a choice in the USA? It would be Miami.
I'm resisting going back to sic this thing up. I'm thinking that if I asked any player in the world where they'd want to play in the USA very few of them would say Miami, primarily because Miami doesn't have a team. Even if it did, I'd wager a good percentage of players would say New York or L.A. Shit, you pay a player enough, you can make them want to go anywhere, even Columbus.
If you haven't already Go to the Miami FCB website and check it out! Become a fan, reserve your seats!
So the argument never got more sophisticated than: I like Miami, ergo MLS should put a team in Miami. Oh, and reserve your seats. So that makes this either the least logically compelling thing I've read this calendar year or the worst piece of thinly veiled public relations propaganda I have ever read. And I worked in the music industry, which is overpopulated with the illiterate. So, it's a tough choice.
The last throw of the dice..I mean ball?
Rory Delap has been to see the Dr in a last ditch attempt to save the scud missiles he launches at opponents from disappearing forever. But will they be missed?
Delap is suffering with a shoulder injury that inhibits his ability to throw those rockets at the opponents goal. The long throws have been a crucial part of Stoke's game play this season AND last. I personally witnessed one of his rockets steal the points at Carrow Road last year, in a season that Stoke made successful with lanky players, hoofball and long throws. The freakish missiles are incredibly difficult to defend and have been a pain to Premier league defenders all year.
The Delap factor
Cortisone jabs have been ineffective and Delap has now had treatment that he calls the 'last chance'.
"The injection I had on Monday is the last chance because I've had them all. The doctor said that if it works I shouldn't be able to feel anything, so hopefully it will work" - Rory Delap.
Stoke manager Tony Pullis will be keeping his fingers crossed that the injection works. Seven of Stoke's 17 Premiership goals have come from Delap's powerful throws.
Stoke visit Blackburn this Saturday, who announced Sam Allardyce as manager this morning.
-Bigus
Football Fashionistas. Just Plain Wrong.
Fashion on the football pitch. NO NO NO NO NO. There is absolutely no place for it. If you read this site often you will be familiar with U75 and his regular feature The good, the bad, the WTF. Some shirts are nice (especially YOUR teams) and some are just plain nasty, but they are not designed for the catwalk or the nightclub are they? German folk may disagree with you. Join me after the jump for one of the funniest (and disturbing) videos you will ever see and a bloody good reason why football shirts and fashion should never EVER meet each other, even in a dark alley.
Props to the NY Kid for finding this one on Deuce of Davenport . Lets hope the Kid doesn't dance like that at the UF Xmas party later this month.
Bigus.
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