QT: Christian Vieri to LA Galaxy?

I really hope this isn't true: reports abound that 37-year-old Italian striker Christian Vieri is set for a trial with the Galaxy, having run out of options for playing time at his current club, Atalanta. Something about him being old as fuck and useless, I think.

If the Galaxy keep signing crocks like this, they'll soon become known as the Tottenham of MLS. Sergei Rebrov, anyone?

[Goal.com]

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Let's be careful out there

Facebook is both awesome and scary. It's awesome when some girl starts chatting you up about your fandom of Manchester United and invites you over for a shag. It's scary when she turns out not to exist because you've just been put on by two Liverpool supporters. It hits this blog when they tell your wife about what you've done, and then put the picture you sent the fictitious"her" with a pink vibrator in your mouth all over the interwebs.

So, yeah, there's a lot of bedroom FAIL going on with United supporters lately. Next thing you know, we'll be reading about Sir Alex shagging sheep. Crap, no wait, that's a joke on Aberdeen. Strike that.

Speaking of Aberdeen, it's about 400 miles away from Sheffield, where Stuart Slann lives. Back on January 31st, Mr. Slann took up the invitation of one "Emma" for a meetup in Aberdeen. Emma Read is the Facebook nom de plume of one of two Liverpool supporters Stuart had met on holiday in Cancun back in November. Long story short, it did not end well.

Winding back to November, we find out that Stuart vacayed in Cancun for three weeks. During that time (at the bar, natch) Stuart got to know a couple of Scousers, who were also in the Yucatan for some winter sun. By all accounts, everything was amiable for a bit, but the Liverpool boys, who just happen to be cage fighters, eventually tired of Stuart's bragging on Manchester United. One night, they challenged him to sing some Liverpool songs. Stuart refused, and the cage fighters threw Slann into the pool, breaking his ankle. However, their revenge was not complete.

Upon return, as told by "Emma" on this Facebook page, one of the Scousers decided Stuart needed a little bit more winding up. Under the onlne guise of Emma he contacted Stuart on Facebook, and got Slann to fall in love with "her." Emma then invited Stuart up just north of Aberdeen for a romantic tryst.

Slann dutifully made the 10-hour trip and even waited while his online love had to stay late at work. Emma then asked for Stuart to send a picture of him being saucy. Stuart complied with a picture of him sucking on the pink vibrator.

After sitting for three hours without Emma showing up, Stuart finally decided to call up Emma and find out exactly what the hold up was. Imagine his surprise when he heard a couple of all too familiar voices. This video combines both the picture and that phone call.



Now Stuart's in a whole heap of a mess. His wife (oh, did I forget to mention he was married?) is leaving him, and the above video on Break is approaching 500k views. How does Stuart feel about it? Well, someone was good enough to take a screenshot of his Facebook page upon his return home. I'd say he's not happy.

Anyway, let his be your UF The More You Know moment. If you will excuse me, I have to go delete some people whom I don't really remember from high school. I suggest you do the same and apply caution in you future endeavors on that wonderful/evil site.

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Cheating F**k Pig Maradona Cheats Chelsea Out Of Sleep

Not content with cheating a nation out of a place in the semi final of the World Cup in 1986, and with being listed on Wikipedia under the search 'cheat'. Diego Maradona feels he must continue his quest to f**k with English folk. This time it was Chelsea who fell victim to the fat, defrauding and dishonest manager of Argentina.

So what did Maradouchebag do this time?

He stole sleep from Chelsea ahead of their crucial game with Manchester United yesterday. Not that this is any excuse for the Blues' annihilation at Old Trafford.

Maradona set off the fire alarm at the hotel where he AND the Chelsea team were staying on Sunday morning, while smoking a cigar in his room. 200 guests were woken from their lavish slumbers at 7 am in the up-market hotel and booted into the street to shiver in their fancy robes as the fire brigade arrived to investigate.

Maradona was in Manchester to watch Tevez play against Chelsea. Big waste of time really, the vertically challenged forward didn't even play.

-Bigus

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Shola Ameobi is an idiot

Shola is not a squatter, he's just a footballer

I realize that the highly-paid footballer of today leads a life more in line with Caligula than Jesus Christ, but a line has to be drawn somewhere, and perhaps Newcastle striker Shola Ameobi has found it. Apparently, the lad lives in such rockstar-esque dishevelment that he can't even tell whether he's been burgled or on a bender.

From the wonderful journalism of the Daily Mail:

The Newcastle striker called Northumbria Police to report a number of items had been taken from his home, including his chequebook. But Ameobi soon realised his £500,000 pad in Jesmond, a leafy suburb of Newcastle, had not be targeted at all - it was just a complete mess. In a scene straight from a Yellow Pages advert, the striker had to call the police again to admit his mistake.

No word on whether Michael Owen's talent was lost and buried amid the detritus.

Still, if nothing else, Shola could look to Dave from Stoke/Newcastle as a possible housemaid. Maybe then the lad could devote more time to remembering how to score goals.

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The saddest soccer crime ever.

Snake Eyes!

Poor, poor Scotland. I realize that times are tough for the world economy, but with soccer players north of the border in the SPL pulling in a lean $2500 a week (sad, I know), it's no wonder they're lashing out in frustration.

Like Hibernian winger Filipe Morais (the haircut fanatic in the pic above). He's in trouble for using his kicking skills the wrong way at an Edinburgh casino.

From the Beeb:

"He [Morais] got into an argument with Robert Brown on a night out at Maxims casino in York Place on 26 September at about 0530 GMT. Morais, who earns £1,300 a week, has not played for the team since August. Witnesses saw Morais and his companions speaking to Mr Brown and an argument broke out at the casino. Mr Brown was punched in the face and knocked to the ground during a scuffle and Morais kicked his head as he lay on the ground. He suffered a burst nose and a split lip and was treated by the Scottish Ambulance Service."

Not too good, is it? One wonders if it was part of his training while languishing in the reserves.

Seriously though, no good can come of this, although his lawyer, the wonderfully-named George More (the "More" presumably referring to the number of billable hours he's always pushing for), tries hard to spin the incident into something so distressing that heck, if any of us had been in Felipe's boots shoes, we'd have done exactly the same:

"Young footballers are quite often harassed or picked on or spoken to when they go out and my client went out that evening for a drink with a friend. My client kicked out when he was down as an act of frustration because the last part of his evening had been utterly spoiled by these two men. He was immediately regretful that he had done it."

Man, it ain't easy being a footballer. It's all gambling, drinking, and 90 minutes of weekend work. Maybe they were teasing him because his salary seems so tiny?

So, the former Chelsea/MK Dons/Millwall/St. Johnstone player is going to be punished in the wallet, losing $1000 in fines, a further $1600 to the club for being out the night before a match (not exactly the best way to get back into the team), and possibly another two weeks' wages for his off-hours casino kickabout.

No word yet on whether he'll be able to pay his electric bill next month.

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Tales of Travel Endurance

Suppose you are a Manchester United or Chelsea fan. What would you expect to play for travel from England to Moscow? Would you be willing to fork over the equivalent of $4000 just for travel? Or would you try to do it a bit cheaper?

There are some fans out there now, possibly still traveling, who made the trip for considerably less money. Inside, a quick look at the lunacy of trying to travel thousands of miles on a strict budget.

Martin Sheehan is a Manchester United supporter. He is also rather cheap, it would seem. Instead of plunking down the bug bucks to get to Moscow, he is being a bit more creative. His estimated travel cost is $170, round trip. Of course, his entire trip will take five days, and will involve two 28-hour long train trips, but dammit, he's thrifty.

Others are making the same low-cost effort. This involves planning plane trips that criss-cross Europe in a manner which, if filmed, would look like an Indiana Jones parody. Others are taking a week and a half to drive both ways. No thanks.

You know what? I can watch the game on my TV in the comfort of my own home. If I need a little camaraderie, I would go to a friendly pub to watch the match. Of course, I'm old, so that may have a lot to do with it, but still. That's a lot of money to spend or time to spend on a trip to somewhere where the weather isn't even nice. Me, I'd rather be on a beach in the Caribbean. Or at Wayne Rooney's bachelor party.

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