Sex With Teens >>>> Payroll Management

Berlusconi: possibly a worse owner than Hicks/Gillett. But with a higher libido.

It's a fun time to be on the squad at AC Milan. You just watched Kaka depart for La Liga, the Beckham circus has left town (perhaps only temporarily, but still) complete with ugly robot wife and annoying entourage, your best defender/player in club history is freshly into retirement, and your owner is an oblivious, aloof, teen-shagging, escort-hiring clown.

In the case of Andrea Pirlo, their 30-year-old irreplaceable midfielder, the 72-year-old Silvio took time to address transfer rumors with this glorious, clueless, brilliant quote: "If there's an offer, it should be considered. We'll see. I was the first to say that he must stay, but then they showed me the sums (for his salary)."

Sure, he's up to his wrinkled, liver-spotted neck in pliable, impressionable bed partners, but he's has to be more in tune with his team, doesn't he? He doesn't even know how much money his players make! Does he even know they sold Kaka? At least Roman Abramovich reads the sports pages from his giant fucking yacht.

Silvio is fast-becoming the world's first silk-pajama'd playboy Head of State/Soccer Team Owner (Kim Jong-Il doesn't count, unless he puts in a bid for Newcastle United), with the tabloids flushed and engorged with stories about lavish naked parties (seriously NSFW!) at various luxury residences, where lots of sex and champagne-quaffing takes place. Given that he's no moviemaker and he's not making a sequel to Eyes Wide Shut, the authorities have been having a poke around in case they could turn the aging debaucherer into their next high-profile trophy in court.

Regardless, it's kinda sad that he has no clue what's going on at his club. Though with his rather attractive procession of bikini-clad excuses, can we really be that mad?

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